Message in Meditation

Trust is an emotional mechanism that was placed in our DNA when we began creation. The collective and society, through fear and other low vibrational frequencies, have caused it to downgrade. We question it. We don’t use it as we should. There is a default programming in its place. So we no longer just trust. We struggle with it. We have been shown over and over that it isn’t a means to survive. We don’t trust or allow for intuition to guide us.

When we return to our origins, through love, Trust will be the first input to be upgraded again. It is still in our DNA. It’s been muted. It’s been centuries of misuse and abuse. It is about to return as our guidance. Soon! We are being awakened slowly. It was designed to be right now in this time.

Humanity needed to experience all that it has endured. We are a stubborn race. We have more followers than leaders. And the leaders have guided through manipulation of fear and repression. They know how to play the part. The followers have also played their role. The imbalance is soon to tip the scales.

Trust will return with ascension. It will be intuitively available to guide us again. It is our internal GPS. Those who are ready will begin to feel it in their solar plexus and use it to create a new world. You are experienced the massive amount of energy at this time. Many will not question what the masses are leading. And in this trust we will once again become whole as one. There will be millions not ready to awake. It’s not your job to provide the push for them. Those are their lessons and contracts before coming into this incarnation. Your only job is to love and show love through your own journey. People don’t learn through words. They evolve through experiences. They see and imitate what feels good.

Don’t judge. Don’t manipulate. Don’t enforce your beliefs. Don’t attack. Don’t hate. Don’t do anything to force another to think as you do.

Love…over and over… is the key to open all the unlocked passages in humanity. Forgiveness heals through love. Trust opens because of love. We change and expand because of love. When in doubt just love. Accept it as the answer to all there is and all there ever was.

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Our Spiritual Truth

The source of divine guidance is ever present waiting patiently for us to remember of our power within. Once we open up to it, accepting there is no outer power separate from the self, it all starts to materialize.

We hold our world. We get to mold our lives. We cannot blame anyone else for fully participating in our creation.

Spiritual truth is acceptance of our decisions. It is knowing and believing that we are creators.

I’m seeing the miracles in that place full of clarity and knowing. It is the multiverse energy of truth. It’s the Christ Consciousness. It’s the Buddha mind. It is all that we’ve been taught to be without the dogma. It is all in us. It’s all that we were created to be.

Open up to it. Allow for it. Remember your power comes from within. You are not without anything. You are the greatest alchemist.

You want to know your superpower?

It’s love. It’s all about compassion, acceptance and love.

We use terminology that seems puzzling, like matrix or ascension when we talk about spiritual awakening. It’s not that difficult. There is part physics but the rest is who we are. The words are designed to trigger a memory, an emotion, that opens us up. It allows consciousness to expand and we vibrate into truth. The words we use also give power to what we create. Every syllable is magnetic. It attracts everything we want and need.

We are designed to grow and evolve into these human bodies. We are having a human experience while returning to our source of divine spirit. We come in through consciousness of pure love and leave via the same manner to become the heart of the collective. To be the All of Truth. To be the source of divinity and transpire into deeper love.

I love you.

Don’t Judge an Act of Love

We got a call on May 28th, 2014, from the Department of Social Services. My granddaughter was going to be removed from my daughter. I had two hours to go get her.

I paused. Even though I suspected and intuitively knew it was going to happen there was still a shock factor to the words.

My husband, then fiancé, without hesitation said while I was quiet with the investigator, “Where do we go pick her up?”

A few hours later she was in our care. This was his first child. She was my seventh. Her mother had arrived at nine years of age from Romania into my care. She has mental disabilities, bipolar and a rainbow of other disorders that have caused mayhem throughout all the years I’ve loved her. And, oh my gosh, how deeply I love her. She continues to teach me on a high level of compassion.

So we picked my granddaughter up at the agency. We had nothing but a box of diapers and bottles. They handed me formula and a car seat. We ran to get a playpen. We had to get some extra clothing. At the time our finances were also super tight. I had my last child home who was graduating high school the following month and would be turning 18 in August.

People always make two comments to me that shake me up. I wonder how humanity has made it this far. First one is “Did you have another option than to take her in?” (This is asked many different ways).

Second one is “I don’t think I could do it.” (Sometimes this is implied as if we are some kind of heroes. We are not. We are humans)!

It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks because until the event shows up no one really knows how they will react.

It took two and a half years of waiting and fighting to adopt her. Finally on December 1st of 2016, she was ours.

My daughter got pregnant with her second child and I heard from a woman in her building who took my number down from borrowing her phone. My daughter at the time was four months into her pregnancy. I felt it. She’s in Florida and we are in North Carolina. I would hear from her periodically. Since she got pregnant I heard from her only twice and when she did call I would ask and she would lie.

Her baby was born in April of 2017. She was alone. She didn’t know who was the baby’s father. I called social services and begged them not to let her take the child home. It took 10 months for anyone to do something. By this time he had been terrorized by her new boyfriend, had gotten pregnant again with her third and finally the county removed him from her care.  We got the call two months after he was removed, right around the time he was to turn one years old.

I was asked by the social worker if we wanted him. I was completely torn. My husband and I were to leave to Peru for my 50th birthday the following week. The social worker told me it was a long shot. I went home and shared with my husband who immediately said he wanted the baby boy. Our little girl needed a sibling. I called the social worker and told her we would take him. It took another six months of fighting with the system to get him. It was excruciating and exhausting. And, once again, the comments began with folks who believe they have the answers. “Not again! You aren’t going to take on another one…?”

Yet, something had changed in my life from all my other adoptions. My circle of friends are supportive. They are tribal. They gathered together and helped make this a wonderful experience. For the first time after seven other children, I had a baby shower. I was shown support from many. The few who had negative comments weren’t in my immediate life anymore. I changed and, therefore, my circle changed.

I won’t tolerate negativity any longer!

Our hearts determine our lives. I don’t judge anyone for saving a child. I can’t. I have learned after eight of them that I am here to mother many. My husband is an incredible father. This is his first rodeo and I’m navigating the challenges and struggles, the love and sleepless nights, the snuggles and cuddles, the reward of seeing two more children saved from a horrific situation. As for my daughter, she will continue to do whatever she wants to do. She’s allowed to because the system is corrupt. She lost her third child (immediately that she was born) and the baby is thriving in a beautiful home.

We are made from love to give love away as much, as often, and as freely as possible.

Adoption is a personal choice. Taking kids into your home is a remarkable way of giving back to this world. It is not for everyone. It’s not easy and these children are traumatized. They need assistance and patience. I ask that when you hear someone talk about adopting, or fostering, you can save the judgment and recognize the magic that’s happening to those little souls. You get to shape your perception and your words carefully.

Our lives are all connected. Each one of us. How you act and react is felt through the waves of consciousness. So…let’s be love.  Let’s be examples for the new generations. Let’s live through acceptance and awareness. You don’t know what’s in store for you tomorrow. You just never know what curve ball will be heading your way.


Welcome Home

“Welcome home!” I want my life to say that. I want it to salute every person who enters my space, not just my home, but my presence while feeling the simplicity of those words. I want to create an atmosphere of love, blessings, comfort and peace. Whether they enter our home, or I enter their own space, I want to believe they feel those words. I hope you can grab a chair, squat and share.

Home is the heart of our spirits. A house is a building, but home can be anywhere your spirit welcomes another. “Welcome home!”

Welcome home to that place of simplicity, love, serenity, joy and communion. Welcome to the life your spirit craves to share with you and others. I am learning that the purest form of an authentic life is in allowing others to love and feel loved no matter where they are…no matter at what level of consciousness they are experiencing.

I will never forget a famous quote by the author Toni Morrison: “At some point in life the world’s beauty becomes enough. You don’t need to photograph, paint, or even remember it. It is enough.” The beauty of arriving to the place of love and salutation is the best legacy you can leave for another…especially in this season that has been forgotten.

Welcome home, my friends, welcome to your life. Find the joy in the simplest of things. I promise that the spirit of divinity projects an amazing light from that place. I invite you to come and enter as you share the story of you…!

Have a deliciously wonderful day.

Expansion of Consciousness

I am grateful. Every cell in my body feels the honor and privilege of being here. I have a charming life. Even when there are obstacles and challenges I know I have a wonderful life.

I have a sweet meditation room. It’s a large closet in our new house that I converted into my sacred space. It’s a portal of sorts. Every time I sit to meditate I leave through its openings. I go off into other worlds. When I return to my body I recognize the gift that my life is. I become even more grateful. I make my daily intentions before getting up from the floor, right when I am blowing out my candles.

“Make me an instrument of your love, God. Show me how I need to serve….”

This morning was no exemption at 4am. The worlds opened up for me. I saw the universe. I visited the deep places in my consciousness that allow for healing work through me and out into the world. It’s magnificent.

It’s magical and mystical and…oh…so very yummilicious.

I work in the mental health profession and if folks hear me express all the “visions” I have I might be institutionalized. Because…we are a race consumed by fear. We must label everything. We must make sense of what we aren’t accustomed to experience ourselves.

I cannot help anyone if I don’t help myself with love. I cannot hear, feel, or touch the heart of another if I don’t live it through me.

For decades I went around like a lunatic trying to fix everyone. I needed to have focused on me first. When I finally dealt with my own darkness I was able to help light others.

Compassion is a gene that needs to be expanded at all times. It always starts with our own healing. It’s a light always available to shine all around us. It’s in the smallest of acts.

That’s why I wake at the hour that I do daily and go off into my other realms. I am a better spiritual being navigating this human experience.

Sending out abundance of love into the world today. I feel you. I love you.

Letting Love Live

This morning I had a memory of the first time I was stung with uncensored and unconditional love. I’m sure I had hundreds, or perhaps thousands of moments, but that evening seemed to stand out loudly.

My husband and I had been dating for a few months. I spent the night at his place. We had made love and only a candle lit the room. He had fallen sleep on his stomach. I turned over and saw him. The light from the candle enhanced his back muscles. I gasped. He was beautiful. I looked at his bare back in pure delight. Tears formed and I allowed for their release. He was sound asleep. I became very aware that he was mine, for however long that would be, and he was lovely. Not just because of his body but his sense of humor. I was falling in love. I was falling into a known territory that felt remarkably unfamiliar to all others.

I traced my fingers on his back softly following the shadows. He woke and turned over to his side while I kept rubbing him with my nails. At some point I fell into a slumber wrapped by his arms. The next morning as I drove the hour and twenty minutes home, I kept thinking of that moment that allowed me to fall so profoundly that every cell in my body felt the expansion of love. I literally felt a huge break in my chest.

Then I started to freak out. I felt I was losing myself. How could I? I’ve done this dance many times before. I had given all of me for years and not been reciprocated but what amazing lessons I had learned. I regret not a one!

As I watched the stretch of mountains ahead my heart felt a tingle and a pull. I was safe to fall. I was safe to rise towards the delight of being me…my authentic self without censoring from a man. The sun was rising over the landscape and I knew I had permission from the heavens to just feel the love that was to grow. I remember this many years later. I remembered it this morning as I watched him sleep in his stomach bundled under warm blankets.

Driving over the mountains that morning I recalled twenty years before when I was dating a lovely man. After we made love I fell asleep in his arms. Sometime after that I woke to him watching me sleep and the blinds wide open. He said, “The moon looks beautiful on your back. It makes your freckles look like stars!” He meant every syllable of that sentiment.

I buried my head on the pillow in embarrassment. I had a hard time taking in any kind of compliment.

I had never been seen…Or so I felt. He saw me. And when he died a year later a part of me died with him. Now noticing my new lover and his divine essence naked in front of me I felt all the love in the world that had been given, shared and exchanged. I felt it intensified and released in my soul. It wasn’t just a physical or emotional connection. It was a spiritual one.

At midlife I was finally me without apologizing.

And I allowed for all that was to come. He was mine then. He continues to be mine now. It has taken a tremendous amount of work and dance to stay in that love but it’s been so worth it. Because that’s what marriage entails. We are on the other side of that mountain of uncertainty and doubts. We are led by stars and candlelight through the darkest of obstacles.

We are in it because of the raw vulnerability from one another. We show up not always in perfect lighting. It’s in the unmade beds, crazy sleepless nights with kids, messy days, hard obstacles, little moments and unconditional love without judgment. It’s real life naked and fully clothed behind closed doors. I’m blessed.

Coming Undone

I was next at the check out counter in the grocery store. A woman with three small items came up behind me and I immediately asked her to go before me. She thanked me and was a bit shocked.

“This would never happen where I’m from!” She said.

“Where are you from?” I asked.

“Florida.”

I told her I was from there too. I laughed. The cashier said she was from there as well. I told her it had nothing to do with where you are from. It had to do with conscious kindness. She had three things. I had many more. I don’t even think about it as location or origins. I don’t think. It’s hard enough waiting in line. It’s not a big deal.

She looked lost in her thoughts. She began to come undone while putting her credit card in the machine. She complained about the weather being too cold, just moving here to Asheville, coming to live with her mother, having to start all over again. In less than three minutes I knew her life. She was younger than me. She was beautiful in a broken way that my heart wanted to grab her and cuddle her through love and compassion. She was completed disheveled by the act of skipping over me. I asked her to stop for one minute and just be. I asked her to just be with the moment. I refrained from going too close to her. She said thank you, paid and left. My words triggered something deep and she just couldn’t be.

I was getting in my car when I saw her still struggling with herself two cars down from me. I told her to have a good evening. To be gentle with herself. Tears formed. She waved and got in her car.

She didn’t want to be seen. She resisted the humanity. She was so deep into her own world of disappointments that she couldn’t get herself comfortable with anyone, let alone my presence. She couldn’t accept. She was way down in too much pain to feel me holding a candle for her release from darkness.

It’s okay. It’s okay to not want to come undone in front of a stranger. But, I hope that you come undone in front of someone. I hope you accept kindness and love and acknowledgment from someone. I hope you have a someone for this. It’s hard to witness and even harder to feel the feels of it all.

And this is what the holidays seem to bring up for so many. They feel forced out of their comfort zone and have to pretend.

So don’t. Don’t do anything you feel goes against your beliefs or your stability. Stay in the now. And make zero excuses for how you feel.

I love you.