Find Joy in the Midst of Chaos

Hello, darlings. How are you all doing? It’s some intense times. I’ve had to truly allow the “feels” to come and go. I feel all sorts of emotions at different times of the day depending on what I’m engaging and entertaining.

I ask that you be diligent in your mindfulness and presence. Reach out to others during the stress.

What I do know is that these times are about connection, especially with your immediate family. It’s about returning to simpler times. And we will have plenty of it coming up as we may get quarantined.

Love one another!

Get your house projects done if you can. Finish writing your book. Create that piece of art work you’ve put off. Get your Christmas greeting cards filled out. Purge your closets. Figure out how to make toilet paper out of recycle stuff. Do whatever you need to do to stay mindful and present with your thoughts.

But for the love all that is good please find humor. Laugh. Dance. Do your yummilicious shifting. No more judging others. No more hate.

Anxiety will rise. Fear can visit often. It’s all okay. You truly aren’t alone. There is shi(f)t of unknowns right now.

I am grateful for each one of you. I love you.

Glitter the Hell out of someone 

Sweet sweet sweet darlings! Omg! Finally accomplished a huge challenge today. Wheeee! Every other week I go through the drive through teller window at my bank. There is an older woman teller who shouldn’t be working with the public as she has zero personality, poor soul. I keep glitter in my car (tools of being a fairyologist) and sometimes that glitter gets attached to papers, checks, and other places (giggles). Every time I deposit through her window she has this look of utter disgust. I can see her thoughts forming over her head like bubbles from a mean cartoon. 

So today I sprinkled a dosage of thick blue glitter. When she got the deposit slip and checks she looked up at me, raised her eyebrows as if saying, “bitch! Really?!” 

 I smiled at her, giggling like a mischievous fairy, and said, “If you smiled more, especially to me when I come by, I promise not to load it up with fairy dust! But it has to be genuine cause I know the difference!”  

She shook her head and continued doing her thing. But as she went to

put the deposit slip in the tray she looked at me and gave me the biggest (until that moment I didn’t know she was capable of smiling) grin ever. Yay! 

And that, darlings, is what a fairyologist does! We sprinkle and sparkle even if you don’t know how to. I will teach you what it feels like to be in freaking static yummilicious bubblelicious joyous kiddo. If you can’t laugh I will make sure you can learn it and open up your heart up to the wondrous moments in life. 

You are most welcome! My job is done!!!

Absolutes or Maybes

I think in absolute’s,

definite’s, and yeses

gliding in and out of surprises

and sensational possibilities.

This drives you bonkers

as if I am some Mary Poppins

ready to take us in flight

with a magic umbrella

erasing all the chaos

in the unforeseen future.


You think via analysis,


and maybe’s

which usually turn into no’s.

Despite it all we


fly together

as you place

discomfort to one side

and allow

my spontaneous combustion

to be the wind

underneath us both.

Angel Tears

angel tears

I get home from work and begin making dinner when my 20-year-old daughter informs me that there is a leak in the living room. I go into the living room and she explains that while waiting for her laundry to be done that she was sitting watching television when two drops of water fell from the ceiling. I ask her if maybe it was our Great Dane drooling on her arm. She laughs and says, “No, Mom! The dog was on the floor asleep. You seriously think I wouldn’t notice it was the dog?”

“Okay, turn on the lights and show me where you were sitting.” I stand in the middle of the room searching for water stains. I see nothing on the ceiling. It’s been raining non-stop and I don’t see any sign of leaking anywhere, thank God.

“Mom, I swear! It was two drops right here on my arm.” She extends her arm as if hours later the water marks were still tattooed on her skin.

I walk away, stop and turn. “Baby, you know angels are known to shed tears that fall from the heavens.” I say this completely in truth without sarcasm. I mean…I said it without an ounce of logical thought processing. To me it was a rational explanation.

She looks at me…wearing a look of confusion and sarcasm and says, “Mom! You do know I am not six anymore?”

I turn around and go back to making dinner. As I said the comment I didn’t realize how truly juvenile and exaggerated it sounded. I was in my moment! I gave an answer without filtering it…without truly thinking about how ridiculous it sounded because, to be honest, I believe in the magic of angels. I could have said it was the unicorn urinating as it was flying above her. I would not have been surprised if that came out of my mouth as well. I live in a constant state of awesomeness while things happen that have no logical explanation. And, in that world I don’t think before I speak!

We become what we believe. We believe in the power of endless possibilities and therefore anything is possible in the world. Why not angel tears? Why not a unicorn kiss? Why not fairy dust sliding down her arm? Why not? In a world governed by rationale and preconceived notions why not believe in the unbelievable? Why are children the only ones who believe? Perhaps because they haven’t been taught to believe otherwise. You don’t need proof…you just need to believe. Do not let anyone tell you it cannot be done. Things do manifest from the most unusual of places just to get our attention. It’s magical, mystical and pure enchantment!

Getting Lost

lost 3

This morning on the way back from visiting a community college, my daughter and I got lost in the back roads.  She doesn’t do well with adventures, especially after stressing over college paperwork.  I, on the other hand, while the grandbaby slept peacefully in her car seat, dove into the possibilities of finding a new place, exploring my surroundings, and prayed I didn’t run out of gas.  I get lost often.  Things get lost.  Words get lost.  People get lost.  Life can become a lost playground if we aren’t present for the most part.  Each day gets lost into night and so on.  The hardest part of “lost” is never truly expressing it to someone.  When a relationship is over (regardless if it’s of lovers, parents, children, or friends) there is a lapse of time that can mend and then there isn’t.  Waiting for the perfect opportunity is like waiting for a unicorn to swift us away.  It only happens in the mind.

I used to have an amazing sense of direction.  I don’t anymore.  I go into a new trail, a mountain hike, and if I am not consciously present I will find myself in the middle of unchartered territory. Just like this morning, it happens often.  I rarely question the wrong turn.  I somehow know that I will get through the moment.  My daughter said, “Mom, do you know where you are going? (Several times with much expressed anxiety). And, I answered, “Nope…but all roads lead somewhere!” Not an answer that securely assures a fearful person. Complete exasperation came from the passenger side.  What I have found is that in those lost moments I get the chance to enter a new direction.  Beauty unfolds because I am not on track.  Getting lost is never a waste of time in this sense.  The unknown unfolds and opportunities arise in the most awed-stricken ways.  It’s magical and mysterious.  What an amazing ride!

Sometimes losing someone is just like that…you don’t know how amazing they are until you are in a different terrain.  We take people for granted.  We, as divine entities, have those awakening moments of appreciation but the human part of us clouds them.  We don’t know our asses from our heads at times.  My best friend, Bobbie, has a saying, “Get your head out of your ass.  It wasn’t meant to be worn as a hat.”  Getting lost in the world is magical.  Getting lost in our own turmoil, chaos and mind is a dangerous place.  We are our worst enemies.

I have a way of learning.  I need space, nature and time.  I need to be outside and roam endlessly in the freedom of the world.  This is why I love traveling.  I have on a bucket list the places I will visit and explore in order to find me.  With each journey I know something will open up.  Getting lost is not scary (not in my absent-minded little head).  I am not daunted by this and have never been.  I am, however, intimidated by the loss of people who I love and mean the world to me.  I am perplexed at the way folks come into my life and quickly manage to leave without clearing up issues.  This type of loss from humanity aches inside in a way I avoid…but can’t escape.  We all go through it.

An hour later, and many mountain back roads, we found the way home.  Now hungry and aggravated, my 18 year old laughs.  She said, “I wasn’t really worried!  I was just concerned that we would run out of gas or wouldn’t find a place to eat.” (As if we were on an isolated island with Tom Hanks and Wilson).   I know she thinks that I am an airy-fairy hippie.  I get lost in our conversations, laughter, and love.  She knows this part of me well enough to feel that I can get us back on track while singing (horribly) to the great radio tunes.  It was a gorgeous morning.  The haze over the Blue Ridge Mountains was astonishing and seductive.  I kept saying that “as long as I follow the mountains I know we can make it home.”  And, just like that I found home to be right there in the car surrounded by two beautiful souls, bemused by my yearning to be an explorer.  Getting lost never felt so great!

Karma Cafe

karma cafe

The other day we took my recent-high-school-graduate daughter to lunch to celebrate her wonderful milestone.  As we were sitting waiting on our waiter I mentioned to Matt that after all these years I think I would be a good waitress.  I would talk to everyone.  Here’s the conversation:

Matt:  You would be amazing.  You would make more money than anyone else, except no one would get what they ordered.

Me:  What are you talking about?  I wouldn’t screw up an order.

Matt:  Nope.  They would order a burger and you would come out with a healthy salad saying something like, “Your dead grandmother is standing here telling me that you have high cholesterol and will die just like her if you don’t start eating right.  So, here is your salad.”

Me laughing and shaking my head:  I would not do that.

Matt:  Yes, you would.  It would be like eating at Karma Café.  You don’t get what you order.  You get what you deserve.

Me still laughing:  Nope.

Matt:  And, then when they order dessert you would proceed to give them the other insightful messages that their dead person had for them.


I am always fascinated by the way people perceive me, even my loved ones.  Well, especially my loved ones!  I try desperately not to intrude or give messages to those who are not ready for them.  I am often bombarded with messages and if the person is not ready to hear I will not proceed.  I have learned my lesson (and continue to do so) with folks who can’t handle the communication from beyond.  Add differences in belief, stigma, and judgment and I go on lock down.  There’s also the small issue of translation.  Entities sometimes don’t speak.  They show up with some symbol, item or gesture.  I have no clue what that could mean.  But, the funny thing is that if, for example, I see Kleenexes around them there is a reason for that.  When I relate the message it makes complete sense to the receiver.   I stopped trying to make sense of the things I feel, hear or see because it can leave me feeling mentally challenged.

Perhaps, I might not make a good waitress after all.  I’m ultra sensitive and the energy around that many people would wig me out.  I would definitely not change their orders as Matt pointed out to me.  I am not in charge of Karma Café.  You have your own destiny to make.  And, that’s something every person must go through on their own!

Halos and Laughter

Conversation between my boyfriend and I last night.

Me: “Babe, if I get senile before you please leave me. Don’t stick around for that. Go on with whatever you have left of a normal life.”

Matt with a smirk: “Oh, I am totally gonna screw with you. I would be like, hey, good morning I am Jesus Christ.”

(I was hoping for some sweet answer like…”Babe, I would never leave you…I would totally be by your side taking care of you and making sure you would be alright.” I was hoping for something out of a Nicholas Sparks’ novel not SNL).

Me: I would look at you and ask, “Where’s your beard, Jesus?”

Matt answered without skipping a beat: “When I died and went to Heaven I shaved it. It was a fire hazard with all those halos around me.”

Me: “I am so naïve that I would introduce you to everyone as Jesus. Yes, this is JC he had to shave because you know in Heaven halos can burn beards and you blow up.”

There was a long laugh and then on to another ridiculous subject. It was then that I realized how much I love this banter between he and I that I have never had before.

A few years ago I made a promise to myself that I would only allow those individuals who contributed to the best of my life. I was through with all the crap of people who were emotional vampires. I wanted a community, a family of friends, who were there for the good and the bad. I wanted people who allowed me to be me at all times without judgment and likewise I would relish in their uniqueness. The Divine provided much more than I had intended because I have wonderful people in my life. And, I also have an amazing man who cracks me up over the silliest things. I have no clue where it comes from but his lack of filtering causes me to constantly be giggling.

When we realize the old patterns in our life, the way we choose situations, and accept (with full blown responsibility) that we attract those people who hurt us because we participated in the drama, then the Universe moves on to what the heart truly needs. I’ve changed and with those modifications I have allowed like-minded people to enter my circle. These are giving individuals who truly care about friendship. I am truly blessed.

If you have people in your life (whether it be a mate or friends) who don’t bring out the best in you, take a look at your behavior. Take note of your actions, how you treat others, and seriously decide if they are projecting your individuality. The root of criticism in others is usually the reflection in ourselves. We attract that which we put out. You don’t want drama, look to see if your life is one stage act after another full of chaos. You don’t want selfishness then see if you are reflecting things only being about you. You don’t want craziness, well then I suggest you start to define what normal is for you!

Life is marvelous. It is too short to allow others to dictate misery in your life. Fill those special moments in your life surrounded by things and people that matter. Setting boundaries is hard, at least for me. Those vampires from my past disappeared as soon as I decided that I was worth loving in a manner that allowed the best of me to shine. These people know my laughter, sorrows, sarcasm, goofiness, bitchiness, kindness, creativity, love and the things that create the totality of me. They are there when I need a shoulder to cry on and a wine glass when I need to unload my craziness.

We’ve lost the sense of unity and community in our lives. Society has become so busy that we forget to get together for a simple meal, or just a cup of coffee. I love how the Italians and the French in Europe live their lives. They work hard but they also know when to quit and gather around their loved ones to enjoy the simplicity in sharing their lives. There is an easement and therapeutic element to sitting with others while allowing laughter, tears, and expression as the only agenda. I am with a man that can make me pee in my pants from laughing at his ridiculous answers…oh, but how I love those belly shaking laughs!

**Note: If by any means this post has insulted anyone please forgive me. It is not meant to be taken seriously or in any religious manner.