Where is Home for You

Each time I step away for a bit into nature I mumble to myself, “I am Home.” Then I ask myself on the next breath, “What is that? What is it that defines home?”

At times home is a description, an intricate noun of familiarity setting a place, person, or thing to feel a connection to our soul. I am home with my children around me feeling safe. I am home while holding a friend’s hand in need. I am home through laughter and deep conversations. But my true home, where I find peace, solace and acceptance, is nature. Whether it be on a river kayaking or collecting heart-shaped rocks, or sitting on a giant boulder witnessing a waterfall, I am home again. The outside world becomes an illusion. Struggles don’t exist in the mind.

Nature doesn’t judge or asks anything of what I’m not. It accepts my essence in just being present in the stillness of the now. In these moments problems melt, and like decomposed soil, I shred the inklings of my humanness and become light in spirit. It is meditation at its finest. It is life at its sweetest. Nature allows me to get lost and find myself in the center of the universe. I will always search for glimpses of nature throughout my days.

Home.
It’s the seat of our soul. It’s the essence of awareness. It’s the OM of all universal wisdom. May you find it like we did today. And may you also feel the call of God through those things you witness.

Where is home for you? Please share in comments. I love you.

New Energy of Love

The first night in a new house is like being with a new lover. You listen to the noises attentively. You touch things with new eyes. You notice as much as you can hold in your senses. You study the forms and shapes of everything around you. You begin to hold space for it and the gifts the energy will bring. You gently feel the sacred gratitude making mental notes of what is and what isn’t.

There is love pouring out of you with dreamy expectations of the future. There is acceptance without judgment. There is desire and ideas of what you will do together, who you may entertain and what will keep you safe. This is when the magic begins in any relationship. The unknown is ecstatic.

Each picture you hang, each plate you put away, builds to the excitement. You are enticed by the novelty, the unknown, and the purity. It’s a blank canvas, and like a lover, it needs attention for you to be mindful of every inch of exploration.

Some houses have ancestral histories, traumas, that are seen months later through unrevealed issues. They start to retaliate with problems while others feel as if you arrived to a place of complete belonging. They hold energy inside their walls. Like a lover, patience and acceptance are required. You cannot heal without permission. A house needs love. It needs time. It requires peace without pushing or pulling too quickly.

On that first night you allow for the magic to enter. You create from a place of vulnerability. You put down your hair and begin a new journey. You speak to it with loving intentions. Like a new lover…you dive into that space with uncensored love.

You mold into the space until you are one.

In return it will welcome you with complete bliss. It is home….

You are finally where you belong.

~m.a.p.

Moving On

I have moved A LOT in my life. I’ve moved without kids, with many of them, and with little ones. I’ve moved homes, businesses and relationships. Each time the moment arises I get down to it and just pack. I am a Tasmanian Devil quickly getting it done.

This time it feels different. My husband and I finally bought a home together. There seems to be a shift in this new move. There is a sacred settling. A peaceful awareness that this home is OURS.

I am not an easy person to live with. My head is way out there and I tend to retreat myself into seclusion when I am overwhelmed. And when I’m stressed I am on autopilot and tend to get sick. My husband watches and supports as needed. I love that he truly allows me to be me in entirety. He also knows exactly when to shift my mood with laughter.

Our lives, as a couple, changed drastically July 19th, 2017, when he almost died in a car accident. Whatever happened to us before that crash (because relationships take work and sometimes take drastic changes) catapulted us into something mystical. We grew together. We buckled down and reached to the core of some intense love that hadn’t been there before that crash. He began to align our dreams, merging into many that have been manifested this past year.

And here we are…two kiddos, moving, traveling, expanding spiritually and through faith. It’s been a roller coaster ride lately.

Within a month we got our little boy from Florida, got him situated in a daycare, fought the system like a motherf**** to the point I got sick (because there is corruption in Florida and their privatized child/foster laws), and purchased a home we will close in two weeks. And I am beyond grateful for a job whose folks support every movement I make. I couldn’t do it any other way!

There has been a busyness that has sucked the life out of me. But this morning, two little ones in tow, I began to pack up an entire house as my husband left to be with friends (always easier when I am alone)! When he returns most of the house will be packed…(maybe it’s an unrealistic goal but by God, the Aries in me will try)!

Life is full of miracles. This last month has proven just that. I am surfing the cosmic highway with seatbelts on and my hands freed to pack and care for two demanding little ones who also have been sick.

Moving forward. Moving on. Just moving…has been the theme. With each bin I fill, a box I throw out, a drawer I take apart, I am reminded of the life I’ve built. I am greatly and gratefully aware of how sweet my life is. I never imagined this…not like this. I had no point of reference for this type of bliss and awareness.

Thank you all for the constant prayers you all give me through this journey. I am blessed and truly feeling the loving support of my tribe.

To my readers…you keep me going.

I love you. ~m.a.p.

Welcome Home

“Welcome home!” I want my life to say that. I want it to salute every person who enters my space, not just my home, but my presence while feeling the simplicity of those words. I want to create an atmosphere of love, blessings, comfort and peace. Whether they enter our home, or I enter their own space, I want to believe they feel those words. I hope you can grab a chair, squat and share.

Home is the heart of our spirits. A house is a building, but home can be anywhere your spirit welcomes another. “Welcome home!”

Welcome home to that place of simplicity, love, serenity, joy and communion. Welcome to the life your spirit craves to share with you and others. I am learning that the purest form of an authentic life is in allowing others to love and feel loved no matter where they are…no matter at what level of consciousness they are experiencing.

I will never forget a famous quote by the author Toni Morrison: “At some point in life the world’s beauty becomes enough. You don’t need to photograph, paint, or even remember it. It is enough.” The beauty of arriving to the place of love and salutation is the best legacy you can leave for another…especially in this season that has been forgotten.

Welcome home, my friends, welcome to your life. Find the joy in the simplest of things. I promise that the spirit of divinity projects an amazing light from that place. I invite you to come and enter as you share the story of you…!

Have a deliciously wonderful week and wherever you are welcome home.

Coming Home

There are many times I have a yearning, an inexplicable ache, to return home to something I can’t pinpoint. I can sense it, taste it, smell it, but a part of my brain doesn’t let me figure it out. Then when I detach myself from the yearning I always find it is me waiting to acknowledge my authentic truth.

The little six year old is always there waiting with open arms, full of anticipation to play. No one will fill that space. No one is suppose to fill anything in another. Be honest and return to the dreams of a child. Back then you knew who you were and what you wanted. Forgive those who you allowed to turn you into what you are now. Forgive yourself for whatever you think you did or didn’t do. You can’t blame anyone. This was part of your journey.

Now…return to yourself with love…and live in the freedom of just BEing!

The Seat of the Soul


Each time I step away for a bit into nature I mumble to myself, “I am Home.” Then I ask myself on the next breath, “What is that? What is it that defines home?”
At times home is a description, an intricate noun of familiarity setting a place, person, or thing to feel a connection to our soul. I am home in my lover’s arms. I am home with my children around me feeling safe. I am home while holding a friend’s hand in need. I am home through laughter and deep conversations. But my true home, where I find peace, solace and acceptance, is nature. Whether it be on a river kayaking or collecting heart-shaped rocks, or sitting on a giant boulder witnessing a waterfall, I am home again. The outside world becomes an illusion. Struggles don’t exist in the mind.  

Nature doesn’t judge or asks anything of what I’m not. It accepts my essence in just being present in the stillness of the now. In these moments problems melt, and like decomposed soil, I shred the inklings of my humanness and become light in spirit. It is meditation at its finest. It is life at its sweetest. Nature allows me to get lost and find myself in the center of the universe. I will always search for glimpses of nature throughout my days. 

This afternoon I took a sweet woman to a doctor’s appointment. And I had to make a U-turn while on the way. I crossed the French Broad River and gasped at the scenery. She has intellectual disabilities but I went on and on about the beauty. She smiled at my whimsical expressions. “Isn’t it beautiful? It’s just magical. Like, look over there how the light hits the water. This is for reals!” She agreed. And I heard her gasped with deep gratitude for pointing it out. Maybe it was exasperation at my giddiness but I must believe that somewhere in her limited capabilities her spirit recognizes nature as home. 

Once I dropped her off she thanked me and said, “I liked the drive over water! It was nice.” Her eyes twinkled. She sparkled in truth of all she is…magnificent. 

Home. It’s the seat of our soul. It’s the essence of awareness. It’s the OM of all universal wisdom. May you find it like we did today. And may you also feel the call of God through those things you witness.

State of Grace

I stared outside the window

witnessing sky art

created by the heavens.

I reach inside,

searching for the warmth

of my soul

sending a “thank you”

to the Universe

for the splendid,

magnificent,

awed-stricken

gift of living

in grace.

In the silence,

through the walls

of love and serenity,

I find Divinity

whispering within

the echoes

of a chilling winter morning,

Ah!

YES!

“You are greatly welcome…!”

Shelter

The skin that I wear
has layers of years
molded to remind me
of the detours
I took long ago.

This body,
this shield,
is here to clothe
the very essence of
my being.

It isn’t a reflection
of what you see.
It is the comfort,
a home,
for you to find
and rest upon
with each word,
touch, and
embrace.

I am all,
and more,
less the masquerades,
of what others
expect.

I am me…
I am spirit…
I am.

New Beginnings

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I am reminded this morning about change. As I took the dog out this morning I noticed the reds are almost gone on the trees. The last of leaves are bright yellow and orange. Above on the ridges of the mountains is the beginning of winter…the dead-ness that arrives with this time. The creek has a large deposit of leaves waiting for a heavy rain. There is a baring and revealing that sits waiting to be noticed all around us. This is not my favorite time of the year. The rawness of having to move inward during the winter months is daunting at times. I need the sun, heat on my skin, and the brightness of days to guide me. But, I love these mountains of Western North Carolina and can’t imagine living anywhere else. Change is definitely evident. It’s in the trees, in the terrain and in all the new yummy things shifting in my life. The leaves don’t ask each other if they can fall or stay or change. They just move with the timing and season. To everything there is a season. We are not immune to change. It happens every single second of our existence. I am grateful. I am giddy for this shift and discoloration making way to growth in the near future. And…just like the last colorful leaves remain I take them all in for all their beauty. I accept what is and move on. New beginnings require the transformation of endings into mysticism.

Have a blessed day. Embrace the change ahead. I feel that this particular season will be magical!

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The Need to Find Home

growth

“Wisdom tells me I am nothing.  Love tells me I am everything.  And between the two my life flows.” – Nisargadatta Maharaj

I have been self-absorbed lately, so much to the point of trying to find purpose on a life I’ve created from love, faith and the awareness of lessons. Ever since I was a child I have always known what I wanted from life. I’ve never been without goals. Except now I am looking for “home” through the internal maze of consciousness. I am not depressed.  I have bouts of sadness at times because of loss, changes, and those who have come and gone, leaving me to question my humanity. I am left to question my character and how I have been part of others and their drama. But, I am aware that we all live through this because it sums the total of our lives. Without reflection and deep introspect we are nothing.

I was driving back from town early this morning and out of the blue, tears began to flow. I was overcome with joy, giddiness and something else. I know there is no such thing as “out of the blue” because inside of each one of us we know the answer to every moment, feeling, and choice. Our psyche will form false illusions through ego, but we all have the answers. I pulled to the side of the road shaking off “the whatever issue” that was strangulating me. Even though it felt good it also felt sad. It is that “whatever” attitude that brought me into releasing the tears. I was admiring the scenery coming up the mountain as the sun was casting minimal light through the fog making the bright colored leaves even more magnificent. I began to say the word, “home,” out loud.

I am home. At this moment I look back at a some very difficult years. I’ve had to re-establish my sense of identity and my purpose as things have evolved. Every change and challenge has pushed me to question my sanity, beliefs, and connections. I’ve made plans and now have had to deviate from many of them. However, the new journey has been delicious because it has shown me other parts of myself. But, at times thoughts transpire and I recognize them as small hiccups that push the internal needs to frustration.

The Divine has reshaped the map to the future with some humorous points. At times I see the irony and humor in the childish idea that I have control of my life. The joke is on me! I realize what home is now. I see it through the faces of loved ones, the places I’ve lived and the memories collected throughout my days. Home is deeper than a place of residence. It is something in me that remembers and settles with ease. This could be through anything. Home is the essence of who I am.

Something happened when I had the near-death experience almost three years ago. Something significant came back with me deleting all sense of fear. Normal problems now seem ridiculously dramatic circumstances trying to push my higher evolution to learn quicker. In this state of awkwardness I let things fall too easily at times, while at other times they grab a hold of me and suck the air out leaving a vast emptiness with answers to no questions. I don’t understand the struggle here on earth. I don’t comprehend the suffering. Where I went in those moments of leaving my physical body I was at peace.  I was engulfed by a light of love. Nothing compares to that. And this morning as I witnessing the reds, oranges and yellows on the mountains, I recognized that sense of awesomeness that must be experienced as I let go. I keep surrendering with constant clarity that whatever is ahead is rigged in my favor.

I want to live fully. I want to live to the highest desire of my authentic soul. I want to live with passion even when I have no clue to what is ahead. I want to watch sunrises and sunsets as often as I can. I want to see my children grow old, experiencing the magnificence of life. I want my friends around me through the tough and easy times. I want to drink wine, slack off, chase fairies at night, have fun, and still be responsible to know better. I want to keep waking up every morning to the smell of this body aging, growing, and expanding. I want my mate to hold me, touch me gently, wipe my cares and tell me that we will be together until we are not. I want to be guided my synchronicity and serendipity. I want to live a life that is meaningful to that light I witnessed as snow was falling outside of the hospital. I want to continue to hear autumn leaves wrestling while mimicking the sound of rain. I want to experience the changing of four seasons for sixty-something more years. I want to look in the mirror and see the best of me that no other person will ever see. I want to meet strangers and give them a smile to take with them. I want to continue to want things that money can’t buy. I want to stop the urgency of hurt in others and let them know that they are not alone.

Life is truly a bitch at times, but we get this incredible opportunity to make it whatever we want. This is our home. This is my home. Mass consciousness carries energy and it’s time to alter the negative vibes and make them positive ones.

I have become little in my “knowing” while constantly being bombarded by my guides and the remnants of passing souls on a day-to-day basis. It’s not easy to live among the living and still have a foot firmly planted through the veils of reality. I returned from that other dimension with a keen awareness of the miracle of consciousness. There is no description that can do justice to the world outside of this physical one.

Even all these years later I try to make sense of my need to go home when I see beauty unfolding as I did this morning. I continue to struggle with fitting in my body while feeling comfortable in my skin and those around me. I have this achy feeling of not belonging in this reality where the complaints outweigh the contentment in humanity. I haven’t a clue of what I want, as I used to, for so long in my life. There is no grounding until we wake up as spiritual beings. I feel that clearly nudging at me through meditation. There are people truly battling the claws of death through illnesses and they are holding on to life with passion (sometimes through fear). I am blessed to have a chance to stay here and breathe one more day.

We, in this human form, waste so much precious time expecting others to make us happy, tell us what we need and should do, and give us a reason to wake every morning. We live with constant stress of perfection that doesn’t exist. We want to know without having to walk the path. There’s no way! It’s better to live with the wisdom of experience, the open heart of love and the in-between world of accepting that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. It’s okay. It is in that world that, I guess, I find home time and time again. The sadness comes and goes. Joy and grace visit just as often. I will continue to move through this world holding tightly to what I do know is true for me.

As I type this I am witnessing the essence of earth dancing outside. This is the quietude of presence that assures me that what’s to come is beyond anything I could imagine. It’s in that anticipation that the willingness to continue spoils me and brings me joy. Won’t you meet me there? Grab a hold of your truth and let it evolve into the best you there will ever be. Your thoughts are ripples in the waves of mass consciousness. Together we will make this place home!