Retrospect on Letting Go

It’s Sunday…day of retrospect. This came up in meditation this morning. I’ve had many say that I allow people to push me around and I easily forgive. I cannot live my life holding grudges. I refuse to waste time sending anyone hurt. It comes back like a boomerang.

Never ever wish them anything but love. Every single event and situation in your life has molded you to be this person. You are not a victim. You forgive. That’s what you do. You let go and move on. It isn’t easy because the Ego insists in seeing victorious endings on your part. Hurt people require stories that attract attention. But, regardless if it’s family, friendships or strangers please gift yourself the ability to move on.

Remove the toxic folks and situations from your life. Wish them well. Wish them happiness. Your pain is the greatest teacher. Use that pain for growth and a positive outlet. You choose how you gracefully move through it. You can let it consume you and make you sick, or you can rise above it. It comes down to self-care and self-love.

Don’t get me wrong…sometimes it takes a long time to get to the point of forgiveness. Sometimes you have to process and reprocess and then let go. And even when you believe it’s all healed it might appear just a little more to remind you that the work isn’t over yet. There is something deeper to learn from it. Ugh! It’s yucky.

Not one single person is worth you entertaining hate. Not one! You never know the things that provoke another to act as they do. Karma takes care of things in order to balance out the universe. Just love! You aren’t required to like it (or like them) but love and forgive. And in that frequency you actually shift consciousness. ~m.a.p.

Forgiveness is an Act of Will

forgiveness

A lot has been appearing about forgiveness the past few weeks. A dear friend called me for advice on something. She asked me to meet her at a cafe and we sat outside on a gorgeous spring day. She began her saga and before I could tell her what I thought she said, “I know what you are gonna say. ‘Let it go and forgive…karma has his address.’ But, I cannot and will not let it go.” I asked her why she wanted my help when she was going to do whatever she wanted to do? She apparently just wanted someone’s permission. And, this I did tell her. I don’t condone that saying, “An eye for an eye.” I cannot relate to getting back at anyone for their wrongdoings. I am not programmed that way. I believe the universe has a way of keeping tally and it’s not for me to return the hurt and damage. I am not so much a pacifist as I am a believer that what goes around, comes around.

Here is what I know about forgiveness: it’s never for the other person. When I forgive it’s for me to let go. I forgive in order to let go of my own betrayal in not trusting God. I know I’ve been heavily criticized and judged by many closed to me for letting things go so easily. I have been known to abandon a horrible situation and not look back. I truly just let it all go. When I am at that point of desperation, anxiety and emotional crisis I have to gather my integrity and just head out the door. I’ve lost an endless amount of money, careers, homes and relationships because I refuse to entertain someone else’s insanity. I refuse to degrade my spirit into enabling their own hurt. All I can do is wish them well and keep moving forward. It’s not easy! I don’t leave a situation all airy-fairy dancing in joy. I leave depleted and exhausted with pain. I truly believe with every cell that when a person hurts you it’s because they are heavily hurt. Most people do not take responsibility for their actions or their drama. It’s easier to point to another person. So that hurt will become severe as time passes. Me, retaliating and hurting them is not the answer. I only know that walking away…starting over…just letting things take their course, is the way I am designed to function and forgive. It might not be for anyone else. But, it is for me! It’s the only way I can sleep at night, knowing that I have forgiven and have placed the events in some compartment of compassion. I establish the experience as a powerful lesson…and onto to the next one!  Sometimes this happens in a short span of time.  Other times it takes longer, but never do I regret walking away!

I am certain I’ve hurt many along the journey of my life. I am one of the most imperfect tenacious souls I’ve ever encountered. I don’t deliberately go out of my way to harm anyone but I do know that when we don’t act in accordance to what another expects, hurt is birthed in a situation. Our expectations of each other create disappointments. Our own past issues keep mirroring and re-enacting so we learn powerful life lessons.

Sometimes it takes a while for me to let things go…but when I do, the ache is no longer there. Those who have hurt me have been released from me. They are free. I can speak with them, see them in the street, and feel absolutely nothing but compassion. I don’t have to avoid them or be malicious with them. I simply move along and allow them to be who they are.  They no longer owe me anything because I have released them from that obligation. They are struggling with their own issues. As humans we are just trying to make it through this expedition alive until the day we are not.

I asked my friend what she would get out of hurting this person who has hurt her so deeply. She said, “Peace!” I told her there is no peace in revenge. There isn’t anything but more hurt. Sure, she would get satisfaction from returning pain but eventually that would bite her back in the ass. I begged her never to ask me for that kind of advice. I cannot tolerate the idea of purposely hurting another just because it helps that person clear their ego. Ego has a way of playing us into stupid trickery. It will create elaborate plotting and scheming ideas to feel that it has won. I don’t entertain that kind of behavior. The higher you go on the chain of evolution the less you hold on to regrets, resentments, anger and other lower vibrational frequencies.

You know when you’ve grown? When you no longer hold another in your painful thoughts. You know when you’ve evolved spiritually? When you only wish them the very best in spite of what they caused you. You know when life is providing true freedom? When you see the hurt coming way before it arrives and you simply accept it and move on. You set boundaries and are no longer a doormat, but you allow for those experiences to teach you about your humanness. Oprah has said, True forgiveness is when you can say, “Thank you for that experience.”

Letting go is not easy. It’s not a cliche that we can swallow when we are angry and full of resentments. It’s sometimes the struggle that creates such a distressful sense of anxiety. But, letting go of the past, traumas, events, atrocities, and anything else actually creates a sense of BEing. You eventually begin to find balance through gratitude for those life assignments. You deserve a serene state of consciousness. Your higher soul will provide the most favorable lessons for the evolution of your spiritual growth. It’s up to you to accept them and move on. Forgiveness, in every sense of the word, is gracious and merciful. Don’t let hurt keep you in a prison of your own hatred.

The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ~Steve Maraboli

Karma Cafe

karma cafe

The other day we took my recent-high-school-graduate daughter to lunch to celebrate her wonderful milestone.  As we were sitting waiting on our waiter I mentioned to Matt that after all these years I think I would be a good waitress.  I would talk to everyone.  Here’s the conversation:

Matt:  You would be amazing.  You would make more money than anyone else, except no one would get what they ordered.

Me:  What are you talking about?  I wouldn’t screw up an order.

Matt:  Nope.  They would order a burger and you would come out with a healthy salad saying something like, “Your dead grandmother is standing here telling me that you have high cholesterol and will die just like her if you don’t start eating right.  So, here is your salad.”

Me laughing and shaking my head:  I would not do that.

Matt:  Yes, you would.  It would be like eating at Karma Café.  You don’t get what you order.  You get what you deserve.

Me still laughing:  Nope.

Matt:  And, then when they order dessert you would proceed to give them the other insightful messages that their dead person had for them.

 

I am always fascinated by the way people perceive me, even my loved ones.  Well, especially my loved ones!  I try desperately not to intrude or give messages to those who are not ready for them.  I am often bombarded with messages and if the person is not ready to hear I will not proceed.  I have learned my lesson (and continue to do so) with folks who can’t handle the communication from beyond.  Add differences in belief, stigma, and judgment and I go on lock down.  There’s also the small issue of translation.  Entities sometimes don’t speak.  They show up with some symbol, item or gesture.  I have no clue what that could mean.  But, the funny thing is that if, for example, I see Kleenexes around them there is a reason for that.  When I relate the message it makes complete sense to the receiver.   I stopped trying to make sense of the things I feel, hear or see because it can leave me feeling mentally challenged.

Perhaps, I might not make a good waitress after all.  I’m ultra sensitive and the energy around that many people would wig me out.  I would definitely not change their orders as Matt pointed out to me.  I am not in charge of Karma Café.  You have your own destiny to make.  And, that’s something every person must go through on their own!