A New Day

It’s a new day. It’s a new opportunity.

I have spent several hours in meditation throughout the night. I’ve gone deep into the wilderness and other realms. I have found that there is static all over the place. Something is happening. It’s massive in both the dark and light…the duality.

There is a collective sadness. There is much anger. There is exhaustion. And add that times millions and we have an epidemic. But we also have massive release on a spiritual and cellular level.

I don’t know how to help. I keep asking guidance. I don’t know what I can write that will help start the release and healing for those who need it. I don’t know how to hold you if I’m here and you are there. But…

I believe in mindfulness. In sacredness. In the profound effects of love and forgiveness. I believe in Divine guidance and universal forces. I also believe that we can raise the energy to joy and compassion. We can shift.

Find others who are vibrating at a higher frequency. Spend time healing while doing things that bring you gratitude. Work on you and attract the things you want. We always have choices to remain or move into a new emotion. We truly have the most amazing gift and ability to evolve at all times…and grow into newness.

I cannot tell you how to begin healing. Or letting go. Or surrendering the hurt and anger. I can, however, hold space with you from here.

I feel that is one way we begin collectively healing ourselves and others.

I might sound like a childish broken record but just love. Love with what and who and where you are. Love heals. You cannot love and hate simultaneously. You cannot stand in darkness and call it love. Compassion and kindness are flames of pure light. Let’s start there.

I am holding you…from here. In this realm and others. Prayers are waves of yummy frequencies. They reach the heavens and all the places beyond.

Join me…with each conscious breath stating the love to the world and we will make ripples in the fabric of the universe. It starts with the energy of gratitude and joy and mostly…love.

I love you from here and there and everywhere.

(Image taken yesterday morning over the Blue Ridge Mtns)

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Forgive Yourself

Almost six years ago I had a near death experience. When I woke the next day in the hospital the neurologist spoke to me and told me that stress can kill us. I knew this. But in spite of knowing something we don’t always practice it. She said, “You don’t know what you don’t know until you do!” She had witnessed grown men who had been in the military turn comatose after the shock. She had witnessed completely healthy women have heart attacks from broken hearts and then have strokes. At that moment I realized I had been given a gift. And this gift was to be mindful of how I carried the weight of the world on me. I don’t have to fix every single thing or person. I don’t have to even try. I just need to continue trusting that I get to be where I am suppose to be daily and I serve humanity in the simplest forms. I get to forgive myself when I want to reach and be there for another but I’m too exhausted. Or when I don’t call or communicate to loved ones as much as I should. I get to honor my mind, body and spirit without the guilt I used to have. Then…only then…can I continue living a life that’s a delicious blessing.

Forgive yourself for what you think others expect from you. Forgive yourself for not wanting to over-extend your energy. Be mindful that you are only required to show up and love. You take care of your immediate family in the best way you can. The rest of the world will continue living. Be gentle with you. Let go of all that past programming. You’ve got this.

A Letter to Remember Love

A letter to my two-year old son:

Dear Luke,

This morning I dropped you off in your classroom at the daycare. You ran to your friend who has cerebral palsy. He’s a bit older but due to his disabilities he is in your class.

You hugged him and your face was covered by his facial excess from drooling and snot.

You backed away, “Ewwww!” You said and preceded to clean your face with the inside of your shirt.

Then you took the bottom of your shirt and reached to his face to clean his completely so you could return and give him a real tight hug.

You almost tipped him over, as two little guys clumsily tried to hold love in a balance.

I watched as his face dug into your forehead. You were so happy to see him, to hold him, to love him.

I sobbed making my way out of the classroom to then turn around and go kiss you. I whispered in your ear, “Thank you, baby boy, for showing me compassion.”

You smiled and let me go, waving as you returned to him. “Bye mama!”

I’m so proud of you. Thank you for teaching me how to love unconditionally in a way that exceeds any human expectation.

I cannot wait to witness the endless lessons you will provide for me and the world.

I love you every single day deeper than the previous one. I am blessed.

Mama – 9/13/19

Being a Giver

This morning at the light coming out of my little girl’s school a woman was turning in when another cut her off from the other direction. The woman was in front of me blocking the intersection and she was beyond angry. She was yelling profanities to the lady who turned in. Her windows were up but her hand gestures and mouth movements were irate. She had two kids in the backseat. I felt horrible for them.

I wanted to put my car on park and go knock on her window, force her out of her car and give her a hug. But we now live in a country that’s like the Wild West and I’ve become cautious of who may be carrying a weapon.

I immediately felt her anger. The situation just pushed it out. I felt her sadness and frustration. I saw her. I truly felt a break in my chest.

I stopped at the Starbucks with my little boy on my way into work. And by the time I got to the counter the sweet barista had his favorite treat and my chai ready. She had seen me in the parking lot.

I sobbed. There…at the counter…I let go of whatever I was holding on from experiencing the woman’s anger. I reached over and gave the barista a hug. I felt broken and I couldn’t compose myself.

Because we are caring and compassionate, we get to live in full awareness of the goodness.

When we are in a state of anger, hatred and panic we experience more of that.

I got to witness the duality from one extreme to another within minutes.

Now hours later I am still thinking of that middle-aged mama having a tantrum and meltdown for a car going in her spot for one minute.

We all have moments of falling down. The collective is feeling the heaviness. But I truly believe that in spite of what we see and hear about our country, and the world, things are shifting. Love is changing the energy. Just like that barista taking care of me before I even entered the place. We are seeing one another. We are caring enough to stop and reach for hearts.

And I choose to see love. I choose to give all of my compassion without expectancy. I choose to continue reaching for hearts while creating a revolution called LOVE.

Stories that Connect Us

Today I heard a story that cracked me wide open. It was one of those stories of loss, grief, and survival that lingered all day. I sat with the soul who shared and wept as she shared memories of her deceased son. I held her hand and, together in the silence, we held space for each other.

I had nothing of words to share. All I could do was give my love through the energy of touch. I loved her deeply. I felt her pain. I felt her emptiness. I felt her soul. I also felt her love.

I heard her forgiveness as she processed the loss, while questioning God for taking him. She went through the layers of grief and I could feel her release. Her body began to surrender.

It was powerful. It was truly an honor to witness her bloom. She was coming out of muck into something that she didn’t recognize.

I am forever moved by the human spirit and the millions of stories that connect us. There are stories within stories that teach us to dig in the depth of our own humanity. We either learn while evolving spiritually or stay stagnant and live in a hell of emotional imprisonment. There is no in between when it comes to these empathetic connections.

I find myself holding space for myself during these times. I step back and count the blessings with the Divine. All that is loss moves through pain while holding on to the past. All that is gained moves through love and forgiveness in acceptance of what is now. The awareness is always there but our perception isn’t always so clear. We are thrown into the flux of human emotion as we forget our spiritual journey. Once we set humanness aside and return to spirit we are aligning again with truth. We become aware of who we are. The grief doesn’t disappear. We are able to accept, visit with it, and move through it…until next time. We no longer wear it as a shield as not to get hurt ever again.

And this is why we must share with others. This is why the stories must be told. What you experience may just be someone’s life jacket to keep going.

We expand. We aren’t merely surviving. We are living. We are here to truly evolve through love and letting go. We are here to walk the sacred journey until we are not. What we do with our time is truly mystical. We are asked to just show up and allow for the mysterious to unfold.

I love you.

Embrace Your Gifts

I had some sweet gifts as a little girl from the age of four. My mother didn’t know what to do with me when speaking to our dead ancestors. She took me to a spiritualist on the island to get whatever was inside of me out. When that didn’t work she took me to a psychologist. She demanded I stop the nonsense.

So I did. I stopped it for decades. It caused anxiety. It gave me migraines. I was so stumped that my energy was toxic…to myself.

Finally when I moved to these mountains of Western North Carolina, leaving an old life behind, the “gifts”began to unfold. I was in my early 40’s.

I ran to a therapist and asked her to test me to see if I was schizophrenic. I knew I must be. My mother, who had long passed, kept those insecurities alive. I was blessed to have a therapist who allowed me to embrace the “openings and expansions.”

I wasn’t crazy. Okay…maybe a little loonie but not in a harmful way. I am eccentric. 😝

See, my darlings, you aren’t bat-shit crazy when you clearly feel and see and sense other realms. You are gifted. Stop being afraid of what others think. I struggled with that all my life.

I love you. Embrace your individuality with your spiritual body. This is your superpower. Use it to help light the world. You’ve got this!

Marriage is Loving Work

I adore my husband.

He loves me.

Not in the way he says it. In the way he cares for our children. In the way he does things when he doesn’t know I’m watching. In the way he makes breakfast when he’s exhausted on a Saturday morning. Or the way he tells me to leave them with him so I can go run errands. In that he runs me a warm bath (and feeds the kids) because I’m in severe pain after work. In the way he tucks me in after he’s tucked our little girl. In the way he gets my favorite foods and drinks. He loves me in spite of my idiosyncrasies or woo-woo-ness. He loves me when I’m heavy or shed the weight. Whether I have red or purple hair. Even if I am a hot mess. He loves me because he found that my love for him will move mountains. He has felt my admiration and profound affection. He has seen what love looks like and it came dressed as a short-middle-aged Puerto Rican woman who doesn’t always speak perfect English (and she’s not Scarlet Johansson)!

Marriage isn’t perfect. We work at it. Some days more than others. Some months with anger, exhaustion, and annoyance. We forgive. We work at it when we are levelheaded, or when we allow space for other shit to surface. It’s not easy. It’s having a long term roommate. It is a constant work in progress. We continue to work through our baggages from past relationships. In all our years we’ve had maybe a handful of arguments. We are sarcastic and humorous. We both have sick killer wits. We are silly and loving. We compliment each other because huge opposites do attract. We can share deep conversations about the world and still not feel attacked with our differences. He’s a warrior and I’m a love-pacifist. But we both have similar beliefs.

He has become a father to children who aren’t ours. He has shown up to be the most attentive dad to them. He never (for one moment) has regretted it or wished it was different. And if there are more to take in I know he’s the first to grab a bag and go get them. There is a partnership with all of us in our home. It starts with commitment and working through so much of our human crap at times. Our egos sometimes take leadership but we are blessed to call each other on it even if we get butt hurt for a moment.

I never ever thought I would ever marry again or be in a committed relationship. It was not in my life goals or desires. I just wanted someone to be around and do things with, head to a movie, hike, and have fun. I got a lot more than that. He trusts my intuition and when I speak of our future together he rarely disputes on how the messages show up or how I am manifesting our next project.

And if I, or the kids, were in any kind of trouble, or someone messes with us, I feel sorry for that person. He’s not only our bodyguard… he’s a true galactic warrior at heart. He would do anything for us. I never had that before. I was never shown what true commitment looked like. I had nothing to model. My eldest son always says he is a man of chivalry and admires him for it.

So if you have this please do whatever it takes to keep it. Make sure you let the bad days come and go. Allow for them. They make for excellent lessons. Put down your insecurities (which is hard at times). Fight for what you love, who you love and what is yours. Love isn’t wrapped in perfection. It comes in the most fascinating and strangest of ways. This man saw something in me that I never saw in myself. And he continues to show me the many aspects of my personality through his perspective. I get to witness his own soul growing and expanding into a magical loving knight.