The Victim Mode

As humans we aren’t exempt from brokenness and deep wounds. It’s how the light gets in. I don’t believe we are victims. The victim mind isn’t one I associate myself with at all…anymore. Every act leads to a reaction which follows by growth.

Some folks stay in victim/martyr mode. It works for them because they get attention. They get what they need. I used to be led by my circumstances, telling and retelling of stories that no longer served me. I don’t know how or why, but a part of me needed to be acknowledged for those experiences.

When traumas come up, whether through dreams or real life, I sit with them. I now recognize them. I also send them off their way. I visit for as long as they need attention. Those events and obstacles happened to get where I am now. Had I not experienced them I wouldn’t be who I am today. That may be a good or bad thing. It doesn’t matter. It’s still part of the formation of my human ego/personality.

I choose not to live in those crevices or soft reminders. I choose to rise and keep learning. I choose to forgive myself (and whoever else) for the participation. I choose to thank God (and them) for the amazing roles. This doesn’t mean the act is ignored. It doesn’t mean it never happened. It only means that I am not a victim of my past. I am also not a survivor. I am a human being on a journey of self-empowerment. I choose to stay in this excursion through love. I choose love over anything else.  When those memories, dreams, or events re-appear I now have the ability to detach from the pain and look at them as blessings. Every step, corner, edge, and mishap molded me in just the perfect way to open me consciously.

You and I have the capacity for greatness. The only way to move forward is to accept, detect and reject the things that have happened.  If you are living in regrets and resentments you aren’t ready to move into the next level of greatness. You are still in victim mode. If you keep blaming others for who and what you’ve become, you are still in martyr and victim mode. You are the only one who can change that role. Stop giving the pen for others to write YOUR story. Stop being ashamed of what brought you here. Stop allowing the past to dictate your present and future.  Every fear and disappointment adds to the level of your health. Do you want to be sick or do you want to be free? Forgive and let go. Don’t keep holding on to things that cannot be changed. 
 
Get out there and recognize your worth. Every single moment gives you an opportunity to do better, be better, and create better for yourself. No one is a victim. Traumas are part of the darkness that gives duality to our world. Without those experiences we would never know how amazing things can be. There is a balance available to us at all times. Choose love. Choose the ultimate love for yourself and move out of those old beliefs, undeserving paradigms and stay in the highest frequency of all.  
It isn’t enough that I let go of my own past. It requires the collective to do the same so we can shift the consciousness around the world. We are coming into some incredibly delicious times. Join me in healing. We can do it together.
 
I love you.
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Our Spiritual Truth

The source of divine guidance is ever present waiting patiently for us to remember of our power within. Once we open up to it, accepting there is no outer power separate from the self, it all starts to materialize.

We hold our world. We get to mold our lives. We cannot blame anyone else for fully participating in our creation.

Spiritual truth is acceptance of our decisions. It is knowing and believing that we are creators.

I’m seeing the miracles in that place full of clarity and knowing. It is the multiverse energy of truth. It’s the Christ Consciousness. It’s the Buddha mind. It is all that we’ve been taught to be without the dogma. It is all in us. It’s all that we were created to be.

Open up to it. Allow for it. Remember your power comes from within. You are not without anything. You are the greatest alchemist.

You want to know your superpower?

It’s love. It’s all about compassion, acceptance and love.

We use terminology that seems puzzling, like matrix or ascension when we talk about spiritual awakening. It’s not that difficult. There is part physics but the rest is who we are. The words are designed to trigger a memory, an emotion, that opens us up. It allows consciousness to expand and we vibrate into truth. The words we use also give power to what we create. Every syllable is magnetic. It attracts everything we want and need.

We are designed to grow and evolve into these human bodies. We are having a human experience while returning to our source of divine spirit. We come in through consciousness of pure love and leave via the same manner to become the heart of the collective. To be the All of Truth. To be the source of divinity and transpire into deeper love.

I love you.

You Are Divine

There are millions of stories out in the world that reflect right back to our own circumstances. Let’s face it, we all have them because that’s what makes life. We are compilations of historical events. Some monumental, others not so much. We are the sum of every single experience, interaction, and reaction. We are here on borrowed time creating novels of information and adventures.

Tell me what life doesn’t have some juicy substance that makes us gasp, smile, cry, love and forgive.

Tell me how we make it out of here without any experience that is worth sharing and learning from others.

Tell me, and show me as well, how you can do it alone because I don’t know if I would want to. I want to hear you, touch you, or have the availability to read parts of your legacy.

Tell me how we can overcome obstacles without truly being aided by a Supreme Being and loved ones.

Tell me, just tell me how we can withhold truth from ourselves and others…and still make it an authentic life. How can we call that a life worth living?

Tell me, because I don’t know any other way but to pour out my heart to others and allow others to pour their essence into me so I can drink from their knowledge.

I want to join the warriors of love and light to continue changing the world with spiritual vibes. I want to leave a footprint alongside others bringing joy and laughter.

This, I know, I want for the rest of my life.

Remember that every single thing you’ve experienced (bad or good, lovely or shameful) has brought you to this very moment. You get to decide what you do with your history to change your present and future self. Don’t ever forget your power and strength to create the best possible life.

Mucho love!

m.a.p.

Gratitude in Clarity

I woke at midnight to no electricity. My phone had a message that the power company was working on the outage. I looked outside and smiled. I went back to bed. I know the trauma I have with winter and not feeling safe or warm. It comes up quickly. But I went back to bed.

I didn’t sleep much that night. I time traveled back and forth. I was trying to erase people from my life. I kept waking up and laughing. The reality seemed absurd but every time I closed my eyes I seemed to travel back to some other time and dimension.

I am who I am because of every person who came into my life. Who would I be if they didn’t exist? What would I had become? Would I miss what I never had? Would there be fragments of me that felt a great void? And how would life around me be lived? Each person was a stepping stone…would I have had different stones?

At 7am I observed the white purity of being covered by snow outside. Candles were burning. Shades laid open. Windows were clear of all distraction. I was too.

And then uneasiness started to set in. I allowed for it. I calmed myself down by reading old books.

There was no sound other than candles burning and children babbling. There was peace across the landscape. No cars. No nothing. Just clarity of silence and my most intimate thoughts.

But…after 36 hours of no electricity or water the ego begins to complain. Just a tad bit! It starts to create deep layers of sadness and remorse for living in a state that has these winters. I knew nothing of this before eight years ago. This year has been better. For the first few winters I was pretty much alone on a mountain. No money. A rundown motel. Two teenagers and the echo of uncertainty staring back at me each time I got snowed in.

I have patience. Lots of it. I began to dread winter. Each year that has grown. I fight against the Post traumatic events. I usually win.

Now every time I hear “snow storm coming” a part of my nervous system gets triggered. I can be prepared but the moment I feel the threat of no power or water…oh my…the ego reminds me of the past. And I enter a place of disregard. I start to feel something that doesn’t fit in my personality of today.

We now have power. As I write this it’s been three hours. The house is clean. Toilets are flushed. Kitchen is immaculate. Clothes is folded. Kids are napping in warm bedrooms. I sit next to my husband as I write. I stop and thank him for all he did to make me feel at peace. He knows me. I read several books by candlelight. I wrote. I loved on my tribe here. And I did a lot of meditating and praying. I did a lot of releasing and manifesting. I needed this detachment.

It’s that time of year that brings stuff up like wanting to erase the folks from the past. I cannot. I won’t. And I am happy that I can’t change anything because I am becoming the best version of me possible. It’s all there is. The snow has clarified that. I’m grateful. I feel the purity of the land healing me. My consciousness truly expands with every winter. I don’t have to hate it. I just need to be. For now. For however long it takes to continue healing me.

Don’t Judge an Act of Love

We got a call on May 28th, 2014, from the Department of Social Services. My granddaughter was going to be removed from my daughter. I had two hours to go get her.

I paused. Even though I suspected and intuitively knew it was going to happen there was still a shock factor to the words.

My husband, then fiancé, without hesitation said while I was quiet with the investigator, “Where do we go pick her up?”

A few hours later she was in our care. This was his first child. She was my seventh. Her mother had arrived at nine years of age from Romania into my care. She has mental disabilities, bipolar and a rainbow of other disorders that have caused mayhem throughout all the years I’ve loved her. And, oh my gosh, how deeply I love her. She continues to teach me on a high level of compassion.

So we picked my granddaughter up at the agency. We had nothing but a box of diapers and bottles. They handed me formula and a car seat. We ran to get a playpen. We had to get some extra clothing. At the time our finances were also super tight. I had my last child home who was graduating high school the following month and would be turning 18 in August.

People always make two comments to me that shake me up. I wonder how humanity has made it this far. First one is “Did you have another option than to take her in?” (This is asked many different ways).

Second one is “I don’t think I could do it.” (Sometimes this is implied as if we are some kind of heroes. We are not. We are humans)!

It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks because until the event shows up no one really knows how they will react.

It took two and a half years of waiting and fighting to adopt her. Finally on December 1st of 2016, she was ours.

My daughter got pregnant with her second child and I heard from a woman in her building who took my number down from borrowing her phone. My daughter at the time was four months into her pregnancy. I felt it. She’s in Florida and we are in North Carolina. I would hear from her periodically. Since she got pregnant I heard from her only twice and when she did call I would ask and she would lie.

Her baby was born in April of 2017. She was alone. She didn’t know who was the baby’s father. I called social services and begged them not to let her take the child home. It took 10 months for anyone to do something. By this time he had been terrorized by her new boyfriend, had gotten pregnant again with her third and finally the county removed him from her care.  We got the call two months after he was removed, right around the time he was to turn one years old.

I was asked by the social worker if we wanted him. I was completely torn. My husband and I were to leave to Peru for my 50th birthday the following week. The social worker told me it was a long shot. I went home and shared with my husband who immediately said he wanted the baby boy. Our little girl needed a sibling. I called the social worker and told her we would take him. It took another six months of fighting with the system to get him. It was excruciating and exhausting. And, once again, the comments began with folks who believe they have the answers. “Not again! You aren’t going to take on another one…?”

Yet, something had changed in my life from all my other adoptions. My circle of friends are supportive. They are tribal. They gathered together and helped make this a wonderful experience. For the first time after seven other children, I had a baby shower. I was shown support from many. The few who had negative comments weren’t in my immediate life anymore. I changed and, therefore, my circle changed.

I won’t tolerate negativity any longer!

Our hearts determine our lives. I don’t judge anyone for saving a child. I can’t. I have learned after eight of them that I am here to mother many. My husband is an incredible father. This is his first rodeo and I’m navigating the challenges and struggles, the love and sleepless nights, the snuggles and cuddles, the reward of seeing two more children saved from a horrific situation. As for my daughter, she will continue to do whatever she wants to do. She’s allowed to because the system is corrupt. She lost her third child (immediately that she was born) and the baby is thriving in a beautiful home.

We are made from love to give love away as much, as often, and as freely as possible.

Adoption is a personal choice. Taking kids into your home is a remarkable way of giving back to this world. It is not for everyone. It’s not easy and these children are traumatized. They need assistance and patience. I ask that when you hear someone talk about adopting, or fostering, you can save the judgment and recognize the magic that’s happening to those little souls. You get to shape your perception and your words carefully.

Our lives are all connected. Each one of us. How you act and react is felt through the waves of consciousness. So…let’s be love.  Let’s be examples for the new generations. Let’s live through acceptance and awareness. You don’t know what’s in store for you tomorrow. You just never know what curve ball will be heading your way.


Welcome Home

“Welcome home!” I want my life to say that. I want it to salute every person who enters my space, not just my home, but my presence while feeling the simplicity of those words. I want to create an atmosphere of love, blessings, comfort and peace. Whether they enter our home, or I enter their own space, I want to believe they feel those words. I hope you can grab a chair, squat and share.

Home is the heart of our spirits. A house is a building, but home can be anywhere your spirit welcomes another. “Welcome home!”

Welcome home to that place of simplicity, love, serenity, joy and communion. Welcome to the life your spirit craves to share with you and others. I am learning that the purest form of an authentic life is in allowing others to love and feel loved no matter where they are…no matter at what level of consciousness they are experiencing.

I will never forget a famous quote by the author Toni Morrison: “At some point in life the world’s beauty becomes enough. You don’t need to photograph, paint, or even remember it. It is enough.” The beauty of arriving to the place of love and salutation is the best legacy you can leave for another…especially in this season that has been forgotten.

Welcome home, my friends, welcome to your life. Find the joy in the simplest of things. I promise that the spirit of divinity projects an amazing light from that place. I invite you to come and enter as you share the story of you…!

Have a deliciously wonderful day.

Expansion of Consciousness

I am grateful. Every cell in my body feels the honor and privilege of being here. I have a charming life. Even when there are obstacles and challenges I know I have a wonderful life.

I have a sweet meditation room. It’s a large closet in our new house that I converted into my sacred space. It’s a portal of sorts. Every time I sit to meditate I leave through its openings. I go off into other worlds. When I return to my body I recognize the gift that my life is. I become even more grateful. I make my daily intentions before getting up from the floor, right when I am blowing out my candles.

“Make me an instrument of your love, God. Show me how I need to serve….”

This morning was no exemption at 4am. The worlds opened up for me. I saw the universe. I visited the deep places in my consciousness that allow for healing work through me and out into the world. It’s magnificent.

It’s magical and mystical and…oh…so very yummilicious.

I work in the mental health profession and if folks hear me express all the “visions” I have I might be institutionalized. Because…we are a race consumed by fear. We must label everything. We must make sense of what we aren’t accustomed to experience ourselves.

I cannot help anyone if I don’t help myself with love. I cannot hear, feel, or touch the heart of another if I don’t live it through me.

For decades I went around like a lunatic trying to fix everyone. I needed to have focused on me first. When I finally dealt with my own darkness I was able to help light others.

Compassion is a gene that needs to be expanded at all times. It always starts with our own healing. It’s a light always available to shine all around us. It’s in the smallest of acts.

That’s why I wake at the hour that I do daily and go off into my other realms. I am a better spiritual being navigating this human experience.

Sending out abundance of love into the world today. I feel you. I love you.