Make a Life

birthIn our society we are taught that success is measured by the things we’ve acquired.  The categories of “success” are based on education, money, materialism such as a house and a car, career labels, what and how you wear certain clothing, etc.  But, success goes deeper than the concrete evidence of such categories.  It truly cannot be measured by “things.”  It has an abstract definition that is based on accomplishments.  Who made materialistic things the success-o-meter?  When did the consumption of these things become the status for our happiness?

The question I keep asking myself since I was one of those folks with the big house, fancy cars and money in the bank for extra spending, is are you making a life or making a living?  Do you allow success to be measured by class and materialism?  Or, do you allow triumph to be that which brings you a peace of mind and who you are is not what you do?  Most people seem to be living based on what they do and labeling themselves to that class.  In our tough economic times, I’ve heard of stories of professionals who have lost their corporate jobs and now are cashiers in the nearest supermarket.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Unfortunately, for those individuals their definition of success is tarnished.

Making a life brings joy, peace and a union with Divinity.  Making a living and placing all status and forms of success is temporarily.  You never know when things in life can change and your “status” will turn within moments.  If we travel down the path of this life consciously allowing for growth, through experiences and lessons, we can make a life.  Making a living is just that…you are making money to survive.  Don’t place your worth on what you have (or don’t have).  Place your worth on what you can give and receive from humanity.  You are the pilot of your life.  Success is measured by those moments that bring others into your space and light.  Look around and marvel at the people who surround you.  Are they bringing you down or lifting you up?  Are your children healthy and walking a path of joy without the pressures of society telling them they have to have a PhD. (which there is nothing wrong with having a doctoral.  It is a tremendous accomplishment but it shouldn’t define you)? Can you get out of bed each morning full of excitement to receive the day while doing what you love?

All the stress from economy, political agendas, religion and mass media is enough to bring anyone to a state of depression.  Start making a life for yourself.  Work because you must put food on the table but don’t let the job measure your triumph in this life.  As I am getting closer to ending this chapter of my life and not really knowing what is ahead for me, I am deleting the strains of over-thinking and putting a label to my career.  It’s freeing and sometimes frightening but it’s a way to truly live the moment.

Have a blessed day!

Sacred Sunday


C.S. Lewis said, “As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down you cannot see something that is above you.”  

Humility!  

I cannot look sideways or forward without looking inward first and foremost at my strengths and weaknesses. I am reminded how humility teaches me to be with love, with the self, and with God.

Falling on my knees in prayer I am connecting with the oneness of all there is and will ever be…divinity. Humility forces me to be kinder, gentler, while forgiving the things that come my way. The stronger the trials, the longer the patience, the easier it is to be humbled. There is nothing else to do. I accept the insults, the judgments, the heart aches and bring them to the understanding that they must uncover the triggers in my own faults. I choose the things that hurt to partake in a deeper union with Source. When things are easy there is no need to pray so this is an opportunity to strengthen my spirituality. Belief and faith bring forth the humble heart.

Stop the ego chit-chat, the self sabotage that arrives from giving others power over you. You cannot move with light and an open heart while worrying about what others perceive. It’s about how YOU live through your own experiences. Be present. Be aware. Be love. Be forgiving without making a spectacle of it all. Be generous with all that makes you kind. 

I challenge you to sit with your humility. I urge you to take moments of silence and accept the things you cannot change and not beat yourself up. The only control you have is in the choices you get to make for you. Find the balance between what is and what is not. I promise you will be amazed!!!

~m.a.p.~

Recognizing Your Worth Through Others

worthy

A little over a month ago I met a man through a friend for counseling and a reading on my specific roles and capabilities. He sat across from me with a bunch of charts, reports, and research for my human design. In his findings I came to see who I am and what I do, the things that need adjustments and many other components to my personality. I was able to recognize what truly moves me and makes me tick. I was able to understand what isn’t working for me as I enter my second act in life. As he moved from diagram to information I was taken aback by his sadness. He lost his husband a few months ago, the love of his life, and this man was very present in our meeting. I reached over to him, touched his hand, and told him that his partner was proud of him and how he’s moving on. I expressed that his life was still in turmoil but it wouldn’t always stay like this. I don’t know what else I might have said because the message was for him and not for me to remember. His eyes watered. Part of my human design shows my heighten intuition and he brought the message back to that awareness and how I needed to work from that place of “feeling and knowing.” He witnessed how I can shut everything around me and just go with messages from beyond without filtering.

But here is the thing: we fake things like actors in a role. We move through life with dramatic presence while hiding behind a facade. We hide behind our hurt and brokenness. We cover emotions extremely well.

Or, do we? Who are we fooling?

Our emotions bleed through other parts of our psyche and body. His emotions, especially anger and hurt, were evident at that moment. For me it is easier to decipher messages from Spirit when I know nothing of that person. At that moment I felt his despair and the need to just hold on tighter to his feelings until we were finished. I was overwhelmed by his tenacity in holding it together…and I am sure he does a great job at not sharing his most intimate thoughts, especially with a total stranger.  

This is the double edge sword of sensitivity. Feelings have a way of regressing, progressing and digressing. Loss is not something we can tuck away without facing it. It requires visitations, accepting and releasing. This lovely man might “know” this on a metaphysical level, but we are humans and, as emotional creatures, those things can be faked…up to a level. Emotions can be controlled on the surface, but by no means, will they remain hidden.

A few weeks later I walked into a store and I bumped into this man. He did not recognize me. He couldn’t pinpoint how he knew me. I had to remind him of weeks prior and his scientific findings on my human design. He immediately said, “Oh my, you look softer and lighter.” I hugged him, thanking him for a huge awareness in my life. Things have taken a 360 degree turn with me. I still don’t know what my future holds in terms of profession and purpose, but I no longer need to think obsessively about it. Thinking is not part of my architectural design. I told him that in his research of my personality, I realized that when I move through my “feelings and knowing” things always work out. My intuition and emotions guide me to the right path. It’s been a HUGE sense of freedom in recognizing why things get blocked when I start to “think.” I needed to get out of my head ASAP because things were being affected around me. He smiled and was moved with deep gratitude. Then we shared a few other things and tears began to fall quickly. He was grieving that day. He had no intention of leaving his house. Yet, he went to this little book store near downtown Asheville and found that the universe had an appointment for him. I had never been to that store and stopped that day to meet friends. I was there to remind him of his worth, greatness, and profound purpose in helping others. I love when the Divine plans these beautiful meet-ups. It never fails to remind me of how I love to be led by synchronicity and serendipity.

Our state of emotional connection with ourselves and others is magical. I have had many encounters with others when I’ve needed a pick-me-up. We are worth more than what we believe in ourselves. In those encounters with strangers I needed to hear and feel what they said at the perfect timing. This man did too. He has forever changed the way I perceive who I am and what I am doing here. Using his techniques and becoming aware of my emotional and physical bodies has allowed me to stand firmer in my truth.

Divine intervention is a magnificent source of love. It will guide us to find purpose and worth. It will force us to see who we are when we don’t believe in ourselves. May you find someone on your path today who can remind you of your presence and importance in this world. And, may it be an angel just like this man has been for me. Have a blessed day!

Lessons from a 2 year old

hugging

Today we went to several garage sales in downtown Asheville. I had Kali in her stroller when a little girl about her age started to wave at her. Kali extended her arms out. The little blonde girl with a sweet straw hat ran tightly into the stroller. They embraced like long lost sisters. It was precious. Nothing was said. No words ever left their mouths. They held each other for a few seconds, released while still staring deeply into each other and then waved goodbye. I couldn’t move. The little girl’s mother didn’t even see it happen as she was busy paying for her things. I stood there marveling at the energy between two little strangers and wondering: When did we lose this magical awareness of Oneness? At what age was that ripped out of our humanness? Kali went on babbling about the dog that passed by. We kept on walking and I thought again, “This is how I want to present myself to another. I want to make sure they see me and I see them, hug and then just depart until we see each other or not.” Lessons learnt about presence…they are priceless.

Mastering the Art of Humility

humility

It is easy to love those who fall into our way of thinking, accept us for who we are, and coincide with our perspectives.  The challenge in loving unconditionally is accepting those who hurt us deeply.  There is a humble skill in not allowing the ego to enter self judgment.  Loving those who are easy to love does not provide the lessons in forgiveness, compassion and letting go.  It is the vengeful, the enemies full of anger and despair, betraying our trust who push us to search for the humility in love.

Sometimes turning the other cheek seems like a weakness.  Sometimes it is the only thing one can do while embracing the silence of surrendering.  When we are in the presence of someone who hurts us it is a divine lesson.  It is impossible to see it this way when the pain and betrayal inflames the ego forming judgments.  It is heartbreaking, heart-wrenching, and despairing.  I am learning to see those folks as treasure givers.  They allow me to go within and see parts of myself I don’t really like.  These people become teachers in an intricate path of progress and a spiritual understanding of compassion.

Love has a million words, emotions, and theories.  It is attached to religions, politics, passion, relationships, and romance.  And, yet, in its simplest terms it is who we are, or should be.  We allow hurt from others because we love them in a way we expect them to love us in return.  Whenever our expectations of our individual realities do not match up this is when we hurt.  We hurt deeply.  The heart begins to expand through each fracture.  It’s in those moments that we learn the true meaning of vulnerability and humbleness.  It’s also in those moments that we are given the opportunity to rise and expand through consciousness.  We shift, we allow, and we grow in grace through divine connection.

Throughout history we learn from the great masters, religious leaders, gurus and humble people how to forgive and love unconditionally.  Some of these masters were no different than us.  The one thing they knew how to do, in spite of atrocious betrayal and unspeakable acts, is an endless understanding that faith in something higher than themselves. They knew that love cured all.

I am entering a place of humility with the past and those who have taught me to forgive.  It isn’t pretty.  I am still human and ego plays a huge role when I believe to be right in my actions. I am taking responsibility for my part in all that happens.  I am, after all, the greatest teacher for me.  As I step away from my mind and enter my heart there is a calmness and assurance that it is okay to let go.  It is perfectly fine to step away and allow those folks who believe themselves to be right (because in their stories they are correct).  We have freewill.  We have the ability to rationalize, analyze and move on.

The art of humility is not easy. Often times the ego conjures it up as a weakness.  Through meditation, faith and divine compassion I am learning to shut it up and push it out.  May you see those who hurt you as amazing teachers in your journey!  Step back and realize that we are all in each others’ stories.  Some are good and some not so much…!  Ultimately, love allows you to return to the divine you.   Love allows you to be the best version of you there will ever be to walk this journey.

A New Dawn

dawn

Finally having settled into a new home, I feel the nudges of dreams rattling me up with excitement. It’s been months since I could figure out what I am to do with this new chapter of my life. Closing down the retreat center was also shutting down many aspirations until a few days ago when I realized that the experience catapult me into the place I am now: a new dawn of mysticism.

I understand what it is to put up a front. I also understand what it feels like to know there’s something more to the present circumstances when life seems to be dragging you down. I am very good at hiding hurt for a long time. I shove disappointments into some chamber in my heart. I allow for things to settle and then…I open the chamber and sit with those emotions until I am spent. This is where decisions of truth come out and dictate what is best for me. Until I am ready to clean out and make peace I choose not to make major decisions. One bad day does not constitute a bad life. One bad year does not create a bad future. It is through vulnerability and nakedness that power is born. We have no choice but to go up and about while releasing those things through self-forgiveness. You cannot blame another for the choices you make. I participate in every action and reaction of my life. This period of time with uncertainty has finally concluded. I feel change knocking at the door and it feels good. I have forgotten to just breathe and let go. I have been holding my breath for so long that my insides feel stale at times. And, that’s the thing, somehow we forget to surrender. We forget that this moment will pass and that it’s all an illusion. Emotions are tangible equations that can hurt or enhance. It’s all in how you use them.

When we are in a depression, embraced by anger and disappointments, we forget to just let go completely. It’s easier to hold on to what you know. Familiarity seems comfortable but it isn’t. Often times we don’t allow ourselves the break of just being. Things will work out. They always do, with or without our acknowledgment. We all struggle through these economic times, personal losses, and the hardships of parenthood and adulthood. Many of us have to be stripped of everything materialistic in order to allow the ego to shut up. It is during drastic changes that souls rise to the occasion. We get an opportunity to witness strength and faith in character. We get to live by integrity while pulling on our truth to lead the way. We become vulnerable and available to Spirit for guidance. I have had several moments in the past eighteen months when I have doubted my own professional and personal path. “What am I doing here? What am I suppose to be doing? How can I contribute to my life? How can I live a purpose-passionate-driven life doing what I enjoy so much?” I have nothing but a million words…oh, the questions and answers move around in an infinite vortex. Then, through a shift in perception or move of location…the magic begins to happen. The veil lifts and I see all that is there for the taking. Nothing has changed except my attitude. Freedom is not a physical entity that appears like trying to exit a prison cell. Freedom is the acceptance of all that is happening and still choosing to move through with grace. It is about realizing that your perception created the prison cell. There are no bars but those you put around you to stop you from leaving the comfort zone.

This morning as I write from my desk while looking out to the beautiful creek, I feel gratitude. Change is never easy. Change requires trust. I am watching the icy grounds, the sun melting the droplets from the trees, and enjoying the quietness of a winter mountain morning. I am able to feel distance and closure without the ache that follows some days. I also know not to control or shut down those emotions when they rise. I have no plans at this very moment. I am cutting myself slack for the constant need to do something productive. I don’t have to know the answers to my life this very minute. I don’t have to know what will happen tomorrow. It’s in this nakedness of nothing and acceptance that I can enjoy today. It feels like it’s been forever since I have had a moment like this.

For the first time in months I am sleeping peacefully. I am falling asleep and staying in dreamland throughout the night. This new dawn brings with it freedom. It brings an awareness of allowance and manifesting. It holds nothing back. I am forever grateful for every single lesson that the retreat center brought to me. Every single person was a gift. Every moment of joy and sadness has been an instruction in the evolution of my character. The growth has been incredible. I am forever grateful for a dear friend who taught me so many powerful lessons. I am forever touched by the changes and the newness that pushed me right here, right now, and continue to show me the path. Even through the unlikely events that brought me here it’s been an honor to have lived 5-1/2 years in a sanctuary of mystical enhancements. I would not change a single moment of it’s humble teachings.  My humility and humanness have been affected for life. The heart has opened up in miraculous ways while showing me authentic self.

Give yourself permission to not have all the answers. Give yourself the time to just be. Make time to meditate and reach the level of passion for the life you want. You have been placed on this earth for greatness…no matter what you do make it great. You are not here just to pay bills and die. You are here to glitter and shine while enriching your soul with love…and then transcending that joy unto another.

Show me your humanity

color skin

It’s raining today. I always marvel at the way the rain makes everything look. Things are brighter in color. I think of our own colors and how bright they get when we enhance with the flow of love. I am a mother. That seems to be my calling. I have 7 children and I often think this isn’t the end of that bunch. Each one is a different color. Each one is from a different ancestry tree. And each one is powerful in light and love. Under the rain water we probably look brighter and magnificent. I don’t recall observing it the many times we got caught in the rain together. Life happens and I can’t return to those moments I should have cherished when they were younger.

When someone mentions that I am a “really white Puerto Rican” I pause. What does that mean? When did we put colors on race to determine origin? I don’t understand the way folks look at Matt and me and then look at our little girl who is bi-racial and question the authenticity of parenthood. But something I have gathered in my many years on this planet is that society is bounded and restrained by fear of differences. If we don’t fit in a box we are scrutinized. We are getting better, I must say! We are evolving and challenging and questioning everything we have been told. Bravo! There is still a major shift to undergo. Some folks hide their fears behind religion. Others behind politics. And then there are those who have been fractured beyond love in childhood and truly take it out on others. I hate to say it and make excuses but they just don’t know better because they didn’t have better. That simple.

Today, in the rain or in the sunshine…notice your brightness, your uniqueness and love everything you see. Hold those who you fear in light. You might just learn true love and compassion by showing your kindness in moments that feel uncomfortable.

In closing, yesterday I had to run to Goodwill with another car load of house stuff. There was a man with a sign on the corner that read: “Had a heart attack. I need help. Please show me your humanity.” I was deeply moved. “Please show me your humanity.” I got off and hugged him. I got him something to eat. Then I heard the silence in the thank you, the touch, and the humanity in both of us. We shared something beyond words in a few minutes of connection. It happens just like that. I needed him yesterday. I was having a really, really, crappy day. The color of his skin, his origin, his labels didn’t mean a single thing. He was there, ironically helping me get over my own self-pity and crap. He didn’t care about my issues or who I was. He just needed one person to show him that he mattered. Let’s show others our humanity. Let’s do something that is completely out of character and feel good because we shine and brighten like the rain.

Love to all! Have a blessed day!!!!

Lost in a Moment

time

Yesterday, while sitting in a waiting room for my granddaughter to get her pediatric check-up and shots, I witnessed humility at its best. I observed a young woman with her grandfather sitting side-by-side. The woman was reading scripture to him from her phone in Spanish. His distant look was endearing, sad, yet holding the rawness of final years in humanity. I have witnessed it many times in loved ones who have suffered from Alzheimer’s and dementia. Her words gently stroked him in his state of deep thought, lost in some other realm trying to reach this one. Every so often he would ask where he was or why he was there? She would rub his arm softly with security and explained he was there to see his doctor. She would continue reading from her phone. He would stare endlessly into a space void, a time warp, with a haze over his eyes that said, “I am here but I am not,” while her words caressed every syllable and his stare carefully followed them.

I sat, almost embarrassed, through the voyeurism rocking my baby girl back and forth trying to keep her entertained in the stroller. The scene put life back into perspective. I paused often, holding back tears, as he would question her again and again in moments of complete confusion. I thought about my mother before she passed. I thought about my children, when in their toddler stages, would ask again and again the same questions expecting different answers. We enter through youth and end through similarities…waiting for the love and care of another to lovingly embrace us without anger or judgment.

And, there, holding a one year old, attempting to make sense of life now and the hours ahead I was touched by humanity at the core of vulnerability. We are humans avoiding the constant flow of deep emotions. We keep busy here and there exploring the senses without truly being present. We are in need of love, touch, acceptance, and safety. If we are as fortunate as this man we have done an amazing job with our lives. He was touched attentively by someone dear and near to him. In the end that’s all we should want and need: the love from another who can care for us and still see us human rather than a burden.

Even today the scene tugs at me.  I feel the claws of gratitude urging acknowledgment. I am grateful for health, love, and the acceptance of my humanity. I am grateful for my evolution, the things I have accomplished, the obstacles I have endured and the loved ones dear to me who return with hugs and kisses. I am humbled by those who accept my imperfections and choose to laugh through my moments of insanity. I am deeply loved! I know this.  I feel this with certainty.  I am touched by friendships, relationships, and a man who would go to the end of the world in order to make me smile. Ah…we are made from complexities but if we allow vulnerability to guide us we are touched by the Divine. Mucho love to you!