What is left behind

footprints in the sand


I used to think that it was important to leave something behind in life as a legacy for others to acknowledge my existence.  For most of my life I kept journals, poetry books, albums and all sorts of pasted memory books documenting my journey here. Several years ago I stopped.  I was losing myself in trying to leave a life behind while not being presently available in the now.  I was tired of leaving a token of my existence for others to find as a scavenger hunt providing entertainment for days to come.  I decided I was going to touch more, love harder, and be present with those in my life.  What better legacy than that of time?

We are always trying to leave footprints behind for others to find.  Sometime ago during a visit with one of my sons we were sitting around discussing legacies.  He asked me what I would like to leave behind as a remembrance of my life.  I said, “My laughter.  I want people to think of me and think that I was fun.  I want to believe that I touched someone through my sense of humor.”  His eyes watered with that simple answer. He was expecting me to say something of greatness or about love.  But, I believe that joy is the catalyst to other emotions.  Joy and laughter open up love, empathy, compassion, and kindness.

What carries on after death? The lessons, mistakes, triumphs, and achievements are not so much of importance in the past as they will be in the future.  We take for granted what must be learned rather than learn what we take for granted because of worrying about the future.  It is the present that emphasis must be placed upon in order to correct anything else in our path.  Legacies are moments.  Moments consist of time.

Death is a state of consciousness.  It is one of the many stages through the infinite. I witnessed this first hand not long ago when I had the near death experience.  At that moment of leaving the physical body I was not a bit concerned with my legacy.  I didn’t think about the things I should have done.  I didn’t ponder or cry about the things I didn’t get to do.  My only thought was, “Where will this light take me?  There’s nothing like this. There never was.”

We are here passing through: for learning, accumulating, and exercising the greatness of our existence.  There is no real secret to life.  That’s perhaps the secret.  We all want to know that we’ve mattered. We have.  I have.  You have.  We are here in this melting pot together making our way home.   Every day I am gifted favorable circumstances.  I get opportunities of love (giving and receiving), forgiveness (for mistakes and misunderstandings), learning (beyond my means), dreaming (manifesting all my desires), kindness, and compassion (without them I am not human) so that my spiritual, physical and emotional bodies can evolve into greatness.  This greatness is called life. Make each moment count with joy, surrendering abandonment for the past, miracles for the future, and appreciation for being present at all times.  Laugh at the silliness, forgive the hurt, love those who you never thought you could.  Allow these opportunities to map out the journey.  You got this!  No one else can do it for you.  Sparkle, shine, fly with your authentic wings and create the greatest story of YOU!  That’s your legacy.

“Inside of all of us there is the need and the desire to be heard, to have our innermost thoughts, feelings and desires expressed for others to hear, to see and to understand. We all want to matter to someone, to leave a mark. Writers just take those thoughts, feelings and desires and express them in such a way that the reader not only reads them but feels them as well.” ~ Vicktor Alexander

Loss of Laughter

minions laughing

The holidays are upon us. This is the time of the year that brings up all sorts of emotions to many. The winter weather (unless you live in Florida) seems to add to the struggle of disconnecting from others and the self. A dear friend of mine is a writer, a healer and a teacher. She is also creating classes and helping others move through worth issues and breaking old-thought programming. While having a discussion with her via email she sends me some of her questions and thought-provoking exercises. She ends an email with “I have this HUGE sense of loss.”

I am always amazed at how things come up when you are working on the self…you grab a hold of something over here and then another thing pops up over there. This thing of being human is tough and we make it even tougher when we don’t acknowledge the issues that come up. I ask her where the loss comes from, is it this or that? I send her several questions and she writes back:

Loss of never knowing how to laugh…Not sure…Definitely will explore. Someone who just finished her PhD asked on Facebook what people did for fun because she had forgot how…  I don’t know that I ever knew. Grew up in the country as an only child. By 6th or 7th grade I started planning my escape so that I could create my “perfect” little family… And I guess it was but not what I thought it would be… definitely not Ozzie and Harriet… but through all the planning and making things happen there was no time for fun and when there was an opportunity… it was awkward.”

We weren’t taught to laugh in many families. There was a sense of compliance, responsibilities, and duty. Laughing wasn’t part of the dynamic. I spent a lifetime thinking that laughter was a sin…that was not accepted because of duties. When I turned 40 I said, “The hell to all this crap. I am going to enjoy my life.” I made drastic changes. I went overboard deleting and creating a different course and life path. Some of my children resisted. Some went with the flow while feeling resentful that I removed them from a privilege life. There was money. Then there wasn’t. There was comfort and safety and definitely abundance of all types. Materialism was all around us. And then there wasn’t. For them laughter was always available. They laughed all the time…they didn’t feel or see the sadness in their mother. Now years later they all see it. The difference in a life is not measured by things but by the joy in simplicity. I learned to laugh and enjoy without guilt. My children were taught to play and laugh and continue playing throughout life. They are seeing it now in me like they never did in their childhood. I had a huge sense of loss and emptiness. I couldn’t figure out what I needed when I had so much.

To read these words from my dear wise friend I was transported back to a time that I can’t relate to at this moment in my life. Laughter is the best medicine. It raises our vibration and spiritual frequencies. Back then I wasn’t authentic to my spirit. I was fearful of others and what they thought of me. And now I see that there is a huge sense of loss from a lot of folks. I see the subject in emails and messages. It’s across the world from here to Norway, Mexico to Australia, France to India and then some. I read the words and feel the sadness and the sense of not knowing how to bring joy into their lives. I feel the pull of many who want answers and an easy solution. I cannot tell anyone what they need to do. All I can say is “You know the answers. Meditate and ask you higher self for guidance.”

We have been taught to be responsible, go after what we want, serve our families, study, work hard, etc. But, we aren’t taught to play. Watch a child playing and it’s a marvelous feeling of joy. They don’t worry about anything else. They are wholeheartedly focused on whatever they are doing. They don’t care how silly they look. When did we lose sight of play and laughter? At what age did we stop pretending and imagining? What happens to the soul when we shift our true awareness into the programming form of social experiment driving us into fear and anxiety? I don’t have any answers. I haven’t a real solution except to fake it until you make it. I have spent the last 7 years playing in the dirt, wearing tutus with boots in public, fishing for heart-shaped rocks in rivers, having colorful fairy hair, taking wrong turns exploring back roads, leaving loving messages on windshields, leaving funny messages inside books at stores, and truly giggling at the simple things in life. I have laughed with strangers, hugged more, and felt like a little kid tickled pink when someone notices my toes all have different colors. I don’t know how to show anyone else how to laugh but I can surely play. I can now be silly without worrying about what others think. I don’t care cause they are not me!

I believe we need to take more time for play and express joy through creativity. Something has to be put into place as part of the everyday list of things to do. Write it …follow through with it. Honor your spirit with joy. If you can’t figure out how to do something…well, Google it! Research it! Pinterest it! Treat laughter and play as you would a new job. And as your last resort come play with me on a sunny day. We can go to a Goodwill and try on ridiculous clothes and hats….oh…wanna laugh? It’s belly busting time! Create your own magical moments. The world is truly your playground so stop making it so hard to do something that’s naturally implemented into our DNA.  You got this.  EnJOY these holidays while seeing the magic of wonder. It’s not fun being an adult if you can’t also play like a child. 

Whimsical Wisdom

Laughter is birthed

through each

belly rolling,

tears dropping,

contagious gobble

evolving into joyous


of interaction,


and releasing.laughter

Mouth parting,

teeth showing,

sounds exploding,

eyes giggling,

all in an orgasmic surrender

creating love

through airwaves

and channeling

the Divine in each

child-like chuckle

arriving in the presence

of another.

Transcending Magic

magical morning

Enter now,

in this space of magic

to sing,

laugh and dance

in jubilee

of our spirits

united in this fantastic realm.



join me here

in this celestial sacredness.

Never allow your wounds,

scars, and


to sway you into

someone you are not.

I love that you visit

and stay a while

to share in this world

mystified by

you and me



free to be

what we long ago

decided to become.

It is only when you

don’t search for love

that you


capable of loving


without the judgments

of pretentiousness.

This is all there is

in this alchemistic

world created by Spirit.

Stop Thinking Big

11310914_10153328688688739_103847743_nA guest looked at my fingernails and noticed that they were all different colors yesterday.  She laughed and said, “I wish I could do that!”  I looked at her with bewilderment.  “Why can’t you?  At least do your toes, no one can see them!”  She said she just “wasn’t so bold.”  I laughed so hard I almost peed in my pants as she said, “Someday when I retire…..”  There lies the anticipated expectation of the future changing everything when one cannot accept that time is an illusion and all we have is NOW.

What are you waiting for?  What’s stopping you from moving forward?  Sometimes the obstacle is the problem.  Your mind will create just about anything to stop you from letting go.  Most of us have an all-or-nothing attitude.  So we wait for a loved one to move out.  We dream of the moment we retire or hit the lotto. We won’t take time here and there to block for ourselves.  We don’t make a plan to start saving for a big trip therefore we don’t even think about it. What’s stopping you from taking a 2 hour adventure to another city near you?  STOP thinking so darn BIG.  Start small!  I used to say, “Oh, when the last child moves out I am running away to the mountains and writing.”  The way I collect kids I would never move.  Lord!  I would be 90 years old living in a giant shoe.

This afternoon, while on a day off with my fiance, I asked him if he thought I was eccentric? He laughed and said that my picture was next to the word, and that’s why he loves me. He loves and admires the goofy side of being a hippie-carefree-unicorn-riding woman who dances to her own music. He truly cheers me on when I leave any form of normal living.  I am blessed because of this freedom to tap into my creative genes and play…truly laugh at myself.  I wasn’t always like this. It has taken years of re-programming and deleting old self-worth issues.  So, in my mind I don’t see the eccentricity but I do declare the joy of living in the moment.  I am truly spontaneous.

Start tiny in your thoughts and carve out your precious time.  Don’t wait till Someday.  Someday is a fairytale.  Don’t wait for tomorrow.  Start now.  You know 906766_608957632496432_91115726_owhat keeps a person young?  You don’t?  Well, that should be your first order of business…go search for the fountain of youth in you!  Be courageous with your truth.  Speak it.  Taste it. Smell it….and go do what makes you happy.  There is no excuse but the one you continue to tell yourself.  Go get coffee alone today.  Wear an outrageous tutu and tiara.  Get that small tattoo you have desired for years.  Check out the local Humane Society and visit the puppies. Tomorrow paint your nails in different colors.  Take a scenic road you’ve never taken. Learn an exotic word a day.  Go play in the dirt.  Get some crayons and a coloring book. GO HAVE FUN TODAY or Tomorrow!!!!!  Don’t wait for another person to fill your needs. Forgive yourself for not putting your own self in first place.  Your happiness is priority! YOU GOT THIS! Make life count for you.  The time is NOW!

Dying to Live

dying to live

We die a little every day.  We are born into a journey of endings.  Things begin and end.  We don’t know the day we are to transcend or leave this place.  Our existence is not written with a known expiration date.  I have a HUGE issue when doctors tell a patient, “You have two months to live.  You have an X amount of time.”  This act stops the person from living.  It stops becoming about life and all about dying.

A friend of ours was here for a few days.  He has cancer.  He’s dying.  He knows it and so does everyone else.  I am dying as well.  I might have a day or I can live 40 more years.  I have no clue when it will happen.  I am not focusing on that last moment.  I am living to the best of my ability with the days I get gifted every morning.  But, seeing him living fully these past few days…well, a part of me struggles to accept that he has days counted for because of a disease.  He’s healthy.  He is brilliant.  He is tenacious and hysterical and is living on his terms.  I admire him to a degree that I didn’t know possible.  He isn’t just existing waiting on a deadline.  He is moving through these days waiting on the gift of miracles surrounded by love.  Ultimate time tells everything.  And time, my friends, is also our ally when it comes to truly accepting and letting go!

Somehow we get so focused on the end.  We forget that every second is a new beginning.  We try to control our lives and others fearing the moment we are to die.  I am not afraid of dying.  I am afraid of not living fully.  I am frightened of not sucking the joy out of this journey because of a bad day or situation.  I am terribly mortified by the thought of taking another day for granted because of obstacles.  I want to live.  I want to live like I haven’t wanted to live before.  I want to meet like-minded people with laughter and intelligence.  I want to hear their stories.  I crave to touch and love and dive into their journey.  We connect this way. So…NO…I am not afraid of physical death.  I am, however, consciously aware that I forget to live every second to the fullest.  I forget to breathe and let go at times.  I allow my humanness to take over and I get angry for a moment.  This passes.  And, when it does I recall lying on a hospital and returning from my own short death to find that life is precious.  What a gift!  What a magnificent ride!

We entertain anxiety because of fear.  We fear because of not being able to control.  We control because we have been taught that we have a say.  We have a say because we are programmed to believe that the ego can actually fix things.  In the end it’s all a lie.  We can’t control anything.  The illusion of life is based on internal experiences of the outer world.  Our perceptions guide us and in moments make us very ill.  We have no say or control.  All we can do is travel with our heads up, love, laugh and truly learn to live.  We are not merely existing.  We are surviving all that is thrown our way and we should be spiritually evolving because of everything that we experience on the path of life.

My friend is dying.  His presence allowed me to stand back and watch grace and how it looks to know that there might not be a tomorrow.  He is doing it with love, laughter and faith.  The shock of his illness allowed ego to die first.  Now, it’s just a matter of releasing all control and moving through moments with acceptance.  We can all learn from the ones whose days are expiring through illness. He might have days or years.  His timing is in the hands of God.  These folks who have so much to conquer become our biggest teachers.  Mine left a few hours ago and I will forever be grateful for his time.  I love you, Dun.  Thank you!  Until we meet again…soon!