We are moving through toughness

I sat with my coffee mug snuggled inside both my cold hands while I was in a lotus position on my sofa this morning. The only light in the room was a salt lamp. I felt the heat from the mug rise to my face.

I’ve been cold.

I’ve been lost.

I’ve been sad.

And I’ve been questioning every single thing in my life. I have been tracing and retracing decisions, analyzing them in a forensic manner. It’s not like me. Yet, for weeks I’ve done nothing but try to fix past choices.

I’ve gone back in dreams trying to redo wrongdoings and the outcome never changes.

I know this is beyond ridiculous. But one thing that has shown up is that I’ve let go of regrets and resentments during these moments. It has helped clear up old karmic connections.

I have cut cords and allowed things to just be.

I entered meditation earlier this morning. The sound of darkness engulfed me. I felt the sting of grief come up again. It’s been coming and going for a bit. I felt the five stages come up in intervals: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The meditation was more like a release than a sacred ritual. And, that’s okay too.

I have no reasons for moving through this dark night of the soul. I’ve gone through this so many other times. I don’t know why it has reappeared. But, I do know that it won’t just disappear until I allow its course without resistance. I must do the work in the same manner that I tell my personal clients during intuitive counseling sessions. I’m no different than anyone else. I cannot help another if I don’t walk the same paths of least resistance.

I have a new day job. I’m working with infants. It’s been several weeks. I’ve moved from mental health nightmares to pure light in newborns. It’s been draining and exuberant simultaneously. It’s a bizarre contradiction. My days are long and physically draining. Before this they were long and emotionally vampiric.

I’ve experienced the duality of what makes us human. I’ve seen darkness and, now, light. But a part of me is in the middle asking and demanding all sorts of answers from the cosmos.

A friend gave me an intuitive reading months ago. She said I would be entering one of the darkest periods of my life. I told her, while laughing, that I have experienced those before. It surely cannot be that bad. (What a way to contradict experiences before they even happen)! I promised her I would be gentle with myself. I don’t do victim mode at all. I have little patience for pity parties. Yet, here I am. I find myself struggling with the most mundane decisions: hair up or leave it down. So I try both ways and instead of choosing a style I spend part of my day obsessing with it. Up and down. And the same goes for what I wear, what I need to say, and what I should be doing with my life.

This is not me. I have the impatience of a two year old with myself. I get shit done. I move to the next thing. Not lately! It seems as of everything is moving in a slow escalator and I must wait to get to where I’m going because it’s full of people and I can’t pass them. I’m at the mercy of the universe.

I had to remove myself from social media. I deactivated Facebook. I deleted Instagram from my phone. In order to survive whatever this is I have to make my world super small. Except for those who need a session, I’ve had to cancel commitments, events and just concentrate on this very single moment.

This is not for sissies. I told a dear friend this weekend to check on her friends…the ones who suddenly disappear and retreat into their world because it’s dangerous. I feel the more awakened one becomes the more disconnection shows up from the 3D world. It’s hard not to question everything. It’s hard not to want logical answers for the reasons we must struggle.

I have endless questions and then have to remind myself to just be.

Darlings, I’m feeling your heaviness. I read your messages and emails. I feel the collective and how this spiritual ascension is triggering us all. We are having to revisit old crap. We are having to let go and forgive. It’s okay. You are not alone. I have to believe we will be better once we get to the other side of this. I feel it. But in the meantime allow for the discomfort. Make time to be alone. Put your tiny world in the utmost priority. Put yourself in a bubble of self love.

I am with you holding you in grace….

I love you!

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Let me help you

When my husband and I started dating he shared a story about his ex-wife. He believed he would never measure up to what she wanted in a partner and husband. He told me that she expected him to be Jesus in a pair of jeans. She wanted the religious figure in a normal man. No matter what he did he would never be perfect.

No one is. No one will ever be. That kind of expectation is inconceivable. But this was his story of why his marriage didn’t end with a happily ever after. The more he tried the less she was willing to meet him.

I remember this conversation sitting across from him at a diner. I still remember taking it all in and how he looked as he shared the story. After all, it was his story. And I began to question my own past stories and how my ex possibly saw me (or the lack of me…for that matter).

What truly happens when we dive into the old stories is that we also return to the feelings via some magical time machine. We begin to experience it all over again. We allow the stories at times to dictate our current events. We get stuck in this toxic loop and we can’t figure out how to change the emotions.

But…they are…stories. They are chronological events that create our future, especially if we don’t learn to heal. They are part of our history. At times the further distance we have from these stories the more complex we make them; the more distortion we also create. We give them more power than those stories deserve. We continue to manifest that things we know as true.

I collect stories from all walks of life. Even when someone hasn’t verbally shared. I have some bizarre gift of just knowing increments of their history. It’s not always a wonderful feeling. Sometimes it feels like a curse.

We move into our daily lives based on our past experiences. We get to this present moment transcending from our history. How we perceive those experiences determines how we evolve spiritually, physically and emotionally.

My husband has moved past those experiences through heartache and acceptance. I have done the same. We have learned to navigate the past, molding new journeys that include our partnership. That’s the relating part of relationships. We, together, have learned to flow into one another while releasing the past. By being together we have moved on to new and improved stories.

I’m here, darlings, building a business based on helping others rewrite their old beliefs and programming. I can help you edit your story so you do not feel stuck or reliving the same challenges.

Send me a message if you want to schedule a session (face to face or long distance). Our stories are powerful. They are amazing. But, they aren’t meant to keep you in an invisible prison that doesn’t allow you to live your best life.

Let’s work together through deep intuitive counseling to reach old beliefs and help rewrite a freer you. You do not deserve to continue living in a loop of resentments and self-sabotage.

Email: dharma.1111@hotmail.com.

Be Brave

I’ve had several weeks of smallness. I’ve needed to make my life tiny in order to make big decisions and concentrate on some changes.

So…I meditate. I get out in nature. I travel far beyond the dimensions. I make sure to have no chaos or distractions from those around me. Because, ultimately, I need to care for me in order to care for others.

I’m super selfish with my me time. I will not comprise for anything unless it’s an emergency. I am blessed to have a husband who allows me this time with so much respect.

I’m no good if I can’t distance myself from the naysayers. I get to a point that I just can’t do anything but be…alone. I truly go on shutdown.

We move and make decisions based on experiences and our personal level of awareness. I cannot ask others to help me when they have not experienced the challenges. And believe me, everyone has an opinion the moment you make things public. Everyone starts to tell you how you need to live based on what they’ve experienced. People are moved through fear in most cases. And then it’s transposed on to our human spirit.

But your higher self leads the way. It is your internal GPS. It knows truth. It begins to guide you to continue trekking.

Every mountain you choose to climb begins with small steps. If you go too fast you start to feel the unhealthy pressure and lack of breath. You allow fear to take over in that momentum. The tinier the steps the more endurance you accumulate. It might take longer but to climb a high mountain you need to truly be mindful of your life substance…your breath. You have to continue the self pep talks. You must believe in yourself beyond anything else.

GO Climb your mountains. Regardless how others react. Go after your goals in spite of the naysayers. Take chances. Pick a path along the journey even when there are a million deviations. Keep climbing. Keep breathing. Keep focusing on what you want. In my life time I have heard a million opinions “you can’t do that!” And I have made it and looked back and realized that I believed in myself more than anyone has believed in me. I’ve done some impossible things that have no logical explanation. And I don’t require logic to create through mysticism. I have faith!

Your life is a blessing made up of so many magical moments. Don’t allow anyone to instill their shit on you. Ever! You begin to create the life you desire the moment you put on those hiking boots and start walking towards your purpose. The higher your purpose the more people will try to pull you down. It’s all a game and you get to decide how you participate.

You can do anything you want. I promise. But start with your inner awareness and full heart belief. Love yourself enough to turn the impossible into possible.

Integrity for Purchase

A coworker was sharing a story about someone. Another coworker said that it was “integrity for purchase.” This meaning that the person had integrity only when it was monetarily convenient to her.

I had one of those Aha Moments. Integrity for purchase isn’t just based on monetary or materialistic issues. Some folks just acquire integrity based on their needs. But, at the end of the day they are still lacking character, authenticity, principle and honor. They lack value and falsify it by acquiring what they need from others in a sneaky way.

These are narcissists, ego maniacs and highly selfish people. They can manipulate others for their needs. And those folks who are kind can often times find themselves in a horrible web of hurt and despair because of their behaviors.

It’s sickening. It’s destructive. It’s inhumane.

Integrity is a huge one for me. I observe folks by their actions and not by what they say. They can write lovely things and behave egotistically. They can look at you straight in the eyes and believe their own lies.

As I continue walking into a deepened spiritual journey I am always questioning my own integrity. I question my own egotism. And I hope I continue to question it because it keeps me in check.

I also tend to beat myself up for wrong-doings…. For cheating on my soul because I wanted something so badly and I knew (instinctively) that it wasn’t for me. This also keeps me grounded in checking my integrity. I am imperfect and do fall for those who promise what they will never give. They are amazing salesmen.

Darlings, please recognize the toxic energy associated with these types of personas. They are sick individuals who thrive on the kindness and compassion of higher frequencies. They believe they can get a great deal for what you easily project. Remember that your integrity is not for sale!

Old Programming of Running Away

Running is my default when things get hard and heavy. I automatically go into that mode and have to talk myself out of it. It’s exhausting! And at mid-century of a timeline I am getting better at breathing through it. I am better at stepping back and not reacting immediately. I have come a long way…but the programming is still there and it takes a while to readjust my thinking.

Running away is easier. It releases me of responsibility of dealing with whatever the obstacle or challenge. Running comes with a romantic fantasy that wherever I end up won’t be where I am.

This is all bullshit but it’s still my default programming. It’s still the first thought that appears when shit hits the fan. It’s my immediate flight response. I don’t fight. I just go around the issue and truly hope I drown it in fairy dust. Usually when I step away it resolves itself, or I happen to let it go so long that the universe aligns with my desires.

So…I stay put. I breathe through the challenges. I step away from the ego chit chat and face the discomfort. I disconnect from that particular moment and define what’s important. I begin to take accountability through gratitude. And I enter my spiritual practice for however long it takes to readjust my compass. I basically put myself in Time Out!

Running might be part of my DNA but I can overcome it. My father ran from every responsibility. In his absence I’ve learned to detect, accept and reject whatever is causing me turmoil.

The worst scenario for a runner is the feeling of stagnation and feeling stuck. It’s a slow death. A shift in perception and a deep spiritual practice have been my saving grace.

What do you overcome?

How do you shift your default programming?

What do you do when you feel overwhelmed?

Change of name…

For several years, this page has evolved from a Mystical Journey into a Sacred Journey. It was a forum to share my blog and stories from all walks of life. In the last year the page has become more of an inspirational page to help raise the vibrations of social media and negativity. Along my own personal journey I have evolved as well. I have received clarity in what I am suppose to be sharing and writing. Recently, I opened up a business under “Sacred Journey” where I can do intuitive counseling and help others in their journey.

But I am also a Story Tender.

What’s a Story Tender you might be wondering?

It’s sharing sacred space with someone as they share their stories. Those who are stuck and need a little nudge, I can help light the way. I take their stories, old programming and beliefs, and help them reorganize their thoughts. I help facilitate the doubts, hurt, and other traumas while turning them into empowering opportunities. Basically, I am a love cheerleader helping others navigate through the muck into their own inner beauty and strength. Just like the lotus flower, we all have the willingness and determination to be the best version of ourselves while birthing in the darkest of moments.

Sometimes we just need a little help. We need to connect with another and recognize that we are not alone on this journey. That’s the sacred journey for me…to be available to meet others wherever they are at.

Currently I have a web designer working on my professional website to offer services, retreats, workshops and one-on-one sessions. I’m excited for what’s coming up and the endless possibilities of meeting amazing souls.

Thank you for sticking with me as I, too, emerge into my authentic self… filled through love and grace. The collective is shifting and we need all the help we can get at this time. We are one. Mucho love!!!

Millie A. Parmer