Love = Freedom

A few weeks ago I was in Starbucks writing in my journal. Two gentlemen came and sat right across from me. They began chit-chatting, opened up their bibles and began to share scripture. I kept on writing but their voices began to echo through me. It was a busy morning in there but somehow I could feel and hear all they were discussing even when I tried to block it out.

I stopped writing. I closed my eyes and with full abandonment entered their world.

One said to the other, “The Lord will forgive you. He will have mercy upon us. Christ won’t hold this against you or me because we are walking the righteous path….” More scripture was recited. I began to stare away from them out the window, pen in hand, waiting for my heart to stop beating so tightly against my chest.

They shared a lot of intimate moments and experiences for a while. One man cried, the other got up, walked around the table and hugged him. There, in the middle of a busy shop. No one noticed. The man wiped the tears away and sat down. The other sat in silence for a moment gathering his will to continue the conversation.

The story was not unlike another. I get to witness many of these, whether I am being told the stories or I am partaking from a distance. But, what I found interesting was the way they had used religion to mask their love affair. They spoke of their wives and children. I wanted to reach over to them, hold both their hands and tell them that they hold the key to changing their struggle and heartache. I wanted to hug them, look at them, see them, listen attentively, and let them know they weren’t alone and Christ doesn’t punish for loving anyone. And, if they needed to finally be happy freedom and truth needed to be addressed.

But, this wasn’t my story.

But, this is a story of hurt and confusion. It’s a story of living under erroneous pretenses. It’s a story of pretending and not pretending; loss and gain; faith and guilt. I had to take a few deep breaths while trying to hold my tears. I was paralyzed in that chair, feeling these two souls whose lives were better because of each other but also tragic because of their circumstances. I ached deeply for these strangers while feeling their love and admiration for one another.

And…there…right there…in that coffee shop everything evolves and resolves. I left them still reading to each other, fighting their desires, attempting to tackle their faiths while denying what was real.

We all fight something, right? We all have little secrets at times that eat us and shame us? Nothing is perfect. So if you love, please love harder. If you are miserable, please adjust your motives and find a plan. Challenges and obstacles rise to show us our strengths. Life is too short to feel shame, guilt, resentment and become bitter because you can’t change things right at this moment. Love openly and fully. Say your ‘I Love You’s’ as much as possible. Nothing lasts forever…

~m.a.p.

You Cannot Make Everyone Happy

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It’s Sunday…yay! Most people go to church on this sacred day. Others, like myself, sit outside in nature and give thanks for all we have. This week I have seen some difficult shit on social media. My love-hate relationship with social media is ongoing and disturbing. Just when I think I have someone figured out they post something that is really ignorant or against my beliefs. And, that’s more than okay because I have two choices: I can feel gratitude for their lessons, or get angry and disconnect from them. I rarely ever do the latter. I think people come into our lives for powerful reasons, to nourish the things we like and the things we don’t want to become. We have choices in perception that bleed through our conscious efforts to vibrate at a higher or lower level of existence. (The non-hippies should stop reading now!)

You cannot make everyone happy. I rarely read comments on other sites, but when something moves me I think, “Hey, let me see what others like me are saying about this incredible post.” Oh my freaking gawd! I get turned upside down, right side up, and appalled at how something that is spiritually enriching can be degraded, criticized and scrutinized. That’s when I throw my hands up in the air and recognize that you cannot make the world happy with one thought. We need different ideas and opinions. We would be a boring bunch if we all thought alike. Right?

My mother used to say in Spanish all the time that opinions were like colors. There would always be endless amount of them. No two folks can think alike. We can tweak and twist what we like from others. The challenge comes in not allowing another’s opinions and criticism hurt your mojo and state of awareness. You cannot change anyone. You are only responsible for you!

On this magical Sunday, go out into the world and recognize that you cannot and will not make every single person think like you. I see fairies at night. I see dead people walking among others. If another person doesn’t see what I see I don’t go around thinking, “How can you not see them, you idiot?” I simply smile and recognize that this is who I am. They have other gifts that nourish me. Your only job in this world is to be authentic with who you are. Don’t try to be the jack-ass whisperer and change someone else’s thoughts and ideas. You need to make you happy. Live by example.

Recognize YOUR greatness and follow that. You don’t have to read what I write anymore than I have to agree with what you post. It’s okay. We all need a good laugh!!!!

Have a blessed day!

The Gentle Flow of You

I’m on my yoga mat completely conscious of my breath, the space in between the gaps, and then something breaks. It’s loud. It is so loud that I think the entire room hears it. This explosion of deep emotions rushes up and I can’t control the tears. My heart literally feels like it’s cracked open. No one notices. I am in the back of the room. They are also in their own explosions and thoughts. I am aware that certain poses, especially the most gentle ones, reach the crevices of memories. I begin the stupid game: “what’s real right now.” Breath becomes my anchor. The child’s pose is all I can do as I wet the mat. This is all I can do right now without judgment.

I don’t know, especially in a wonderful happy Saturday, why I am visited by such depth. It’s okay. I don’t recall having made an appointment with my emotions but it’s okay. I make room for this visitation through gentle flow of practice. 

We want to be heard. We want to know someone has us in their thoughts. Before I entered the class I received a beautiful private message from an incredible sweet woman I admire. She said the most loveliest things…. Things that are hard to hear at times for me. But I received them with joy and gratitude. So there on my mat I exhale the spaces of worthlessness from the crevices of my cellular memories. 

“F@*k this sensitively! Toughen up, buttercup!” (And a few Spanish nasty words come through as well). I think so clearly in deep ache and I feel anger rise for a second, or minutes. But I recognize the exquisiteness of being an empath. We feel deeper and wholeheartedly, especially when we don’t want to deal with our own bullshit. Cause God forbid we are truthful with the reality of what’s truly going on in our lives. We want to be loved. We want to be seen and heard. We need to feel supported. There is a human necessity to know that our purpose isn’t just love, but the connection between one soul. 

This is absolutely unacceptable. We are not to place our worth on anyone else to reflect it like some funhouse distorted mirror. We are responsible for our own power so to feel the need to give another the right to tell us how they see us, how we come across, and who we are, is freaking ridiculous. 

Isn’t it? Really? So egotistical of the mind to expect gratification for our greatness from another. F*€k that!!!

If you can today, pls love yourself so deeply that any love out there doesn’t come close to your own love affair with self. You are magnificent. You do not need to label your worth by how others see you. Don’t freaking toughen up. Be gentle with you. Let it go and allow your light to guide others. I love you.

Entertaining Angels

entertaining angels

I sit in the Starbucks cafe at Barnes and Noble. A group of mentally challenged sweethearts has come in with a special school. They are going through the magazines discussing the stars on them, the President, the cars, and so many other child-like messages. They are giggling at the pretty pictures. These are folks in their thirties and older. I marvel at their abilities to stay in this moment. They are so-ever present. It’s beautiful! I am reminded of my own children with disabilities. I recall similar scenarios throughout the years. I feel admiration for their courage to walk among others who judge in this world. This is not an easy place to be when “normal” is not only a setting on the dryer.

I am smiling as I look up from writing this and a young man in the group catches my eyes. He shy-fully laughs, looking away, and then returning my gaze. He giggles and shares a secret with another. Such pure innocence. I am in love. I have fallen into the depth of love right now as I continue writing and smiling. I keep glancing and smiling with them. I am in love with each one of them for their vulnerability and coming into this world dependent of others while teaching us about humanity. If we care to learn, they are there giving out important and significant lessons. They are the rare ones who get lost in our society. Today these folks are my most valuable teachers. These loveys have become my mentors for a little while.

I felt misplaced all morning and had to come into town to find clarity, but right now I’ve found my place among Angels. And that’s always such a magical place to be. May you be entertained by pure divine light today. May you be open to all the amazing-ness, delicious-ness, and ever-ness that those around you can provide.

You Don’t Need Permission to Be You

permission

I have fallen outside of consciousness several times in my life. During these moments I haven’t had the awareness of my human factors. I don’t know anything but truth. A little of this also happens during meditation. But the last time it was profoundly evident was two years ago when it truly showed me how easy it is to detach from human ego. There is no chain holding us in the body. There is no vault holding us tightly to this costume. Consciousness and the soul move out quickly. I have had the privilege to be around others when they die and it’s just a blink of an eye. It happens in a way that our timing and perception cannot gather or comprehend. To fall outside of this consciousness has allowed me to see things in a different light. I recently realized how much I avoided in my life.

I was afraid of everything. I was paralyzed by anxiety and judgment for anyone thinking that I was nuts. I couldn’t step outside of my truth and I became a prisoner within guarded relationships who reminded me I was possibly insane. I picked these characters to hold me back from being in the light. These folks were placed in my life for security by no one other than me. As long as I knew I couldn’t step outside of my authenticity no one could reject me.  I lived based on what I thought would be “normal” for everyone. Imagine the injustice I created for over 40 years? What an amazing time wasted in worrying about others instead of living my truth.

I share this because I know so many who are falling in and out of consciousness and feel the claws of insanity judging them. You owe yourself full respect, love and acknowledgment. You don’t owe anyone your stories, your trial and tribulations, or apologies with excuses for being you. Be quirky. Be whimsical. Be outrageous. Be freaking full of love. You will never make every single person happy. That’s very improbable. But, you can make yourself content by being you. If that looks like a hippie, a psychic, a religious fanatic, a political loud mouth, an artist, a musician, a homeless man, Superman, Wonder Woman, or whatever…that’s your choice. When you finally embrace all your qualities, greatness, and magnificence…oh my God! you will be in a place of freedom. Be happy with you. You are here to live out truth. Fear arrives when we stop ourselves from consciousness by adhering to everyone’s demands. Stop asking for permission from society to be you. Go achieve your greatness. And, if you lose people along your the path towards your freedom…well…they were lessons. Let them go. Let yourself go too!

The Sacredness of Holding Space

hold space

When my mother was dying she came to visit for a few weeks. She lived with my sisters in South Florida and I lived in Orlando. My mother’s health had deteriorated significantly in a matter of six months. Cancer was eating at her through every cell and pore of her existence. It (the cancer) became the focus of everything. She was waiting on death to finally take her. She had stopped taking her medicine and refused to eat. I began to see my mother as a little girl needing the support of others. It was in those final hours leading to her death that I learned what it was to hold space for another. It was then that I realized the frailty of life and all we take for granted.

Holding space for someone who is sick or dying is about walking along their side without judgment, not making them feel inadequate and allowing their essence to feel free to just be. My mother taught me many things about our relationship those last few weeks of her life. I had to offer unconditional support with patience and a sacredness that didn’t come easy at times. I had to step back and remember integrity and dignity of a dying person. We only want to be heard…to the last dying breath. Her need to always control all situations had diminished. What was left in its place was humility and the acceptance that she was frail and vulnerable. She was afraid. She was resentful at times. But, most of all she wanted to feel loved no matter how hard she pushed.

There are times we find that holding space is truly the only thing we can do for another. This time was about allowing her to just be ever present without trying to fix anything. I was reminded recently of these memories when I visited one of my clients at a facility. Now under hospice care, she just needed to have me there even while not knowing who I am. She just needed me to hold her hand and touch her. My mother craved for this caress in the end of her life, but her pain from cancer was unbearable. She would reach out in the silence of the room to just acknowledge her presence. With each hand touched it was as if she was saying, “Sweetheart, I am still here. Do you see me? Do you feel me? Don’t forget me!”

The act of holding sacred space is important in all relationships. Children need this time to know they are being loved and cared for unconditional. Lovers require this cherished time to show their union. Even pets provide the perfect cues for this sacredness. We are in need of these sanctified moments that express in silence to another, “I am here for you. There is nothing to do. I see you. I feel you. I acknowledge your life.”

You matter. He matters. She matters. Our presence is all that connects us to God. Holding space is about being present without distractions and allowing another to feel Divinity through the eyes of your love.

Show me your humanity

color skin

It’s raining today. I always marvel at the way the rain makes everything look. Things are brighter in color. I think of our own colors and how bright they get when we enhance with the flow of love. I am a mother. That seems to be my calling. I have 7 children and I often think this isn’t the end of that bunch. Each one is a different color. Each one is from a different ancestry tree. And each one is powerful in light and love. Under the rain water we probably look brighter and magnificent. I don’t recall observing it the many times we got caught in the rain together. Life happens and I can’t return to those moments I should have cherished when they were younger.

When someone mentions that I am a “really white Puerto Rican” I pause. What does that mean? When did we put colors on race to determine origin? I don’t understand the way folks look at Matt and me and then look at our little girl who is bi-racial and question the authenticity of parenthood. But something I have gathered in my many years on this planet is that society is bounded and restrained by fear of differences. If we don’t fit in a box we are scrutinized. We are getting better, I must say! We are evolving and challenging and questioning everything we have been told. Bravo! There is still a major shift to undergo. Some folks hide their fears behind religion. Others behind politics. And then there are those who have been fractured beyond love in childhood and truly take it out on others. I hate to say it and make excuses but they just don’t know better because they didn’t have better. That simple.

Today, in the rain or in the sunshine…notice your brightness, your uniqueness and love everything you see. Hold those who you fear in light. You might just learn true love and compassion by showing your kindness in moments that feel uncomfortable.

In closing, yesterday I had to run to Goodwill with another car load of house stuff. There was a man with a sign on the corner that read: “Had a heart attack. I need help. Please show me your humanity.” I was deeply moved. “Please show me your humanity.” I got off and hugged him. I got him something to eat. Then I heard the silence in the thank you, the touch, and the humanity in both of us. We shared something beyond words in a few minutes of connection. It happens just like that. I needed him yesterday. I was having a really, really, crappy day. The color of his skin, his origin, his labels didn’t mean a single thing. He was there, ironically helping me get over my own self-pity and crap. He didn’t care about my issues or who I was. He just needed one person to show him that he mattered. Let’s show others our humanity. Let’s do something that is completely out of character and feel good because we shine and brighten like the rain.

Love to all! Have a blessed day!!!!

Transcending Magic

magical morning

Enter now,

in this space of magic

to sing,

laugh and dance

in jubilee

of our spirits

united in this fantastic realm.

Enter,

come,

join me here

in this celestial sacredness.

Never allow your wounds,

scars, and

sorrows

to sway you into

someone you are not.

I love that you visit

and stay a while

to share in this world

mystified by

you and me

living,

breathing,

free to be

what we long ago

decided to become.

It is only when you

don’t search for love

that you

become

capable of loving

unconditionally

without the judgments

of pretentiousness.

This is all there is

in this alchemistic

world created by Spirit.

Hands of God

hands of god

Our egos do not allow us to live to our potentials.  I once had a friend who had a brain aneurism.  He basically had to restart normal living habits, from buttoning his shirt to tying his shoes.  A highly intelligent man, but because of living so much in his head, never got the lesson of this spectacular recovery.  What happened to him was massive.  It was a huge wake up call.  Instead of embracing the experience and realizing that he had been touched by the hands of God he grew angrier, bitter, and resentful.   He fell into a tunnel of self-pity and has remained there for a few years.

The spiritual journey that had begun the moment his vein burst was diminished to ego.  Eventually our friendship dissolved.  I couldn’t go to the darkness with him.  I couldn’t reach the spiritual being, nor deal with the egotistical part of making sense of his injury in the way he wanted.  I cannot pity such an experience that opened up so much in this one soul.  He took the extraordinary and created it to become prison of his world.

I always believe that the lessons we come into this life to learn will continue to repeat themselves, each time with much more difficulties, until we embrace and surrender to their teachings.  It is then that we can move on to the next one.  This man has been one of the few people in my life that illuminated divinity when I was in his presence.  He never saw it.  He never accepted the journey as being a mystical awakening to his spirit.  Once again, egos have a way of degrading our spiritual lessons.

We live in three embodiments: mind, physical body, and spirit.  The ego takes hold of the physical body and mind, twisting and turning, until there is nothing left but insecurities, anger, unworthiness, and doubts.  Even through major life changes, horrific episodes rattling our beliefs, the ego still continues to dictate what is right and what is wrong.

I know I can’t separate my ego from my spirit at all times.  Ego is what drives us to over achieve, to move in our society, and to interact with ourselves.  But my only wish as I awake each morning is to have less ego and more spirit.  I want to be able to detach from the insecurities, the chit-chat mind set, the what-to-do’s and how-to-do-them agendas.  I want my beliefs to take a back seat to what is omnipotence.  I want to be able to stand in spirit and be cradled by the hands of God like we all deserve each moment.  This is not impossible.  It requires detaching and surrendering.  It requires traveling in this world without so much of a competitive desire.  It requires erasing judgment, self-criticism and any negativity that has been instilled into our DNA by others.

We are always being provided with divinity.  It lives in us.  We are made of spirit.  The other two bodies we house are the substantial necessity to create equilibrium.  We need the body and the mind.  We need all three.  It is when there is an imbalance (of which a lot of us have) that we cannot grasp the lessons and experiences in the meaning of our life path.

My goal today is to live in that simplicity of just being.  No agenda, no desires, and no need to do anything but be present and wait… for the hands of God to reach out and light my path.  When in darkness I just need to believe that my own light of divinity will guide me through the roughest parts.