What I Can Offer

I often wonder what I can offer someone in their journey. What kind of business can I create that allows another soul something special from me? There are thousands of healers. Millions of them trying to help others, many getting paid for their uniqueness.

What can I offer you that you cannot get somewhere else?

This is where we get stuck! The labels of worth. The doubts of what we are with a price. It’s always tricky.

What makes me any better than all those amazing coaches and intuitive out there? What is my calling or niche or specialty?

It’s rawness. It’s openness. It’s vulnerability. It’s knowing that I am not judging you because of your humanness.

Lately these are the questions that arise in my meditation practice. These are the thoughts I am putting out into the higher realms. I get the sweet answer within my chest vibrating with a giddy knowing. It’s lovely to feel and yet no definite answer except, “Trust in yourself!”

I can offer love. And so can others. I can sit and hear your story. Many can do the same. I can hold space for your trauma and pain. I know so many who are amazing at it too.

So what separates me from anyone? I can hear your story and help you rewrite parts that you are too close to notice. I can show you how old beliefs no longer help with creating new chapters. I can tend to your words and provide sacredness. I can hold your heart in a way that you start to recognize the love you have been gifted in this world. You begin to remember what you’ve forgotten.

I feel it. I am holding on to a thousand stories that are similar to yours. And this I know I can do. I can help you map out your goals and show you how you hold the compass to your future. You have the answers. I will be there to help you navigate.

I’m working with a fabulous woman who is helping me set up a professional website and move through the unknowns. I ask that you stay tune and I will be here waiting on whatever shows up… I will be here to help you in whatever way that may be.

Until then… I love you. I love you with the love you deeply deserve. We will work together. Soon.


The Quest

What calls your name? How are you showing up in life? What pushes and pulls you? What lights you up? Do you feel stuck?

People want change. I am seeing it more and more. They can’t really figure out how to go about it but they feel it in their souls. We are waking up to some deep yearning. It’s time. We don’t want to keep doing things the same way while expecting different results.

So how do we go about it? How can we utilize this forum to help each other?

There are many folks who can help. I have life coaches, counselors, and Trail Blazers who read this blog. I know writers, musicians, artists and creators. I know healers and teachers. And whoever I don’t know might just be friends with someone I do know. Please use this post as an opportunity to share what you do. We can all use help: spiritually, emotionally, physically, professionally, relationship guidance and parenting. Whatever it is please put a link to your info if you have a page.

Let’s get you to the right person. It’s time. You don’t need to merely exist. You must live to the fullest. You have a duty to your soul to be doing what makes you happy…



Every so often I get a request to fund someone for something: following a dream, going on a trip, buying something that will change their lives, and so on. I wish I had the financial means to help every single person who sends me these messages. I think about all the times that I have been down to my last penny and someone reached out, unknowingly, to help me. There are angels among us at all times.

I have a hard time asking for help. So, let me just state this right now before you keep reading….

Yesterday I was in my favorite yoga class. I was entering that space of Nirvana, breathing in and letting go. This is the space where I easily leave my body and my mind goes completely blank. I was on my back, on the mat, when I felt something coming up and buzzing from inside my sweater. I gasped, sat up and started that dance we all do that jitters us into looking like we are fighting someone, slapping the air. A stink bug fell on the floor while my heart had come up to my throat. My dear, compassionate, humanitarian friend next to me picked up the bug, got up and left the yoga studio to set it free. (She’s magnificent cause that bug had just a few more seconds of life left in it). It took me a few minutes to return to my center. I recognized the disconnection, the foreign feelings of fear, and the paralyzed voice that comes with it. I worked through the panic mode…after all it was just a bug.

Please stay with me and continue reading….

Here is the thing, I tend to leave my body quite often. I consciously travel away from it in moments of deep relaxation and meditation. I also travel a lot in dream state. So, that moment the bug started to flip its wings coming out of my sports bra shattered the world of my dimensional travel and brought me into a state of unknown. It was too quick and the discomfort lasted for some time. I was thrown into panic mode because I wasn’t in that studio at that moment. My ego was also completely asleep and its job is to always keep a watch for danger!

A few moments later the teacher asked us a simple question as we were doing a pose. “If you were asked to make a list of the things you love, would you add yourself to that list?”

Suddenly I missed the bug. I felt bad for slapping it out of me. I felt bad for not loving it the way my friend loved it. I continued with my poses and recognized that it did take me a long while to add myself to the list of things I love. Oh my goodness…like a lot! But I redid the list, carefully going through it on my own later on in the practice and I kept adding myself after every single thing I listed that I loved. The rest of the hour was dedicated to loving me.

And, so here is my favor: Would you be so kind to fund yourself with love? Would you be willing to make a list and add yourself to the top of everything you want? I need you to do this for your soul. I need you to start a Go-To Fund for loving your beauty and exquisiteness without putting all the things that you dislike about yourself.

I need you to do that for me. I need you to donate your love for YOURSELF right now!

I believe we love to help others before we recognize and acknowledge ourselves. Most of us give openly and love how others feel when they receive. It’s always easier to extend an arm out than to bring it to our own hearts. Right?

Every part of your being needs love. That little stinker bug reminded me of a time that I felt like a stinker bug. I didn’t care much for me. I felt yucky and nasty and completely unlovable. I felt unworthy and kept carrying past voices and delusions that others tied to my esteem. If I was slapped one more time I am sure I would have stunk up the room like the stinker bug.

But, today, I have started by own Go-To Fund for Self-Love! It’s simple: start your list and keep adding to it the things you love about you, the things you want in your life, and the people you love. Eventually that list will allow the Universe to align with your desires and it will no longer be a list, because it will just become YOU.

Have a blessed day, sweethearts. Be kind and generous with you. Do the things that your heart and soul crave to do. Stop asking for permission from others. Stop waiting for others to fund your worth. You got this!

Faith in Humanity


I am finishing my coffee and getting ready to head to work this morning. As I was making my way into the kitchen something powerful hit me: The words, “I am not giving up my faith in humanity.” I wasn’t even thinking about anything of importance. I began brewing my second cup of java and while standing in the middle of the kitchen the words echo once again and tears began to cloud my vision. I understand why these words link together. I am seeing so much negativity in social media…the snippets of news I hear along the day…the comments made by friends and family. I hear from one ear the necessary things and discard the rest. BUT, I am not influenced by what anger and fear have to say. I believe in the human spirit. I believe in humanity. I truly believe that things escalate when we continue to shed light into the darkness.
Think about how France and the USA are now embracing each other in ways that for years they have not done so. I remember visiting Paris years ago and not being welcomed kindly when I spoke in English…but when I switched to Spanish I was served with friendliness. Think about the amount of people these issues have touched. Think about how we are fighting one cause together. I don’t like the word “fighting” but for those who are military or completely determined to beat the shit out of someone else the word brings masculinity. I get it. Things break. Our hearts get fractured from all the violence and crimes. And then, that fracturing begins to slowly heal. Oh my God, when does it stop, right? Well, I am still NOT giving up my faith in HUMANITY. The moment we lose faith the enemy wins. That simple!
I know I am a bit naïve. Okay, maybe too naïve, but I have to believe in the core of my spirit that things happen to bring humanity back on track. We have to stop the freaking labels. We have to diminish the bigotry and racism. We are not black, white, brown, yellow or pink. We are not our religions: Christian, Jewish, Muslim or whatever. We are breathing beings trying to find our way in this planet. We are roommates trying to set boundaries on what the other person needs to feel comfortable. AND even roommates have turmoil in their living arrangements because we are all different: personalities, beliefs, culture, etc.
I am not giving up on humanity. I am going to go to work to read countless files of folks who are mentally ill, traumatized, and purely in extreme need of help. You want perspective…walk into a place that has lost hope. Walk into a village that has little water. Walk into a place that has thousands of folks living in filth. Walk into the lives of children without parents. Walk into a war zone of folks fighting all in the name of their God. It’s senseless, yes! It’s disgusting, yes! It’s truly demoralizing and it tears into your fears of what another human is capable of doing with hatred. Alienation, hatred and hostility do not disappear alone. These emotions begin to dissolve and suppress when we shine compassion and love to them. I don’t have the freaking answers to why these horrific acts of humanity happen. I don’t truly understand all the hatred. I don’t get the reason we hold on to issues without forgiving. But I have to promise my spirit that until my last breath I will not give up on humanity because I believe in us and the power of community. I believe in a higher power that brings us together. I believe in you. Together we can commit to bringing love and aid to others…not my judging or rejecting what’s happening…or criticizing another’s faith. We bring it home into our spirits by truly empathizing and realizing that what happens over there is also part of our stories. May you have a beautiful day…and may you realize that you have the power to change the world one heart at a time!

The Principle of Charity







When I was studying for my degree in psychology I remember learning about the principle of charity.  This principle in philosophy is the basis of being charitable in the opinions and arguments of others.  Just like “charity” and giving in our daily lives, the principle of charity is about not biting someone’s head off because you don’t agree with what they are arguing or discussing.  It is also about providing a generous consideration to other ideas that might not be in the same belief as your own. The principle of charity does not stop others in the attack of opposing views, but it allows an open mind to sit, listen and perhaps digest another opinion without immediately disagreeing with it.

The reality is that the principle of charity allows my beliefs and position to be heard without being judged immediately…that is if the other person understands this principle as well.  As I watch, read and hear the political craziness going on lately I take into account this principle.  It always takes a shift in consciousness and what’s important in life to join together in humanitarian compassion.  This week is the passing storm in Mexico…the continuous fighting in the Middle East…the remnants of world issues.  All you have to do is turn on the news and you are bombarded by something extravagant that is OUT THERE.  But, weathering the storm and the aftermath is much more relevant right now as opposed to who will be running our country in just a few months. Why is it that we, as the human race, forget the simplicity of connecting to one another?  Why is it that we have to have mass destruction (or the possibility of disasters) to stop and remember about what’s important…our interconnections and survival?  We are living in giant bubbles of chaos running around in separated ant colonies getting from point A to point B…and what for?

I don’t agree or disagree with politics.  I don’t care who is gay or straight.  I don’t give a thought to the hatred that religions create all in the name of God against each other.  What I do care about is unity, love and peace.  I care that our neighbors in other states might not have warmth, electricity, homes or safety in days to come.  I care about the animals outside in the cold, crops and farmers who will lose substantially.  I care about those things that make us human not monsters of intolerance and disassociating behaviors.   I care about the homeless man sitting on the side of the road with a sign that breaks me for having food in my house. I care about the disabled souls trying to find comfort in a world not created to support them and their needs. I care that tonight while the wind is blowing up here in the mountains I am thankful for heat and a roof over our heads.  I care that I might not make a difference anywhere else but in the lives of my children and husband.  I am not here to win any prizes.  I am here surviving, existing and moving through the ant colony but with the awareness that I need to keep my heart wide opened to the principles of love and charity.  I am consciously evolving in the understanding that there is work to be done and one person can’t change the earth but many hands working together can sure create miracles.

The principle of charity should also include “charity” in the literal way.  Being generous, caring, compassionate, and having brotherly love is why we are here.   May you remember this simple principle in philosophy that is not only for agreeing (or disagreeing) in discussions, but in extending your heart and touching another who is in need of support!  God bless…love and light.

You are the secret


You want to know a secret? You have all the answers to your life. You can sit in silence and speak to your higher self asking for guidance. I get folks calling, texting, and emailing me for answers to what is already fully available in them. I am not giving them anything they don’t already know. Sometimes people just want permission from another to go through a change. At other times the crude reality of difficult decisions is too much to handle alone. BUT…but...YOU hold all the answers to your present situation. You get to mold your future.  

We go to counselors, therapists, fortune tellers, religious leaders, gurus, and any one out there with a spec of hope. We give another person the right to tell us what we need to do. We give them our power while diminishing our own guidance. YOU HOLD THE SECRET TO YOUR LIFE. No one else can tell you what needs to happen. We do want confirmation. We do want to know that we are acknowledged and understood. We do want to know that we are not alone on this journey. This is the best part of a support system, but ultimately YOU HOLD THE POWER to your story.

If you continue listening to others’ opinions you might be directed in the wrong path. Listen to your gut. Pay attention to your intuition. If it feels wrong…IT IS! If it feels great follow that. You don’t need me or anyone else telling you what to do.

I am here to listen when I can. I am here to allow you to go through the process of figuring things out…but DO NOT expect answers that you know deep within. I will not tell you what you should do because it isn’t my business to do so. I can give you suggestions, examples of how I’ve lived through similar events, but you can’t hold me responsible for your decision making. I don’t know anything but my own guidance for me.  YOU HOLD THE KEY to everything in your life. Use that key to find the right lock and discover your authentic power. You got this!

Sometimes life is a river


There has been some intense vibrational energy moving on overdrive the past few days. I have felt dizzy, nauseated, one minute hot and the next with chills. I’ve had a low fever at times while experiencing the in’s and out’s of time. The challenge has been in keeping track of my day. I don’t know how I would have done it had Matt not taken care of the baby all weekend. He left with her Sunday for a few hours so I could sleep. I was awake and then I was not. Same throughout the night.

A little while ago I took a salt bath with lavender. I am now sweating whatever has been activated. I haven’t had any alcohol since I began the Prozac over a month ago. The best thing I have ever done was rid myself of the occasional wine. And, once we sell this place the anti-depressant will be in the garbage. This is all well and great while going through the process of eliminating and shifting. It’s a band-aid over a wound that needs healing. Eventually I need to let it breathe. I am all for medication as long as I understand it isn’t going to fix the end result. It is aiding me in getting back to my truth. No one can know what goes on in another’s soul. I believe help arrives in many different ways. There’s no need for judgment.

A week after I began taking the pills I was in the French Broad River with friends white-water rafting. In the middle of paddling and being instructed…”one, two…” I heard nothing. The voice in my head had somehow stopped. I felt that sense of being outside of me. Finally the medicine hit me and out in the wilderness of the unknown. What a metaphor! It’s one of those things that was so apparent that I had to pep talk myself to the edge of the river to get off and come back into me. The anxiety was gone. It was as if someone took my head out of my ass and I was breathing normally again. I was able to see and hear and enjoy the river without having to control the thoughts.  I had been on such a tremendous panic mode for so long that I didn’t realize how sick I had become. For the rest of the day I got quieter. Friends asked if I was okay. I couldn’t really say what I was and I was not ready to share that I was taking medicine. I was feeling the release of everything that had me so tightly held inside while being on that gorgeous river. With each dip and level I was able to find Millie again…the level-headed woman who can focus.  I found love for me through the scenery of nature.   

Anxiety is born from fear of the unknown. The need to control a situation begins to escalate and before you realize it your world spins out of orbit. It’s not an emotion I do well. I used to live like that but I had not for a long time. What it created was the injustice and unfairness of not following my spiritual truth. No, the pills don’t bring me spirituality. My spirit, my essence, my knowing bring me back to spirituality. My authentic truth is regained through the process of eliminating the fears of what will be, what might happen, and what can I do. The only thing I can do right now is heal. There is room to breathe. Depression, sadness, anxiety and the weakening of mentality is a HUGE cry for change. I am glad that for the third time in my life I have said, “Okay, I can’t do this alone. I need something to help me get pass this event.” Each time after a few months I recharge and find my center.  I am not a good pill taker.  I am not consistent with anything but love and my spiritual practice.

Since Friday afternoon there has been energy in vortexes outside. I have opted to stay indoors. I can hear the expansion of something happening. Old paradigms get activated when we try to rationalize what is going on. So I don’t. I move through forgiving myself for anything that has caused me discomfort…for allowing the ego to take the wheel.  My mind and spiritual body know better.  I forget at times.  When it doesn’t feel right I continue allowing and honoring my spirit by staying quietly in my room. Whatever was passing through cosmically seems to be ending. This is the gift of an empath…the knowing that everything passes with time. I don’t feel the buzzing of intense energy vibrating at a totally different rhythm. I feel me again. I have sweated and purged so much in the past three days: emotionally and physically. I have prayed, meditated and listened to fantastic Chakra music.  I have allowed Spirit to guide me through this small retreat. I have released what had been suffocating and strangling within the cellular levels of my knowing. I know the answers to me. I am finally able to revisit the calmness. It’s not a pretty sight to go through crap without really knowing how it will show up at the end. I cannot verbalize what I don’t understand while moving through the healing. I need the space alone to do so. Luckily, I have folks who understand this about me. I am blessed.

Last night before I finally fell asleep I asked consciousness to get rid of anything that isn’t for my highest calling. I have been releasing ever since. We forget that we have the power to demand our bodies to heal. We have the knowledge and the know-how but refuse ourselves the decency to feel the strength inside of us. We forget. We forget that we are God, divine wisdom, spiritual beings in human form. We need reminding every so often. I have to give myself a pep talk every so often to remind me that I hold the key to my life: health, abundance, growth, body, mind…everything. I got this! And, like me, you have the answers to all you need! You are not alone in this journey…there are many of us weaving the fabric of humanity to change! It’s magical…it’s Godly…it’s us!

Be the light…


When you blow out the light of a candle where does this light go to? It becomes part of the darkness…but the ability to turn back on is still there. This is how we are! At times the light is blown out and we need a reminder to light up again. We need others to guide us. Be the match that lights another. Be the light that finds the wick and illuminates. Don’t allow darkness to take over forever. You have the most beautiful ability to cast radiance over others. Use love to reach another. Have the courage to explore the darkness but the knowing of when to cast light on it. You are the light of all lights!

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”  ~ Plato

There’s no shame in asking for help


There comes a point in everyone’s life where there’s no return. You pass the point of certainty and assurance. The doors close. The windows are nailed shut. Surviving is too much. The darkness embraces you in a warm blanket of despair and it just feels better to stay there. Depression hits anyone. It doesn’t care about social status, gender, age, race, or ethnicity.  Depression doesn’t care that you are “tight with God,” a church goer, a monk, or even the most spiritual being out there.

In 2001, right after 9/11, I woke up on a cement floor in a park close to midnight. I didn’t recognize my surroundings. I walked out of that park and believed that it was 1987. I had blood in my hair and forehead, scratched knees, my body was mangled. I was in search of a home I had in 1987 which was nowhere near where I was living in 2001. In my disorientation I could not make heads or tails of who I was or what I was doing in that neighborhood. After a long and brutal awareness with the police I ended up in an ambulance alone on the way to a hospital. I looked like a drug addict, rape victim, all bruised and disoriented and because my answers didn’t coincide with the events of that year, I was treated unjustly. Later when I woke in the ER I found my life had moved many years into the future. The husband I had at 19 was not the same at 33. I had six children and couldn’t remember a single face.  I had no clue what had happened to me. The new partner in my life was a man who truly manipulated everything and just being in the presence of this stranger made things worst.  How could this be my life?  I had entered The Twilight Zone.  The universe was playing a sick joke on me.  I surfed a million of emotions during those days.

When I was released from the hospital, still without a clue of how I lost my memory or what I was doing in that park so late at night, a friend visited me at home. I didn’t recognized her, but she sat with me outside as I held my head sideways on my shoulder. The spinal tap had done a number on my system. I was leaking spinal fluid and nothing was holding me up. The headache and pressure were astronomical and I have never felt such severe pain ever since. My life was being sucked out of me every second. But, this friend confided that days prior to this event I had called her and told her that I was going to end it all. It was time to check out.  The struggling was way too much.  There had to be something better. We had lost all our money. We went from being millionaires to having $10 in our account. I told her that I had driven my car on and off the expressway ramp to an overpass bridge and I was going to ride myself off it (but the fear that I would hurt another was too much to bear). She continued to tell me that she had been so worried that she prayed that someone would knock some sense into me. Her prayers were answered. Hearing this about my life as if it wasn’t me made matters worst.  I was listening to a story that didn’t pertain to me. I had no recollection of such an event. What a horrible life I was living! NO wonder I got a break.  The injury was a blessing and the lessons from it transformed me into a different person.

Days later, after being admitted into a psych ward, the memories began to reappear slowly. I had been hit on the back of the head by a teenager with a racket and left on the ground. I have no clue how long I was unconscious. The thoughts began to collide with a new reality. I fell right back into the deep depression. The universe gave me a small pause, an opportunity to regroup, but the emotions were still deep in there. The worst part of all was not being recognized, not being heard, and the delusion that everything was perfectly fine back at home. The weeks that followed became a game of survival. No one spoke of the event. No one asked me how I was feeling. Things between my ex and my mother (who was living with us) moved in their own narcissistic way. Dying was easier than living. But, on that psychiatric floor, witnessing true devastation, and many who had lost loved ones in 9/11 I began to count my blessings for a short period of time.  And, although I have a huge memory loss of events before that accident I can still remember the smell of waking up on that park floor, the taste of blood on my lips, the lemon size clot on my forehead, and the disorientation of self.  I was given a second chance.

There’s something about the dark hole that doesn’t understand rational analysis. This place doesn’t care how much you try to correct the behavior or fix the initial problem. It’s not just one problem. It’s not about readjusting thoughts and aligning them with happy ones. That shit doesn’t work when you are inside the hole without a ladder, food or light. Depression is brutal and it requires a village of hands to pull you out of it and sometimes some excellent drugs to help get to the root of how you got into that darn hole. As I write this I am thinking of a dear friend who is battling through this. I have lost several folks in my life because of this tyrant goon. I don’t want to lose anymore. I understand the hopelessness, helplessness, and faithless behavior. Ego has a way of adding more to the stories than are really there. It’s part of disorder.

I have been fortunate to have people who love me and see when I begin to slip. I am not always up in the air with joy. I am human. We all have sad moments. But when the sadness starts to take over and living becomes a challenge….darling, that’s time to get help! This is nothing to conquer on your own. There’s no shame in asking for a hand. Vulnerability is part of the process.

I say this from the bottom of my heart: if you are reading this and there’s a struggle (a tug and war) between living and dying PLEASE get help. Spirituality and psychology can only go so far if you don’t reach out to another. I can pray and meditate and distract myself for days, but if depression is lurking none of that helps. You are not alone. You don’t have to feel alone. That’s an illusion. Make a list of all the things that bring you gratitude. Make a list of the things that have brought you joy. Get up and make the call to God, a friend, a therapist, and take the hand of someone who cares. Depression is not something to battle alone. I am still here. You are still reading this. There is still HOPE!  Please don’t be another statistic.

Have a blessed day. Make it a great one. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Exposed Frailty


I asked for help

divulging my fears,

sharing my truth,

openly showing up

to meet you

in the rawness of all

I have ever done,

never tried,

and can’t let go.


I embraced bravery

letting you

sit with the exposure,



strengths and



There is freedom

while standing naked

in the light



in your presence

with tears,


no swords or shields

to protect me

from the old beliefs

of asking,




without shame,

doubts and uncertainty.