Perception

face_black_and_white_optical_illusion_cool-s453x562-92306-5803

I had several dreams last night. Each time I was finishing one I would say to whoever was in the dream the same sentence, “The distance between worrying and reality is called perception.” I have no recollection of the dreams. I do have the quote imprinted in me because it was used many times. The line between fear, anxiety, stress and worrying is definitely a matter of perception. Reality is an illusion. When we finally let go of the belief that we have control the Divine steps in and aligns us with the best possible solution. Our higher selves begin to guide us and we allow for it. We release the doubts, discontentment, and disillusions that we can conquer everything by manipulating it. The veil of “what if” turns into a welcoming “what really is.”  A shift in consciousness is all that it takes…sometimes a lot easier than done.  It takes practice and every once in a while knocking the ego out of the way.

These dreams allowed me to wake with the knowing that the stress I’ve had has been a production of my perception. No doubt that the challenges have been real. No doubt that the heartache has been felt. No doubt that I have entertained the drama while knowing better. But, once I am aware of my perception I can relax and enjoy what’s ahead.

Have a great weekend, my friends. Release, recharge, and retreat! Love and light….Millie

“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”~ Wayne W. Dyer

“There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.” ~ Aldous Huxley

 

 

Lost in Denial

denial

About three years ago I went to see a wonderful holistic therapist to talk and clear out residual feelings from my move to the mountains. There had been so many things that happened in a short time expand: finances lost, love disappeared, some of my children living in other states, and the newness of being in a place I couldn’t quite settle into alone.  I needed to sit in this sacred place and truly express my journey to someone who had no choice but to sit and listen.  Imagine my arrogance!  What I got was a completely different experience.  As I told her about how much I had gone through in the last few months, in my ultra-hyper-speed voice and gestures (almost padding myself on the back as I realized how much had happened and how I wasn’t in some corner of a room in deep depression), she stopped me and told me to tell her why I was there and what I wanted.  I had only two hours, and I needed to get it all out.  I wasn’t planning on returning.  But then she asked, “What do you want, Millie, and don’t tell me about blah-blah-blah but really get to the bottom of what you want from this session?”  I thought, I’m here, lady, I am telling you what has happened. I’m sharing with you intimate moments and, yes, they might be a little bizarre and ridiculous and even boring to you, but I’ve come through them.  I wanted her to reassure me that these emotions would not return and the karmic lessons were learned.  I wanted some kind of security from an experienced and educated person.  What I wanted was to hear, “Wow, you did well.  How great for you!”  That was my egotistical little voice wanting approval through a paid cheerleader.  I somehow wanted a mother to comfort me because mine was gone and I needed to hear that everything was going to be alright from here on.

She kept pressing on and the more she pressed the tighter I became.  By the end of the two hours I was barricaded from the world.  I wasn’t willing to talk or discuss anything else.  In those days I would go on shut-down mode.  I would cross my arms against my chest and become pretty quiet while agreeing with that person even though I didn’t agree.  That was me…the agreeable one when I knew my truth (or I thought I knew my truth).  I walked out of the two hours feeling completely lost in my lack of identity.  I had gone in there with a pretty good self-esteem and had left with none.  It took weeks to gather the courage to be me again and accept all my faults (while still living in the Land of DeNial).  I had been dissected and magnified.  It was, to say, one of the most paralyzing events in my psychotherapy history.  And, the reality was that I was lost in my own translation.  I was also lost in denial.  I look back at that experience and marvel at it because NOW I understand what she was trying to get me to understand about myself.  I had a difficult time accepting the truth in so many areas of my complexities.  Because I am a survivor I refused to hear that I wasn’t doing it right!

That session taught me a lot.  I started to think about the many people who expected me to shed some kind of emotion in their presence while sharing.   I learned that there are some people who assure me that I’m not doing well when I am actually better than other times.  We all handle life differently.  It’s as if they are projecting their own insecurities. I have a way of dealing with my life now in a quiet way to process things.  When I am ready to discuss the events I do.  Sometimes I don’t.  And, when I want to share I can do this while laughing in Spanish, and gesturing in English (while making sure that I don’t get lost in my own translation).  Perhaps that’s the confusion to the external world.  In those two hours years ago I realize that my egotistical voice was telling my spirit that I didn’t need therapy and could handle things on my own.  These lies the ego projects cause the turmoil of the psyche.  We all need someone at some point whether it is a professional, a friend, a lover, family or a stranger.  When we are honest with ourselves we come to the place of healing.  Our humanness needs external validation whether we want to accept it or not.  We are connected to one another.  We aren’t in this life alone.

Don’t be guided or jolted by what others think when they aren’t in accordance with you.  Be careful who you share your stories with and expect loving help. Some folks tend to project their opinions and hostility while trying to get a reaction (because they aren’t willing to work with their own issues).  We all have our own distinctive way of breaking through.  I work through mine while writing, hiking, gardening, and meditation.  Sometimes the old Millie kicks into ultra-hyper speed of moving through the issue too quickly. I grab those issues by the tail and pull them closer, turn them around, stare in the face of discomfort to love them. Loving the discomfort, the ugly and the pain is the only way to release it. Years later I understand why this therapist stopped me.  I didn’t see it then.  I was living in such denial of events and challenges (so much that months ago I died in the ER because of the backed-up stress).  The clarity has come from really getting in there and pulling out all the junk I had carried for a lifetime.  Forgiveness has been the number one priority to releasing it all to the Divine.  Waking up and seeing that control is all an illusion has made a huge difference in my life.

There’s no secret formula to healing.  A healthy start is to face the problem.  Accept it.  Learn from it and release it.  It isn’t pretty or comfortable.  At times it is shameful and disgusting, but when you allow the process of authenticity to move through you with love everything is possible.  The Divine Spirit works in mysterious ways once you allow for it.  There is no right way or wrong way.  There’s only YOUR way!

The Oneness of YOU

Books find me in the strangest of ways. If I am in a bookstore they literally jump from the shelves. I know this sounds nuts but it is a phenomenon I cannot explain. Because of my stubbornness there are only a few things that bring me to stop and listen intuitively. One is when my body shuts down like it has done recently; the other, through written words, signs or books.

Three years ago, when I was struggling to end my 18-year relationship I kept asking God to show me a sign on how I was going to break free. I was in such turmoil that my body created a giant ulcer in my stomach. A day before Valentine’s Day my ex and I went to the shopping center near our home. I had to use the bathroom so I went into Barnes and Noble and went through the new age isle. While in the bathroom I broke down in tears in the stall. I asked God to please help me. I couldn’t take one more step, one more day in that life. I just couldn’t move. On the way back out, walking through the same isle, a book fell off the shelf. I picked it up to place it on the rack. It was called, You’re Not Who You Think You Are: A Breakthrough Guide to Discovering Your Authentic Self by Albert Clayton Gaulden. I had no choice but to buy it.

I spent that night reading it from cover to cover. I must’ve highlighted the entire book. I even contacted the author who has a center in Sedona, Arizona. The book spoke to me in ways I can’t begin to describe. I remember a sentence early on the first pages, “We create the life we deserve when we let go of the world of illusion – the “un-us” world – and become clearly who we really are.”

Now the magical question was “Who was I? What did I want other than being out of an abusive relationship? What would my world look like if I allowed my authentic self to lead the way?” I had absolutely no clue. What I did know at that moment after reading the book was that Divine intervention had picked this guide to give me strength. Less than a month later I was out of that relationship. I left my home, found a rental house, and a few months after that I gave him my half of the business. I was free. It is easy to say the words, but the road there was not so easily paved without several blockages. It took a lot to build up my confidence and self-worth.

Whenever you get aligned with Spirit, your authentic self is allowed to roam freely. We start becoming who we are supposed to be. When we go against our intuitive spirit the path we find is full of blockages, stagnation, and painful experiences. Nonetheless, even those life experiences can make us stronger. Everything does happen for a reason! These are the nuts and bolts of living a life in separation versus unity with the Divine. Our wants can’t be met if we don’t know who we are. We don’t sit long enough to take accounting of our desires. What we need and what we want are in constant battle with our Spirit. God speaks through our strengths in the most compelling way. We spend our lives not feeling the truth of who we are, and not really knowing consciously what we want. We so desperately want to be someone else but we have no clue of who that someone else is. Whenever we do come in alignment with our desires and the Divine, then we must take a look at the reflection and realize that whatever we manifest is exactly who we are meant to be. The illusion of control, law and science melts because life just is. We learn to see the world as it is, not how our perception creates it from our egotistical wants.

Whenever you allow the ego to dictate and lead, you will always be distracted from your authentic self. Ego will always put materialism, wants, and false ideas as blockage. The Divine will make sure you always have what you need. Living a life of truth takes practice. It takes a huge leap of faith because the Unknown is a scary place.

I can only speak for my lessons. I say this all the time and mean it: “You are only responsible for your happiness. You are only responsible for your authentic self.” Everything else is a creation of a false perception. May you find the strength and courage to look deep inside and follow your inner spirit. I promise, the freedom you will find is priceless. This doesn’t mean you will be “super human.” It just means you will finally be Oneness with your humanity.