The Awakened Child

awakened spiritual child

A few mornings ago, on our way to school, our 5 y/o tells me that she had a bad dream during the night. I asked her to share it.

“I was taken by a big skinny black man and he was going to kill me. He was yelling horrible ugly words at me. I was scared cause I knew he really wanted me dead. I am not allowed to repeat those bad words.”

I reassured her that it was a nightmare and that no one would ever hurt her.

“Mama, it felt so real!”

I held onto the stirring wheel holding back tears. This was no nightmare. This was a memory that has been locked into her cellular memories.

Kali’s biological dad wanted to kill her when she was three months old. Her depiction of him was exact. She’s technically my granddaughter. Her biological dad hurt my daughter while trying to strangle her in a public place and she was able to come undone. The paramedics were called and he took Kali and left the scene. She was sent to the hospital. He disappeared with Kali for over 24 hours.

My daughter, whom I adopted when she was 9 y/o from Romania, called me from Florida to tell me he had her and she was scared he would kill her. Luckily she had angels protecting her. He was drunk and loaded up on drugs when he walked into the police station many hours later and asked them to take Kali away from him before he would kill her. He was arrested then and the rest is a matter of divine intervention. My husband (then he was my fiance) and I rushed to Florida from North Carolina and picked them both. I was also blessed that my in-laws took care of the situation until we got there.

My daughter is mentally ill and mentally disabled and unstable. She cannot raise a child. In the midst of her move we realized she was also hurting Kali. The Department of Social Services got involved and after two months of investigation we were able to get Kali into our homes. The horrific details of what Kali endured in the first five months of her life are inconceivable.

She was a scared little baby. She wouldn’t sleep. She was shell shocked (and still is with loud noises). She had been shaken so much we had to get her tested. He had HIV and we had her tested several times just to make sure we didn’t get her sick if we got a cold. We needed to be sure of how to protect her from anything else. Most of all we had to ensure her little soul that she was safe and loved.

Kali is unaware of her history. My daughter lost her rights a year later and we began the adoption process. We, my husband and I, are her parents. We are her safety net. Kali has never once asked why we are white and she’s black. She’s never wondered why I have so many other kids. She doesn’t ask why her baby brother didn’t have a mommy who wanted him when we picked him up a year ago from Florida.

On this particular early morning while she shared her dream I white-knuckled the stirring wheel and began to cry. I couldn’t help it. The human in me felt her pain and fear. She said, “Mama, it’s okay, it was just a bad dream like you said.”

“Kali Bug, daddy and I will make sure this never happens to you.”

“I know. You love me. I also know he doesn’t love himself. I don’t know who the man was but he definitely doesn’t like himself at all. I hope he can get help. He was so scary!”

She went silent in the backseat. Her baby brother, 2 y/o, interrupted the moment with the most genuine words, “Sissy, I woovveeee you. You my sissy.”

The awakened child doesn’t need much to show up. They are able to verbalize emotions with ease because they feel a sense of freedom in sharing. They aren’t here to merely exist. They are here to raise the vibration of this planet. They have come in with clarity. I am no expert on these highly-conscious children coming into our world. But, I am aware of their quick release of traumas stored in their cellular memories.

Kali has on many occasions told her daddy that she liked it better when she was the daddy and he was the kid. She has recounted many memories from other times and places. Their bond is extraordinary. And this is was makes her incredibly wise beyond her years. We encourage her to voice out her dreams and whatever else comes up.

I am a student of both of my grandchildren who are in our care. I am privileged to be entrusted to raise them in the most conscious manner. My husband and I have taken this job as the most important one we will ever have. I am blessed and continue to just show up to whatever they need to teach me daily. And one thing I have learned through all of these children who have passed through my home is that love is the thread that truly ties us together. Whether they are mentally ill or they are struggling with their own demons, love is what bonds us to each other and the rest of the world. Love, patience, acceptance, and acknowledgment is what they need to continue opening up to a world that needs them. They are the shape shifters and warriors of light that are transforming our world.

Your Inner Child

These showed up again in FB a few days ago as TBT. That little girl had such an innocent view of the world. She believed in the moments when love held her hand. She believed she would have many children. At that age I said I would have 10 kids. I drove my mother crazy when I saw a baby in a store. She believed in happy endings. She believed that she could shift a person’s mood by just holding their hand. I look at these pictures and feel my way back there. They were only a year apart. But that one year left me empty. My father left the day before Christmas and never came back. He went to get cigs and disappeared. The little girl with short hair was the cause of chopping my pretty hair off because he loved it so much. I cut it off myself and then had to get it fixed.

It took a long while to return to the heart of the little girl with the long hair.

Your inner child is always there. He or she sits waiting to be acknowledged. Make sure you take time to play. Forgive the past for not being able to know what you know now. Also forgive all those who hurt you.

Return to love. Return to who you were before the world turned you into someone else. You deserve love and peace…then and now.

Your Purpose is your GPS

For a few months my husband and I were prepared for a huge change. We had decided to take another child, my sweet babies’ little sister. Unless a miracle happened and she was able to stay with her foster family (she’s been there since she was born and she’s 15 months old) we would fight to make sure she would come with us.

The energy was in motion. No regrets. No hesitations. We knew what was right. We also felt miracles happening. What seemed to be an impossible situation would be cleared up.

I didn’t share publicly. I did not want to hear one single person judge me on “not another kid, Millie!” Or anything else. I needed to send the vibes to the broken system of Florida foster care and the courts. I needed all my energy to fight for what is the best possible outcome for our granddaughter. So I did. We did. My husband and I talked about it daily. We made changes in our lives and home. We began to prepare for whatever we needed to do. And we did. Every day came closer to vibrational alignment.

Yesterday we heard that the agency will allow for the foster family to keep her just as she’s been. It was a miracle indeed. It has been an ongoing battle that has made many of us truly uncomfortable (to be left in the hands of a privatized company that doesn’t see the welfare of the child but dollar signs). There was a possibility she would be going into an unsafe environment. We still have to go to court in a few weeks but that decision was a tremendous relief, not because we didn’t want her here, but because

she has a family she’s loved since the day she was taken from my daughter.

I share this because the moment you release and surrender to the divine is the moment the universe begins to align with your energy.

You don’t have to share publicly as you struggle. You don’t have to fight naysayers. You just stick with your faith and send the energy out for the best possible outcome.

I know folks will always want the best for you. Some don’t understand your choices. Some will challenge your beliefs. Some will expect you to change your mind. Some will make you feel as if you are insane. But, darling, you DO YOU. You do what you need to do for you and your family.

And, let me share something that is magical…I have come to the acceptance that I have to fight for other children. I recognize now that I’ve been fighting for children’s rights since I was in my 20’s. It hasn’t been only through taking them into my home. It’s been through standing up for a system in our society that is fractured and deeply wounded. I will continue to do so however that shows up.

Our spirituality is a personal fit and wear. I teach and learn through those who have little voices. And I will continue to take in whoever needs it whether in my home or just fighting to keep them safe. I am not asking permission. I am stating a fact instead of having to duck my head down not to cause discomfort around me. Judgment is always available!

Now you…get out there and recognize your truth and your purpose. It might feel like a small defeat or it might be a huge fight. Surrender to the mysticism of what you believe that you are guided at all times.

Blessings. Be guided by the higher powers. I love you.

A Letter to Remember Love

A letter to my two-year old son:

Dear Luke,

This morning I dropped you off in your classroom at the daycare. You ran to your friend who has cerebral palsy. He’s a bit older but due to his disabilities he is in your class.

You hugged him and your face was covered by his facial excess from drooling and snot.

You backed away, “Ewwww!” You said and preceded to clean your face with the inside of your shirt.

Then you took the bottom of your shirt and reached to his face to clean his completely so you could return and give him a real tight hug.

You almost tipped him over, as two little guys clumsily tried to hold love in a balance.

I watched as his face dug into your forehead. You were so happy to see him, to hold him, to love him.

I sobbed making my way out of the classroom to then turn around and go kiss you. I whispered in your ear, “Thank you, baby boy, for showing me compassion.”

You smiled and let me go, waving as you returned to him. “Bye mama!”

I’m so proud of you. Thank you for teaching me how to love unconditionally in a way that exceeds any human expectation.

I cannot wait to witness the endless lessons you will provide for me and the world.

I love you every single day deeper than the previous one. I am blessed.

Mama – 9/13/19

Marriage is Loving Work

I adore my husband.

He loves me.

Not in the way he says it. In the way he cares for our children. In the way he does things when he doesn’t know I’m watching. In the way he makes breakfast when he’s exhausted on a Saturday morning. Or the way he tells me to leave them with him so I can go run errands. In that he runs me a warm bath (and feeds the kids) because I’m in severe pain after work. In the way he tucks me in after he’s tucked our little girl. In the way he gets my favorite foods and drinks. He loves me in spite of my idiosyncrasies or woo-woo-ness. He loves me when I’m heavy or shed the weight. Whether I have red or purple hair. Even if I am a hot mess. He loves me because he found that my love for him will move mountains. He has felt my admiration and profound affection. He has seen what love looks like and it came dressed as a short-middle-aged Puerto Rican woman who doesn’t always speak perfect English (and she’s not Scarlet Johansson)!

Marriage isn’t perfect. We work at it. Some days more than others. Some months with anger, exhaustion, and annoyance. We forgive. We work at it when we are levelheaded, or when we allow space for other shit to surface. It’s not easy. It’s having a long term roommate. It is a constant work in progress. We continue to work through our baggages from past relationships. In all our years we’ve had maybe a handful of arguments. We are sarcastic and humorous. We both have sick killer wits. We are silly and loving. We compliment each other because huge opposites do attract. We can share deep conversations about the world and still not feel attacked with our differences. He’s a warrior and I’m a love-pacifist. But we both have similar beliefs.

He has become a father to children who aren’t ours. He has shown up to be the most attentive dad to them. He never (for one moment) has regretted it or wished it was different. And if there are more to take in I know he’s the first to grab a bag and go get them. There is a partnership with all of us in our home. It starts with commitment and working through so much of our human crap at times. Our egos sometimes take leadership but we are blessed to call each other on it even if we get butt hurt for a moment.

I never ever thought I would ever marry again or be in a committed relationship. It was not in my life goals or desires. I just wanted someone to be around and do things with, head to a movie, hike, and have fun. I got a lot more than that. He trusts my intuition and when I speak of our future together he rarely disputes on how the messages show up or how I am manifesting our next project.

And if I, or the kids, were in any kind of trouble, or someone messes with us, I feel sorry for that person. He’s not only our bodyguard… he’s a true galactic warrior at heart. He would do anything for us. I never had that before. I was never shown what true commitment looked like. I had nothing to model. My eldest son always says he is a man of chivalry and admires him for it.

So if you have this please do whatever it takes to keep it. Make sure you let the bad days come and go. Allow for them. They make for excellent lessons. Put down your insecurities (which is hard at times). Fight for what you love, who you love and what is yours. Love isn’t wrapped in perfection. It comes in the most fascinating and strangest of ways. This man saw something in me that I never saw in myself. And he continues to show me the many aspects of my personality through his perspective. I get to witness his own soul growing and expanding into a magical loving knight.

The Innocence of Pure Love

I was sitting outside with my classroom of babies. Next to me was my sweet volunteer grandmother who comes daily to help hold babies. She’s a bodacious gorgeous elderly black woman who has my heart stuck to hers. We watched a biracial child in the next playground crying. A sweet blonde little girl came and hugged her. Another black little girl hugged both of them. They are about 3 and 4 years old. They consoled one another in the most empathetic humanitarian way.

My gramma and I started to cry. We began to talk about compassion. She said to me, “Now you know if them babies’ parents were here they might not be so loving with each other!”

“Oh, sweetheart, I hope you are wrong. I know kids don’t see colors. They see love and kindness. And those little girls have grown up in homes that have taught them to reach out to others when they are hurting regardless of the color of their skin!”

She cleaned her tears. I cleaned mine as we continued watching three little girls hugging and moving around together.

“I hope these children light the way to our future generations.” I held her arm as I said it.

She put her head against mine, “Gurrllll! Me too. Change has to come. It has to happen. Cut all of us open and see that we the same inside. Same color runs through our bodies. There ain’t no difference of race.”

We must continue to teach love and acceptance to our children. I am witnessing new stories and experiences now. I’ve gone from stories of times behind us to stories in front of us. I’ve worked with the elderly population. I’ve been among those suffering with severe mental illness. I have had the privilege to see the worst and best in humanity. Now I’m reliving the beauty of innocence and how simply magical they see the world. All that’s common is the thread of love and compassion.

In the end all we want is love…to be accepted without judgment…and feel a sense of belonging.

Let It Go

Yesterday morning, as I was dropping this baby off at daycare he squeezed my cheeks in, looked into my eyes smiling, and said, “Mama, letttt itttt goooo!”

He’s not watched Frozen. Lol.

I was taken aback. I say this all the time when he’s holding something and I need to change him or get him in the car seat. But, as he said it I recognized this was coming from a little conscious soul-to-soul messenger. I had been struggling for a few days holding “stuff” inside.

His let-it-go message was clear. I put my head against his forehead as we do before saying goodbye and kissed him.

He’s such a special little boy. Being in his presence immediately brings anyone joy.

When a child gives you a message take it to heart. It’s coming from a deep conscious knowing.

Now you…yes, you…let it go and move on. I love you.