Ick, guck, muck and crap that ends with K

step forward

Every so often I am reminded that I need to sit down and just be with me. It’s not an easy task. I have a hard time sitting for more than an hour or two. Whenever I sit for long periods of time it is because I am mentally and physically exhausted. That’s it. I have no problem doing meditation and sitting still because it starts my day off in a sense of peace. This is a short period of time. But, force me to sit or lay down for a day or two and I want to come out of my skin.

Ah, the reminders of taking care of myself! My right foot has been swollen for days. It’s not broken. It’s something that happens to me every single time I am forced to stay still. I have avoided the keeping still until two days ago when I came home from work and the pain was shooting up my leg. I was forced to keep my leg up all day yesterday and part of today. The swelling has reduced significantly. What has appeared in its place is awareness of things I cannot continue to avoid. What has transcended is pure realizations of truth.

I was chatting with a dear friend and told her that this shows up periodically. She said it’s “ick.” I told her her it was ick, guck and muck and shit with k at the end. This whole processing and conscious awareness is not fun. I cannot take another step with pain. I cannot avoid it. Isn’t that how health issues appear? Aren’t they metaphysically created so we can deal with emotional blockages and spiritual awareness? I am not exempt from any of it. I have little patience when it comes to being ill, or having pain. I have a huge pain threshold so it has to be something that truly impedes me from moving…hence the foot.

Yesterday I spent the entire day between meditation, praying, and watching Orange Is The New Black (cause that of course is a highly spiritual show). But, hell it puts my life in perspective. It makes me feel grateful for being free and not having to be locked up with insane characters. And sometime in the afternoon this beautiful friend called me and she asked me how I was feeling and I broke down. The moment I released the bullshit about something that had nothing to do with the foot, the show, or my wonderful life, I felt the pain shoot up to my heart. There it was pure ickiness, muckiness, and guckiness. There it was all out ready to be purged from my spiritual body into the physical realm.

I hung up, returning to the show because nothing takes away self-reflection better than mindless television. It’s magical in that way. You want to avoid life? Turn on the tube and binge watch one of these silly shows. It does the trick.

This morning I woke depleted even after many hours of peaceful sleep. After my husband took our little girl to the sitters I turned over and fell back asleep. This, alone, is a sign of exhaustion. I don’t go back to sleep once I am up. But, today, just for a few hours my life was on hold. I became Sleeping Beauty. I needed to just be. I needed the shit around my head to disappear so I could get up later and write for the week. I needed to clear the crap and remember that one bad day doesn’t make a bad month. One crappy sprained foot doesn’t stop me from moving forward in a week. Nothing has changed. The pain is a reminder that I am to just be with me. I am to connect to me. I am to trust in me. The act of being still has been a teacher these past few days. I’ve moved from the ick, muck and guck into not feeling stuck. Those words with “K” at the end aren’t fun. I am not sick. I am healing from cosmic energy moving through. Awareness has been keen and present. I get it. And, now as I write this I am profoundly feeling better. I am wiggling my toes awaiting the moment I can go play in the creek again without feeling the sting of immobility.

Sometimes we need reminders of what needs to be done in order to move past the crap. When we avoid our emotions, our spiritual guidance, and physical ailments we do a great injustice to our spirit. It’s always okay. My friend said, “It’s okay to be with the ick.” It is okay to acknowledge the rough parts as well as the joyful ones. The lesson is mainly about not avoiding what’s already been trying to get the attention. For weeks I have been avoiding the voice of spiritual connection to something I have been dreaming for a while. I hesitate in each step. I have done everything possible to shut that part of me so I could concentrate on what’s ahead. The realization is that I move through spirit and I can’t avoid taking a step without guidance. What better way for the Universe to stop me than to help me see that I need to stop worrying about each step.

My favorite quote is by Martin Luther King, Jr., “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” It’s my favorite because I live it in the majority of this life. But, even with this knowing, I need reminders every so often.

Tomorrow is gonna be magical. I will be ready to step into the unknown without questioning what comes after. I am returning to Source as I am often reminded that it’s my power. I am a spiritual being vacating the human embodiment. And, here is clearly the most amazing journey that has been rigged in my favor. I am moving forward!

No Plans…just going with it

unicorn dream

I make decisions based on feelings. Yes, there are some that require an analytical strategy. I don’t do those very well. When there’s a huge life-altering decision to make I go into silence, prayer and meditation. I allow Spirit to move me. I also look for signs, synchronicity, and magical appearances along the way. So, when I tell my fiance that I want to sell everything and go on the road he asks for a plan. I have none. I can’t explain what I feel. I just want to go out there and see the country. I want to write about people we meet along the way. I want to see the edges and corners of places most don’t care to visit while others call it home. Although he supports the idea I know he has plenty of reservations.  I, on the other hand, have an inkling…a guidance from some other place.

Now imagine being with a person who needs facts, has to see things unfold? Can you imagine how crazy this way of traveling sounds to him? We went to look at campers this Saturday and it was a fiasco of a day. He had become Mr. Kill Joy. I love him. I understand the frustration when there is no set plans. I understand it all but I don’t live there. My means of travel consist of hitting the road and when an animal crosses the path we follow it. No…seriously! This is how he describes me along with getting off and riding a unicorn into the sunset with a baby harness.

How does this future fantasy look today, in a week, when we are with each other 24/7? Where do we plan on parking this dream? How will it be on the last day that we must leave this place? What does the future look like in a small compact space with a toddler day in and out? Where will we go first? How will he handle the fact that some places won’t have internet connection? I told him I am getting rid of my cell phone. People can reach me through his or email me. His face went blank. I want to be free. But…oh…when he starts with rational questions I want to blink my eyes and disappear into a hippie bottle and join Jeannie. I can’t verbalize what I feel when I see myself traveling across the country.

I am not an easy person to follow even though I seem to be predictable…I am not. I am sure I am not a piece of cake to live with day in and day out. I have no plans most of the time, except cleaning our place and such. When I head into town sometimes I am on an adventure: a new road to follow, a new book store to check out, or just chasing the clouds. I want to live the rest of my life without expectations or planning. How will this play out for my mate? I don’t know. I get an earful as he begins to bring me down to reality. My jaw tightens when he goes into logical mode. No fault of his own, most of the world lives like this. But, I don’t want to hear the negative. I come to my own conclusions. I want to believe we are being guided by extraordinary forces. I want to continue following my intuition. If it feels right…it is. If it doesn’t…it’s not. Simple enough.

Logic can only take you so far. The dreamers, shakers, yesers and trailblazers have done it before me. I can do whatever I am guided to do. And, if a squirrel passes in front of me and I follow it into the woods to find a heart-shape rock and other treasures, then be it. Magic is everywhere. That’s the point of living authentically. Romance comes in  so many levels. I believe in serendipity.  It has guided me through the most beautiful experiences.

Follow your dreams.  You don’t need to know how it will happen…just start now. As Helen Keller wrote: “Life is a daring adventure or nothing.”

Creation

hazy_morning_light_by_mashuto-d7brgj6

I have been awake for the larger part of the morning hours. Now, as light breaks through darkness, I sit on my sofa staring at the mountain in front of the house. I can hear the sound of life returning to consciousness. And, for a moment I realize how I have stopped truly seeing this beauty with the busyness of the season, the desire to move, and the escalated giddiness of change.

There are moments in life when we forget to look at what is right in front of us. We become focus with what is not. We begin to search for things that we think will fulfill us. Boredom and restlessness set in. And when this happens it is indeed time for change. The soul learns everything it needs to learn from the experience and it’s pushing for more to acquire. It’s time! However, what lies behind us is just as important as what lies ahead. The only thing we need is this moment to take it all in. Every second becomes a stepping stone. How will you adorn your path? Can you be grateful for every pebble along the trail?

This morning watching light embrace the trees I am grateful for this little piece of heaven I’ve called home. I have taken it for granted the past year. I have had so many changes that I have chosen to escape to the next step of the journey. As I am coming to close here I can now quietly understand that this is just lovely. What a wonderful way to have lived five years of my life.

Embrace what you have. Feel the gratitude for the lessons, hardships, joy, journey and every experience. You are who you are today because of every event, step and circumstance. Take a deep breath. Voice your love for what is and what is to become. You are marvelous. You create everything you need and want. You are the divine energy that unfolds through consciousness.  Feel the compassion with the openness of all that you are. This has been your creation and your purpose.  Make your life matter to YOU.

Mucho love to you all. Have a blessed weekend.

Trailing to the Future

I now live my life with a simple basis of letting go.  Those who live in the past seem to limit their future by trying to control it.  Whenever I have a moment or circumstances and situations where something from the past comes up, I ask myself what did I not learn back there?  That’s about the only time nowadays that I allow myself to live in the past.  I try to be conscious of repeating patterns so I can get the lesson and move on.

My future is beautiful.  I have little control of what will happen but I do work on visualization and intentions and all those techniques that so many teachers talk about.  I have a journal that I paste things in: pictures, quotes, drawings, and anything that inspires me to get to my dream or goal.  I write in that book my intentions as if they are already in the present.  All the future has to do is try to align with them.

It takes way too much energy to live in the past when there is absolutely nothing that can be done in order to change it.  Remorse, anger, disappointment, sorrow, pain, and any other emotion that is being piggy-backed does no good.  Unless you find a genie in a bottle or a time machine I truly believe your best option is to let it go and live in the now.  Start creating the dreams for the future.  And, always remember that you can do anything you want when your thoughts and belief are aligned.