Message in Meditation

Trust is an emotional mechanism that was placed in our DNA when we began creation. The collective and society, through fear and other low vibrational frequencies, have caused it to downgrade. We question it. We don’t use it as we should. There is a default programming in its place. So we no longer just trust. We struggle with it. We have been shown over and over that it isn’t a means to survive. We don’t trust or allow for intuition to guide us.

When we return to our origins, through love, Trust will be the first input to be upgraded again. It is still in our DNA. It’s been muted. It’s been centuries of misuse and abuse. It is about to return as our guidance. Soon! We are being awakened slowly. It was designed to be right now in this time.

Humanity needed to experience all that it has endured. We are a stubborn race. We have more followers than leaders. And the leaders have guided through manipulation of fear and repression. They know how to play the part. The followers have also played their role. The imbalance is soon to tip the scales.

Trust will return with ascension. It will be intuitively available to guide us again. It is our internal GPS. Those who are ready will begin to feel it in their solar plexus and use it to create a new world. You are experienced the massive amount of energy at this time. Many will not question what the masses are leading. And in this trust we will once again become whole as one. There will be millions not ready to awake. It’s not your job to provide the push for them. Those are their lessons and contracts before coming into this incarnation. Your only job is to love and show love through your own journey. People don’t learn through words. They evolve through experiences. They see and imitate what feels good.

Don’t judge. Don’t manipulate. Don’t enforce your beliefs. Don’t attack. Don’t hate. Don’t do anything to force another to think as you do.

Love…over and over… is the key to open all the unlocked passages in humanity. Forgiveness heals through love. Trust opens because of love. We change and expand because of love. When in doubt just love. Accept it as the answer to all there is and all there ever was.

Our Spiritual Truth

The source of divine guidance is ever present waiting patiently for us to remember of our power within. Once we open up to it, accepting there is no outer power separate from the self, it all starts to materialize.

We hold our world. We get to mold our lives. We cannot blame anyone else for fully participating in our creation.

Spiritual truth is acceptance of our decisions. It is knowing and believing that we are creators.

I’m seeing the miracles in that place full of clarity and knowing. It is the multiverse energy of truth. It’s the Christ Consciousness. It’s the Buddha mind. It is all that we’ve been taught to be without the dogma. It is all in us. It’s all that we were created to be.

Open up to it. Allow for it. Remember your power comes from within. You are not without anything. You are the greatest alchemist.

You want to know your superpower?

It’s love. It’s all about compassion, acceptance and love.

We use terminology that seems puzzling, like matrix or ascension when we talk about spiritual awakening. It’s not that difficult. There is part physics but the rest is who we are. The words are designed to trigger a memory, an emotion, that opens us up. It allows consciousness to expand and we vibrate into truth. The words we use also give power to what we create. Every syllable is magnetic. It attracts everything we want and need.

We are designed to grow and evolve into these human bodies. We are having a human experience while returning to our source of divine spirit. We come in through consciousness of pure love and leave via the same manner to become the heart of the collective. To be the All of Truth. To be the source of divinity and transpire into deeper love.

I love you.

Don’t Judge an Act of Love

We got a call on May 28th, 2014, from the Department of Social Services. My granddaughter was going to be removed from my daughter. I had two hours to go get her.

I paused. Even though I suspected and intuitively knew it was going to happen there was still a shock factor to the words.

My husband, then fiancé, without hesitation said while I was quiet with the investigator, “Where do we go pick her up?”

A few hours later she was in our care. This was his first child. She was my seventh. Her mother had arrived at nine years of age from Romania into my care. She has mental disabilities, bipolar and a rainbow of other disorders that have caused mayhem throughout all the years I’ve loved her. And, oh my gosh, how deeply I love her. She continues to teach me on a high level of compassion.

So we picked my granddaughter up at the agency. We had nothing but a box of diapers and bottles. They handed me formula and a car seat. We ran to get a playpen. We had to get some extra clothing. At the time our finances were also super tight. I had my last child home who was graduating high school the following month and would be turning 18 in August.

People always make two comments to me that shake me up. I wonder how humanity has made it this far. First one is “Did you have another option than to take her in?” (This is asked many different ways).

Second one is “I don’t think I could do it.” (Sometimes this is implied as if we are some kind of heroes. We are not. We are humans)!

It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks because until the event shows up no one really knows how they will react.

It took two and a half years of waiting and fighting to adopt her. Finally on December 1st of 2016, she was ours.

My daughter got pregnant with her second child and I heard from a woman in her building who took my number down from borrowing her phone. My daughter at the time was four months into her pregnancy. I felt it. She’s in Florida and we are in North Carolina. I would hear from her periodically. Since she got pregnant I heard from her only twice and when she did call I would ask and she would lie.

Her baby was born in April of 2017. She was alone. She didn’t know who was the baby’s father. I called social services and begged them not to let her take the child home. It took 10 months for anyone to do something. By this time he had been terrorized by her new boyfriend, had gotten pregnant again with her third and finally the county removed him from her care.  We got the call two months after he was removed, right around the time he was to turn one years old.

I was asked by the social worker if we wanted him. I was completely torn. My husband and I were to leave to Peru for my 50th birthday the following week. The social worker told me it was a long shot. I went home and shared with my husband who immediately said he wanted the baby boy. Our little girl needed a sibling. I called the social worker and told her we would take him. It took another six months of fighting with the system to get him. It was excruciating and exhausting. And, once again, the comments began with folks who believe they have the answers. “Not again! You aren’t going to take on another one…?”

Yet, something had changed in my life from all my other adoptions. My circle of friends are supportive. They are tribal. They gathered together and helped make this a wonderful experience. For the first time after seven other children, I had a baby shower. I was shown support from many. The few who had negative comments weren’t in my immediate life anymore. I changed and, therefore, my circle changed.

I won’t tolerate negativity any longer!

Our hearts determine our lives. I don’t judge anyone for saving a child. I can’t. I have learned after eight of them that I am here to mother many. My husband is an incredible father. This is his first rodeo and I’m navigating the challenges and struggles, the love and sleepless nights, the snuggles and cuddles, the reward of seeing two more children saved from a horrific situation. As for my daughter, she will continue to do whatever she wants to do. She’s allowed to because the system is corrupt. She lost her third child (immediately that she was born) and the baby is thriving in a beautiful home.

We are made from love to give love away as much, as often, and as freely as possible.

Adoption is a personal choice. Taking kids into your home is a remarkable way of giving back to this world. It is not for everyone. It’s not easy and these children are traumatized. They need assistance and patience. I ask that when you hear someone talk about adopting, or fostering, you can save the judgment and recognize the magic that’s happening to those little souls. You get to shape your perception and your words carefully.

Our lives are all connected. Each one of us. How you act and react is felt through the waves of consciousness. So…let’s be love.  Let’s be examples for the new generations. Let’s live through acceptance and awareness. You don’t know what’s in store for you tomorrow. You just never know what curve ball will be heading your way.


Sacred Expansion

I’ve come into my own silence, sacredness, expansion. I’ve visited with those things that required attention and I kept locking them in a chest. I’ve dealt with them one soul consultation at a time making sure to find closure. During meditation I’ve allowed the locked chest to open and I have visited with each fear and past event.

This is what I’ve done since I got off social media (Facebook and Instagram) two weeks ago. Plus I’ve read several amazing books. I’ve caught up with friends. I’ve taken time to be without chit chat or worries. I’ve come into my own space of love.

I’ve lived without interruptions. I’ve noticed how much more time I’ve accumulated.

It’s bizarre to acknowledge that I have been distracted by everyone else’s life so profoundly while disregarding mine. Meanwhile, I’ve navigated one of the busiest years in a decade. One that has brought sweet surprises while gaining a tremendous respect for my faith in humanity.

Magic…is all I can say. It’s been a magical experience.

My writing feels deeper too. My voice is not constricted. I am able to say and feel and share for me. Because when I write it is a channeling of sorts from my spirit to my humanness. The spiritual aspects of my incarnation sit with the human aspects and shared I’ve come into my own silence, sacredness, expansion. I’ve visited with those things that required attention and I kept locking them in a chest. I’ve dealt with them one soul consultation at a time making sure to find closure. During meditation I’ve allowed the chest to open and I have visited with each fear and past event.

Taking time for me and my family is imperative. It’s in the small acts. Nothing big. My life has not changed drastically by not being on social media. It’s just relaxed. I don’t pick up the phone in the middle of the night to read about others. I lay there and listen to the silence. I force myself to sleep again. I reach over to my husband for warmth. During the day I don’t impulsively check to see what’s happening, who can I help, what can I do? My concerns and interests consist of my own life and those in my inner circle.

This was the 80’s and 90’s. This is how I remember my younger years before internet. And, yes we are connected on a grand scale, able to touch millions. But we are also slaved to that connection, addicted to news and changes.

It’s truly a love-hate relationship for me. As a writer it is a conundrum. The world doesn’t stop because I am not available. It’s lovely to feel it. Life doesn’t cease to exist because I don’t participate in every conversation or answer every message or return every call.

All of it can wait till I return next year. Whenever I do return to the chaotic world of social media I can quickly shut it off. With each passing week I am aware of the massive peace my empathetic body feels. This is my Christmas gift to myself. And detaching is absolutely mystical.

Slow down, darlings! Be present in your life and with your loved ones. Everything else can wait. You don’t have to participate in every single thing every day. Allow the holidays to be a time of gentleness, love and awareness. Give attention to you.

I love you.

Letting Love Live

This morning I had a memory of the first time I was stung with uncensored and unconditional love. I’m sure I had hundreds, or perhaps thousands of moments, but that evening seemed to stand out loudly.

My husband and I had been dating for a few months. I spent the night at his place. We had made love and only a candle lit the room. He had fallen sleep on his stomach. I turned over and saw him. The light from the candle enhanced his back muscles. I gasped. He was beautiful. I looked at his bare back in pure delight. Tears formed and I allowed for their release. He was sound asleep. I became very aware that he was mine, for however long that would be, and he was lovely. Not just because of his body but his sense of humor. I was falling in love. I was falling into a known territory that felt remarkably unfamiliar to all others.

I traced my fingers on his back softly following the shadows. He woke and turned over to his side while I kept rubbing him with my nails. At some point I fell into a slumber wrapped by his arms. The next morning as I drove the hour and twenty minutes home, I kept thinking of that moment that allowed me to fall so profoundly that every cell in my body felt the expansion of love. I literally felt a huge break in my chest.

Then I started to freak out. I felt I was losing myself. How could I? I’ve done this dance many times before. I had given all of me for years and not been reciprocated but what amazing lessons I had learned. I regret not a one!

As I watched the stretch of mountains ahead my heart felt a tingle and a pull. I was safe to fall. I was safe to rise towards the delight of being me…my authentic self without censoring from a man. The sun was rising over the landscape and I knew I had permission from the heavens to just feel the love that was to grow. I remember this many years later. I remembered it this morning as I watched him sleep in his stomach bundled under warm blankets.

Driving over the mountains that morning I recalled twenty years before when I was dating a lovely man. After we made love I fell asleep in his arms. Sometime after that I woke to him watching me sleep and the blinds wide open. He said, “The moon looks beautiful on your back. It makes your freckles look like stars!” He meant every syllable of that sentiment.

I buried my head on the pillow in embarrassment. I had a hard time taking in any kind of compliment.

I had never been seen…Or so I felt. He saw me. And when he died a year later a part of me died with him. Now noticing my new lover and his divine essence naked in front of me I felt all the love in the world that had been given, shared and exchanged. I felt it intensified and released in my soul. It wasn’t just a physical or emotional connection. It was a spiritual one.

At midlife I was finally me without apologizing.

And I allowed for all that was to come. He was mine then. He continues to be mine now. It has taken a tremendous amount of work and dance to stay in that love but it’s been so worth it. Because that’s what marriage entails. We are on the other side of that mountain of uncertainty and doubts. We are led by stars and candlelight through the darkest of obstacles.

We are in it because of the raw vulnerability from one another. We show up not always in perfect lighting. It’s in the unmade beds, crazy sleepless nights with kids, messy days, hard obstacles, little moments and unconditional love without judgment. It’s real life naked and fully clothed behind closed doors. I’m blessed.

Prayers

I came out of a soft meditation re-entering this world with complete openness and vulnerability. I opened my eyes to the candles in front, engulfed by the darkness of early morning. It’s sacred time. My favorite time of the day.

I moved my hand towards my chest patting the soft thump of movement. Deep breaths. Deep awareness.

I hear the world at 3am. It’s quite different than any other time. It’s magical. The sounds from earth are therapeutic and of higher vibration. In that silence you can feel the connection of everything. You and I are not separate.

I bow my head in gratitude. A new day has arrived. I will do my best to help. I don’t know how it will show up. I don’t know who I will serve with love and kindness. It’s my job to just show up.

I’m here. Sending healing to all the areas that are fractured or hurting. I’m here to help shift the conscious mayhem of social fear. I’m here to help love you even if you don’t feel lovable. You are magnificent. I will keep reminding you.

I’m just here. With you. Together. In love!

(This meme reminds me of how sensitive we are when we allow ourselves to feel everything outside of us).

The Gathering of Souls

A few years ago I made a promise to myself that I would only allow those individuals who contributed to the best of my life. I was done with all the crap of people who were emotional vampires. I wanted a community, a family of friends, who were there for me regardless of the weather (in good and bad times). I wanted people who allowed me to be me without judgment and likewise I would relish in their uniqueness. The Divine provided much more than I had intended because I have wonderful people in my life.

When we realize the old patterns in our life, the way we choose situations, and accept (with full blown responsibility) that we attract those people who hurt us because we participated in the drama, then the Universe moves on to what the heart truly needs. I’ve changed and with those modifications I have allowed like-minded people to enter my circle. These are giving individuals who truly care about friendship. I am blessed. And I don’t take it for granted.

If you have people in your life (whether it be a mate or friends) who don’t bring out the best in you, take a look at your behavior. Take note of your actions, how you treat others, and seriously decide if they are projecting your individuality. The root of criticism in others is usually the reflection in ourselves. We attract that which we put out. You don’t want drama, look to see if your life is a one-stage act after another full of chaos. You don’t want selfishness then see if you are reflecting things that are being only about you. You don’t want craziness, well then I suggest you start to define what normal is for you! You get to manifest the things and people in your life. You get to create what stays and what needs to go.

Life is marvelous. It is too short to allow others to dictate misery in your life. Fill those special moments in your life surrounded by things and people that matter. Setting boundaries is hard, at least for me. Those vampires from my past disappeared as soon as I decided that I was worth loving in a manner that allowed the best of me to shine. These people know my laughter, sorrows, sarcasm, goofiness, bitchiness, kindness, creativity, love and the things that create the totality of me. They are there when I need a shoulder to cry on and a wine glass when I need to unload my craziness.

We’ve lost the sense of unity and community in our lives. Society has become so busy that we forget to get together for a simple meal, or just a cup of coffee. I love how the Italians and the French in Europe live their lives. They work hard but they also know when to quit and gather around their loved ones to enjoy the simplicity in sharing their lives. There is an easement and therapeutic element to sitting with others while allowing laughter, tears, and expression as the only agenda.

Seek and you will find. Put yourself out there. Talk to strangers. Participate in your community. I promise you that you weren’t meant to be alone. You have the ability to design the life you dream of….so go and get it done. ~m.a.p.

What I Can Offer

I often wonder what I can offer someone in their journey. What kind of business can I create that allows another soul something special from me? There are thousands of healers. Millions of them trying to help others, many getting paid for their uniqueness.

What can I offer you that you cannot get somewhere else?

This is where we get stuck! The labels of worth. The doubts of what we are with a price. It’s always tricky.

What makes me any better than all those amazing coaches and intuitive out there? What is my calling or niche or specialty?

It’s rawness. It’s openness. It’s vulnerability. It’s knowing that I am not judging you because of your humanness.

Lately these are the questions that arise in my meditation practice. These are the thoughts I am putting out into the higher realms. I get the sweet answer within my chest vibrating with a giddy knowing. It’s lovely to feel and yet no definite answer except, “Trust in yourself!”

I can offer love. And so can others. I can sit and hear your story. Many can do the same. I can hold space for your trauma and pain. I know so many who are amazing at it too.

So what separates me from anyone? I can hear your story and help you rewrite parts that you are too close to notice. I can show you how old beliefs no longer help with creating new chapters. I can tend to your words and provide sacredness. I can hold your heart in a way that you start to recognize the love you have been gifted in this world. You begin to remember what you’ve forgotten.

I feel it. I am holding on to a thousand stories that are similar to yours. And this I know I can do. I can help you map out your goals and show you how you hold the compass to your future. You have the answers. I will be there to help you navigate.

I’m working with a fabulous woman who is helping me set up a professional website and move through the unknowns. I ask that you stay tune and I will be here waiting on whatever shows up… I will be here to help you in whatever way that may be.

Until then… I love you. I love you with the love you deeply deserve. We will work together. Soon.

~m.a.p.

The Ants Go Marching

When I was a little girl we lived in this tiny apartment in Hollywood, Florida. Four females in a one bedroom apartment. One small bathroom the size of a closet. I would spend time in the bathroom to give myself space alone.

There were these tiny ants (that my mother hated and tried everything to kill) go up and down the pink tile through the window. I would sit there and study them. They would make a straight line up and down, stopping to communicate, and keep going out the door of the bathroom. It was always the same two tiles and the same straight line.

I marveled at the stories they would whisper to each other. And if there was a crumb they would carry it to each other. They worked together as a tribe. Sometimes passing the weight on to another ant coming the opposite direction.

I would close my eyes and prayed that when I grew up I could be strong like them, resilient and committed. I dreamt of having a tribe who would let me know of danger ahead or when to let go and allow another to pick me up. I wanted friends who showed me the way without manipulating the path. I desired non judgment, competition, or jealousy. I wanted what those ants had.

As young as 11 years old I recognized the importance of a village. It took till my mid-forties to find one. I looked for the ant-like tribe for years. I admired it in others. I would create scenes of life stories while watching “Friends” or “Seinfeld.” I believed it wasn’t a myth. I would someday have what those ants had in my little imagination.

Once I stopped filtering myself I attracted the most powerful village of loving folks who wanted nothing from me but love. Once I became vulnerable they showed up. They have supported me, helped me, created with me, and allowed me to grow spiritually.

We are all trying to find our way home while believing that we are all alone. We are not. Sometimes folks come into our circle for ten years. Other times for ten days or ten hours. People are mirrors of your soul. Not everyone will stay forever. But when they do they help move mountains, carry your spirit through rocky waters, help elevate you and you are no longer alone. You become a circle with no beginning or ending just sustaining each other through it all.

Thank you to my little ants who help me get from here to there. I love you. And to all those others I am yet to meet along the path! 🐜🐜🐜

Dancing in the Rain

The yummiest part of my day was taking my sweet elderly client to the Botanical Gardens. We walked slowly and cautiously on the trail. It was about to rain. He was concerned. I asked, “What would be bad about getting a little rain on us? It’s so wonderful, you know! It’s just water. I can get you back in the car and to the facility in ten minutes!”

He sighed. He smiled. “Well, you are right. I haven’t played in the rain since I was a child.”

“Well then it’s time. If it rains we can sit here and bathe under the forest!”

There was silence. I watched the wheels turning…a reprogramming of thoughts and beliefs.

He sat in deep ponder. He looked out to the creek. He gasped and shared his gratitude in a way that made me cry. I held his hand in mine taking in a mental input of the moment.

“I forget how fast 85 years have come and gone. And I still choose to live so rigid in my military thoughts.”

“Yeah, there isn’t time for that. I say we stay here and dance slowly under the rain!” I said giggling.

We waited. The rain never arrived. Just whispers from the heavens. But we were determined to dance under it so I allowed him to just twirl me for a second slowly on the grass. He showed me the most generous amount of presence.

My heart seemed to be in rhythm with the world around us.

Now you…go find joy in the simple things. You don’t have to follow such severe rigid rules. You are an adult. You get to be in bliss through the simplest ways like chasing a squirrel or butterfly….it might lead you into magic. ~m.a.p.