My soul honors yours

namaste

There are days that require more inner self-awareness than others. Some days demand acceptance and a higher state of consciousness to take the wheel. I recognize I am not in control. I can only continue showing up, day after day, to learn, experience, and travel towards the end of my last breath.

After only sleeping 3 hours last night, I decided to run towards yoga. I figured it would stretch and open up space for whatever is causing my lack of sleep the last few days. Sitting outside looking at the stars in the middle of the night isn’t working. Meditating relaxes me but it isn’t putting me into sleep. Deep breathing alongside our Great Dane isn’t helping either. “Yoga,” I thought, “Would do the trick to get through the crevices and gaps of my body that seem to have an inability to find a dream state.”

So, yoga it was! Because…I have some brilliant ideas every once in a while.

I am extremely open minded when it comes to people. I could care less what anyone wears, believes in, or how they express themselves as long as it’s not hurting me (or anyone around me). I am oblivious to my surroundings as I have learned to detach from all the energy around people. I, basically, stay in my own little world.  Very few things can rattle me.

The class was full. I took my mat and placed it in the middle of the room in one of two spaces available. A sweet young yogi took the last open space right next to me. He was adorable. But, within minutes I became uncomfortable. I have a keen sense of smell. I am put into shock with certain scents or odors. I had to stop the gagging reflex. This smell was poignant and it took more than half the class for me to be in the moment. I even envisioned a huge flood of lavender and eucalyptus waves hovering around me. To no avail! I couldn’t concentrate or get comfortable for a long while.

Now, you must ask, “Why didn’t you get up and leave?”

I asked myself the same question a few times too. I tend to withhold space even in discomfort. It sucks at times, while other times it is priceless. I have a relentless tenacious gene. I knew there was a lesson in this situation. I felt the tears come up in anger for wanting a self-loving class where I could just relax and be.

This was the best thing that could have happened for my soul…today!

The entire discomfort obligated me to focus on letting go. I had to adjust and readjust by own internal senses, judgment, and find empathy. I had to cut through the bullshit of my moral compass and find compassion for every pose. I was forced to visit some things that I find intolerable and must address (cause I tend to put up and shut up sometimes for way too long). There were moments I held my breath until the pose changed. This caused so much heat in my body, that I began to feel light headed. I, also, felt that the one hour and fifteen minutes seemed to last three hours.

And, then something happened towards the end.

I no longer smelled the cutie pie next to me. I didn’t feel anything. I had opened up space for three women who are having some major issues. I was able to send light, love, and the extension of peace. My heart softened and opened up. I felt me again. I felt my muscles relax. My mind stopped reacting.  I had to reach that inner peace, on my mat, before I could have provided it for anyone. It was a struggling time. It was ridiculously challenging for 75 minutes, or 4,500 seconds of my day. The moment I chose to zoom out of the room, into a higher state of consciousness, I felt the release of ego. And, a deep sigh escaped my body in a silent room….ahhhhh!

Life can be hard. Choose to shift perspective. Let things go. Why the hell do we resist the crap that comes up? Why do we stay, or why do we go? Why can’t we just dive into the discomfort and see where it takes us?  We’ve been conditioned in our society to find quick fixes to replace the discomfort.  This is why addiction is present in so many.  We have been taught to survive and not exist. We avoid anything that puts a little inconvenience in our way.

I want to live. I want to exist. I want to not feel as if I am surviving another episode, circumstance or situation. I want to embrace the lessons and pray that the next one is sweet and delightful.

It doesn’t matter if it’s through silence, odors, sound, or the Ego chit chatting excessively in our heads. The universe will provide the most amazing opportunity, usually through a negative vehicle, in order for us to learn. It’s up to us to be selfless and find the deep awareness to recognize the invaluable lessons. Discomfort is the priceless teacher in the journey. Today you may find teachers in your path that will make you think and rethink who you are, what you believe, and the things you are no longer willing to tolerate and accept.

Allow for those teachers.  Make space for them. Thank them.

When I was packing up, rolling up the mat, I bowed my head to the young yogi, smiled, and thanked him for participating in practice with me. He smiled, bowed and returned, “Namaste!”

My soul honors yours. I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides.

I am grateful for those souls who instruct me with their presence. I honor the divine light in them, the truth in us, and the ability to love freely.  The universe has a way of providing everything we need when we are ready to accept.

Conquering fear one Lizard at a time

photo 1 (6)

Fear.

It is irrational and at times mind-boggling.

It’s not something that makes sense.

I don’t fear much but the few things that paralyze me need conquering. This morning I looked at fear in the face. I held my steady glance. I said my peace. I sent my love to it in a way I never imagined I could. I stood in front of the one thing I fear most and spoke to it. No, it wasn’t death. No, it wasn’t loss. No, it wasn’t anything but a small reptile in the form of a chameleon.

For as long as I can remember reptiles have caused me tremendous anxiety, cowardice, and terror. I cannot even watch a movie with any creatures that look like a lizard or alligator. It’s horrible. But, this morning I woke knowing that today was the day I would hold on…or at least stand in front of one and speak to it without my heart racing into cold sweats and panic mode. This irrational fragment of my perception needed re-programming and an attitude adjustment.

My fiance took me to Pet Smart with our little girl. We went around looking at the fish, cats, birds and then….(wait for it)…keep waiting…yes…the cages of terror. I wanted to touch a chameleon. They have been popping up in my dreams, in commercials and in videos on social media. I stood there breathing through the paralyzed immensity and realization that this little creature (and others like him) have controlled my childhood and adulthood nightmares. I asked one of the sales ladies if I could touch it and she said they were very afraid of humans and unless I was purchasing it they would not let me hold it (just in case it dropped dead from a heart attack…oh, wait that would be me!).

There!

There I understood.

We were both in the same corner of fear. We both feared what we didn’t understand from each other. We avoided the closeness, the existence, and the knowing that something could happen to us. The only separation and distinction of safety was a thin piece of glass.
And in a few moments I embraced this. I didn’t touch it because I didn’t want to cause anxiety to him. But, I felt a release. I felt years of complete trepidation dissolving as I stood staring at this harmless little creature sitting on a bark. I felt my fingers move without warning to trace him so cautiously and the heat from inside the glass. My own heat subsided. I am a step closer to entertaining this little fear. The bottom cage was full of little critters with much energy and looked like prehistoric animals. I stood there feeling their anxiety. One step at a time. I am not ready for the nervous ones that might jump on me. I need to crawl before I begin to run with this bravery.

photo 2 (3)I said to myself, “One reptile at a time. We will get through this…eventually owning the discomfort! I got this!”

I conquered something that most people cannot understand. I don’t fear the big things. I don’t worry about snakes or bears or anything that can hurt me. However, a lizard…I am out of the way. Today that was big. Today I am feeling the letting go of what I cannot understand was holding and suffocating me since childhood. It feels right. It feels good. It’s well overdo!

Your turn…let go of those things that cripple you and cause you distress. Let go of those things that haunt your dreams and your waking moments when you find yourself imprisoned by that thought. Let go and allow for the lessons the fear brings to you. It’s all about divine perception. And…you got this!

There is truly nothing to fear but fear itself…

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” ~ Ambrose Redmoon

Discomfort

The discomfort of the unknown is a reminder to sit and let go. We don’t have to know what will happen today or tomorrow. We have little control of how things play out. We can try to manipulate one direction and things will turn out the opposite. SO…sit and be. Accept the discomfort. Honor it. Don’t reject it because it intensifies. I think it’s in the not knowing that our true essence rises to a higher level of consciousness. We begin to trust. We are lead by faith.

As we begin another week be gentle with yourself. Be kinder with your spirit. Try and let go of expectations that are serving nothing more than creating fear and anxiety. In control lies illusion. Let it go. We all have been programmed to worry and hold tightly to things that are out of reach. Just be!~ BE in the present moment and allow things to unfold. As Rumi said, “Live life as if everything is rigged in your favor.” It is! Your spirit will always guide you towards excellence…don’t stop it or try to manipulate it. Follow your inner guidance. That’s never wrong!

There are intense energies shifting through us all. We are witnessing it within our own circles, outside in the world, and even in ourselves. Meditate, pray, contemplate and be in nature. Your soul will thank you for it. Have a lovely week and mucho love…Millie

Finding Peace in Discomfort

It is 18 degrees outside.  That’s what reads on my computer screen.  I don’t know.  To me it might as well be -5.  I am allergic to the cold weather.  Why do I live on a mountain, you ask?  Well, we came during spring and moved in summer.  I never experienced the cold.  Had I been here during a 25 degree morning it would’ve been the end of my expedition to Western North Carolina!  God had other plans.

I come from a tiny island in the Caribbean.  It is always warm.  I was raised in South Florida.  Sixty degrees for us Floridians is like 20 degrees for everyone else.  We get out the jackets, scarves and boots.  I know I am acclimating to this weather after three years because when it is 50 degrees here I am in tank tops and shorts.

I have been told that my problem with cold weather is the lack of clothing.  I don’t like to bundle up.  I hate wearing layers of material.  The other day as I was winterizing my closet and I was changing my sundresses to another space I became rather discontented.  I don’t enjoy the thick sweaters on my skin.  I don’t like the amount of extra crap rubbing on me.  It just isn’t a part of my DNA.  I like flowing and light fabric on me.  I love feeling the sun on my shoulders, arms and legs.  I like to get up and go and not worry about hypothermia.

This morning’s blog is not about complaining. It is about acceptance.  We will always complain about something or other when it doesn’t align with our comfort.  It can be about a job.  It can be about a relationship.  It can be about a new pet.  Whether or not you embrace the issue is not as important as making peace with it.  Is there a difference?  You betcha!  I can embrace a person who is annoying me and still feel nothing.  The moment I find peace in their presence…then I am embodying their entire spirit.  See the difference?  It is about making peace with everything around you.  You don’t have to like it.  But, if you accept the discomfort and learn from it then you have given yourself the permission to find serenity. Our egos have a hard time letting go of discomfort.  The ego will nag about it.  It will create drama, twist and turn, churning the simplest issue into the most complicated event.   Ego will always participate in the large spectacle of narcissistic behavior.  “Look at me.  I am so freaking tired of this and that!  Woe is me!  Can’t  you see how miserable I am!”

The cold is just like any other uncomfortable emotion.  It doesn’t feel good.  Depression, sadness, anger, anxiety, fear, and helplessness are unpleasant feelings.  We complain about them, sometimes allowing them to stay with us for a while.  But, just like the cold, there are options to eliminating them.  The ego will fight that rationale to no end.  “No, I’m not going to the doctor!  Nope, I am not going to talk to someone!  Absolutely, no way, am I going to address this crap!”  The emotions become waves of icy water passing through.  Just like hypothermia there can be casualties.

I have to go outside to drive my daughter to work in this wonderfully delicious Siberian weather.  As I venture to the unknown wilderness of discomfort I will make peace with the achy bones, runny nose, and the shattering of my teeth.  It is only for a short while.  What’s three to four months in a lifespan?  Really not bad!  Imagine all the discomforts we allow for ourselves in our lifetimes!  Think of all we “put up with” for years when we have choices we can make to change.

I love these mountains.  I love the seasons (minus the winter) but I can live with the cold.  However, I refuse to live with anything else that brings me discomfort.  I won’t tolerate long periods of putting myself through chaos.  Peace and tranquility are my roommates now.  Go bundle up and enjoy this day.  Keep warm and make peace with those things that you know are only momentary.  Mucho love!