Actors In A Play

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”-James Baldwin

For some time I’ve had to face a reoccurring actor in my play. I believe each of our lives is a stage. I am the play writer, the protagonist, the director and the story. Those who come in and out are actors playing a specific role in my drama. Because I am now in a place of joy, I only write comedies. So, when a specific role enters my play for audition which has been cancelled for a while, I am taken aback. It’s humorous to watch the same role of manipulator-punisher-narcissist, played by a different actor, try to bully his/her way into my play. And no matter how I explain to this actor that the role has been canned s/he will take it upon themselves to continue to antagonize me. We all know actors, they are very persistent!

It isn’t until we face that role, the archetype, that we can make peace with it. Nothing can continue less we shut down production and rewrite the script to suit our new lives. Each stage is different, with a multitude of entrances and exits. Each character brings something to the play. But until we are prepared to cancel the roles that hurt us, they will continue to enter the playhouse for auditions. Nothing can change until you face it and make a conscious decision to do so.

I am blessed to step back, center myself, and ask Spirit to take care of this particular situation. Once I sit with the story, the performance, and the scenario I can re-adjust my play. I get to decide what the next scene will look like. I am the director and producer.

May you realize the roles that you draw into your drama and accept them for the diversity and the many lessons. Every actor gets a chance to play a role in your stage. You just get to decide how long their performance will last.

Now go break a leg! Not literally….

Face Your Performance

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“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”-James Baldwin

Most recently, I have had to face a reoccurring actor in my play. I believe each of our lives is a stage play. I am the play writer, the protagonist, the director and the story. Those who come in and out are actors playing a specific role in my drama. Because I am now in a place of joy, I only write comedies. So, when a specific role enters my play for audition which hasbeen cancelled for a while, I am taken aback. It’s humorous to watch the same role of manipulator-punisher-narcissist man, played by a different actor, try to bully his way into my play. And no matter how I explain to this actor that the role has been canned he will take it upon himself to continue to antagonist me. We all know actors, they are very persistent!
It isn’t until we face that role, the archetype, that we can make peace with it. Nothing can continue less we shut down production and rewrite the script to suit our new lives. Each stage is different, with a multitude of entrances and exits. Each character brings something to the play. But until we are prepared to cancel the roles that hurt us, they will continue to enter the playhouse for auditions.
I am blessed to step back (sometimes after a long and challenging period), center myself, and ask Spirit to take care of this particular situation. Once I sit with the story, the performance, and the scenario I can re-adjust my play. May you realize the roles that you draw into your drama and accept them for the diversity and the many lessons. Look at your role in this life and everything you seem to be attracting. Own your performance, your drama, your accountability and your responsibility in every aspect of what happens to you. FACE YOUR TRUTH with compassion and love! DO NOT blame another for what you have clearly and willingly participated in creating. Just step back and stop the madness of production. You got this!

Paying an Invisible Debt

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My darling fiancé, Matt, likes to quote Mark Twain, “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.”  I am reminded that worrying solves nothing.  It’s like filling an imaginary bucket with fears.  The false impression of controlling an event is what gets us stirred up in the first place.  Everything does happen in divine order.  When he says this quote I am able to move from a small doubt to the knowing that I have no dept to pay.

Each person moves at a different spectrum especially when we are being tested with huge obstacles, events, and challenges.  Life does not happen to us.  Life happens through us. When we let go of those stressful strains that fill our spaces, trying to fill the empty bucket with anxiety, we let go of the struggles. Ah!  There is a battle always going on inside of us: ego vs. spirit.  We are such complex beings, because we are created in the image of divinity, but we fight against it. The ego loves to create the lie of separation.

It is said that time heals all wounds. This is only if and when we are ready to release what has hurt us.  I’ve known people whose wounds are older than me and are still living in the memory of the event and trauma.  Surrendering, letting go, releasing…these are all beautiful words of wisdom.  They sound simple.  It’s like telling a person who lives on adrenaline to stop and relax.  How?  How can one start to let go? How do we release the illusion of fear? Not everything that needs to be learned is pretty.  Some things are monstrous, shameful and horrendous in nature, but it is those things that require release the most.  Piggy backing secrets is a sure way of stomping growth and the flow of life. And because we are creatures of habit and patterns the fears of past events overcast the future. The distress of unknown factors create a mountain out of flat land.

I said to Matt this morning that life is an adventure.  He answered, “Not always, babe.”  I then said that not all adventures were fun, exciting, and wonderful.  Some adventures are pretty darn nasty.  I am learning everyday to throw caution to the wind or at least giving it a try.  As a friend recently said, “We can achieve anything as long as we get out of our own way.”  I am constantly reminded that what keeps me from achieving anything is me.  What allows me to grow is me. What allows me to release is me.  What releases the drama is me.  And, at times what creates the same drama is me. I am getting better at releasing and surrendering.  I don’t recognize the woman I was just a year ago, or even five months ago.  I am peeling the onion layers at a time, but instead of getting smellier as I get to the core, I am getting sweeter.  It isn’t easier to face those things that have no answers at this moment.  It can be scary.  It can be daunting.  But, I do realize the need to abandon all control to God.  His master plan is flawless, even when I don’t like it.  Life is orchestrated to be lived through layers of complexity and simplicity; dark and light, yes and no.  The duality of everything makes us, breaks us, and re-creates us.

What are you willing to surrender in order to start living an authentic life?  We all have to be honest and determine what’s important.  If your past is killing you then stop looking at the rear view mirror, you don’t live there anymore.  Sharing and letting go frees the skeletons in the closet and allows you to finally bury them in the ground.  You are only responsible for your life and your choices! Stop trying to pay debts that aren’t due or owed or even in the near future.  If you must, live one-second-at-a-time because during some circumstances living one-day-at-a-time seems like too much. And that’s all we can do to surf the wave of uncertainty.

Stopping the Drama

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I woke this morning sick of my stories, the drama I repeat, and the never ending struggle to find peace among the storms that are not real but living in my little head. It’s sickening. This BEing and just allowing is not for sissies. No one said that the spiritual walk was meant to BE a brisk-cool walk in the park! It takes massive amount of discipline and I don’t follow orders very well…even when it’s from the esoteric world. So…I got up…did my meditation…had to stop right in the middle and said, “F*@k this crap! I can do this. I have manifested incredible experiences in this lifetime. I can let this go and move on without this struggle. This is my own ego creating this shit! I am more than this scene, this stage, and this production!!!”  I got up from the sofa, went outside in the cool morning, saluted the four winds and now feel like I can keep going without this intense production that hasn’t aired in any stage but mine.

We have the complete capacity and power to change our thoughts. In those moments I feel the swirl of energy directing me into joy, faith, and love. The heart opens up when I let go of the toxic stories I retell myself. I release shame, guilt and any freaking resentment that has been attached to those one-woman acts. It’s just a shift in perception. I promise.

Sitting with a friend yesterday she said, “I wish I knew what I don’t know!” It’s amazing how those words have stuck out even throughout the night. We have a knowing and certainty at times that guides us into the most amazing places. At other times the same knowing tells us that we are missing something that we should know but we cannot reach it. It’s frustrating. Our humanness battles with divinity and spiritual processing. It’s a constant battle of patience and expectation. But, when that feeling comes up I am aware I have to remember that God is in charged. I have to believe that if I follow synchronicity and make no rash decisions I will be better than okay. I keep my mantra, “Okay, God, this or better!”

Aren’t you sick of your same old stories, drama, struggles, and total bullshit (because it is just crap)? Then change the channel…tune into the mass consciousness of love…for you and the world. Get out of your head. Get out of your way…you got this! Onward and outward, darlings….take one breath at a time and move through your knowing. I like to believe wholeheartedly that mysticism is birthed in those in between moments of not knowing what I should know. It’s in those moments like this morning when I declare enough of the same insanity and drama.  I am always cradled in spirit. I see the first step onto the dark stairwell…the rest is moving through blinded faith.

Reflections of Light

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Carl Jung said, “We meet ourselves time and again in a thousand disguises on the path of life.” I am consciously aware of this statement. Our behaviors, actions, thoughts and a million other accounts intercept, connecting you and me as a reflection of one another. Our paths intertwine, cross and perhaps for a millisecond, touch. Many spiritual practices express the need to empty the mind, the baggage of the past, as not to burden or share our toxic waste with another when we are in the worst possible space in our lives. This is always a challenge. It becomes even more so when you are trying to stay on a high vibration (of joy and optimism) and someone with a lower negative one comes into your space. What does one do in order not to let their issues become yours? How can we remain in a place of compassion and not carry their issues? How can we truly help another unless we see ourselves through their eyes?

A wise friend several years ago shared a small lesson in how to deal with others. She said that we are all mirror images of one another reflecting the duality of darkness and light. The things that irritate me in someone else are usually things I need to look at and investigate in myself. If they didn’t become magnified through those annoying moments then there is nothing that pertains to me. The ego takes a beating when we start to be honest with our darkness. Egotism rises to a level that can create psychological fragments causing illnesses, depression, and disorders. No one ever wants to admit their ugliness, which is not monstrous…it’s part of our humanness teaching us through those emotions, actions, and lessons. The more we start digging in our psyche the angrier Ego gets. But, in order to see the true image in others with love (the good and the bad) one has to empty out the crap inside. It’s a must! It’s also work in progress. Just when you think you dealt with one trait…bang..another one comes up like a nasty pimple to the surface. My friend suggested to truly look at those qualities and imperfections with love. I believe in doing so we transcend to a place of oneness and unconditional acceptance. You don’t have to condone or take on their issues and behavior, but you can understand that they are parts pertaining to each of us.

We are all created in pure perfection of Divinity. There is no one less or more; exceptional or depleted; wiser or thoughtless. The spectrum of reality is all an illusion. We get to choose those parts in another, the disguises, that accommodate us well. I am learning that when someone’s costumes and drama brings out the worst in me I need to truly listen to what is not being said. I try to remain kind as much as possible. I don’t do confrontations. I refuse to be nasty, especially if that person is having a nasty moment. Two elevated-angry souls is a recipe for disaster. I often step back and watch the disguise peel off, the inner child evolving and standing naked, as the reality of what brought that moment hits the surface. I begin to see the reflection of me ego-less. I believe our oneness is what creates the whole of us…together in this small blue planet. I begin to witness life through a different lens. I am not having to remove myself completely or run from the situation. I can stand there in my nakedness as well and be vulnerable.

We really are not what happens to us along the way. We are every decision we choose to believe and accept. We are unfinished compositions of art painted through love, strokes of genius, and divine colors of light. Let the light in you always reflect the light in me. I have to remember that we are always staring at mirrors of the inner child. And, what do children love more than anything? To love, laugh, and play! Love and light, my friends!

I Need To Change

acceptance

The Dalai Lama says that “love is the absence of judgment.”  I agree and realize I must be the first to change.  I judge those who judge others. It starts with me.  How do I do it? How do I refrain from my own discrimination, ignorance, evaluations, and misunderstandings?  I know words are impeccable so if I don’t begin in changing my language there is no difference in me and anyone else that I am judging.

Love is the absence of everything unjust and the presence of all that exists.  To truly love we must accept those who are different.  I sit listening to the background of news as my husband watches on the Internet and I get irritated.  I glance at the images and scenes from the Middle East, Europe, Africa, and home. I hear all the political mumbo-jumbo, the promises, the state of anger that politics and religion bring up in our world. I don’t know how to stay in my own skin and not judge the hatred and bigotry.  I am no different.  I have my own conceptual ideas about how the world would be run if everyone put down their weapons for five minutes and looked at each other as brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, and friends. I have my own beliefs about waking humanity up and showing them how all of this crap is a game of illusions and a way to control the masses through beating them with fear. We need five minutes of staring into another’s soul. We need to try and walk in their shoes without attacking first.  I cannot understand the harshness, the reasons for these wars, the mass killings, and the way they derive from belief systems.  I understand fear. I understand hatred because of uncertainty and unknowns. I understand the things that create injustice.  I am not blinded by this reality that is created by the collective groups who feed on our anxieties and fears. I am no different in the emotions that conjure up and the rage that appears from a place that’s ugly, uncomfortable, and unrighteous.  I have my own beliefs. I just don’t go around slapping people to wake up with a lavender twig to smell the fragrance of love.  My hippie mentality cannot change how anyone thinks or can it? Can I just allow the love in spite of the indifference? Absolutely!

Words! All we have are words.  I am learning to use mine wisely.  I am adjusting the filters and stepping back many times to share what needs to be said without diving into the drama. Yet, when I am alone in thoughts and prayers I beat myself up for not setting a boundary, not saying my truth, and not really participating fully in another’s issue.  Ego is a bitch in solitary moments. Isn’t this judgment?  How am I to love deeply if I don’t let it all go?  I feel and believe that I love wholeheartedly.  I love fiercely with an immense amount of compassion for the weak, the hurt, and the misunderstood.  I am a sucker for the underdog.  It is the ones who know better that I have a problem with and test the perception of acceptance.  It is said that we project and reflect from one another.  What does this say of my character?  When events like this happen my judgment goes up and creates a barrier where the light of love can’t even get through.  I need to change! I need to love without choices, without picking, without deciding who really needs it more.  Who am I to manage such immensity of emotions while selecting the human race? Who put me in charged of The Judgment Police Department?  I don’t get to learn from the ones who agree with me.  I get the opportunity to reflect, refrain, and restrain from those who hurt me or don’t agree with my thoughts.  They are the best of teachers.  So, I do need to change and will make the effort immediately.   I don’t want my love and trust in others to die because of my lack of knowledge and empathy for their beliefs.  Who am I to create such turmoil of energy unto another?   I want love to live in me, through me, from me, and be without any stipulations.  Even when another is coming full force with hateful words, judgment, and ignorance I want to have an open heart while setting healthy boundaries.  The most challenging process of these archetype lessons is staying grounded, present, and accepting that which is different.  It is in that difference that the world resides fully.  It is in that moment of impact when another is being hateful that love lights the way.  Oh…I do need to change, evolve, and mature in so many ways to be considered a loving humanitarian. I need to adjust the sails in this journey with letting go, forgiveness, and awareness. It starts with me.  Can you join me?

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.” ~ Anais Nin

Simple is Osm!

Yesterday I was running errands down in Asheville with my friend, Nichole and her daughter, Sophia.  Nichole and I are having an intense conversation about God-knows what, when Sophia, from the backseat asks how to spell the word “mountains.”  Nichole spells it out for her.  Sophia says, “That’s a big word.”  Nichole answers, “They are big mountains.”  End of questions.

Simplicity is like that.  We are constantly trying to complicate the smallest of issues.  We make them larger than what they are.  Rather than seeing the moment as an opportunity we create the elaborate plays with protagonists, antagonists, and schemes.  A simple question turns into a melodramatic event.  Things are mostly pretty simple, except with illnesses, losses, and finances.  And, even then a drastic change in just one habit (changing jobs, new diet, seeing a doctor, etc.) can have different results.  That simple!

I laughed when I heard the mother-daughter conversation.  I can’t count the endless times I would give my children simple answers to the most elaborate questions.  I never made a big deal or enlarged their curious minds.  I wanted them to stay grounded while figuring things out.  I would say, “Use your imagination.”  Every question has an answer…it is how you present it.

Whenever we step back from a situation and truly stop the chit-chatter ego we can see that it isn’t that difficult.  It might be challenging but things always happen for a reason.  You might not like what is happening or why it is appearing in your path, but the result is usually about allowing and letting go.  The biggest problems require big amount of faith.  Sitting back and doing nothing won’t get results but allowing your spirit to find the simple and most effective answer is all you can ask from the Universe.

I will forever remember how Sophia spells the word “awesome.” She wrote an essay for her first grade class about living in the mountains.  She wrote, “It is osm.”  And that’s my definition of a simple life.  Have a great smooth-sailing day!

Awards & Nominations

From time to time I get nominated for some sweet blog awards that require me to answer a few questions about myself and then nominate a list of other blogs that inspire me.  I am constantly being inspired by a daily list of bloggers (too many to list).  These awards feel more like obligation rather than an award.  I have to admit I am horrible about following directions and adding or doing anything that requires more than a two process action.  Literally I go on a meltdown.  It overwhelms me.  I thank you all for your constant support.  It is shocking to me that anyone would stop by, read my blog, and then add me to an award and/or nomination.  I am always flattered and touched.  Usually, I am so touched that I get a little weepy.  The biggest award anyone can give me is your time to stop by and read the things I write.  So please without feeling rejected or thinking I am self-absorbed I will no longer be accepting blogging awards.   Your presence on my page, feedback, thoughts and sweet comments are more than enough I could ask for!!!!!

Here are 30 little facts about me:

1.  I am an extremely sarcastic person.  This is not a trait I brag about.  The words that sometimes come out of my mouth seem to be pushed out by an unknown force.  Luckily most of my friends and family are very sarcastic as well.   The older I get the less filtering I seem to have.

2.  I am a huge Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fan, so much so that I have a figurine in my car of Michelangelo who is my favorite.  Consequently I can watch the movies over and over and zone out.

3.  I hate talking on the phone.  Actually I loathe it more than anything.  I have zero phone etiquette.  If it wasn’t for the fact that I have to have a phone for my business I would actually not have a phone at all.

4.  My favorite color is green.  My least favorite is yellow.

5.  I love hiking and being in nature.  I am grateful to be living in the most beautiful mountain range.

6.  My kids raised me into motherhood.   I don’t know who I would be without them.  They have been my best teachers in life.

7.  I have an amazing circle of friends and family.   I love to entertain at home.  I enjoy watching people truly relax and interact with each other.

8.  My favorite time of the day is morning time.  I love the quietness and stillness of entering into a new day and being totally grateful for the extra chance to do things right…one more time.

9.  I am very impatient with myself.  I have lots of patience with others but when it comes to me, patience is non-existence.

10.  I am Puerto Rican but speak Spanish like a Cuban.  Years of being with a Cuban man left the gift of that accent.   Consequently, most people think I am from New York even though I’ve only visited NYC twice.

11.  I love sunflowers, blue skies, warm weather, and endearing words.  “Sweetie, darling, honey, or baby” start most of my sentences when having a friendly conversation.

12.  I try to laugh as much as possible.  I am goofy and rarely take myself seriously.  Overall, I am a happy person.   Laughter is one of my favorite sounds.

13.  I have no tolerance for intolerance, prejudice, gossip, ignorance, bigotry and stupidity.

14.  I love high heel shoes.  Since I moved to the country I rarely wear them but when I go back to visit family in the city I indulge in my heels.

15.  I try to meditate every morning for at least 20 minutes.

16.  I write every day.  I have thousands of poems, too many journals, and most of them are truly depressing from my past.

17.  I cry easily….in happy moments and in sad ones.  It doesn’t take much to get me weepy.

18.  I love books, coffee, teas, warm socks and a perfect quote, not necessarily in that order.

19.   I avoid confrontations as much as possible.  Also avoid anything to do with heated discussions such as political views and religions.

20.  I love entertainment magazines or news.  Could care less about world events but start talking about movie stars and my interest is peeked.  It’s a sickness and I should get help for it.

21.  I am an avid reader sometimes read several books a week.

22.  I don’t follow directions.  Whether it is for an address, building something, or recipes I cannot stay focus long enough.

23.  I believe we are here on earth to learn and experience as much as possible from each other.  Everything that happens has a purpose.  You must take the good with the bad and absorb it.  Thank God for the journey!  I also believe in the power of intention, the law of attraction, and the law of allowance.

24.  I am a giver and have a really hard time receiving anything…even compliments.

25.  I love rocks…especially heart-shaped ones.  I look for love everywhere.  Call me a hopeless romantic.

26.  I think in absolutes, yeses, and definite.  I jump into things spontaneously without thinking of consequences.

27.  I am a huge hugger and touchy feely type of person.   I also will talk to just about anyone or anything for that matter.    One of my favorite things is to listen to others tell stories about themselves.

28. I am morbidly afraid of lizards…the only thing I fear.

29.  I love traveling, meeting new cultures, and experiencing the world in a way that I can connect the lines back to me.

30.  I love reading all of your blogs.

Now you know some useless information about me.  I hope this makes up for all the award nominations.   Thank you for your constant support with my site.  This blogging experience has enriched my life because I am being inspired by so many amazing writers every day.  I have become attached to some of you like if I’ve known you all of my life…Much love and light always…Millie

Movie Magic

All of my life I have lived fascinated and loving movies.  I remember being a little girl in Puerto Rico and the first theatre experience.  My mother took me and my grandmother to watch The Poseidon Adventure.  I was too young to be able to read the subtitles in Spanish and I didn’t understand English.  But, we sat on the third row of a full movie theatre and I was mesmerized.  Every emotion from fear to shock went through me at age 5.  Watching the terror and the ship sink…I had nightmares for weeks.  The impact that the film left in me wasn’t so much about the story.  I watched magic on a screen.  That’s when my love affair with movies began.

When I was a mother of my two sons in my early twenties we would go to the movies every Saturday.  They watched everything.  If it was inappropriate I would close their eyes and tell them to put their hands over their little ears.  I think back now to the movies I saw with them and feel horrible for taking them to sit through them.  Today they thank me for it.  They say I enriched their “artistic passions.” Nelson’s first movie was when he was 6 weeks old which was Die Hard.  Patrick’s first movie, at a month old was Terminator 2.  They both love movies.  Nelson graduated from film school.  He is a cinematographer.  His girlfriend is also a graduate from film and has made a movie.  Patrick is my little Jim Carrey and I wish he went into acting.  Time will tell!

Living in Orlando, while Nelson attended college, my home was used for filming a commercial and a feature film by the students.  I am very aware of what it takes to create “magic” that touches so many of us.  When we moved to this little place in the mountains we found out that a few years ago a movie called All the Real Girls had scenes shot in this motel.  So, when a neighbor recently came to me to see if she could film scenes for her movie, The Box, I was delighted.  The crew is also staying here.

Today is the first day of filming.  As I write this, I am watching the crew set up for a scene outside my window.  The lighting is being installed, microphones situated, and all the cool gadgets that allow “magic” to appear in a screen.  It is exciting, fascinating and just great fun.  It takes a lot of people and a lot of preparation to make an everlasting documentation that makes for entertainment.

Movies allow for us to escape for a little bit.  They teach, guide and bring up all sorts of emotions.  They touch our psyche, psychology and emotional bodies.  I love them.  Just like a great book, a movie can touch places in your heart that mark a lifetime of memories: a first date, the last movie watched in a relationship, the first movie watched with your child, the last one watched with a parent, your first kiss, and so on.  Last year when The Hunger Games was shot in this area we were too busy to go to some of the sets.  Had Keanu Reeves been in the movie, I would have closed down the retreat center.  There has to be an exception to every rule.  Just sayin’!!!