You Are Divine

There are millions of stories out in the world that reflect right back to our own circumstances. Let’s face it, we all have them because that’s what makes life. We are compilations of historical events. Some monumental, others not so much. We are the sum of every single experience, interaction, and reaction. We are here on borrowed time creating novels of information and adventures.

Tell me what life doesn’t have some juicy substance that makes us gasp, smile, cry, love and forgive.

Tell me how we make it out of here without any experience that is worth sharing and learning from others.

Tell me, and show me as well, how you can do it alone because I don’t know if I would want to. I want to hear you, touch you, or have the availability to read parts of your legacy.

Tell me how we can overcome obstacles without truly being aided by a Supreme Being and loved ones.

Tell me, just tell me how we can withhold truth from ourselves and others…and still make it an authentic life. How can we call that a life worth living?

Tell me, because I don’t know any other way but to pour out my heart to others and allow others to pour their essence into me so I can drink from their knowledge.

I want to join the warriors of love and light to continue changing the world with spiritual vibes. I want to leave a footprint alongside others bringing joy and laughter.

This, I know, I want for the rest of my life.

Remember that every single thing you’ve experienced (bad or good, lovely or shameful) has brought you to this very moment. You get to decide what you do with your history to change your present and future self. Don’t ever forget your power and strength to create the best possible life.

Mucho love!

m.a.p.

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Don’t Judge an Act of Love

We got a call on May 28th, 2014, from the Department of Social Services. My granddaughter was going to be removed from my daughter. I had two hours to go get her.

I paused. Even though I suspected and intuitively knew it was going to happen there was still a shock factor to the words.

My husband, then fiancé, without hesitation said while I was quiet with the investigator, “Where do we go pick her up?”

A few hours later she was in our care. This was his first child. She was my seventh. Her mother had arrived at nine years of age from Romania into my care. She has mental disabilities, bipolar and a rainbow of other disorders that have caused mayhem throughout all the years I’ve loved her. And, oh my gosh, how deeply I love her. She continues to teach me on a high level of compassion.

So we picked my granddaughter up at the agency. We had nothing but a box of diapers and bottles. They handed me formula and a car seat. We ran to get a playpen. We had to get some extra clothing. At the time our finances were also super tight. I had my last child home who was graduating high school the following month and would be turning 18 in August.

People always make two comments to me that shake me up. I wonder how humanity has made it this far. First one is “Did you have another option than to take her in?” (This is asked many different ways).

Second one is “I don’t think I could do it.” (Sometimes this is implied as if we are some kind of heroes. We are not. We are humans)!

It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks because until the event shows up no one really knows how they will react.

It took two and a half years of waiting and fighting to adopt her. Finally on December 1st of 2016, she was ours.

My daughter got pregnant with her second child and I heard from a woman in her building who took my number down from borrowing her phone. My daughter at the time was four months into her pregnancy. I felt it. She’s in Florida and we are in North Carolina. I would hear from her periodically. Since she got pregnant I heard from her only twice and when she did call I would ask and she would lie.

Her baby was born in April of 2017. She was alone. She didn’t know who was the baby’s father. I called social services and begged them not to let her take the child home. It took 10 months for anyone to do something. By this time he had been terrorized by her new boyfriend, had gotten pregnant again with her third and finally the county removed him from her care.  We got the call two months after he was removed, right around the time he was to turn one years old.

I was asked by the social worker if we wanted him. I was completely torn. My husband and I were to leave to Peru for my 50th birthday the following week. The social worker told me it was a long shot. I went home and shared with my husband who immediately said he wanted the baby boy. Our little girl needed a sibling. I called the social worker and told her we would take him. It took another six months of fighting with the system to get him. It was excruciating and exhausting. And, once again, the comments began with folks who believe they have the answers. “Not again! You aren’t going to take on another one…?”

Yet, something had changed in my life from all my other adoptions. My circle of friends are supportive. They are tribal. They gathered together and helped make this a wonderful experience. For the first time after seven other children, I had a baby shower. I was shown support from many. The few who had negative comments weren’t in my immediate life anymore. I changed and, therefore, my circle changed.

I won’t tolerate negativity any longer!

Our hearts determine our lives. I don’t judge anyone for saving a child. I can’t. I have learned after eight of them that I am here to mother many. My husband is an incredible father. This is his first rodeo and I’m navigating the challenges and struggles, the love and sleepless nights, the snuggles and cuddles, the reward of seeing two more children saved from a horrific situation. As for my daughter, she will continue to do whatever she wants to do. She’s allowed to because the system is corrupt. She lost her third child (immediately that she was born) and the baby is thriving in a beautiful home.

We are made from love to give love away as much, as often, and as freely as possible.

Adoption is a personal choice. Taking kids into your home is a remarkable way of giving back to this world. It is not for everyone. It’s not easy and these children are traumatized. They need assistance and patience. I ask that when you hear someone talk about adopting, or fostering, you can save the judgment and recognize the magic that’s happening to those little souls. You get to shape your perception and your words carefully.

Our lives are all connected. Each one of us. How you act and react is felt through the waves of consciousness. So…let’s be love.  Let’s be examples for the new generations. Let’s live through acceptance and awareness. You don’t know what’s in store for you tomorrow. You just never know what curve ball will be heading your way.


Sacred Expansion

I’ve come into my own silence, sacredness, expansion. I’ve visited with those things that required attention and I kept locking them in a chest. I’ve dealt with them one soul consultation at a time making sure to find closure. During meditation I’ve allowed the locked chest to open and I have visited with each fear and past event.

This is what I’ve done since I got off social media (Facebook and Instagram) two weeks ago. Plus I’ve read several amazing books. I’ve caught up with friends. I’ve taken time to be without chit chat or worries. I’ve come into my own space of love.

I’ve lived without interruptions. I’ve noticed how much more time I’ve accumulated.

It’s bizarre to acknowledge that I have been distracted by everyone else’s life so profoundly while disregarding mine. Meanwhile, I’ve navigated one of the busiest years in a decade. One that has brought sweet surprises while gaining a tremendous respect for my faith in humanity.

Magic…is all I can say. It’s been a magical experience.

My writing feels deeper too. My voice is not constricted. I am able to say and feel and share for me. Because when I write it is a channeling of sorts from my spirit to my humanness. The spiritual aspects of my incarnation sit with the human aspects and shared I’ve come into my own silence, sacredness, expansion. I’ve visited with those things that required attention and I kept locking them in a chest. I’ve dealt with them one soul consultation at a time making sure to find closure. During meditation I’ve allowed the chest to open and I have visited with each fear and past event.

Taking time for me and my family is imperative. It’s in the small acts. Nothing big. My life has not changed drastically by not being on social media. It’s just relaxed. I don’t pick up the phone in the middle of the night to read about others. I lay there and listen to the silence. I force myself to sleep again. I reach over to my husband for warmth. During the day I don’t impulsively check to see what’s happening, who can I help, what can I do? My concerns and interests consist of my own life and those in my inner circle.

This was the 80’s and 90’s. This is how I remember my younger years before internet. And, yes we are connected on a grand scale, able to touch millions. But we are also slaved to that connection, addicted to news and changes.

It’s truly a love-hate relationship for me. As a writer it is a conundrum. The world doesn’t stop because I am not available. It’s lovely to feel it. Life doesn’t cease to exist because I don’t participate in every conversation or answer every message or return every call.

All of it can wait till I return next year. Whenever I do return to the chaotic world of social media I can quickly shut it off. With each passing week I am aware of the massive peace my empathetic body feels. This is my Christmas gift to myself. And detaching is absolutely mystical.

Slow down, darlings! Be present in your life and with your loved ones. Everything else can wait. You don’t have to participate in every single thing every day. Allow the holidays to be a time of gentleness, love and awareness. Give attention to you.

I love you.

Coming Undone

I was next at the check out counter in the grocery store. A woman with three small items came up behind me and I immediately asked her to go before me. She thanked me and was a bit shocked.

“This would never happen where I’m from!” She said.

“Where are you from?” I asked.

“Florida.”

I told her I was from there too. I laughed. The cashier said she was from there as well. I told her it had nothing to do with where you are from. It had to do with conscious kindness. She had three things. I had many more. I don’t even think about it as location or origins. I don’t think. It’s hard enough waiting in line. It’s not a big deal.

She looked lost in her thoughts. She began to come undone while putting her credit card in the machine. She complained about the weather being too cold, just moving here to Asheville, coming to live with her mother, having to start all over again. In less than three minutes I knew her life. She was younger than me. She was beautiful in a broken way that my heart wanted to grab her and cuddle her through love and compassion. She was completed disheveled by the act of skipping over me. I asked her to stop for one minute and just be. I asked her to just be with the moment. I refrained from going too close to her. She said thank you, paid and left. My words triggered something deep and she just couldn’t be.

I was getting in my car when I saw her still struggling with herself two cars down from me. I told her to have a good evening. To be gentle with herself. Tears formed. She waved and got in her car.

She didn’t want to be seen. She resisted the humanity. She was so deep into her own world of disappointments that she couldn’t get herself comfortable with anyone, let alone my presence. She couldn’t accept. She was way down in too much pain to feel me holding a candle for her release from darkness.

It’s okay. It’s okay to not want to come undone in front of a stranger. But, I hope that you come undone in front of someone. I hope you accept kindness and love and acknowledgment from someone. I hope you have a someone for this. It’s hard to witness and even harder to feel the feels of it all.

And this is what the holidays seem to bring up for so many. They feel forced out of their comfort zone and have to pretend.

So don’t. Don’t do anything you feel goes against your beliefs or your stability. Stay in the now. And make zero excuses for how you feel.

I love you.

Just this Moment

There is an easy flow to this morning. The schools do not open till later due to the ice and cold weather. By this time I’m at work but today I sit across a playpen with a little boy eating his cereal and a little girl snuggled on the sofa watching her favorite cartoon. I never imagine my life at fifty like this.

I actually never imagined my life at fifty…at all. I didn’t think I would be here by then.

We have little deaths in our timelines. We get sick or completely reinvent ourselves. We move or stay or just wake up one day feeling different. It’s all magical and exactly how we intend it to become.

A million contracts are paid in our lives. Those contracts we designed before even incarnating. The lessons were created to expand our consciousness. The journey is up to us.

We hold the wheel. We maneuver ourselves to the next destination, watching carefully for mud slides or cracks on the road. The older we get the more aware we become…at least I hope that for everyone.

So this morning, all plans are out the door. I need to go see clients. They will wait for later. I need to be at a meeting which may be done through conference call. Everything is interchangeable, relatable and temporary. Right now I am exactly where I’m suppose to be.

I’m here watching the light hit the trees out back. I am watching the frost swirl with the wind in the porch. I am snuggled by one cat and another walking around wondering why we are still home.

The simplicity of life is in these moments. Things can change in an instance. And it’s okay. We breathe through it. We become grateful to the present. We are gifted these moments to take in what’s important and release what is not.

Right now it is me and my kiddos holding on to a few hours of free time.

Divine in You

The day will come when you won’t be looking for faith outside of you. When you stop looking for God in temples and religion. You will notice the Divine staring back from the reflection in the mirror. You will see it smiling at you in a homeless person or a loved one taking his last breath. You will find Source in your children as they laugh out loud. You will feel spirit in the kiss from your mate. You will finally recognize our connections and how important it is to be kind and compassionate to everyone. Even when they don’t accept it. You will find the silence and ability to walk away. This will be when you have reach the loving understanding of your purpose through unconditional love. I see you. I feel you. I know the God in you. And in me. I love you.

Prayers

I came out of a soft meditation re-entering this world with complete openness and vulnerability. I opened my eyes to the candles in front, engulfed by the darkness of early morning. It’s sacred time. My favorite time of the day.

I moved my hand towards my chest patting the soft thump of movement. Deep breaths. Deep awareness.

I hear the world at 3am. It’s quite different than any other time. It’s magical. The sounds from earth are therapeutic and of higher vibration. In that silence you can feel the connection of everything. You and I are not separate.

I bow my head in gratitude. A new day has arrived. I will do my best to help. I don’t know how it will show up. I don’t know who I will serve with love and kindness. It’s my job to just show up.

I’m here. Sending healing to all the areas that are fractured or hurting. I’m here to help shift the conscious mayhem of social fear. I’m here to help love you even if you don’t feel lovable. You are magnificent. I will keep reminding you.

I’m just here. With you. Together. In love!

(This meme reminds me of how sensitive we are when we allow ourselves to feel everything outside of us).