No Small Talk

This over and over. I want to talk about consciousness, manifesting, Faith, the universe, travel, God, and all that opens me up to joy. I want to laugh and cry with you from the place of complete vulnerability. I don’t want to hear about negativity or stagnation. I don’t care for complaints that stop you from truly evolving spiritually. I crave the stories that push me to think louder and ask even deeper questions. I want to hear about your babies, your memories and what gets you up in the morning. I want to know of your great love affairs and who stole your heart the most. Anything else is senseless and doesn’t fill me. “What’s Up” is insignificant. Give me the heart and love of what makes you human. That’s what I want to feel, touch, hear and know.

Let’s Talk Children

Last night I had a second opportunity to reconnect with my friend, Ann Lee, on our local radio station. It was a soulful, earnest discussion between two women, that is also a conversation between many women. With every conversation I experience expansion; I get to own more of myself through the mutual love and respect of another conscious, awake being. Communication is essential as we evolve spiritually. Enjoy…

You can go to Facebook link below to watch the video.

Why Not

I sat drinking coffee alone in the hotel lobby Sunday morning waiting for Matt to finish getting dress. A man about my age says, “Hello!” I look up and return it with a smile. He grabs a cup of coffee as I continue to read my book. He asks, “Rough night?” I answer, “Excuse me? I am on my honeymoon… I had a fabulous night.”
“Oh, congratulations…because of all the glitter in your hair I thought you had been partying.” He says pointing at my head.
“Nah…that’s been there for a while.”
“You have tinsel in your hair and it’s been there for a while?” He asks a bit confused.
“Yeah, it’s fairy hair.”
“What? Fairy hair? But your hair has a lot of other colors too.” He gets closer and sees the blue…
I smile.
“Are you a hairdresser?”
“Nope…just love my hair to be lively like my personality.”
“Why?” he asks confuse.
“Why not?”
This took him aback.
He kept on walking to get food and returned. “Yes, why not? Why are we so rigid, right? Why do we complicate things? I’ve never seen anyone with fairy hair. You are unique, huh?”
I smile without moving from my seat, still holding the book in my hands. “Why NOT are powerful words. They are filled with endless possibilities, not just for hair color or fairy tinsel…but for everything.”
He steps back, smiles…then laughs and thanks me. He leaves with his three kids back up to the elevator. I continue to remember the many “why not’s” that have changed my life. I reminisce over the thousands of choices that those two words have catapult me into new adventures.
We live in a society stuck on perceptions and ideas of what is expected to fit in. When you meet someone who isn’t conforming to the “normal standards” there is immediate judgment. Judgment cannot exist if there is compassion. All it takes is one person to be kind in the midst of a moment of a possible critique. It’s that simple. With a kind smile and a “why not” we say yes to all that the world is used to saying no to….and that’s all that we can give another. Each person is filled with a million “why not’s” that can transform a day, a year and a lifetime. Try it! It’s liberating….!

You are not allowed….


When I was a young teenager we lived in a one bedroom apartment in South Florida. Four of us in that tiny space. I would disappear often to the one bathroom and sit on the toilet to get breathing space. There were these tiny ants that my mother would always try to kill. They would walk this one line of grout up and down from the bathroom window to the end of the door. She was relentless in her cleanliness and did everything to get rid of these little critters. They would disappear for days and then return with more friends. I would sit and watch their trail. They would travel alone in a single line but every so often stop for a second and touch another ant coming the opposite direction. I would make up stories about their conversations, their whereabouts, and their journey. No matter what came their way these ants never gave up. They would come back and travel the miles of tiles to get to and from their destination. I would sometimes notice that in their quick exchange of conversations an ant would turn around and go the opposite way alongside her new friend.

This morning I thought about those ants again as a friend of mine is battling through depression. I thought about the giant support system that those ants seemed to have in their journey. I thought about them not giving up. I thought about their community and how they stuck together relentlessly against all odds (and believe me, my mother tried everything to get rid of them). They were fiercely tenacious with admirable will power.

You are not allowed to give up. You are, however, allowed to fall, cry, break, stumble, curse, feel sorry, ask God all the why’s you want, but you are NOT ALLOWED to give up on this precious journey of life. I have seen darkness. I have been in your place of sorrow and desperation several times in life. I have also been relentless like those ants waiting and traveling and moving forward without knowing what waited for me on the other side. I don’t know your emotions but I can relate to your story. Life appears to be going one way and then some giant force takes your power away, turning your dreams upside down. It’s frustrating, exhausting and paralyzing. But I believe that those things that break us are the ones that also teach us to use our faith to mend again.

You cannot stop believing that “this too shall pass.” I can give you a thousand cliches. I can give you a hundred examples of true life stories. It doesn’t matter when you are in that place of darkness. It doesn’t matter how many folks stop along the way to give you a word of hope. But, you are not alone. I’m here. You have a giant support system even when you can’t name a single person. You are not allowed to quit on life. You are not allow to stop and check out. You are allowed to do many screwed up things in life, but quitting on your existence is not one of them!

I have a plaque on my wall with a quote from Marilyn Monroe. It says, “Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” What if the path you were on only looked good but it was not what your higher self has intended for you? What if, in letting go and releasing, something magical will appear? What if everything you thought was the best for you really was just a journey up and down a pink bathroom taking you and molding you into something better? You just don’t know. SO, my dear beautiful friend, you are not allowed to give up. You can sit and cry. You can stay in bed for a little longer and cover your head with the blankets pretending the world doesn’t need you. I don’t care how you move pass this point, but you are not allowed to give up on life. Life determines when you give up…when you have no breath in you. And, today is not that day.

Give your life purpose in present of this moment. Notice those small things around you: the bees sucking on the plants, the naked trees dancing to the cold wind, the birds flying over you, a freaking snow storm arriving and how the sky is so purely white. Whatever it takes to get yourself out of this darkness is a step in the right direction. But, only YOU KNOW how to do this. I love you. I am here.  Let’s go find some ants together…!

The Things That Make Me

“Sometimes when I talk I don’t say anything and when I listen I only hear sounds. I used to be embarrassed about this but I know now that these are the quirks that make me.  At times I let go of love so it can find its way back and I marble at its return as if the spell of the world is broken and I can reach out while my heart expands wider. There are so many times I smile without a single reason making me look a little strange to those around me. Often times I can smell rain before it arrives and I am stopped with such surprise at how the earth is connected to me. Whenever I laugh, God holds my heart, especially when I am hiking alone and each tree, branch, blade of grass suspends me in mysticism.  Sometimes the best cup of coffee is the one shared with a friend and at other times a glass of wine with a friend solves the world’s problems.  There are many moments that I witness Divinity when looking into a stranger’s eyes and at other times a kind word from a stranger becomes a mood enhancer that leaves imprints of stories untold. I am forever grateful for those moments of sharing with someone who doesn’t know my history or judges me for past mistakes.  Sometimes holding someone’s hand is all that matters, wiping tears is an honor, and just being in silence with them is priceless because being present is an invaluable gift.  Every day my children teach me the art of being human, how to fall and strive for better, and how to love unconditionally regardless of how much I mess up.  Compassion and joy are underrated these days.  I want to always show the lighter side of heaven through my laughter than the darker side of hell through a scorn.  There have been times that lovers have left little parts of themselves in my soul forever and I am grateful for those pieces that mold and hold me as part of the present life.  I love how my mate can touch my hand and nothing else around me matters.  His whisper can trigger a smile or a tear and I am lost in a world of intimacy for a while where nothing or no one can reach me but him.  Sometimes the filtering system in my mouth is malfunctioning and I say things that do not come from me.  It’s not really an excuse.  It’s the way things are when spirit moves through me to leave a message for another.  Sometimes when I stare at the night sky I wish I could fly and then I am reminded that whenever I meditate I can feel God cradling my body in the heavens and when I pray I can feel His touch in my hands.  Many nights when I dream I travel to amazing places from the past and the future.  Sometimes all I need is a pair of warm socks to change a sour mood; the smell of a sweet candle to remind me of another life; and a great book to take me on an incredible journey.  At times my thoughts get lost in translation and I dislike when someone tries to correct them.  There are times I talk to rocks gathering them in my hands and they answer with loving gratitude for being held so close to my heart.  I ask permission to take the ones that look like hearts and place them in jar to always recall that love is solid and strong. I take long rides through new places to see if I get lost so I can find myself somewhere in the middle of what I am searching.  Sometimes I just have to scratch my head and admit I know nothing realizing how difficult we make this living thing called Life.   There are rare times that I cry because I am being touched in spirit and letting go is the only answer.  Sometimes when I meet a special soul I want to dive into their heart forever because it only takes a second to realize how precious life really is, and how we are all connected to one another… always.  And, sometimes, in rare occasions when I close my eyes I can see the world inside of me loving and expanding through the center of the universe in Oneness.  It is then that I know you and I are one…forever.”

Quiet Conversation

You are never far

from my extremities.

On our bed

limbs journey towards you,

toes rubbing against

the warmth of your legs

nudging at flesh,

kneading through muscles,

digging for the promise

of magnetism.

Hands stretch

for assurance in

bridging the distance

between here and there.

You allow for it,

enticed by the hunger

of a give-and-take affection

as we silently converse.

Whenever I get lost

in a book or movie

I find your fingers

studiously reaching,

magically appearing

under mountains of blankets

for more love

between the quietude

that defines the comfort of us.

And in one moment

you take my hand

gently placing

that last kiss of night

on the palm of my skin

to remind me

of the things

I don’t have to say.

Voices from Your Heart

My youngest daughter and I were on our way to her school early this morning for her senior trip.  She was excited and waiting on a call from her best friend.  Once she called and they discussed where they would meet she hung up and said, “She sounds so different on the phone.  Why do you think people sound differently when in person versus the telephone?”  I answered that it could be technology.

Once I dropped her off I took the scenic route home through the mountains.  The sun was settling in such a lovely way that a few times I had to stop and take note of it on the side of the road.  I began to think of our conversation.  It is true, people do sound differently on the phone.  I believe it is because we are hearing them rather than being distracted by their physical appearance when in person.  I am not a phone person.  I hate to talk on the phone.  Perhaps it is due to a thousand years of customer service and purchasing jobs.  I get a lot more out of a person when they are in front of me.  I can sense, see and feel the things that aren’t being said.  The phone, to me, is a shell that echoes what you are truly trying to convey.  And, yes, we hear differently.  We are forced to be present (or not, depending on whom you talk to).  When you sit with someone you are engaging in all of them.  You are not just listening to the sound but experiencing the gestures, eye movement and energy.  However, to others the phone is a perfect way of hearing exactly what they need to hear without having to look at the body language or enter the depth of communication.

Speech is the most powerful source of communication.  There are over 7,000 different languages and dialects in the world.  Conversing on the phone has its own form of interpretation.  As we dive deeper into technology we, as a whole society, have lost the art of personal communication.  It is easier to text, email or Facebook another.  Are we really governed by the rush of being constantly charged by cell phones, emails, computers, IPOD’s and any gadget that is supposed to make our lives easier, when in reality they handicap our social skills?  The reality is that if we could stop all these noises and return to simplicity we would actually heal from so many of the stressors in our lives.  I was reminded of how things were in the 1980’s.  You had to wait to get home in order to speak with someone. When you were “on the phone” you were actually sitting near the phone jack. We had no cell phones, no computers, and no other distractions.  If there was bad news we waited to get home to discuss it.  Likewise if there was great news that anticipation made it more special when we got together.  Life was simpler.  We were human beings interacting with each other.  We prayed more, or at least it seemed like that, because there was nothing distracting our thoughts immediately.  This is why I love being in nature…it is the simplest form of communication for me.

Communication has such a diversified psychology to it.  We enter therapy and pay a ton of money to be heard.  We read all the books on how to better ourselves.  We all want to be heard.  Whether it is through a phone call or technology, we want to have our stories acknowledged.  But, “Sometimes, reaching out and taking someone’s hand is the beginning of a journey.  At other times, it is allowing another to take yours.” ~ Vera Nazarian.   And, dear friends, there is nothing more compelling than talking to a live version of you.  Let your voice be heard.  Speech is a murmur from your heart.  Let it take you to the inner places and outer banks of another while touching the truth of what needs to be heard.

Charmin’ Life


My cousins visited this weekend. One of them is in her twenties and has such a tremendous insight to life with so much gusto that you can’t help but get sucked into her passion. She’s married to a wonderful young man who is…well, bigger than life. Anything he thinks about he gets because he believes it. He’s Mr. VIP! When I say this I mean it. You meet him and immediately get bombarded by optimism and motivation. Having her here alone as she shared stories about Mr. VIP (Rami) I was completely mesmerized. This young generation (of my own kids’ ages) is truly aspiring for more than when I was their age. They KNOW that there is no wasted time to get from here to there. Things need to be done NOW. I love that. My cousin, Tatiana, was in the military. She is phenomenal (helps that she has amazing parents). Her husband, Mr. VIP, is truly on his way to becoming a younger Tony Robbins…well, maybe just for me and that’s perfectly acceptable.
Things are changing. We aren’t waiting to retire to do the things we always wanted to do. Those in their twenties are coming into the adult world with an idea of how they want to live their lives. In my generation it has taken two decades to finalize those thoughts and still wonder, “Am I on the right track?” And, this is fine. Time is an illusion. It slips through our hands when we try to control it.
Tatiana shared a quote from her husband, Rami, “Everything you want for your life is a conversation away.” I sat there, opened mouth, holding my breath, finally making her repeat the words slowly. This is manifestation. This is the power of intention. If you can’t converse with another you can’t learn or move on. Everything in life is only one word away. WOW! Isn’t that fantastic?
We are taught not to ask for help. We have been conditioned to work things out on our own. Vulnerability has been passed along as a weakness. I find myself opening up more and more. Just writing and sharing has taken me beyond my own expectations. Why? Because ‘everything I want for me is only a conversation away.’ Plain and simple!
What do you want? How do you want it? Who will you share your life’s passion with? What will it require for you to get there? What is your greatest fear? What’s the worst case scenario? Go to those dark places you refuse to visit inside and ask those questions. Share them with others. Life is not meant to be a struggle alone. You have others with you.
I recently met a man at the grocery store check-out line. He asked why I was loading up on so much toilet paper. I have an issue with toilet paper (this is maybe a little personal for the blog but go with me on this). I only buy Charmin brand. I have been rich and I have been poor but I will not settle for any other brand. When it is on special I get a lot of it. I have an illogical concern of running out of my toilet paper. Silly, huh? What he noticed was that I bought a different brand in bulk (which is for the motel/retreat center). In his curiosity I saw some judgment. I explained that my ass couldn’t handle anything else other than Charmin. He laughed. My openness surprised and probably shocked him. There was a few but’s (and not the ones you wipe or sit on) and I explained to him this, “I know what I want. I know what I like. I know I have to work extra hard to get those few things I won’t substitute or change. These are the things that mold me, break me when I am in fear, and the things that humor me when I am in joy.” The older gentleman laughed, smiled, and truly got it. He got out of line and went to get some Charmin. What changed? I don’t know. Perhaps he wanted to feel the same simplicity of my joy. Conversations are contagious. Make them great. Share…even in such ridiculous moments of being way too opened with a stranger. I am who I am. You are who you are. Make no excuses for the life you live and it’s authenticity. And, that my friends, is beautiful. We are all connected via words, a glance, a touch, and a story.
Even though Mr. VIP wasn’t here this weekend his stories became mine. And, I am forever grateful! Sometimes you are the teacher and other times you are the student. Life is a classroom!