The Release

release woman

A few months ago I met a woman in a store in Downtown Asheville. She walked passed me and I gasped at her angelic beauty. I introduced myself and we began a sweet friendship that has evolved into a magical connection.

She’s a healer. A massage therapist and Reiki practitioner (among other things).  I saw on Facebook that she was sharing a special Heart Chakra Therapy/Massage for the month of February. I made an appointment with her for last Tuesday.

Kelie is fabulous. Her energy is soothing and loving. I can always use a little healing and energy to the heart department. But, what I didn’t expect was the intense opening after I left her place. I expected a little relaxation, perhaps a few tears, but never the deep conscious awareness of a massive shift.

Tenderness and intuition are a marriage of astronomical proportions. I give a lot of me to others. I am well aware of how I spend my days sending love. I also keep a lot to myself, especially old wounds. I think I release them but when I get a healing treatment like this it comes up and I am well aware that our cellular memories run profound.

They get stuck and create new spaces in our physical bodies. The emotional body gets jacked up. The spiritual body feels stumped. The misalignment is sometimes subtle but sometimes it manifests in severe diseases and ailments.

I spent Tuesday night sobbing, curled up in fetal position throughout the night. I was visited by guidance. I cut energetic cords of things that no longer serve me. There were moments of lucid dreaming, returning to the past, unraveling conversations that have created themselves into unnecessary experiences.

What was I creating with these stories through lack of self-worth?

I am always fascinated by how touch heals us. A massage, a few crystal stones, aromatherapy and tenderness can catapult a release that has been stored away in a small Pandora’s box. The moment it opens up it sure feels like all hell breaks loose.

We are always one decision away from healing and releasing. I know I must process things first. I tend to hold on to things and forget that I have them there. Every so often they sneak out with a song, a conversation, and the memory transports me back to the past. Then I rethink, re-shift, and readjust my sails. What I forget to do is truly release and let go of them completely.

I get help. I go to someone else who isn’t part of my stories. I’m amazed how the Universe aligns those sweet healers in my path. And then…bang…it happens and I am recreated into a beautiful newness of trust and light.

This is also the work I am creating with clients. Story tending and sharing helps grab those old experiences in order to release. We create magic together. I love being the student witnessing the journey.

It’s truly sacred and full of love. For everyone involved.

I love you!

I urge you to check out Kelie’s website: https://www.rubyrosesanctuary.net/

 

 

 

The Body’s Storm Surge

Friday morning I took my first yoga class in years.  I went into it with confidence and giddiness.  I was going to start strengthening my body.  I thought yoga would help me with stretches and concentration.  Actually, I don’t know what I thought now that I sit here writing about it.  I just went in there believing that I could get something out of it…a wholeness of sort.  The hour and a half was wonderful.  It was “gentle yoga” – whatever that means because I got to a point I couldn’t feel anything but pain.  As a matter of fact I ended the last poses by remaining in the child’s pose while everyone else was in some sort of constriction.  I didn’t have it in me.  I was breathing heavier than any hiking I’ve done up these mountains.  I was pooped.  My favorite part of the yoga class was the last 10 minutes of meditation.  Hey, I am up for that any time!

Now, like any physical modality that moves energy through the body, this yoga session kicked my immune system to the curve.  I have been purging from different directions of my body.  Saturday morning started with headaches and the sniffles, (and other stuff that doesn’t need explanation).  Sunday brought the aches and pains, the congestion and the body tension.  I mean, let’s face it the yoga was more like a private session with Yoda commanding my body to loosen up and let go in order to reach the truth of who I am.  My body has been releasing toxins in ways that I don’t care to describe.   Even emotional blockages have opened up just a bit.  I can still hear the petite yoga teacher in my head instructing to “breathe in..hold it…ahhh, exhale! One more time….”

My best friend asked me yesterday if I was going back next Friday.  Absolutely, let’s get it all out!  Let’s see what else is inside this body that is trapped and creating blockage.  Let’s get this physical body to align with the spiritual one and whatever else yoga does.  I am on board.  I will just keep stocking up on tissues, migraine and cold medicine, toilet paper, and whatever else is needed to continue purging.  I am in for the long haul.  I have to believe that I can withstand myself for an hour and a half doing “gentle” exercises and breathing.  I can do this.  I know I can.  It might take some time but the end result is… well, I will get back to you on that!

Just like the storm outside this morning due to Hurricane Sandy, my body is going through its own detox.  It is pulling and pushing and swirling in distress.  I hear the wind chimes dancing chaotically to the heavy winds.  I hear the earth breathing, holding it, and exhaling as if it was doing an intense yoga pose.  Every so often there is silence and then it picks up again in fury.   My body seems to be in rhythmic mode with the weather.

I believe that our finest moments usually occur when we are in discomfort.  That’s why we exercise and push our bodies to crazy measures of challenges.  It is all about stepping out of our ruts and finding a ground to firmly stand on.  Yoga, hiking, cycling, etc. create a space inside that pushes our spirits to twist and turn, but eventually find peace.  The happy hormones take over and we feel a sense of completeness and wholeness.  That’s what the earth seems to be doing with this crazy weather.  This storm is preparing us for moving inward.  It provides time for us to be with those we love and ourselves.

So, while I remain snuggled up with tissues under my nose I wish you comfort and peace wherever you are.  If you are near the storm’s way please take time to be gentle with yourself.  Be safe.  This too shall pass.  Have a wonderful day!

The Past is a Wilderness Forest

There were times after I left my ex that I was lost. I was completely and indescribably rattled by the unknown future. I had a bleeding ulcer, and other serious health issues. My doctor told me that if I didn’t change the problems that were causing the stress that I would end up in a hospital. I was emotionally, physically, psychologically and spiritually ill. I chose to leave everything behind. I walked away from all that caused me damage. If it wasn’t for my friends and family I don’t know how I would have survived. Those days now seem like another lifetime trapped inside of a fog. God has a way of guiding us through everything once we relinquish and surrender to Him.

I know what it is to fall into the deep hole of desperation and depression. I read a lot of books, blogs, hear stories from so many, and I see how hopelessness pays us a visit every so often. It’s part of our human nature. It’s the process of our evolution and life experiences. Even after three years I still have days when I feel like my life is slipping away from me. Last week there was such a day when the life force outside of me seemed to suck the inside force. I felt the grip of desperation trying to claw at me. Each time I return to my hometown I go through these emotions. On these days I question myself: What am I doing in this life? What’s my purpose? Am I really living authentically or pretending?

Then I sit quietly for a moment, grab my thoughts, tighten my faith, and visualize exactly how much I’m loving my new life (absolutely authentically!). At times guilt comes in and tries to take over. Yes, guilt…that inexpressible emotion that cuts slowly but deeply like a paper cut from a manila envelope. You know that cut that bleeds just for a second but stings for days when you go near something hot or with alcohol. It lingers to remind you of pain. That’s how guilt is. It lingers even when you try to put on a happy face. This guilt only arrives through ego when all is perfectly aligned in harmony. It basically says, “You don’t deserve this. You need to go find a job and make more money. You are a ridiculous dreamer. How long do you think you can run a place in the mountains? Who’s going to come? And, why?…” Ego has these fantastic conversations with me. I have to hike, meditate, and remind myself that Ego is not in charged. It is in those moments that I step outside of me and be as gentle as I can with my spirit.

I return to the present. I focus on this moment. Last night I watched the movie The Wolfman again. I heard a quote that stuck with me (again), “Don’t bother looking back. The past is a wilderness forest.” And it is. It is a wilderness forest that one cannot see once it’s past a certain point. What’s the point? When do we pass that point? I like to believe we can all live by taking giant leaps of faith; by surrendering to the impossible and then being surprised for every miracle that appears in our way. It is then that we can lessen the days of guilt, desperation, depression, anxiety and fear. There are choices in how we live our lives. Don’t let Ego decide for you!

Trailing to the Future

I now live my life with a simple basis of letting go.  Those who live in the past seem to limit their future by trying to control it.  Whenever I have a moment or circumstances and situations where something from the past comes up, I ask myself what did I not learn back there?  That’s about the only time nowadays that I allow myself to live in the past.  I try to be conscious of repeating patterns so I can get the lesson and move on.

My future is beautiful.  I have little control of what will happen but I do work on visualization and intentions and all those techniques that so many teachers talk about.  I have a journal that I paste things in: pictures, quotes, drawings, and anything that inspires me to get to my dream or goal.  I write in that book my intentions as if they are already in the present.  All the future has to do is try to align with them.

It takes way too much energy to live in the past when there is absolutely nothing that can be done in order to change it.  Remorse, anger, disappointment, sorrow, pain, and any other emotion that is being piggy-backed does no good.  Unless you find a genie in a bottle or a time machine I truly believe your best option is to let it go and live in the now.  Start creating the dreams for the future.  And, always remember that you can do anything you want when your thoughts and belief are aligned.