The Look of Courage

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I see courage and vulnerability every day. It passes by me in the supermarket aisle wearing a thin smile without a wig while holding a child. It holds a sign at the traffic light asking for money or shelter after serving this great nation. It has sat next to me at a doctor’s office quietly waiting for answers. It is the voice from a loved one saying that her mate passed on after a long battle with cancer. It is the child who has no parents and has been in foster care for years waiting for a family.

I have visited with heroes and the most brave souls from all walks of life whose tears leave scars as they fall down their cheeks. We are all brave and courageous. Each breath in life is a step full of courage. We are here surviving this race of humanity.
Be kinder to one another. Open your heart to all that’s around you. Who cares what your political or religious beliefs are because in the end that matters to no one. The sick need love. The hurt need a shoulder. The test here is true empathy to one another without expectation. And…you need to remember that you are not alone in this fight for life. One day you are on top and another you are holding for dear life. Struggles are all part of our lessons. Whether you are black, white, yellow, gay, straight, Democrat, Republican, Christian, Jewish, or a non-believer you will find yourself battling in this journey. You are not exempt from obstacles or challenges. You are not exempt from surviving or just merely existing. No one leaves here alive!


I am often asked what church I attend. My answer is the church of nature and humanity. I don’t need to enter a temple to hear about God when all I do is see God walking around everywhere in each soul who passes me. We forget to look outside of the walls, the box, and truly notice the world. What good is entering sacredness for an hour one day a week to then turn away from every test the Divine places in my path? Nothing HUGE has to happen to be brave. Nothing extraordinary needs to shift in order to be vulnerable. We tell the world to be brave as if it was a choice. But, bravery is a commitment between your spirit and your humanness. We have little choice in the matter. Just getting up is a battle at times that requires every cell to remind us that we matter. Be brave enough to know that you aren’t alone. I love you. I love you because you and I are in this together no matter what! My arms are open to hold your struggle in thoughts and prayers from any place. Thank you, for holding me in return.

~m.a.p.

 

 

 

Together We Can


What I find is that if, and when, I put every dream out to the universe I get it all. When I let go with pure intentions I get it better than I expect it.  Being scared is also an opportunity to be brave.  If we fear nothing then how would we know what courage looks like?  There is also the opportunity to explore why we fear certain things. Is it something from the past that has to be processed and learned in order to move on? Is it our internal knowing telling us to beware? Is it ego? Often times what holds us back from moving forward is the anxiety of the future and allowing it to paralyze our progress.  Those things we don’t know are kinda scary when we place expectations unto them. The point is to have no expectations!
We have the power to manifest anything we want. We have the ability to attract those things that seem impossible. It takes the gift of putting aside all pre-judgments, negative beliefs, and sabotage that we’ve been conditioned to live.

Make a list. Let it go.  Reprogram yourself. De-clutter your life and make room for blessings. It’s time. We need to stand together with a shift in consciousness. I can’t do this alone. Look at the state of the world and believe that together we can send out the love and peace it needs. But, it starts with you first. It starts at home with you manifesting the things your heart desires. Be honest with your truth because the authentic YOU is dying to live in freedom. If you aren’t happy then we cannot shift a thing. ALIGN your dreams with the Universe. I am a trust fund baby of the Universe and so are you with unlimited resources of money, love, happiness, peace, health, compassion, and all that is good. We got this! 

Be Brave


We tell others to be brave as if it was a choice. But, bravery is a commitment between your spirit and the heart to keep going. It’s a relationship that requires acceptance while releasing any sense of victimization or blame. 

So, next time you whisper to someone, “You are brave! I love your courage! I admire your strength.” Feel it in the core of your own existence. Courage comes from falling while not allowing yourself to permanently stay there. 

This life requires you to be courageous and vulnerable and compassionate. It requires you to clean the nastiness when you fall and get hurt while still move through love. Yes…love unconditionally especially yourself. Be brave and be daring. That’s where the magic is created.

The Sum of Stories

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We are the sum of our stories. When I began my blog and writing publicly a few years ago I feared sharing anything too personal. But, as I met other writers I let go of the fear and began writing from a place of vulnerability. It’s never easy to let go. At times I have shared way too much of the scars, the rawness and the sensitivity. And in those times I have received some amazing heartfelt private emails from folks in different parts of the world saying, “Oh my gosh, I am going through this too!”

The act of writing is based on releasing all expectations. I don’t write for anyone. I write because something inside pushes and pulls me to release. And, sometimes I need to step back and recognize that there are things too private to also share with the world because once it’s out there I can’t retract them. There is such a thing as hanging your dirty laundry for the world to see.

Here, I tell you…the only thing you can do for your soul is to create from a place of truth and wonder. In this place there is an endless source of awareness and love. Write, paint, create all that’s inside. We will always teeter in the unknown. Don’t create to be liked. Don’t put things out there that you think will be accepted. Put your work out there because it is coming from a spiritual connection with humanity. We have the most awesome opportunity to inspire others every day and receive endless inspirations in return.

We tell others to be brave because we know that it is a conscious choice. Bravery is a commitment between your spirit and the heart to keep going. It’s a relationship that requires acceptance while releasing any sense of victimization. So next time you whisper to someone, “You are brave! I love your strength!” Feel it in the core of your own existence. Courage comes from falling while not allowing yourself to permanently stay there having a pity party.

You are courageous every single day. It isn’t until we see it in others that we remember our awesomeness. And if you don’t recognize your greatness when you are with loved ones then you need new folks in your life. Like, seriously! Look at your circle of friends!!!

You are magnificently created to be in oneness with others. We become mirrors of one another. Creating and sharing are art forms for seeing the uniqueness in our hearts and souls.

Thank you for the constant source of love and support. Thank you for showing up and being with me on this Mystical Journey. Mucho love!

Conquering fear one Lizard at a time

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Fear.

It is irrational and at times mind-boggling.

It’s not something that makes sense.

I don’t fear much but the few things that paralyze me need conquering. This morning I looked at fear in the face. I held my steady glance. I said my peace. I sent my love to it in a way I never imagined I could. I stood in front of the one thing I fear most and spoke to it. No, it wasn’t death. No, it wasn’t loss. No, it wasn’t anything but a small reptile in the form of a chameleon.

For as long as I can remember reptiles have caused me tremendous anxiety, cowardice, and terror. I cannot even watch a movie with any creatures that look like a lizard or alligator. It’s horrible. But, this morning I woke knowing that today was the day I would hold on…or at least stand in front of one and speak to it without my heart racing into cold sweats and panic mode. This irrational fragment of my perception needed re-programming and an attitude adjustment.

My fiance took me to Pet Smart with our little girl. We went around looking at the fish, cats, birds and then….(wait for it)…keep waiting…yes…the cages of terror. I wanted to touch a chameleon. They have been popping up in my dreams, in commercials and in videos on social media. I stood there breathing through the paralyzed immensity and realization that this little creature (and others like him) have controlled my childhood and adulthood nightmares. I asked one of the sales ladies if I could touch it and she said they were very afraid of humans and unless I was purchasing it they would not let me hold it (just in case it dropped dead from a heart attack…oh, wait that would be me!).

There!

There I understood.

We were both in the same corner of fear. We both feared what we didn’t understand from each other. We avoided the closeness, the existence, and the knowing that something could happen to us. The only separation and distinction of safety was a thin piece of glass.
And in a few moments I embraced this. I didn’t touch it because I didn’t want to cause anxiety to him. But, I felt a release. I felt years of complete trepidation dissolving as I stood staring at this harmless little creature sitting on a bark. I felt my fingers move without warning to trace him so cautiously and the heat from inside the glass. My own heat subsided. I am a step closer to entertaining this little fear. The bottom cage was full of little critters with much energy and looked like prehistoric animals. I stood there feeling their anxiety. One step at a time. I am not ready for the nervous ones that might jump on me. I need to crawl before I begin to run with this bravery.

photo 2 (3)I said to myself, “One reptile at a time. We will get through this…eventually owning the discomfort! I got this!”

I conquered something that most people cannot understand. I don’t fear the big things. I don’t worry about snakes or bears or anything that can hurt me. However, a lizard…I am out of the way. Today that was big. Today I am feeling the letting go of what I cannot understand was holding and suffocating me since childhood. It feels right. It feels good. It’s well overdo!

Your turn…let go of those things that cripple you and cause you distress. Let go of those things that haunt your dreams and your waking moments when you find yourself imprisoned by that thought. Let go and allow for the lessons the fear brings to you. It’s all about divine perception. And…you got this!

There is truly nothing to fear but fear itself…

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” ~ Ambrose Redmoon

You are brave

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I see courage and vulnerability every day. It passes by me in the supermarket aisle wearing a thin smile without a wig while holding a child. It holds a sign at the traffic light asking for money or shelter after serving this great nation. It has sat next to me at a doctor’s office quietly waiting for answers. It is the voice from a loved one saying that her mate passed on after a long battle with cancer. It is the child who has no parents and has been in foster care for years waiting for a family. I have visited with heroes and bravery from all walks of life whose tears leave scars as they fall down their cheeks. We are all brave and courageous. Each breath in life is a step full of courage. We are here surviving this race of humanity. Be kinder to one another. Open your heart to all that’s around you. Who cares what your political or religious beliefs are because in the end that matters to no one. The sick need love. The hurt need a shoulder. The test here is true empathy to one another without expectation. And…you need to remember that you are not alone in this fight for life. One day you are on top and another you are holding for dear life. Struggles are all part of our lessons. Whether you are black, white,yellow, gay, straight, Democrat, Republican, Christian, Jewish, or a non-believer you will find yourself battling in this journey. You are not exempt from obstacles or challenges. You are not exempt from surviving or just merely existing. No one leaves here alive!

I am often asked what church I attend on Sundays. My answer is the church of nature and humanity. I don’t need to enter a temple to hear about God when all I do is see God walking around everywhere in each soul who passes me. We forget to look outside of the walls, the box, and truly notice the world. What good is entering sacredness for an hour one day a week to then turn away from every test the Divine places in my path? Nothing HUGE has to happen to be brave. Nothing extraordinary needs to shift in order to be vulnerable. Just getting up is a battle at times that requires every cell to remind us that we matter. So as you enter this Sunday morning with your beliefs, religious theologies and prayers please think of all those who have nothing but their own beliefs that they are making. Be brave enough to know that you aren’t alone. I love you. I love you because you and I are in this together no matter what! My arms are open to hold your struggle in thoughts and prayers from any place.

8 things a rape at 18 taught me in my 40’s

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It took years for me to openly discuss the violation of what happened to me at 18 when a man grabbed me, placing a knife to my neck, breaking my panty hose, raising my skirt, and fisting me while licking my face with spit and saliva. It took years to get his smell off me, his words out of my head, and feel that my vagina and all its parts were not dirty. To this day I can still be transported back to that moment when I smell bad breath or tooth decay in someone but it doesn’t affect me the way it did for so long.

I was 36 years old when I finally said it out loud. “I was violently raped. I am not disgusting. I am not unlovable. I am a sexy woman who had an experience that ultimately changed her life.” Like millions of others I have decided not to use it as a weakness. I survived that and many other events in this lifetime. It was in my forties that I began to embrace the lessons rape taught me.

  1. I had female issues all of my life. I had horrific periods, cysts, and breast problems. I had my uterus removed at age 39. And, even though I was done with having children after raising six of them, I still felt a loss. I was less of a woman. I began to think of my vagina and counterparts as a monster. My womanhood was a curse rather than a blessing. I couldn’t make peace with my sexuality. In my forties I began to feel like I had never felt before. I left a destructive relationship of many years that had continued the emotional abuse and manipulation that the rape had started. I began to embrace the woman without all the stigma I had attached to my femininity. Wisdom comes with age.
  2. I am not my body. I began to find spirituality, self-love and acceptance. Somewhere in my forties I didn’t think of the rape. I no longer had nightmares waking up in a cold sweat seeing the cratered-face man with curly hair coming after me with a knife. My worst fear had already happened. I wouldn’t attract that kind of behavior ever again through a constant fear based thought process. I would not be attracted to dominating narcissistic men. Whatever we give power and thought continues to unfold. We attract through fear.
  3. Something happens to people who have been abused: they begin to come across others. In my forties, after buying a retreat center with my best friend, I began to notice many women walking into our office with the same distinctive marking. I could tell by the body language that they had been molested or raped. There’s something left behind in an abused person. It’s a trademark that follows us around. Some people (men or women) allow the act to determine who they become. I have chosen to hold my head up high and not fear intimacy with anyone. The rape took my body, it destroyed my worth, but it also made me realize how compassionate people are with one another when I opened up.
  4. Rape is a physical act that heals but the mind shelters this and creates a victimization attitude. I am not a victim. I am a survivor. I shifted the perception of this violence. I also made sure that it did not lead my future relationships.
  5. I no longer use my body or my sexuality to entice someone. I didn’t really know what an intimate relationship was until my 40’s. It had less to do with sex and more to do with truth and openness. Making love was truly not a sexual moment but a transcending act between two souls.
  6. I forgave myself for what happened. For many years I believed that I got attacked because I was curious. I heard something fall behind the mail room in our office after hours on a Friday evening. I blamed myself for this curious gene until one day I came to realize that curiosity is not to be blamed. It happened. I survived. We are past this point of holding on to the past.
  1. Mind, body and spirit are united to carry us through everything we do in our time lines. The attacker was someone’s son. He once had a childhood. He was a miserable man who needed to take a woman’s power through abusive control. But, we will forever be connected because of that event. Our paths crossed through an inconceivable act and he might never think of that young woman exposed and raw but I have sent him love through many meditations when I feel my self-worth start to shake.
  1. Finally, I no longer walk around looking at everything around me. I am oblivious to my surroundings. I don’t think about it…I just move through life with a desire to love and enjoy others. I didn’t feel this in my 20’s or 30’s. I felt fragile even though I was strong and brave.

We all wear scars, some visibly while others deep seated inside our soul. Only we know of their existence. When we are ready to share with another the scars seem to heal slowly. Those scars are road maps to the past. They can guide us with strength onto the next journey. The scar from the violence at 18 sat in silence for too long. It wasn’t until I allowed the secret to come out that I began to heal. I choose not to play the role of victim but survivor. We all survive with dignity and carry those battle scars with pride, or we can play the martyr and victim creating a story for the rest of our life. There is nothing perfect in this world.

You are not your rape. No human being deserves the fear that lives after this atrocious event. The scars live inside. They heal. But, it’s up to you to truly let it go. Forgive yourself…forgive the person who stole a part of your essence. By forgiving the person you return to your power and authentic truth. You find purpose for living. They no longer have it. Also, there is no greater power than your word. Share with another. There’s no shame for what happened to you. I am a better person, courageous, and opened because of this act. Now in my late 40’s I realize how detrimental this crime was for me to become this woman. You are not your sex. You are your power.

Life is to be attended through the joy and contentment of this beautiful journey. In the end, those are the moments that will carry you through the path of least resistance. Find the balance between the past and the present. Today, you are magnificent because of the challenges, atrocities, and scars.