Mystical Dreams

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I watch from the trees

swinging on a hammock

the earth swaying with the wind.

Lost in my journal,

a jungle of words

sit waiting for the gathering

of fire and hearth.

The creek never stops the flow

descending,

cascading privately

downhill

a memorized path

while I keep holding on

to the bark rooted inside

of me.

Wind chimes dance to

an alto gypsy symphony

resembling Irish moors

long ago in a remote

country side.

The flapping of wings

flutter all around me,

embracing the openness

as I emerge from here to there

through waking dreams

in the gorge of a private forest.

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Healing From A Broken Heart

 

broken heart love

You meet someone. You fall deeply in love and then life happens and the relationship ends. Sometimes it’s timing. Other times it’s through the loss of death. And yet, in many other cases it was the need to mature and grow as individuals apart. A dear friend recently asked me, “How can you continue in other relationships? What do you do when you realize that your heart belongs to someone else?” I pondered long and hard. I thought about my own love affairs, those who still hold and tug my heart in places that I will never release. But, in a world that is driven by romance novels and movies it’s really difficult to decipher what you should do when the heart chooses to love another. It’s almost impossible to explain to another what you are feeling inside. I couldn’t answer my friend at the time, but here are six questions to ask in order to heal from an intense break-up:

1. Was he or she really “the one?” We perceive that there is only “one” great love. There could be many “ones.” There might be “the one” who knew your every move and story; the one who was the best kisser; the one who was the best comedian; the one who loved your children. “The one” is a concept we have created to personalize that one person who was the best at a certain thing. The worst thing you can do is tell another who is hurting, “time heals all wounds,” or “you will heal from this.” There is no time limit on hurt and grieving. The heart knows what it wants. Sometimes we neglect to appreciate what we have until it’s over. It’s a human default. It has little to do with intelligence. The heart may just be owned by an ex forever. You can try to substitute it with drugs, alcohol, sex or other addictions, but it’s truly difficult to move on. And, that’s okay! You don’t have to figure things out today. It might take years before making peace with how you feel. Every so often, those loves re-enter our lives. Because of lessons and growth, we appreciate them in a profound level that was never there before.

2. What was the thing that connected you? When we are in other relationships we create a false perception of what we are missing. Life happens through us, not to us. People move on. We are bombarded with quotes about missing love, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” There is a reason you are now in another relationship. This person touched you in some way. There was a new connection. But, there are also those who do not move into other relationships. They are paralyzed by the loss. The connection was over. Can you remain friends with an ex-lover? Can you still partake in their lives without sex? Can you continue that relationship while starting another? These are questions only you can answer honestly.

3. What did you learn from the relationship? Every relationship brings lessons. There is a time and place for each one. The deeper the connection, the harder the challenges. Intense relationships have a way of turning us upside down, right side up and in circles. They don’t just go away after they have existed in your life. It doesn’t matter if it was a love affair in your teens, a two-week fling, or years of sharing a life with children and family. Relationships force us to grow and learn in ways that can break and mend us. If you can revisit with that person, what would you say to him/her? What would you say was their purpose in your life? Cutting past chords of love is truly difficult when you know that your heart was given solely to that person. It’s never easy to take full responsibility for our behaviors. How you act with another is a reflection of your own insecurities.

4. Was it lust or love? We tend to mix the two. Lust drives us to lose our minds in the process of sharing with a lover. We feel things in a physical level that clouds the mind. Love, however, will continue to poke and force you to stay without restrictions. Ask yourself if it was a physical relationship or one that transcends through time? Some lovers leave imprints that cannot be forgotten. In bed it was magical, but outside in the real world, it was disastrous. You must decide if what you are missing is the sexual connection or was this a life partner that completely had your back in all your decisions?

5. Why did it end? This is one of the most honest questions you can ask yourself. You can make a mistake once. If you make it more than that it is considered a decision. You chose to stay or leave. There is usually a pattern that you can track. Was he or she selfish with their time and needs? Was it a possessive relationship? Where you taken for granted? Did you feel appreciated? Where you heard and understood? Was it timing? You may ask yourself many other questions. There is always one or two authentic reasons that the relationship ended (unless death pulled you apart).

6. Are you replacing him/her with another without healing? Most people have no clue that they will enter other relationships with similar traits. Awareness is absent when hurt takes over. How do you get over someone that made you come alive? Often times you replace them with familiarity. Being honest with yourself about how you feel in this new relationship will serve as a marking point. It’s not fair to your new mate, or yourself, if you are still holding on to another who (you feel) stole your heart. Healing doesn’t happen over night. Healing requires pulling out roots and seeing things without pointing the finger to your ex. Healing is about you and coming to terms with the reality that maybe, perhaps, your instincts were letting you know that the relationship was toxic. Not all lovers raise us to the highest form of love.

How do you heal from a past love? There is no one set answer. I am definitely no expert in matters of love. Each person is different. What I do believe is that you must take care of yourself. You must find a place to love yourself beyond anyone else. It’s not selfish. It’s not egotistical. It’s self-love. It’s imperative to allow time the space to gently introduce another in your life. Jumping from one to another adds to the intensity of loss. Your heart might never feel what it did with “the one,” but a new “one” might just show you a deeper form of love that reflects who you really are.

 Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake & help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.” ~ Mandy HaleThe Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

Do not feed the fears

do not feed fears

There have been several break-ins in our little town the past few weeks. It’s rare that anything happens around here. I have heard the stories…on and off as cautionary tales of what needs doing. My husband has declared getting more weapons. I cannot begin to express the anxiety this issue causes me. I DO NOT like guns. This morning at around 5AM when the dog needed to go out, he ran across the dark front lawn chasing something, and my heart began to race up to my throat. My husband was at work and all I could think of was, “This is NOT how I live my life!” I think I said it out loud as I called for the dog to come inside. I do not entertain this fear. I spent all of my childhood living with a mother who feared anything and everything because of the news. We lived in a prison of what if’s. I cannot move into that energy. I refuse to feed the fears that others live by. I know there are bad people in this world. I know there are savages. I understand there is mental illnesses, hatred and arrogance. I get the drug and alcohol addictions and how they guide personalities into doing bad-unthinkable things. I know the world is full of atrocities, horrific acts, and devastating events. I don’t live in that world of looking over my shoulders and expecting something to happen. I am not that person. Call me naive, stupid, delusional, crazy…whatever you care to label me…I don’t participate in fears. Moreover I have a hard time understanding how others choose to live in that mentality. No judgement! This is no way to live because I cannot participate in what may happen tomorrow. That’s not living! I am not responsible for another person’s choices that may include me.

Want to know what scares me? The buying into the fear of these acts. I know friends get frustrated with me when I repeat myself over and over that I don’t go to that dark place. My husband gets irritated because he solves everything with a military mentality. (Fairies and unicorns aren’t gonna save me if someone comes into this house). I cannot buy into this mentality. I will not. I am not wired that way. To me arrogance, bigotry, injustice, racism, and other things shake me. Confrontations make my heart ache. But, living under the energy of waiting for something to happen….no way. A violent rape at 18 took care of the notion that you have control of your world and surrounding events. If someone is going to break in while I am here then I will cross that bridge…and not with a gun or sword in hand. Meantime I will not feed the fears because that feeling that I felt early this morning is foreign, shocking and disgusting to my nervous system. I leave those emotions in the hands of others…it does not work for me. That simple!

Intrusion of personal space comes in many forms. Living with the anticipation and anxiety, with gun in hand every time something goes thump in the night….that is some scary shitty emotion. You create a vacuum of negative input attracting that which you fear. No way, no how! My life is not lived in such a manner. The privilege of living is an adventure and not all adventures are fun. But, I will continue to believe that I am watched over by a Divine Spirit. It’s a conscious choice and I believe what I believe. Miracles happen all the time in my life because of this. May you choose your thoughts wisely! It’s imperative to do so…do not live a life looking over your shoulders. That’s not really living! This is not why we are here on this earth.

Secrets of a Joyful Journey

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Look at you

trying to carry the world

on your shoulders

while feeling unhappiness,

sharing sad stories,

playing the martyr

in this drama of life.

You are only responsible for you

and all that you create

in your life.

Don’t you know that you get

to choose your thoughts?

Don’t you get that

each emotion

is of your creation?

You want a decent life?

You want peace, faith, and security?

You first have to get out of

your thoughts,

your past beliefs of control,

and finally trust in the mysteries of the Universe.

Step out into the unknown,

live simple and consciously.

Laugh until joy sheds tears

cleaning your face of turmoil,

mapping the outline of divinity.

Love everyone

as they are, even those who’ve

hurt your inner core.

They played their role

in teaching you about

strength, acceptance, and worth.

Forgive yourself,

and then the rest will fade

into a mystical abyss.

Don’t look into the mirror of the past,

focus on the road ahead…

you will never be able

to make a U-turn.

If you are compelled to judge,

take a look at your imperfections first,

witness their beauty,

and accept all the lessons

they have taught you.

When you speak

first let a smile

polish your teeth,

breathe deeply,

and use comforting words,

even in the darkest moments

the sound of sweetness

can light the way.

The world won’t feel so heavy

and eventually you will not

be carrying it on your shoulders

because you will have

become the world

and all who inhabit it.

Face Your Performance

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“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”-James Baldwin

Most recently, I have had to face a reoccurring actor in my play. I believe each of our lives is a stage play. I am the play writer, the protagonist, the director and the story. Those who come in and out are actors playing a specific role in my drama. Because I am now in a place of joy, I only write comedies. So, when a specific role enters my play for audition which hasbeen cancelled for a while, I am taken aback. It’s humorous to watch the same role of manipulator-punisher-narcissist man, played by a different actor, try to bully his way into my play. And no matter how I explain to this actor that the role has been canned he will take it upon himself to continue to antagonist me. We all know actors, they are very persistent!
It isn’t until we face that role, the archetype, that we can make peace with it. Nothing can continue less we shut down production and rewrite the script to suit our new lives. Each stage is different, with a multitude of entrances and exits. Each character brings something to the play. But until we are prepared to cancel the roles that hurt us, they will continue to enter the playhouse for auditions.
I am blessed to step back (sometimes after a long and challenging period), center myself, and ask Spirit to take care of this particular situation. Once I sit with the story, the performance, and the scenario I can re-adjust my play. May you realize the roles that you draw into your drama and accept them for the diversity and the many lessons. Look at your role in this life and everything you seem to be attracting. Own your performance, your drama, your accountability and your responsibility in every aspect of what happens to you. FACE YOUR TRUTH with compassion and love! DO NOT blame another for what you have clearly and willingly participated in creating. Just step back and stop the madness of production. You got this!