When I began to write on social media I recognized quickly I would be neutral. I rarely discuss politics, religion, and my personal relationship with those close to me. I will touch lightly on those things in a way to share a message but I won’t go into argumentative sharing.
Because that energy is not who I am. I won’t entertain harshness. It has nothing to do with not honoring our duality of dark and light. It has to do with how I choose to stay in a higher vibrational space. I am not blinded by some fairy sparkling light that doesn’t allow me to see the hate and darkness in the world. Believe me I have experienced lots of life.
I am the most imperfect person I know. I am real. And I am vulnerable and raw. If something hits me I will keep scrolling. I can love you from here and not desire to sit there and argue with your personal perspective. We are all coming from our own level of awareness.
I will continue to come from a place of peace. I learn a lot on social media about our society and the state of our world. All you have to do is read and recognize the division.
I’ve said it before and I will say it again since I got a message from someone who didn’t like what I posted from a positive perspective: this is my page. I will continue to show up through love. It’s how I live my life. I’m not here to impress anyone. I am here sharing my muses like kisses from an old friend.
I am not interested in getting into some conflicting debate about beliefs. I want to see you and your heart; how you treat others when you don’t agree with them; how you call yourself a compassionate and spiritual soul and truly love as such. I am here to feel inspired by you. I am here to just love even if we don’t agree. I can see past that.
This is our humanness. I love all aspects of it: the messy and the clean.
Your theories and beliefs are yours. I love you for taking your perspective and sharing it with others just like I do. But, please respect mine. Do not send me messages condemning me for “trying to be a bullshit love goddess.” (Had this person called me a “bullshit love fairy” I might have been a little insulted). I sent this person a sweet love letter asking if we could talk and maybe learn more about each other. Obviously I needed it. I wanted to feel this person’s spirit. But, I was then blocked.
Keep scrolling. Unfriend me. But I get to choose what I post and how I show up here. I love… with some inappropriate humor… but I love. That’s how I roll!
Last month I celebrated the 52nd anniversary of my existence in this life. I feel the heaviness at times of half a millennium. And other times I marvel at the joy of not giving a crap with this age.
I was such a strict-over-the-top-controlling person. I was always stricken by anxiety. Everything had to be just so. I was not a perfectionist which seems ironic. It was the need to make sure that things were in order: the house, business, kids, family, friends… basically I took little time for my needs. And several times I almost died as if my spiritual guides were yelling, “Yo, WTH will it take for you to just slow down and enjoy yourself without worrying about others? Breathe, woman, breathe!”
At this age, especially during this time in history, I have stopped a lot of that old programming. The only time it shows up is if I am struggling with something and the house gets a deep cleaning, decluttering, and my husband takes notice to stop me and ask what is triggering it. To which I become aware of the old behavior. I take the time to honor the emotions rising instead of busying myself in avoidance.
It’s a privilege to be here. This age. This time. With these sweet people in my life. I don’t take it lightly. But I also keep gaining a wicked sense of humor that helps me with the deep indents of laugh lines on my face.
My hair is grey. My body is fuller and softer. I hurt myself with ridiculous stupid movements at times. I have hair coming out in places that shouldn’t have and hair has stopped growing in normal places too. I don’t often recognize the reflection in the mirror but I laugh at who is there. I don’t get as annoyed or angry as I used to in my youth. I am forgetful and this is great for those who share personal stuff with me. I truly don’t hold grudges. I am experiencing a delightfulness of finding inappropriateness and humor to simple comments. I don’t see things the same way I did when my attitude was so rigid.
Sometimes I wear all the colors together. Other times I am mindful that tutus and boots don’t always work well with certain places out there. I told my husband recently that I will be one of those eccentric old ladies. To which he answered, “You ARE already an eccentric old lady!” I cannot imagine what else will evolve in the next twenty or thirty years. I am a better mother because I am able to feel childish at times.
One thing I know for sure is that we are all on borrowed time. Tomorrow isn’t promised. I only get this moment. So why not make the most of it. Anything else is a bonus.
Let’s stop obsessing about things we can’t control or change. Let’s recognize how blessed we are that today we are here. Let go of the past regrets and resentments and live life in the now. When I worked with dementia patients I learned that what is important is living fully. Anything is carrying a ball and chain of emotional baggage that does nothing for your soul.
Instead of making your life a giant question mark make it a huge exclamation mark of yumminess. Life is one Tada moment after another.
Loving you fully right now. Right here. That’s all we truly have. Be you. Be the best you and stop worrying about how others see you. It’s all too heavy. Please put it down, sweetheart. Your soul will be at peace.
The wind was wicked all night long in this corner of the mountains. Children slept. We all slept. It was a rare night indeed. But sometime during the middle of the night the wind took over. It is still howling and it forces me to return to my own breath. It allows me to return to this moment.
I begin to understand again. I return to my remembering:
Who you are today is a compilation of every past experience. And, you are nothing of what you will be tomorrow. That’s the beautiful mysticism of understanding the evolution of the soul… especially during these times.
We’ve never been here before. What a journey this is for each of us. For our planet. For our soul evolution.
You are the universe embodied in a human vehicle. You are a zillion cells and infinite years old. Things change every second. I urge you to pay attention.
I’ve been wealthy. I’ve been poor. I’ve been a follower. I’ve been a teacher. I’ve been an avid student. I been a mother. I’ve been a wife and a lover. I’ve been angry and happy and lost and found. I’ve been broken and pasted back together mending in my private times. None of those labels will define my tomorrow because I am ever changing…but they have defined the soul I’ve become at this moment. Every single challenge and experience has molded me. It’s never the end. We are semicolons pausing and quickly beginning a new phase. Every single day.
Just as the sun rising and the night returning…You get to restart and reinvent yourself over and over. It’s a divine privilege. It’s your human right.
So don’t let the stress of tomorrow overshadow the sacredness of presence now. You will never be this young again. You will continue to grow in spirit and the moment you become aware of your power life will begin to shift.
I love you. Be present. Make it a point to stop, have a conscious breath, and taste your life for what it is. Whether it’s good or bad it is your life. And you can change it whenever you accept that this is not a prison life sentence. It is truly a magical experience of endless proportions.
It’s time to shift your awareness and perspective. It’s time to truly be the most amazing version of yourself. The world needs it. It needs you to heal and help others heal.
To blame others for my full participation in the drama is moronic. I cannot blame someone for me staying in a toxic relationship. I can blame my inability to move away from the fear and manipulation from that person while giving away my power. But he or she were not holding me captive. My perspective of the obstacle was my enemy.
I cannot blame someone else for screwing me up in business. I participated knowing that person’s character. But I did it anyway.
Most of the obstacles, events, and experiences that we believe are happening to us (while in victim mode) are happening through us.
Read that again if you can’t grasp it!
You have created a life that is comfortable even in the discomfort. You know it fully. You might hate it. You might be stuck in the past beating yourself up for mistakes and then taking it out on the world. You continue to blame everyone around you. But I can assure you that when you spiritually connect to your truth you will figure out that no one is to blame for many of the things you endure. Your past determines a lot of your future choices so be mindful of the journey. You get a tremendous opportunity, daily, to shift gears and make something out of your life.
Have courage. Rise above the victim mentality into something that teaches you invaluable experiences.
And yes, there are cases of abuse and violence that you didn’t ask for, or consciously attracted. There are diseases and so much that we don’t get a say on. There is still bad in the world.
We have duality in our lives. We move through the dark into light a million times. We get to choose how, when, and where.
Blaming everyone else for not having the right job, or being in a shitty relationship, or not having enough money is truly inexcusable. Pointing fingers at everyone else instead of moving inward and finding the answers is pure avoidance.
You have the power to change your circumstances one step at a time. When you leave the victim mode you will begin to take control of your life. Trust in your capacity to manifest. Believe in your innate and divine ability to set healthy boundaries. Most of us were not taught this early on. It’s all about reprogramming your wiring. Show up. Keep going. Manifest your desires. You are in control of your thoughts. Start to shift into a higher vibrational frequency.
You’ve got this!
Ohhhh today’s Solar Eclipse!!!
Remember the 80s song Total Eclipse of the Heart?
Are you feeling the expansion?
Sweats, heart racing, nasty headaches, nausea and some other body spasms? The last few days have been a programming of ups and downs full of lots of emotions. Heart blasting ones. Memories from the past have felt like an eclipse of time.
You aren’t going crazy. There are several retrogrades in the cosmos as well. It’s some yummy intense energy in the esoteric realm pushing awareness and waking the body up. It’s asking (actually it’s begging) us to pay attention and open ourselves to love and truth.
How do we grow? Through discomfort most of the time. It’s unfortunate but a true observation.
Allow for these discomforts to show up and move on. Don’t overdo it. Be gentle with your body. Be kind to your thoughts. Meditate. Be still but do something that brings you joy. Stop beating yourself up for what you’ve done or don’t do. It’s truly remarkable to be in your spiritual body and recognize that this is not real. You are a spectator of your movies and drama. Do not second guess yourself.
Now go hug your spirit. It’s working really really really hard this week trying to stay in this human chaos.
I love you. Love yourself as well. Have a blessed day.