The Ants Go Marching

When I was a little girl we lived in this tiny apartment in Hollywood, Florida. Four females in a one bedroom apartment. One small bathroom the size of a closet. I would spend time in the bathroom to give myself space alone.

There were these tiny ants (that my mother hated and tried everything to kill) go up and down the pink tile through the window. I would sit there and study them. They would make a straight line up and down, stopping to communicate, and keep going out the door of the bathroom. It was always the same two tiles and the same straight line.

I marveled at the stories they would whisper to each other. And if there was a crumb they would carry it to each other. They worked together as a tribe. Sometimes passing the weight on to another ant coming the opposite direction.

I would close my eyes and prayed that when I grew up I could be strong like them, resilient and committed. I dreamt of having a tribe who would let me know of danger ahead or when to let go and allow another to pick me up. I wanted friends who showed me the way without manipulating the path. I desired non judgment, competition, or jealousy. I wanted what those ants had.

As young as 11 years old I recognized the importance of a village. It took till my mid-forties to find one. I looked for the ant-like tribe for years. I admired it in others. I would create scenes of life stories while watching “Friends” or “Seinfeld.” I believed it wasn’t a myth. I would someday have what those ants had in my little imagination.

Once I stopped filtering myself I attracted the most powerful village of loving folks who wanted nothing from me but love. Once I became vulnerable they showed up. They have supported me, helped me, created with me, and allowed me to grow spiritually.

We are all trying to find our way home while believing that we are all alone. We are not. Sometimes folks come into our circle for ten years. Other times for ten days or ten hours. People are mirrors of your soul. Not everyone will stay forever. But when they do they help move mountains, carry your spirit through rocky waters, help elevate you and you are no longer alone. You become a circle with no beginning or ending just sustaining each other through it all.

Thank you to my little ants who help me get from here to there. I love you. And to all those others I am yet to meet along the path! 🐜🐜🐜

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No Giving Up

I was finishing my coffee and getting ready to head out into the real world yesterday. As I was making my way into the kitchen something powerful hit me: The words, “I am not giving up my faith in humanity.” I wasn’t even thinking about anything of importance. I began brewing my second cup of java and while standing in the middle of the kitchen the words echoed once again and tears began to cloud my vision. I understand why these words link together. I am seeing so much negativity in social media…the snippets of news I hear along the day…the comments made by friends and family. I hear the necessary things and discard the rest.

BUT, I am not influenced by what anger and fear have to say. I believe in the human spirit. I believe in humanity. I truly believe that things escalate when we continue to shed light into the darkness.

I feel the intensity of change and shifting striving. Things break. They have to in order to expand. Our hearts get fractured from all the violence and crimes. And then, that fracturing begins to slowly heal. Oh my God, when does it stop, right? Well, I am still NOT giving up my faith in HUMANITY. The moment we lose faith the enemy wins. That simple!

I know I am a bit naïve. Okay, maybe too naïve for some people, but I have to believe in the core of my spirit that things happen to bring humanity back on track. We have to stop the freaking labels. We have to diminish the bigotry and racism. We are not black, white, brown, yellow or pink. We are not our religions: Christian, Jewish, Muslim or whatever. We are breathing beings trying to find our way in this planet. We are roommates trying to set boundaries on what the other person needs to feel comfortable. AND even roommates have turmoil in their living arrangements because we are all different: personalities, beliefs, culture, etc.

I am not giving up on humanity. In my daily meditations I see love. I witness the ripples and connections from all the humans together. Because of this I am going to go to come continue doing my share of showing up and handing compassion whenever I can. That doesn’t make me an “angel.” It makes me human.

I go work to read and review countless files of folks who are mentally ill, traumatized, and purely in extreme need of help. You want perspective…walk into a place that has lost hope. Walk into a village that has little water. Walk into a place that has thousands of folks living in filth. Walk into a war zone of folks fighting all in the name of their God. It’s senseless, yes! It’s disgusting, yes! It’s truly demoralizing and it feeds into your fears of what another human is capable of doing with hatred. Alienation, hatred and hostility do not disappear alone. These emotions begin to dissolve and suppress when we shine compassion and love to them.

I don’t have the freaking answers to why these horrific acts of humanity happen…every day. Cause they do happen daily but we don’t hear about them. I don’t truly understand all the hatred. I don’t get the reason we hold on to issues without forgiving. But I have to promise my spirit that until my last breath I will not give up on humanity because I believe in us and the power of community. I believe in a higher power that brings us together. I believe in you.

Together we can commit to bringing love and aid to others…not my judging or rejecting what’s happening…or criticizing another’s faith. Definitely not by constantly talking about the negative (which just instills even more negativity and fear in our souls). We bring it home into our spirits by truly empathizing and realizing that what happens over there is also part of our stories.

May you have a beautiful day…and may you realize that you have the power to change the world one heart at a time! You have it in you to change in small dosages and large quantities. Together we can make the world a better place.

For the Love of Community

A few years ago I made a promise to myself that I would only allow those individuals who contributed to the best of my life. I was done with all the crap of people who were emotional vampires. I wanted a community, a family of friends, who were there for me regardless of the weather (in good and bad times). I wanted people who allowed me to be me without judgment and likewise I would relish in their uniqueness. The Divine provided much more than I had intended because I have wonderful people in my life.

When we realize the old patterns in our life, the way we choose situations, and accept (with full blown responsibility) that we attract those people who hurt us because we participated in the drama, then the Universe moves on to what the heart truly needs. I’ve changed and with those modifications I have allowed like-minded people to enter my circle. These are giving individuals who truly care about friendship. I am blessed. And I don’t take it for granted.

If you have people in your life (whether it be a mate or friends) who don’t bring out the best in you, take a look at your behavior. Take note of your actions, how you treat others, and seriously decide if they are projecting your individuality. The root of criticism in others is usually the reflection in ourselves. We attract that which we put out. You don’t want drama, look to see if your life is a one-stage act after another full of chaos. You don’t want selfishness then see if you are reflecting things that are being only about you. You don’t want craziness, well then I suggest you start to define what normal is for you! You get to manifest the things and people in your life. You get to create what stays and what needs to go.

Life is marvelous. It is too short to allow others to dictate misery in your life. Fill those special moments in your life surrounded by things and people that matter. Setting boundaries is hard, at least for me. Those vampires from my past disappeared as soon as I decided that I was worth loving in a manner that allowed the best of me to shine. These people know my laughter, sorrows, sarcasm, goofiness, bitchiness, kindness, creativity, love and the things that create the totality of me. They are there when I need a shoulder to cry on and a wine glass when I need to unload my craziness.

We’ve lost the sense of unity and community in our lives. Society has become so busy that we forget to get together for a simple meal, or just a cup of coffee. I love how the Italians and the French in Europe live their lives. They work hard but they also know when to quit and gather around their loved ones to enjoy the simplicity in sharing their lives. There is an easement and therapeutic element to sitting with others while allowing laughter, tears, and expression as the only agenda.

Seek and you will find. Put yourself out there. Talk to strangers. Participate in your community. I promise you that you weren’t meant to be alone. You have the ability to design the life you dream of….so go and get it done.

Compassionate Tribe

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I read somewhere long ago that there is a tribe in Africa who shows tremendous compassion and support for one another. When someone commits a mistake or a wrongdoing they don’t judge or bring them down. They don’t punish their tribe member for what they did. They stop everything that one day and they gather around that person. And, one by one they lift that soul who has been broken with loving words. They tell that person, sharing with kindness while reminding them of their attributions and beautiful things. They enhance their greatness.

I don’t know if this story is true or not. It doesn’t matter. I feel that this is the way our society needs to be. We need to lift one another when we have fallen. We all live based on our past mistakes. We come down on ourselves and beat our self esteem to such low levels. To get support from your village, oh my! It’s hard enough to deal with our own judgment and self-criticism. It’s even more appalling when others are constantly seeing the flaws instead of our beauty. I want to live like this tribe. I want to raise another when they fall and they hurt. I want them to know that it’s okay to have hard life lessons. It’s not okay to stay there and live as a victim.

This is compassion at its fullest. This is community and true empathy. This is the world that I want to leave for my children and grandchildren. This is what we came here to do. No one cares about the political climate or religious beliefs. This is not about any of that. It’s about finding hope and kindness when we really need it. Remember that it’s wonderful to spend time with others when all is well. The hardest part of being with one another is when we are hurt and feel raw. We feel neglected and rejected. We wallow in the anger and negativity of how others see us. We need to be there for one another in vulnerability and in joy. Yes, yes, yes! This is how I want to be of service to another.

Imagine! Can you truly envision a world without judgment and criticism? A world that has joined together to lift one another?

I want to know that as I walk throughout this journey I can squeeze out laughter and love from as many people I can.

Join me in this venture!!!

We need tribes in our lives

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There is an urgency for connection with each other. These are not easy times.  We are on the edge of greatness and chaos. It’s up to us to change how the journey will end.  We are the present and the future. There are folks losing their jobs, their homes, and families. There are others sitting alone in a hospital room watching a loved one fight for their lives. While some others are in the petty claws of political and religious arguments on social media…life is happening out there. Life is happening in here. Life is a series of ongoing movements and motions reminding us that we get to pick the perception and reaction. I don’t know why bad things happen. I don’t know why anything happens. I would like to believe it’s for the evolution of our higher self. I would like to believe it’s part of a larger design. Who truly knows at this point? I have to be led by faith and that onset programming of a higher body of spirit guiding me. 

What I do know is that we need one another. We need tribes of people who raise and join us in our causes and dreams. We need love. We need to know that we aren’t alone in the path of obstacles and challenges. We need to get out of our own head space and truly feel the vibration of another who is part of the overall mass consciousness shifting for a better world. People enter your life for various reasons. They might not stay forever. They might just be passing by. But, their presence exists for a reason. Sometimes they appear to mirror the things you need to work on, and other times to enhance your greatness. When we hurt, we end up hurting another and vice versa. We are not perfect and tribes help us see this truth.

We are made to run in packs like wolves while watching each others’ backs. We need tribes and warriors in our lives to bare our vulnerability, hurts, and passions. We need to gather in moments of weakness and pain. We have to rejoice in moments of joy and love. When one person is in danger of overexposure and breakdowns we need someone to hold us up. If you don’t have this then you need to find your tribe because you aren’t meant to be alone carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. We are all connected in this place by a thread of humanity through love. Do not let ego tell you that you do not need anyone. It’s magnificent to feel the sense of unity even from thousands of miles away. And, yes, it’s heartbreaking when the tribe challenges and changes over time. It feels like you won’t find another. You will. We are always learning who we are through the revolving door of people and relationships.

Those who say, “I don’t need anyone. I am okay alone. Having friends requires too much work.” These folks put up a wall around them and then wonder why they are unhappy, why they aren’t given intimate attention, and why they can’t connect? You will always get what you desire…especially if it’s negative. Whenever I hear these statements I am truly happy and sad for that person. I am happy that they feel content, but I am sad that they are missing out in the beauty of having others support and love them. We are the sum of our experiences. We are legends because of each triumph, failure, obstacle, success and connections with one another. We are not meant to be alone in our grief or losses. We hold communities, families and the world with connection. Humanity wants to be heard. We require the sharing of stories, the acknowledgment for our lives, and love without judgment through listening. This is who we are. There’s an urgency to be accepted, approved, and recognized. There’s an ache to be understood in a time that things are misinterpreted through the greatness of technology.

Hold a friend’s hand in need. Hug your lover as if it was the last time. Kiss those kids tightly. Smile at a stranger. Open doors for an elderly person. Compliment a cashier. Delete the toxic folks out of your life. If they don’t raise you then they have taught you something. It’s time to move on. You will hurt, break and then reconnect with those parts of yourself and others that need more growth. Use your energy wisely. Get out of your head and lovingly give to another who needs to feel that the illusion of loneliness is not drowning their existence. It matters. It all matters to that one human who is struggling with life. Stop the craziness of self doubt and anxiety because there is no way you leave this life alive. Find your tribe and be grateful for them. When we share among others we see that we are not alone in our stories. Everyone is experiencing something similar. Stopping ourselves from reaching out (because of fear, shame, and embarrassment) is an injustice to our spirits. Loneliness, sadness, despair, and so much more are compositions to our journeys but we can still reach out with our love and feel the comfort of another holding us up. We need strong tribes to keep moving through life. You are not alone unless you consciously choose to be. Open your heart…your tribe is waiting for you!

To find our tribe means finding people we can learn from, people who are better at some things than we are, people who have something to teach. We say we want it, but how many of us fear being a beginner more than loneliness and much more than being in the wrong crowd? There is a strange comfort, a sense of safety, to suffering and loneliness. To be happy, to find our family, we must be willing to let that go.” ~Vironika Tugaleva

Faith in Humanity

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I am finishing my coffee and getting ready to head to work this morning. As I was making my way into the kitchen something powerful hit me: The words, “I am not giving up my faith in humanity.” I wasn’t even thinking about anything of importance. I began brewing my second cup of java and while standing in the middle of the kitchen the words echo once again and tears began to cloud my vision. I understand why these words link together. I am seeing so much negativity in social media…the snippets of news I hear along the day…the comments made by friends and family. I hear from one ear the necessary things and discard the rest. BUT, I am not influenced by what anger and fear have to say. I believe in the human spirit. I believe in humanity. I truly believe that things escalate when we continue to shed light into the darkness.
Think about how France and the USA are now embracing each other in ways that for years they have not done so. I remember visiting Paris years ago and not being welcomed kindly when I spoke in English…but when I switched to Spanish I was served with friendliness. Think about the amount of people these issues have touched. Think about how we are fighting one cause together. I don’t like the word “fighting” but for those who are military or completely determined to beat the shit out of someone else the word brings masculinity. I get it. Things break. Our hearts get fractured from all the violence and crimes. And then, that fracturing begins to slowly heal. Oh my God, when does it stop, right? Well, I am still NOT giving up my faith in HUMANITY. The moment we lose faith the enemy wins. That simple!
I know I am a bit naïve. Okay, maybe too naïve, but I have to believe in the core of my spirit that things happen to bring humanity back on track. We have to stop the freaking labels. We have to diminish the bigotry and racism. We are not black, white, brown, yellow or pink. We are not our religions: Christian, Jewish, Muslim or whatever. We are breathing beings trying to find our way in this planet. We are roommates trying to set boundaries on what the other person needs to feel comfortable. AND even roommates have turmoil in their living arrangements because we are all different: personalities, beliefs, culture, etc.
I am not giving up on humanity. I am going to go to work to read countless files of folks who are mentally ill, traumatized, and purely in extreme need of help. You want perspective…walk into a place that has lost hope. Walk into a village that has little water. Walk into a place that has thousands of folks living in filth. Walk into the lives of children without parents. Walk into a war zone of folks fighting all in the name of their God. It’s senseless, yes! It’s disgusting, yes! It’s truly demoralizing and it tears into your fears of what another human is capable of doing with hatred. Alienation, hatred and hostility do not disappear alone. These emotions begin to dissolve and suppress when we shine compassion and love to them. I don’t have the freaking answers to why these horrific acts of humanity happen. I don’t truly understand all the hatred. I don’t get the reason we hold on to issues without forgiving. But I have to promise my spirit that until my last breath I will not give up on humanity because I believe in us and the power of community. I believe in a higher power that brings us together. I believe in you. Together we can commit to bringing love and aid to others…not my judging or rejecting what’s happening…or criticizing another’s faith. We bring it home into our spirits by truly empathizing and realizing that what happens over there is also part of our stories. May you have a beautiful day…and may you realize that you have the power to change the world one heart at a time!

Rough Mind Chatter

I have a bad habit.  Well, I have a few bad habits but this blog site is not equipped to be a confessional.  I have a tendency of shutting down when my brain can’t handle chit chat.  I can become rather quick in finishing others’ sentences.  I tend to rambunctiously ask a question and when the answer doesn’t come out quick enough (at the speed of light) I end up answering it myself…even if it’s wrong.  So I am trying to slow down (and abolish) this bad habit.  It doesn’t happen every day.  When it does I am realizing I just need to step back and not be with others.  Today is such a day.  Rather than lose my lack of patience with others I need to travel inside of me to see what is causing the brain fart and detachment.  Why is my brain circling in a vortex?  What is going on that I need to rush through? What is missing from my spirit?

I was programmed and trained by my past experiences (the CIA of Life) to be a multi-faceted, multi-tasker, multi-everything woman.  I could do just about anything at high speed.  I would be cleaning the house, home-schooling my children, cooking dinner, writing a paper for school, and magically running a successful business.  I don’t know how I did it.  I only know I don’t ever want to be that person.

I had a guest once point out that multi-tasking was not a good trait.  If you multi-task then you are only giving a percentage of your energy to a particular project.  If you multi-task you aren’t providing your 100% effort.  I believe this true.  I have to be conscious of what and how I do things while finishing one thing at a time (that goes with conversations as well).  I don’t have A.D.D.  I don’t suffer from Tourette’s Syndrome (although at times the words that come out of my mouth would indicate a contradiction).  I do suffer from impatience.  If I don’t get a good night’s rest, I get cranky.  If there are others expecting things from me that I can’t finish on time, I get cranky.  If it’s too damn cold and gloomy, I get cranky.  If people are dishonest with me, I get cranky.  If someone tries to force me to see things their way against my better judgment, I get really, really cranky and shut down.  Other than that I am pretty happy.

We are so wired to do so much to fit into our days.  We take short cuts to save time.  We use technology to facilitate with our days.  My question is where is all that time accumulated at that we spend saving by rushing through things?  When my brain starts going that fast because I am thinking of all else I need to do it is an indicator that I need to step away for a bit.  I have to take a walk, a hike or just sit in silence.  Something has to be done to stop my anxiety.  And, for the most part I am aware of it quickly when I step away.  The anxiety becomes the barometer for exploring a particular fear.  Usually this fear is about not finishing things to the best of my ability.  Once I pin point it I get to return to being a “nice person,” rather than a lunatic who thinks she knows all the answers.

I hope you find a place in your life where you can go and sit quietly when the chit chat starts to overwhelm you.  I gotta go be in nature now…the earth is calling.