(Google image since I could not take a picture of the man.)
This morning on my way to take the kids to camp, I watched a young man, half-naked, on the side of the interstate yelling at the trees and sky. It was right before 7AM. My windows were down and as I passed him I heard, “F*cK You!” as his fists were pointing upward.
I had this sensation of stopping, but I had the kids. And I am not part of this man’s story. A piece of me marveled at the ability to shout out to the Heavens, that raw vulnerability (even if he was strung out on something) to say exactly what he was feeling.
Most of us don’t.
We bury the pain or the anger. We bulldoze over it. We expect things will change and get angry when they don’t. We demand, beg, plead and complain about it.
Whenever I’ve had enough, I climb the tallest mountain around here early enough not to bump into anyone. When I get to the top, I sit on the largest boulder. The cows on that field surround me. Then I yell to the top of my lungs. I don’t stop till I feel the energy move through me. I sit for a bit. I may cry. I may write. I may just close my eyes and allow the sensations of nature embody me. I become still, smelling the earth, tasting the wind, hearing my heart beat.
I watched this man today and recognized it is time for another trip up the mountain. Those releases are powerful. I had a special pillow for one of my children when she was small so that she could hit it and yell. It was just a way for her to stabilize her little emotional body. Sometimes it was exactly what she needed. Other times it made it worst. We always found a happy medium.
This man needed this today. He had enough (or not enough). Who knows!
Today, allow yourself to feel what needs to move through you. Lock yourself in the car and yell. Scream in a pillow. Allow the energy to move through you and don’t filter it, avoid it, or reject it. Our bodies are transitioning with all the collective madness. If you can’t give yourself permission to let it out, your physical body begins to absorb it all in toxic ways. Self-care is also about releasing the things that haunt you.
We are a funny race! We only seem to grow through shit. We expand and push ourselves when we have learned some powerful crappy lessons. We are wild flowers being pushed from the toxic waste into the light. You aren’t alone on this journey. I have been in the pits of toxicity for a while. We are blossoming from all the past challenges that got us there. Let’s shine! This shi(f)t is needed in order to raise the frequency of this planet.
A lot gets mentioned about economic and material poverty in our world. But because of these issues and events we, as human beings, are coming out of an era of spiritual poverty. People are searching for meaning, awakening, and evolving to fulfill the absence that money once occupied. There is no shopping, eating out, purchasing expensive homes and cars, or traveling to fill the void inside. Therefore, we find that spiritual quest is on a rise these days.
Two years ago we were put in a global time out. Millions of souls have transitioned in the last twenty-four months. Wars have begun and others have ended. The pandemic of fear took over our world like the plague. We’ve learned so much about tenacity, unity, division, faith, belief, manipulation and still we continue searching for a truth that is individual like our fingerprints.
Folks are recognizing that separation from self is not living an authentic life. It is actually sleep walking through it. People are enriching their lives with a faithful quest for Divinity. We are trailblazing into new frontiers of conscious shifters. Between a massive Exodus and a deep awareness of time being precious, we are searching more than ever for our place in the world… a new world we’ve never experienced beforehand.
In the past we have looked and searched for meaning, purpose, and aspiration from any source while filling ourselves with technology, drugs, alcohol, food, etc. People now seem to be questioning their choices more carefully. Spiritual richness comes from acceptance and allowing humanity to join together. It is about witnessing the old paradigms and pushing through what hasn’t worked. Strangers become friends because we see God looking through their eyes. Judgment is no longer dictating our decisions. We are rising into unity.
When we step away from the media, the fear-based headlines, we begin to witness the truth of our power. We are miraculous beings in full creation at all times. We recognize that there no borders in reality, only those drawn on a map; that money is a piece of paper without real value except what we give it, and governments have as much authority as we give them. And I am understand that it’s not as easy as black or white. We live in a flux of endless man-made gray areas that govern and determine our freedom.
But, there is God. There is a omnipotence source that is also always available to us. We live in a Matrix-like simulation and we get to unplug at any given time to see the real world. It’s up to each of us to disengage from the masses and find our moral compass.
I remember once reading a quote from Stan Dale, the founder of the Human Awareness Institute: “If God wanted to hide, He would hide in human beings because that’s the last place we would think to look.” I know this is now changing. We have been forced to take accountability for our divinity.
I feel we are searching more within ourselves and others in this new era. I believe we are looking through a child’s eyes, a stranger’s smile, or a friend’s words and finding God giving us a personal message. I believe in synchronicity, serendipity, and faith that we are all becoming more conscious of the thin thread that ties us together. I believe in Quantum physics, science of the mind, and the chemistry of God. I am continuously exploring pushing consciousness to the next level. Because of this, I know in my heart, that we are entering spiritual richness and leaving the spiritual poverty as a lesson in our human path. The footprints of selfishness, isolation, addiction, and destruction will be a distant memory in the near future. And, this is what opens my heart and allows me to look forward to deeper spiritual growth. This is also what keeps me reaching out and sharing stories of compassion and kindness even when they might seem mundane.
I may seem naive and gullible to many, for believing in this new utopia, but I have seen it in dreams, alternate timelines, and cosmic travels. I have sat in ceremony with divine plant medicine and experienced visions that have shown me the evolution of humanity. Whether it may happen, or not, does not matter. It all starts with believing and placing the vibration of love out to Gaia and it’s habitants.
An opened heart to the world brings peace, love and unity for all. I am so grateful for what lies ahead. It may get a little bumpy before we experience this new world, but I am here to assist through my own vibrational shifts. I am deeply blessed that I am not alone on this journey. Thank you for joining me!
These two little ones are like magnets. They cannot be apart from each other too long. They fight, argue, and then have to crawl up next to each other. Their beginnings weren’t easy. Kali Rose, was my daughter’s first born. My ex and I took her in when she was only 5 months old. My daughter came into my life from Romania when she was 9 years old. She is mentally unable to take care of herself, let alone a child. Luke was her second child. He is 3 years younger than Kali Rose.
It took us four years to finalize his adoption. He was with his bio-mom for 10 months of his life. It was not a pretty or easy story… one that I can’t share without my heart breaking into tiny pieces. He is healthy and happy and one of the most forgiving souls I’ve ever encountered in my life.
My daughter has had two other babies who are now loved by forever-adopted families.
I may know a little bit about being a mother… of 8 kiddos. I have learned that patience is the essence of relating to our children. That humor can change a room full of kids. That love is the bare necessities of their development. And, that somedays are hard and full of challenges and things can shift in a minute. All of it passes in the blink of an eye.
I don’t know if I am a good mother or not. It’s not for me to decide. Some of my kids will say I am. Others, not so much. And we all have our stories.
I have been brought into this world to mother, not just my children, but myself and others. It’s in the past few years that I have learned to mother me in places that I neglected.
I miss my mother on holidays like today. She was a hard woman, and she was soft. She was courageous, and she was fearless. She taught me the things I wouldn’t do to my children from what she did to me. My mother was a warrior and an incredible powerful example of strength in my life. There was an unstoppable force in her that dictated everything and everyone around her. Her perseverance was definitely passed onto my genes. When I began to adopt children she was not happy to say the least. She judged my choices terribly. And, as most people who cannot accept their own choices, she lashed out at every decision I made with my children. However, she did love them in her own way.
Mothering my kiddos has been the most challenging and rewarding experiences of my life. Even on the days that I am exhausted, hurt, and have no clue what to do, I find myself laughing and crying simultaneously.
What makes a mother a good one?
Your ability to transcend all the hardships and turn them into lessons. Your ability to forget quickly and forgive deeply. Letting go is the secret to this profession. If you hold on too tight you lose your grip.
I used to compare myself to the perfect PTA mothers at their school when my children were little. I could barely get all six out of the house and when I would drop them off at school I would judge myself based on how the mothers all looked. My kids were dressed, clean but sometimes (okay maybe a lot) disheveled. They were loved deeply. They knew it and felt it.
Today, on Mother’s Day, I hope you remember to mother YOU. Recall those moments you thought would last forever and you made it. You have done your job. I also want to honor those who aren’t mothers of little people but animals. Others who have chosen to mother the world with their love and presence. I believe there are fathers out there mothering the hell out of their children alone. My hat goes off to all of you. Every single person in this world has the ability to mother the world.
I love you… love yourself with the same fierce intensity you give to others, including your children.
The pics below are from our day exploring yesterday:
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I watched the hawk land on the wire of the traffic light as I waited for it to turn green. She looked right at me and I saw what I hadn’t seen: strength, vulnerability and trust.
I remembered almost two years ago waiting at a red light, the cemetery to my right was blooming. My little girl, 6-years old then, called it “the garden of the dead.” And, at that moment the truth of my feelings came out to him. I had had enough of our marriage. I could barely breathe in that space. A hawk landed right in front of me on a tree. My words came out with pressure as my chest tightened. I needed the façade to be over.
This morning the hawk refreshed the memory. So much has happened in almost two years. Our lives have been turned upside down and right side up. Who I was then isn’t who I am today! I have grown and evolved for the first time alone. I have held myself accountable and also deleted the parts I had avoided for so very long. I have healed wounds and closed the gaps of expectations to be what others wanted me to be. The triggers and traumas have a way of revisiting at times, but for the most part, things that I never addressed have come to light.
Healing has taken place. This morning I recalled the journey through sacredness to get here and it was, at times, demoralizing and exhausting.
The hawk was watching and protecting. I felt her energy as the light changed and I drove in silence. There is magic in motion, constantly! Spring is magnificent this year in the mountains. I am slowing down enough to notice each bloom and blossom that appears from one day into the next in my yard. I’ve stopped long enough to notice the changes of the seasons and each gift it brings to me.
Each new season has brought lessons and I am paying attention like never before. I am aware of spiritual guidance and how the messengers send the deep awareness. I pay attention to all the divine directions.
Are you? From this moment forward, what is something you will stop taking for granted? How are you shifting your energy to meet those things?
I love you,
“The hawk reminds you to fly above and beyond your day-to-day thoughts and to observe them from a birds’ eye view. Quieting the mind and detaching from your thought patterns puts you in a better position to take in messages from your angels, or spirit guides. Your spirit guides are standing by, waiting to help and guide you. The spirit of the hawk reminds you to effortlessly soar above the noise and take in guidance from the spirit realm.
Want to gain more autonomy for yourself, whether it’s in a relationship, your career, or a creative endeavor.
Are facing a challenge and having trouble getting out of it. Thinking about how the hawk views the world: seeing things from a broad perspective and then zeroing in on their goal. The hawk gathers information and then focuses on results.
Have a creative idea and want to see is materialize and be successful in real life.
Want to sharpen your intuition and have a stronger connection to your spirit guides.”
It was one of those nights that thoughts kept me up. They cycled throughout my body like a tornado. When I finally slept it felt as if I was unplugged from the rubbish. This morning I am exhausted.
There is nothing I can do in those moments of excessive anxiety. All I can do is try and quiet my mind. I cannot meditate. I can, however, breathe and concentrate on each inhale and exhale. The moment I stop forcing the sleep, it arrives. The instant I let go, I flow.
We’ve all experienced these nights that seem to turn into morning without rest. I tried to pinpoint what I was anxious about. I am not. I am anticipating something and it is quite different. I am feeling as if something is right around the corner.
I shared a few weeks ago with a client who was experiencing similar issues. She said she was stricken by paralyzing anxiety. I paused for a bit. Then I told her, “You are waiting for a bus to arrive. You are seated in a secluded bus stop. You don’t know the bus number or where you are going, but you know that you are there to get on some bus.” Her eyes opened widely and she agreed.
These times are for trusting what we don’t see coming. We must have faith in the unseen and unknown. There is so much happening around the world. The collective is shifting and a lot of what empaths are feeling is the residue of all that energy.
So, I am waiting patiently without analyzing the next moments. I am seated with so many others waiting for our bus to arrive. I trust it will be to a gorgeous, peaceful, magical place. You are not alone feeling your feels. You aren’t isolated from the rest of us during these moments. It’s a massive ascension of consciousness. It feels foreign and weird… and uncomfortable at times. We are meant to grow and evolve because it is way past due!
Let’s trust together. One of my favorite quotes my Martin Luther King, Jr. is “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” Or the bus coming to get you.
While in meditation this sentence came up. I found myself sobbing with its truth and vibration. Your life is pure ongoing eternal exercise in love. The love for yourself and others. The love for humanity. The love for who you were and who you are becoming.