The holidays are upon us. This is the time of the year that brings up all sorts of emotions to many. The winter weather (unless you live in Florida) seems to add to the struggle of disconnecting from others and the self. A dear friend of mine is a writer, a healer and a teacher. She is also creating classes and helping others move through worth issues and breaking old-thought programming. While having a discussion with her via email she sends me some of her questions and thought-provoking exercises. She ends an email with “I have this HUGE sense of loss.”
I am always amazed at how things come up when you are working on the self…you grab a hold of something over here and then another thing pops up over there. This thing of being human is tough and we make it even tougher when we don’t acknowledge the issues that come up. I ask her where the loss comes from, is it this or that? I send her several questions and she writes back:
“Loss of never knowing how to laugh…Not sure…Definitely will explore. Someone who just finished her PhD asked on Facebook what people did for fun because she had forgot how… I don’t know that I ever knew. Grew up in the country as an only child. By 6th or 7th grade I started planning my escape so that I could create my “perfect” little family… And I guess it was but not what I thought it would be… definitely not Ozzie and Harriet… but through all the planning and making things happen there was no time for fun and when there was an opportunity… it was awkward.”
We weren’t taught to laugh in many families. There was a sense of compliance, responsibilities, and duty. Laughing wasn’t part of the dynamic. I spent a lifetime thinking that laughter was a sin…that was not accepted because of duties. When I turned 40 I said, “The hell to all this crap. I am going to enjoy my life.” I made drastic changes. I went overboard deleting and creating a different course and life path. Some of my children resisted. Some went with the flow while feeling resentful that I removed them from a privilege life. There was money. Then there wasn’t. There was comfort and safety and definitely abundance of all types. Materialism was all around us. And then there wasn’t. For them laughter was always available. They laughed all the time…they didn’t feel or see the sadness in their mother. Now years later they all see it. The difference in a life is not measured by things but by the joy in simplicity. I learned to laugh and enjoy without guilt. My children were taught to play and laugh and continue playing throughout life. They are seeing it now in me like they never did in their childhood. I had a huge sense of loss and emptiness. I couldn’t figure out what I needed when I had so much.
To read these words from my dear wise friend I was transported back to a time that I can’t relate to at this moment in my life. Laughter is the best medicine. It raises our vibration and spiritual frequencies. Back then I wasn’t authentic to my spirit. I was fearful of others and what they thought of me. And now I see that there is a huge sense of loss from a lot of folks. I see the subject in emails and messages. It’s across the world from here to Norway, Mexico to Australia, France to India and then some. I read the words and feel the sadness and the sense of not knowing how to bring joy into their lives. I feel the pull of many who want answers and an easy solution. I cannot tell anyone what they need to do. All I can say is “You know the answers. Meditate and ask you higher self for guidance.”
We have been taught to be responsible, go after what we want, serve our families, study, work hard, etc. But, we aren’t taught to play. Watch a child playing and it’s a marvelous feeling of joy. They don’t worry about anything else. They are wholeheartedly focused on whatever they are doing. They don’t care how silly they look. When did we lose sight of play and laughter? At what age did we stop pretending and imagining? What happens to the soul when we shift our true awareness into the programming form of social experiment driving us into fear and anxiety? I don’t have any answers. I haven’t a real solution except to fake it until you make it. I have spent the last 7 years playing in the dirt, wearing tutus with boots in public, fishing for heart-shaped rocks in rivers, having colorful fairy hair, taking wrong turns exploring back roads, leaving loving messages on windshields, leaving funny messages inside books at stores, and truly giggling at the simple things in life. I have laughed with strangers, hugged more, and felt like a little kid tickled pink when someone notices my toes all have different colors. I don’t know how to show anyone else how to laugh but I can surely play. I can now be silly without worrying about what others think. I don’t care cause they are not me!
I believe we need to take more time for play and express joy through creativity. Something has to be put into place as part of the everyday list of things to do. Write it …follow through with it. Honor your spirit with joy. If you can’t figure out how to do something…well, Google it! Research it! Pinterest it! Treat laughter and play as you would a new job. And as your last resort come play with me on a sunny day. We can go to a Goodwill and try on ridiculous clothes and hats….oh…wanna laugh? It’s belly busting time! Create your own magical moments. The world is truly your playground so stop making it so hard to do something that’s naturally implemented into our DNA. You got this. EnJOY these holidays while seeing the magic of wonder. It’s not fun being an adult if you can’t also play like a child.
Laughter is birthed
evolving into joyous
all in an orgasmic surrender
the Divine in each
arriving in the presence
in this space of magic
laugh and dance
of our spirits
united in this fantastic realm.
join me here
in this celestial sacredness.
Never allow your wounds,
to sway you into
someone you are not.
I love that you visit
and stay a while
to share in this world
you and me
free to be
what we long ago
decided to become.
It is only when you
don’t search for love
capable of loving
without the judgments
This is all there is
in this alchemistic
world created by Spirit.
A guest looked at my fingernails and noticed that they were all different colors yesterday. She laughed and said, “I wish I could do that!” I looked at her with bewilderment. “Why can’t you? At least do your toes, no one can see them!” She said she just “wasn’t so bold.” I laughed so hard I almost peed in my pants as she said, “Someday when I retire…..” There lies the anticipated expectation of the future changing everything when one cannot accept that time is an illusion and all we have is NOW.
What are you waiting for? What’s stopping you from moving forward? Sometimes the obstacle is the problem. Your mind will create just about anything to stop you from letting go. Most of us have an all-or-nothing attitude. So we wait for a loved one to move out. We dream of the moment we retire or hit the lotto. We won’t take time here and there to block for ourselves. We don’t make a plan to start saving for a big trip therefore we don’t even think about it. What’s stopping you from taking a 2 hour adventure to another city near you? STOP thinking so darn BIG. Start small! I used to say, “Oh, when the last child moves out I am running away to the mountains and writing.” The way I collect kids I would never move. Lord! I would be 90 years old living in a giant shoe.
This afternoon, while on a day off with my fiance, I asked him if he thought I was eccentric? He laughed and said that my picture was next to the word, and that’s why he loves me. He loves and admires the goofy side of being a hippie-carefree-unicorn-riding woman who dances to her own music. He truly cheers me on when I leave any form of normal living. I am blessed because of this freedom to tap into my creative genes and play…truly laugh at myself. I wasn’t always like this. It has taken years of re-programming and deleting old self-worth issues. So, in my mind I don’t see the eccentricity but I do declare the joy of living in the moment. I am truly spontaneous.
Start tiny in your thoughts and carve out your precious time. Don’t wait till Someday. Someday is a fairytale. Don’t wait for tomorrow. Start now. You know what keeps a person young? You don’t? Well, that should be your first order of business…go search for the fountain of youth in you! Be courageous with your truth. Speak it. Taste it. Smell it….and go do what makes you happy. There is no excuse but the one you continue to tell yourself. Go get coffee alone today. Wear an outrageous tutu and tiara. Get that small tattoo you have desired for years. Check out the local Humane Society and visit the puppies. Tomorrow paint your nails in different colors. Take a scenic road you’ve never taken. Learn an exotic word a day. Go play in the dirt. Get some crayons and a coloring book. GO HAVE FUN TODAY or Tomorrow!!!!! Don’t wait for another person to fill your needs. Forgive yourself for not putting your own self in first place. Your happiness is priority! YOU GOT THIS! Make life count for you. The time is NOW!
We die a little every day. We are born into a journey of endings. Things begin and end. We don’t know the day we are to transcend or leave this place. Our existence is not written with a known expiration date. I have a HUGE issue when doctors tell a patient, “You have two months to live. You have an X amount of time.” This act stops the person from living. It stops becoming about life and all about dying.
A friend of ours was here for a few days. He has cancer. He’s dying. He knows it and so does everyone else. I am dying as well. I might have a day or I can live 40 more years. I have no clue when it will happen. I am not focusing on that last moment. I am living to the best of my ability with the days I get gifted every morning. But, seeing him living fully these past few days…well, a part of me struggles to accept that he has days counted for because of a disease. He’s healthy. He is brilliant. He is tenacious and hysterical and is living on his terms. I admire him to a degree that I didn’t know possible. He isn’t just existing waiting on a deadline. He is moving through these days waiting on the gift of miracles surrounded by love. Ultimate time tells everything. And time, my friends, is also our ally when it comes to truly accepting and letting go!
Somehow we get so focused on the end. We forget that every second is a new beginning. We try to control our lives and others fearing the moment we are to die. I am not afraid of dying. I am afraid of not living fully. I am frightened of not sucking the joy out of this journey because of a bad day or situation. I am terribly mortified by the thought of taking another day for granted because of obstacles. I want to live. I want to live like I haven’t wanted to live before. I want to meet like-minded people with laughter and intelligence. I want to hear their stories. I crave to touch and love and dive into their journey. We connect this way. So…NO…I am not afraid of physical death. I am, however, consciously aware that I forget to live every second to the fullest. I forget to breathe and let go at times. I allow my humanness to take over and I get angry for a moment. This passes. And, when it does I recall lying on a hospital and returning from my own short death to find that life is precious. What a gift! What a magnificent ride!
We entertain anxiety because of fear. We fear because of not being able to control. We control because we have been taught that we have a say. We have a say because we are programmed to believe that the ego can actually fix things. In the end it’s all a lie. We can’t control anything. The illusion of life is based on internal experiences of the outer world. Our perceptions guide us and in moments make us very ill. We have no say or control. All we can do is travel with our heads up, love, laugh and truly learn to live. We are not merely existing. We are surviving all that is thrown our way and we should be spiritually evolving because of everything that we experience on the path of life.
My friend is dying. His presence allowed me to stand back and watch grace and how it looks to know that there might not be a tomorrow. He is doing it with love, laughter and faith. The shock of his illness allowed ego to die first. Now, it’s just a matter of releasing all control and moving through moments with acceptance. We can all learn from the ones whose days are expiring through illness. He might have days or years. His timing is in the hands of God. These folks who have so much to conquer become our biggest teachers. Mine left a few hours ago and I will forever be grateful for his time. I love you, Dun. Thank you! Until we meet again…soon!
I love stories. I enjoy listening to guests tell me their life accounts. By far, my favorite stories are the relationship ones. Love stories make me melt. I gush at the events, cooing with corniness as I live through the words that are shared from strangers. I am fortunate to live in a place that brings a variety of non-fictional-folklore-romance stories to my door. I have heard countless biographies of how folks meet, who made the first move, where and how they got together, their serendipitous moments, and so on. This week I had the pleasure of meeting two love birds that have touched my gentle heart in the most tendering of ways.
Cathy and Denis came to attend a wedding in town two weekends ago. They stayed for a few extra days and left to travel and explore the area. They returned for a few more days and I was able to share in their circle of love and admiration. Denis, a charismatic middle school teacher, is a no-nonsense witty man. A musician at heart, he has a poetic side to him that brings his beautiful girlfriend to her knees. You can see their intimacy in their gestures and glances. Cathy, a beautiful-classy-bubbly lady, is pure joy. She has an air of sophistication and a knowing that she keeps tightly reserved for her alone. For the first part of their trip I thought they were married. Sitting down with them I learned that they just became “a couple” almost two years ago. They knew each other in high school. He “had his eye” on her for years. “She was the popular cheerleader.” He was the geek. She really didn’t notice him then. They graduated and life took them on separate journeys. Both got married, had children and grandchildren. Both lost their spouses after 38 years of marriage. And, then through a deep emotional moment (after the loss of wife to cancer) Denis decided to attend their 40th high school reunion hoping to see “that beautiful girl” that made his heart skip a beat way back then. He finally got the belle of the ball. He calls Cathy, “his goddess.” My eyes watered as he shared his luck. He devoured his emotions with such joy and love that I was brought to goose bumps. She sat there agreeing, nodding, and every so often commenting. Her eyes twinkled every time he looked at her with admiration. And, in those moments of witnessing such comfortable energy I got lost in their exploration.
Listening to the accounts of their lives brings me to the awareness that love has no expiration date. I’ve had several guests share similar stories of reunions. There is hope and faith in knowing that someone out there is waiting on your heart to unite. Lovers come into this life on a treasure hunt. They move through years as scavengers waiting to find “that one” individual that will connect with them. I know when I met Matt my heart settled and whispered, “Oh there you are. Well, of course. I’ve been waiting for you. What took you so long?” Every other relationship (some which were amazing and breathtakingly beautiful… others not so much) raised the standards for this particular one. I met my match. I was able to feel comfortable without excuses. I have been able to fully strip away the scrutiny of self-worth and image. I never thought I would even consider getting married. It wasn’t in the cards for me. I always said that I wanted a man in my life but not in my house. Now, he’s not only in my house but we are raising a baby together. Funny how this happens! This home is full because of everything he has brought with him. I am learning who I truly am through his existence.
The heart expands with each connection. It vibrates, learns and teaches the brain exactly what is needed to survive. We do not live solely for ourselves. We are here to unite, attach, and bridge the way from one heart to another. It doesn’t matter if it takes 20, 40, or 60 years. In matters of the heart there is no time line. You can meet your soul partner at age three and move through different experiences and journeys.
Every person who enters my life has taught me something invaluable. Whether it is with a glance, a word, a conversation or years of connection I evolve because of you. I am giddy with gratitude for my beautiful teachers this week, Cathy and Denis. Their presence has reminded me that love has no timeline or expiration date. It is endless and priceless. I hope they return soon!
“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another.” ~ Thomas Merton