Dancing in the Dark

Last night I went out on my back deck while everyone slept. I watched the dance of the fireflies out on my field. I heard the noises of critters in the woods. I took my incense and lit it asking permission from the land and the four directions.

I asked for divine guidance in the solstice. There was serenity as I felt the world around me entering into another night of sleep.

My heart needed the space. It craved for sacredness of ritual and the simple act of lighting a candle was magical. I needed to ground myself in the cool grass.

And just like that I started to unravel. I came undone within minutes being guided through the darkness by divinity.

A middle aged woman started dancing in her back field feeling the energy move from her feet up to her crown. I lost myself in the movement and vastness of the darkness. I returned to me and each sweet breath through mindfulness. I felt the heartbeat of the earth against my own. There were no distractions. At some point it felt like the fireflies and I were in sync to the drumming of my heart.

It was delicious. It was truly empowering to feel my spirit connect to all there is away from the chit chat of a busy mind.

I gave thanks to God. I gave thanks to spirit. I gave thanks to the great mysteries of life. In spite of turmoil moving so close to my heart, I felt blessings from above and beyond. And… still this morning that assurance lingers on.

Rebellious at Heart

I have a rebellious nature… at times. I’ve tamed it in the last few years. I am stubborn (to a fault) and I don’t give up easily on the things that make my soul expand. My tenacity has helped me build many lives in this one. It has also cost me heartache at times because I stick to what I believe. When I do give up it is because I’ve lost interest in chasing what didn’t deserve me or barricaded me along the way. When I surrender it is because I have felt the universe tell me to stop, usually because my physical body has been affected.

I suspect I will be that old lady in the future that at family gatherings will say shocking things. I may share way too much about things I’ve kept for myself. I may be interrupted or taken out of the room while pushing a walker cursing up a storm. I know I’ll love hard, and loudly, even if I get angry. I will use my rebellion to fight for those I love forever. I will fight for what I believe… including the underdogs, misfits and those who have lost their way. I will continue to remind them of their light even when mine may be flickering and dimming.

When I leave this earth my children will remember my sarcasm and the way I loved them without an ounce of indifference. They will remember my twisted sense of humor and laugh out loud.

I can still climb a fence. A very, very, short one. I may hurt myself but I will give it my all. What I will never ever get hurt climbing is loving another even when it’s not reciprocated. I will never get hurt climbing the mountain of goals and dreams. I will never get hurt climbing my way through this moment in history because I believe there is magic on the other side.

A Mama’s Heart

Our 3 y/o started daycare again today after a three month hiatus. He was as happy to see his school as I was in dropping him off to exhaust his energy. I came home with our 6 y/o to tear my house apart and deep clean it. In the midst of moving furniture and vacuuming I lost my emotions.

I don’t know where they came from. My oldest son and his girl will return home to New York tomorrow and the future emptiness engulfed me. I got him for three months. The first time in over ten years that we had that much quality time together.

So I stopped stripping the living room. I stopped picking up God-knows-how-old cereal from under the sofa. I stopped and allowed for my heart to stop racing.

Today is gloomy outside and inside of me. I thought I would be okay. But, I may not be. It will be a hard mama week. I will return to putting my business back out there. I will find some kind of stability. But the last three months have been (sigh) full of chaos and so many gifts.

I lost myself in the days. I lost myself in little ones. I lost myself in the yard. I lost myself in motherhood. I also found myself in all those things. I returned to a life of what I do best: mother all those around me.

I’m ready for the world to also find itself. For the peace to arrive. For the love to engulf us all. I recognize the shift and how it is well overdue. But, shit, it has been brutal! I recognize now that I have been battling deep state of sadness, perhaps a little bit of depression. Had I not had two little ones I am sure I would have lost myself way down the dark night of the soul.

We all need to be seen, felt, acknowledged and loved. We want to feel connections. And for me that has been the hardest part of the isolation…. Not being able to touch another has been a major test.

I have felt my tribe. I see the world now in a different light when I share openly. I have witnessed who is here and who is elsewhere. The division in our humanity has grown existentially.

I’m hoping the muck in collective consciousness is about finished with this cycle. It hasn’t just been the virus but the anger and hatred that has been unleashed in humanity. I pray we proceed with loving louder in order to heal. I’m ready for the next phase.

Sending love to you today. Be gentle as things are proceeding and evolving. Know your worth and your truth. Remember what you believe is yours but don’t try to push it on anyone else. Holding you from here energetically as I proceed with cleaning some weird stains that are unrecognizable from the carpet. Hugs.

We Are Not Okay But We Will Be

We are not okay.

To pretend that we are is not allowing the soul to breathe.

Blacks have felt it forever.
Hispanics have too.
Jews, Muslims, gays, and everyone who has a label. EVERYONE who isn’t white.

Some of us hide it…. pretty darn well. We don’t let the anger come up.

I feel you, darling. I feel the oppression, the historial sense of rejection. I get it.

We are not okay. We are NOT. Look outside your little world of comfort and truly notice how we are not.

I think of how much work we still have ahead in this country, in this world, in order to finally breathe in the words of comfort: “Ah! I am okay now!”

Black lives matter. How are we still fighting for this right? We’ve come so far on so many other levels.

If love and compassion are the greatest tests for this human experience, we are failing. Miserably! We are so disconnected from why we are here.

But, let’s face it, we have failed as a civilization. The world is always moved through chaos and disaster before it gets better. Wars are created from that egotistical stance.

Peace isn’t that far away. I pray. I send the frequency across the grids of the globe.

I sit with coffee at hand, my biracial children next to me, and I whisper to my soul, “We are gonna be okay. You will be fine. I promise. The world is entering a massive shift, elevating from the darkness!”

And just like that, as if he heard my soul’s plead, my 3 y/o looked up at me and said, “I love you, mommy. We okay.”

Musical Chairs

Several years ago when I was in the social work field I had a conversation with a co-worker and she shared a story about one of her clients who recently departed our world. We were talking about doing volunteer hospice work if we had money to spare. I told her I was fascinated by the end of life and folks transitioning, especially those who are ready. And for those who struggled, they allowed me to just sit in sacred space and hold their hands. These were precious and priceless moments in my life.

She said one day she went to visit her client and she asked her how she was handling her ending?
Her sweet elderly woman, who had been a missionary for many years, a woman of huge amount of faith, said…“I’m moving from one chair to another. Is that not okay?”

I stared at my co-worker. My eyes began to water. That was such an insightful and beautiful analogy of end-of-life transition. I got chills. From that statement I knew she was a woman who had lived with grace.

I feel life is like that: moving from chair to chair trying to find the most comfortable one.

It takes pure divine “knowing” to accept all of it. It’s in the simple awareness that we are just moving from one form of matter into another.

The joy of life is to continue moving from chair to chair while finding the magic of what it holds for our spirit. The trick is finding the greatest chair while playing music and enjoying it as long as possible in complete love and acceptance with a lovely view.

A Sage and a Lesson

There is a story about a woman who travels a great distance with her son to meet a sage. After an entire day traveling by foot she sees the sage. “I need you to tell my son he cannot have sweets. It makes him sick.”

The sage said to her, “Okay, come back in a week!”

The woman left disturbed, perplexed and angry. She took her son and returned to her village. And even though livid she made the trekking back to see the sage a week later.

When the sage saw her son he immediately said, “Stop eating anything with sugar. Not good for you! Listen to your mother.”

The woman shook her head angrier than a hungry bear waking from hibernation and asked, “Why couldn’t you have done that last week? I travelled so far….”

The sage looked at her and said, “First I had to experience it myself.”


I can’t remember who the sage was or where I read this many decades ago but it has always stayed in my little head. We move through our experiences which form our perspectives. If we don’t experience it it is hard sometimes to understand it. But, I don’t always have to experience things to understand them. I can empathize and sympathize and do my part to understand. I try to put myself in the other person’s shoes.

These words here all bring us to peace and human connection. We might not understand each other. Many live in fear of what they don’t understand and cannot find a way to experience it themselves but I do believe love is the answer.

Take all the time you need to take this in but I will say it again: Love is what will heal this planet. And yes, love with action. But ultimately when things are done through love the shift arrives.

A Great Awakening

I’ve had months of shedding tears … usually at the most importune times. For the longest time my heart has literally ached. The isolation was the beginning of an emotional turmoil. The uncertainties added in not knowing how we would navigate a deadly virus. Then there was the caring for small children without a break. I had to put my goals on hold and I recognize I wasn’t alone. I have mourned it all. And it hasn’t stopped.

I have felt the shifting of global energy during the last three months. I have felt major conscious awakenings in me and others. The woo-wooness has been grand. I have felt intense energy at times foreseeing a major war in each of us. It has been liberating and brutal at once.

We are in the midst of chaos and the tipping scales get determined by how we show up. Every single decision alters our reality.

We must change. We have to rise to a new level of living together without hate, racism, judgment, and apathy. This isn’t new. This is an old paradigm that requires a major overtaking. We are here together in this perfect storm to eradicate this division once and for all.

I have cried. I’ve been sad. I’ve been frustrated. And at times I’ve been angry. I’ve been beside myself while pulling roots from the earth and in myself. All the emotions have triggered other releases. I have been prudent in finding the precious lessons in it all. I feel helpless in my pursuit to show up. But I am here. And I see the break across our land.

I have witnessed the disappointments in others. I am feeling it all through the inconceivable heartache in our country. Being a minority I have lived indifferences and discrimination. I fight it in my own way through love. It’s not that I am a pacifist (or unrealistic) as much as I am a true believer that hate has never won a war over love. Ever. Never.

I don’t care what race you are it is absolutely atrocious to witness the injustice at this time. But I am also giddy at experiencing the expansion of what’s coming. Change is coming. We are no longer going to put up with any of it. It’s taken all these recent human losses for a radical revolution.

But…
We must let go of the fear. We cannot fix a single issue if we move through fear at this moment.

It is time to rise. We are exactly where we are suppose to be. Please use your anger and hurt to fuel this opportunity in a loving and constructive manner. Hatred towards hate will just create a wild fire that cannot be contained.

Let us take these moments for shifting through benevolence, compassion and grace. And, no, sitting here wishing it away won’t do it. Actively participating in educating, interaction, communication and bringing the darkness to light will create a profound ripple effect. It means getting involved with changing laws. It means standing up and using your voice in an intelligent and loving manner.

I see you. I feel you. We can utilize this moment to teach the world how we transform hate through unity as one nation. United we stand, divided we fall.

Holding Space for Peace

Put your love and compassionate shields up, darlings. Something is shifting. Huge waves of division in timelines happening. The gap is growing. Remember who you are and what you represent. Anger is a wonderful catalyst for change but it can also destroy the foundation of what you may be trying to transform.
You cannot take all that hate and expect it will turn to love without destruction. It will attract more hate. Fear will fuel it and it will spread like wild fire through a forest.

Put your heart in gear. Ground yourself. This may get really bumpy. We have a serious pandemic evolving. All of this is part of the crumbling of illusions. Do whatever you are pulled to do but return to the highest frequency of divine understanding.

Life is truly transforming. Love will win. There is so much that needs to crumble. Things cannot get better by doing the same exact thing.

Love you Mucho. Holding space for the sacredness of peace.

Hate Will Stop

This hate will stop. It stops with me giving it power.

This is not about policemen being racist. Or some privilege woman moving through her own fears and backwards programming. It’s not about political parties enhancing hate. It’s about the imbalance in humanity. And yes, some groups do heighten the hate. But, ultimately it’s a humanitarian issue.

Since the beginning of time there has been a separation in how we show up in our world. There have been disastrous wars over religion and politics. There have been genocides over powerful hate for one class and another. The labels and boundaries have always been there because we put them there.

Racism, prejudice, segregation, bigotry and inconceivable hatred have always been around. But we didn’t have the ability to see it happening as quickly as we do now.

The more power we give to it the faster it spreads. We get to shun and shut it down by truly teaching through empathy.

And… it’s so hard to be sympathetic when horrific crimes are being committed. It’s hard to sleep when you see and hear the injustice in our world. It’s sickening! I guess it takes a virus to spread to take notice and I don’t mean COVID19. I mean the virus of pure evil hatred.

It’s all coming to the light. It’s happening quickly and frequently so we shift it as a collective.

We are ascending. Many are moving from this 3D frequency into higher ones. And to witness the hurt and hatred in the world feels impossible to navigate.

We are experiencing the morphing of a massive awakening. Let’s not forget what the last few months have taught us about connections. We were in a global crisis together with disregard for race, gender, age and anything else that we have created to separate us. We are still in it. Don’t think for one minute this will go away so quickly.

Our choices are to continue loving and keeping that frequency. Or, stay in fear and hate. You can’t have both.

We are seeing the end of a massive karmic event. We have allowed all this shit to happen and now we are taking stance. And many are appalled that they are seeing what they are seeing. Because… so many have been asleep.

Be gentle as they wake to the horrors. Be kind and compassionate just because you were aware beforehand. It doesn’t make you better or higher in gene pool of humanity. Let’s remove ego out of the equation.

We are actually able to change it all. The majority of the collective is becoming aware of their inner power. We get to decide how we show up.

Love trumps hate over and over. I don’t care what you believe. If your political or religious preference fools you to believe that we are okay then you truly will continue evolving through hate. You are stuck in a loophole of some serious old programming.

I choose love. I choose to love and forgive the lack of humanity and awareness while continuing to move through love. Because… I know it is love that will save humanity. It is love that made us and it is love that will raise us. This doesn’t diminish the atrocity. It doesn’t erase what is happening. I cannot throw fairy dust and then hide my head in the sand. I get to decide if I continue giving hate more power or reinforcing our natural state of compassion.

I love YOU. ❤️

Be Kind

Be kind to each other. If you are out there amongst others show compassion. Whether you wear a mask, an armor and a shield…or not at all… please be kind. Humanity seems to be losing its grip to what really matters. You matter. I matter. We all matter. Have we not learn a single lesson the last few months?

I went to get a few things at a store and the cashier was almost in tears. I thanked her for all she’s doing. She said she didn’t know how much more she could handle. People are vicious at times. And I stood on the other side of the plexiglass unable to touch her, hug her and assure her that it will get easier.

It might not. It might require that we truly experience a deeper awakening. I don’t know. My words were empty. It’s odd. It doesn’t feel like there is humanness in my syllables. My tone doesn’t do justice to how my heart feels.

We will get through this not just by social distancing but by generously allowing each other kindness, empathy, love, no judgment and profound understanding of how connected we are. Let’s not have prickly hearts that don’t feel. Let’s remember that even without touch we can still connect by looking into each other’s souls. There we will find truth.