Shine On

Many years ago riding through Tuscany I fell in love… with the landscape… with sunflowers. It was early morning and I was mesmerized by the way the fields of flowers all saluted the sun, turning slowly to greet it. They would turn to each other as well. I thought to myself then, “I want to salute the light everyday like that! I want to be that kind of beauty!”

And, it’s a choice. I get to mindfully choose that as often as possible.

It’s a conscious shift in perception. It’s about pausing and taking in a sacred moment.

So today I rise to light and follow it with beauty. I recognize my own strength and Divinity. I search for that in others. I look into you and me… and them for it, always witnessing the soul turning towards that higher illumination of divine wisdom.

I see it and smile when I meet a stranger. I look through infinite eyes for it. The divine in me recognizes the divine in others.

Follow that light from within. Follow your intuition. Remember your power. You are exquisite. Yummilicious. Lovely. And full of sunny rays of hope, faith and love.

Shine on, darlings!

Go For It

I don’t have an answer to what you are suppose to do tomorrow. I ask that you follow the yearning… your soul’s most fierce desire. It might take one day. It might take forty years. Perhaps there are things you have to learn before getting to that moment.

I don’t know.

You have the answers. We always know. We just have to listen to our own guidance instead of everyone else.

So start with your desire. Follow through with your imagination. Let the universe align to it all. You aren’t meant to be here to struggle like this. We aren’t put here for that.

Make sure you are allowing positive thoughts to dictate your days. This shi(f)t isn’t always easy. But it is YOUR story and what you do with it.

You are magic. Start acting like it. Now get out there and raise your vibration to LOVE. Everything you desire is on the other side of fear. Go get it. Move through love. That’s where it begins… and ends.

I love you.

Opinions and Expectations

We judge (and criticize) based on our experiences. If someone is not the same religion, or political party, or looks and acts the same as you then there is a lack of them filling your expectations. The speculations arise from the difference. There is fear at times of the unknown and lack of understanding. The insecurities may rise to the top of the list.

If you are too lovey dovey you are too needy.
If you are too positive you are bypassing all human experiences.
If you use crystals and burn sage you are not Christian because you are a witch.
If you cuss you are a bad uneducated person.
If you are too trusting you are naive and gullible.
If you share too much spiritual stuff you are a fake wanna-be guru.
If you speak your truth you are arrogant and a know-it-all.
If you don’t participate in every argument you are weak and afraid to stand up for yourself.
If you have a sarcastic sense of humor you are hiding major trauma.
If you let your kids watch too much television you are an uncaring parent.
If you send love and light to the world you are a new-agey hippie.
If you aren’t fighting for a cause you may be a closet racist.
If you are overweight you have low self esteem.

I am certain you can add to the list. If you do anything that is outside of other people’s perspectives there will be judgment.

You can only meet someone at the level of their awareness and experiences. Your opinion of me and others is based on your expectations. When those expectations aren’t met you immediately judge.

Guess what fixes that?
Getting rid of your expectations and accepting others as imperfect and learning from their diversities. We are all truly trying to walk each other home. All day. Every day.

Guess what else alters this state of speculations?
Loving folks as they are. Meeting people where they are emotionally, physically and spiritually. We need more open-minded-closed-mouth souls on this planet. We don’t need categorizing anyone. Not hurting them because they are different. Not using past experiences as markers for all future events. Forgiving and letting go of shit are imperative at this time.

IT IS TIME TO COME TOGETHER AND NOT TEAR EACH OTHER APART. Who the hell left anyone in charged of this planet that we are fighting for freaking rights that shouldn’t even be questioned? We are all of the human race.

We are living in the most intense times of our lives as the massive collective consciousness shift is happening. Most traumas and triggers are coming up because it’s time to release them. We are healing. We are shedding old beliefs. If you can’t handle those issues with the people you love then it’s time to truly reconsider your relationships. Love means loving the entirety of a person, not choosing and picking the parts that align with yours.

Be gentle, darlings! There is so much anger out there and it’s shocking to our systems. My heart is cracked open. I am feeling it deeply. I love you.

Be the love

Good morning sweet souls! I woke this morning with a full heart after actually sleeping a full night. Sleep is underrated, I tell you.

We continue to move through defining moments in humanity. Whether your beliefs are different, or your moral ideas are not in agreement, we can honestly say that love is something that changes the world. I am quite often perplexed by the few who truly don’t understand that we are of Oneness in this planet. Our lessons are about learning soul to soul lessons. We can always input religion and politics in all arguments but the truth is that we are made from love to love another. No one should tell us who we can love. No one should tell us how to live either. But we must be open minded and open hearted with one another. It is in our diversities that we truly shine.

I see all souls embodied and dressed as characters in this life. We have costumes. We play our parts. And, like all great plays there must be two sides: the protagonist and the antagonist. It’s part of our duality. At the end of the day it shouldn’t matter what we believe is right or wrong. What should matter is that we walk this life with an open understanding of love and compassion.

The indifference of mind and thoughts push and teach us. We expand consciousness with new thoughts and get to pick and choose how we evolve spiritually in this life. So…I ask…because it saddens me to see such separation and division, and I witness it constantly through small conversations, reading, and overhearing: please pick love regardless of what you believe. We are love. The Divine provided us with this imminent force of nature that allows us to care for another outside of ourselves.

Don’t discriminate. Don’t judge without truly walking the walk. We are together in this race called the human race (at this time in a flipping marathon killing each other to get to some imaginary end line). Let’s make it a special one.

I love you. I love you. I love you regardless of our differences and opinions. Allow your humanity to come through and accept another without so much anger and hatred. That’s not very spiritual or Godlike. It’s yucky and unnatural and tarnishes character! It shows the world that you’ve been hiding behind a mask and now all bets are off. We can agree to disagree because that’s our part in this play. But, BE the love that put you here to be.

Have a blessed day and embrace this new massive conscious shi(f)t happening. It’s been a long time coming! It is exciting to witness the evolution of the planet going on right now. Let your epiphanies shift you into something more!!! 💕💜😘

Rebellious at Heart

I have a rebellious nature… at times. I’ve tamed it in the last few years. I am stubborn (to a fault) and I don’t give up easily on the things that make my soul expand. My tenacity has helped me build many lives in this one. It has also cost me heartache at times because I stick to what I believe. When I do give up it is because I’ve lost interest in chasing what didn’t deserve me or barricaded me along the way. When I surrender it is because I have felt the universe tell me to stop, usually because my physical body has been affected.

I suspect I will be that old lady in the future that at family gatherings will say shocking things. I may share way too much about things I’ve kept for myself. I may be interrupted or taken out of the room while pushing a walker cursing up a storm. I know I’ll love hard, and loudly, even if I get angry. I will use my rebellion to fight for those I love forever. I will fight for what I believe… including the underdogs, misfits and those who have lost their way. I will continue to remind them of their light even when mine may be flickering and dimming.

When I leave this earth my children will remember my sarcasm and the way I loved them without an ounce of indifference. They will remember my twisted sense of humor and laugh out loud.

I can still climb a fence. A very, very, short one. I may hurt myself but I will give it my all. What I will never ever get hurt climbing is loving another even when it’s not reciprocated. I will never get hurt climbing the mountain of goals and dreams. I will never get hurt climbing my way through this moment in history because I believe there is magic on the other side.

Musical Chairs

Several years ago when I was in the social work field I had a conversation with a co-worker and she shared a story about one of her clients who recently departed our world. We were talking about doing volunteer hospice work if we had money to spare. I told her I was fascinated by the end of life and folks transitioning, especially those who are ready. And for those who struggled, they allowed me to just sit in sacred space and hold their hands. These were precious and priceless moments in my life.

She said one day she went to visit her client and she asked her how she was handling her ending?
Her sweet elderly woman, who had been a missionary for many years, a woman of huge amount of faith, said…“I’m moving from one chair to another. Is that not okay?”

I stared at my co-worker. My eyes began to water. That was such an insightful and beautiful analogy of end-of-life transition. I got chills. From that statement I knew she was a woman who had lived with grace.

I feel life is like that: moving from chair to chair trying to find the most comfortable one.

It takes pure divine “knowing” to accept all of it. It’s in the simple awareness that we are just moving from one form of matter into another.

The joy of life is to continue moving from chair to chair while finding the magic of what it holds for our spirit. The trick is finding the greatest chair while playing music and enjoying it as long as possible in complete love and acceptance with a lovely view.

I Hold Space

For as long as I can remember I have ached to live or travel to the edge of civilization. I have craved to hear stories told and shared from all corners of the world. I’ve wanted to touch and inhale the essence of humanity, the borders of humanness. I’ve been studying empathy, compassion and what moves us to be who we are. I’ve been fascinated by spiritual and philosophical issues. The irony of this has been that I’ve received more than my share the last few months in isolation. I’ve witnessed the evolution of our civilization in the last week. And I marvel at how much I will learn in the near future.

We’ve gone from witnessing horrible and atrocious deaths of black men to partially opening up a country that’s been affected by a killer virus.

The virus has taken backseat the last few days. It’s become about our constitutional civil rights. The fight has been well overdue. Folks who were locked down for months have taken themselves out there for their rights… because let’s face it, whether it’s a disease/pandemic or racism, there is a virus.

One doesn’t care about your race to kill you. The other is a learned behavior and programming that has been around since the beginning of time.

People are dying. From both. The pandemic has nothing on racism that has been killing and torturing people forever. Racism has used religion and politics as part of its ignorance and fear.

These months have allowed me to truly take my Sunday’s into sacredness. I space out the day in my mind to accommodate God and pray. Even if I’m out with the kids in the yard, I am in my most spiritual presence sending love and healing into the energetic fields. I am mindful and extremely present in my day. I take in the journey from the edges of humanity and really try to breathe love into all the corners.

Today I am empty. I have nothing. I woke not knowing anything while trying to figure out how we will move through the state of our country and the world. I watched some of the protest videos. I ask myself, “What is all of this mounting to? Where will we be in a few weeks? How can we resolve what has been here unjustly forever? What will be on the other side…?”

So for a bit I will just entertain the idea that our lives are massively evolving into something indescribable. We are awakening to a totally different world. We are leveling up as avatars in some cosmic game. Each level gets more complicated and challenging. We will utilize our truths and knowings to move on and evolve. We will heal. We will find a way towards peace. We will rise together from the flames of many injustices. The last few months have had many folks living in fear. That was nothing in comparison to what needs to happen.

Continue keeping your peace. Continue raising your frequency to love and forgiveness. Let’s remain humble. Let’s hold space for others who are experiencing so many emotions at this time. It’s chaotic. It’s intense and we are experiencing new levels of perspectives, awareness, tied to our own individual truths. Sending love to all.

A New Dawn

Photo from Blue Ridge Parkway.

Change is here. Everything has changed for me and others. As I sit on my back deck I catch myself reminiscing about the beginning of this year and all the plans I had. I’m sure we all had trips planned, career goals, lifestyle changes and so much more in our thoughts.

The last few months there has been a freeing and release. I’ve let go of expectations and all the goals I had for 2020. There has been a spiritual expansion that has allowed me to truly work on some beautiful projects at home and within myself. Huge shifts have happened and continue to evolve. Witnessing spring in full bloom somehow matches part of my emotional and spiritual journey at this time.

I am turning. I am also transforming from one season into another. I recognize the desire to continue moving inward. It’s in upcoming months that I will watch and learn what humanity is made of. I have faith in the human race. I trust we’ve learned some powerful lessons lately.

The last few months have brought a huge awareness of what and who I allow in my life since social distancing has been a powerful experience. I have rid myself of major toxic energy. I have learned to protect myself from things that would bring others down. It’s been a wonderful gift of bearing down and letting go. It’s been a season of exposure from darkness into light. The world has been undergoing the dark night of the soul.

Things may appear to be back to normal as the world opens up. It may feel that we can get right back to what was routine a few months ago. Be gentle with how you proceed. Be cautious with your decisions. Be mindful of how you show up with others.

I don’t feel is possible to go back to normalcy. I have grown way too much to just dive right back to “what was” when “what is” feels so different. It feels like a different world to me. Even the energy of the collective is nothing like it was at the beginning of the year.

We’ve had a giant global pause and to disregard it is a real atrocity. It is a gigantic loss. What an experience to witness humanity at its most vulnerable state! To just go back to what was is basically bulldozing all that has been mastered and accomplished. We’ve been clearing individual toxicity.

We’ve been put in timeout and so much of our own tramas and triggers have come up and out. You can’t just dismiss that by returning to your previous normal.

I have seen mysticism all around me. I mean, remember when the sweet Italians were serenading to each other across balconies? How neighbors sat in their yards to talk to others with distance. How about all the creativity that has come out of this lockdown? How the animals came out of the forests to roam freely? How about the smog all over the planet, clearing up? Our appreciation for healthcare workers, teachers and others has been magnificent. People began to connect on a deeper level because for once we were all experiencing the same shift.

There is tremendous gratitude for my life and those I love beyond words. Seasons may come and go but my inner circle of friends and family continue to warm my heart all year long. I have met so many new people on social media. The world out there has changed. I can not deny the expansion.

Slow down and watch the world around you. I know you will get out there and return to your busyness but please remember the good things about the last few months. Recall how you were able to “just be” for the first time in forever. I am sorry if you have lost a lot during the crisis, especially a loved one. I know many who are in financial shambles. Folks are grieving. Let’s not forget about what has happened too quickly just to get back to business as usual.

There is a magnificent shift in our timelines happening right now. All we have to do is pay attention for the changes…the small and the large ones. We get to decide how we show up from here on and it will be interesting to watch.

It’s a new dawn. Rise to it.

I see you.
I honor you.
I love you.

Quarantine

It’s the 52nd day of staying-home-safe for me and my family. It’s actually a little longer but I’m counting from the actual day the county started the lockdown.

The first four weeks were super intense for me. Shit was coming up that I hadn’t a clue was still dwelling in me. It was truly an opening, the dark night of the soul, a heroes journey of sorts (even when I didn’t feel any heroism). My spiritual knowing went on shut-off and all I could do was be present with every single moment. Having two little ones demanding of me 24/7 was the biggest obstacle of all and not be able to take them out was an experiment in extremes.

I cried a lot. The world’s uncertainty was scary and I don’t get scared easily. There was a sense of major anxiety wrapped in panic. I felt helpless. I could no longer say “I don’t live in that reality.”

But, in spite of the emotional roller coaster ride, something happened around the fifth week. I was in the yard working and clearing bushes when it hit me: I had no time like this before to dedicate to our property. I also came to realize that I had been asking for this for a long time. I wanted time with the kids and be home to mend to my house. What I never imagined was that people out there would be dying. People all over the world were hurting.

I stopped watching the news around that time. I couldn’t deal with what was happening and the guilt of being safely at home with my sweethearts.

Every time I heard or saw the word “quarantine” I was triggered. I couldn’t understand or remember why until one day doing strenuous clearing of trees I understood.

In April of 1998 I adopted my first little girl from Romania. She came sick with a chaparon from the adoption agency. They said she had a cold. She was two years old and so malnourished. That first month she slept with me holding my hand. She wouldn’t let me go in fear she would be sent back to a horrific orphanage. One morning I woke and I was almost blind. I could barely get up. I felt feverish and aching all over. I called my mother who lived nearby to please take the kids to school and my little girl to daycare. When my mother took my temperature it was 105. She rushed me to the hospital. I was blacking out. Walking into the hospital I passed out and I have very little recollection of the first few days there.

I was placed on quarantine for over a week and a half. No visitors. I couldn’t see my baby girl or my two sons. They tested me for everything and couldn’t give me any medication but Tylenol because CDC couldn’t find what was wrong with me. I had doctors baffled. They assumed that my daughter carried something with her from Transylvania. I was touching heaven’s gate often almost in comatose state at times. The fever would spike and they had to wait until then to run their tests. Eventually after every test, poking, pricking, stabbing, and scans the infectious illness took its toll. I was fortunate. Almost two weeks later, on Memorial Day weekend, I walked out of the hospital with a diagnosed of “AB Mountain Fever.” But even that didn’t explain all the symptoms. Until CDC could give the okay I wasn’t able to just go. They kept a close eye on me for another six months.

THAT was quarantine. Real hellish seclusion. People coming into a room with suits on and I was unable to see and feel them clearly. So when I hear the word “quarantine” now I don’t see it as what this has been. This lockdown has been about clearing up ourselves and staying safe to help others. It has been in place to allow an infectious disease to slow down.

I was 30 years old. I was told that my heart took a beating during all the symptoms. I already had a mild heart condition. So I am super conscious of how I show up in the world at this time. I don’t believe there is anything I can’t overcome until it’s my time to truly leave this journey. But, by God, if I can do my part to stay healthy for my kiddos I will. If it means wearing a mask, staying put in my house, lifting others in love and humor, holding sacred space for me and the world….well you betcha I will do it.

I have replayed that May of 1998 so many times. I have let go of so much anger for many issues that showed up while I was laying in a hospital bed and unable to take care of matters in the world. Little did I know that April of 2020 would relive so many of the same emotions. And just like that in pulling roots out of my yard I was also pulling roots of hurt from long ago.

We have been gifted a lot at this time. And yes, a lot of grief and sorrow and atrocities. We have in our hands the ability to save ourselves and heal. The quarantine has brought about anger and rage; sadness and despair; hate and insanity. It has also allowed many to stay put and work on their own dark night of the soul. The entire world is doing it. It’s a global opportunity to raise our vibrations and work on our loving muscle to be forgiving, accept others even when they think or act differently, and acknowledge that ultimately compassion is what we need in our world.

I can’t change your mind. I won’t even try or dare. This is my journey. You have to figure out how you show up during this time. Our lives will never go back to what was before this March. But, darlings, I ask that you let go of the anger in whatever you are practicing. Let go of hatred. Let go of that need to bulldoze over everything just to make your point. That will never ever help cure anything. It only decreases the ability to allow love and compassion in our world.

I love you.