Release it to the Cosmos

(Google image since I could not take a picture of the man.)

This morning on my way to take the kids to camp, I watched a young man, half-naked, on the side of the interstate yelling at the trees and sky. It was right before 7AM. My windows were down and as I passed him I heard, “F*cK You!” as his fists were pointing upward.

I had this sensation of stopping, but I had the kids. And I am not part of this man’s story. A piece of me marveled at the ability to shout out to the Heavens, that raw vulnerability (even if he was strung out on something) to say exactly what he was feeling.

Most of us don’t.

We bury the pain or the anger. We bulldoze over it. We expect things will change and get angry when they don’t. We demand, beg, plead and complain about it.

Whenever I’ve had enough, I climb the tallest mountain around here early enough not to bump into anyone. When I get to the top, I sit on the largest boulder. The cows on that field surround me. Then I yell to the top of my lungs. I don’t stop till I feel the energy move through me. I sit for a bit. I may cry. I may write. I may just close my eyes and allow the sensations of nature embody me. I become still, smelling the earth, tasting the wind, hearing my heart beat.

I watched this man today and recognized it is time for another trip up the mountain. Those releases are powerful. I had a special pillow for one of my children when she was small so that she could hit it and yell. It was just a way for her to stabilize her little emotional body. Sometimes it was exactly what she needed. Other times it made it worst. We always found a happy medium.

This man needed this today. He had enough (or not enough). Who knows!

Today, allow yourself to feel what needs to move through you. Lock yourself in the car and yell. Scream in a pillow. Allow the energy to move through you and don’t filter it, avoid it, or reject it. Our bodies are transitioning with all the collective madness. If you can’t give yourself permission to let it out, your physical body begins to absorb it all in toxic ways. Self-care is also about releasing the things that haunt you.

I love you! Go love yourself as well!

Millie

Lean into the Knowings

Your ability to connect to Source is a gift. We all have that ability. We are spiritual beings having human experiences. It is all embedded in our DNA. Some people have that ability louder than others. Others tune into it and strengthen the abilities by consciously working at expanding the gifts. I hear people say, “Nope, I don’t have that!”


Do you think of a song right before it comes on the radio?
Do you think of someone and they call you?
Have you thought about something and moments later it shows up?
Every single day you are being guided by your intuition without your awareness!


You may not call it “intuition.” You may just have a “gut” feeling. Our solar plexus (the gut) stores all our divine knowings. We are moved through gut in deciding things. 


The thing that blocks our abilities to connect with Spirit/Source/God is old beliefs/programming. Whenever we get out of our own way, we begin to tap into the realm of consciousness. The ego is a fantastic source for making sure we don’t deviate from our humanness. Its main job is to keep us safe. And, it also reinforces all the belief systems you have known for most of your life. Ego loves to tap into the emotional body. Intuition is the higher consciousness of the vessel you call “the body.”


I have been having these major expansions the last few months. Sometimes I am awakened in the middle of the night with clarity beyond any other time in my life. Like I feel this incredible connection to everything. Then I go back to sleep and in the morning my little itty-bitty ego starts to argue with the messages I received. These days I am gentler with trying to shut ego up. I recognize I need to just sit me down and allow for the uncertainties, traumas, and whatever humanness comes up. Once I address Ego with love, the spiritual part of me flourishes. I rely on the knowing rather than the chit-chat of the emotional body. 


Are you experiencing these shifts? I hear from so many that they are going through all these moments that feel like massive timeline shifts. You are not alone. I promise. We are living in the most incredible times in history. And because of these, you may feel isolated and alone. That, my darlings, is Ego. Lean into your knowing.

I love you!

Millie

The Release

Many years ago I was at a yoga studio in the back of the room when a massive release of tears flooded my mat. This has left me a bit traumatized about doing yoga in front of others. That day the tears weren’t as bad as the paralyzing loud sobs. No one flinched. No one judged but I punished myself for it for days.

A few days ago I did yoga with these ladies in the morning. There was an expansion and I felt myself cracking open to that release. After a few tears I stopped it. I recognize that yoga, to me, is personal. I do the practice in the privacy of my home that allows me to feel safe.

Every morning this week in Mexico I witness these courageous women in their practice while I sit and meditate. I hold space for myself and them through love.

Yoga isn’t the exercises as much as the mindfulness of presence (for me). Each movement becomes an opportunity to let go, visit, and become.

This morning there is Indian music playing, I lit incense around the sacred space where the women are practicing. My go-to healing is writing. This is my yoga.

There is zero judgment here this week. There is only being. There is release. There is love. There has been major transformational moments that I will never forget. As the days pass, and I prepare for my re-emerging into my life, I feel the grace of the healing spirit. I am forever grateful for the divine feminine staring back from fifteen women.

How Much Do You Need to Endure?

We live in a society that tells us to not give up, to suck it up, to move past it….
At what cost?

Sometimes accepting the lesson, through defeat, is part of the process. Letting go, or quitting, doesn’t mean you failed. It means you have adjusted the sails and are able to move to other things. It also allows for humility, acceptance, forgiveness and self-care.

I retreat when I am experiencing heavy stuff. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to work it through. I just want it to move through me and out. I feel that the more it is discussed with others, the more the shit-show continues. I don’t want to add extra energy to the things I cannot control. I want to close it up and move on.

I am not a perfectionist… by far! So, I don’t have that tenacity to beat myself up trying and trying until I reach some insane irrational expectation. I can have a bad day, or bad week, or a challenging season but when it’s over I keep going on to the next thing.

Yesterday was such a day! And I made the mistake to challenge the Universe by saying out loud, “Really, that’s all you got? Give it to me all in one day so tomorrow I can get past it.” At that moment I felt the cosmos laugh and returned, “Just wait!”

Today is a new day. I refuse to carry the remains from an emotional exhausting day into this new dawn. I let go when the pain gets to be so insufferable that I can’t breathe. Life happens in cycles. This new day is an opportunity to create different experiences.

If you are at that threshold of holding on or letting go, do yourself a favor and just be. Don’t overanalyze it. If your body is asking you to let that crap go… do it. If you feel you can still hold on to whatever the challenge, do it.

You are the only one who knows what you can navigate and for how long.

I love you,

Millie

Ask and Let Go

We ask and ask and then try to control the outcome. Then we start to get like little children… angry because we don’t get what we want (especially as fast as we want). Asking for anything in prayer requires the release of the situation. It’s truly about letting go. Let’s begin by recognizing that WE ARE THE MIRACLE. And in this miracle, we can truly create. We may not be happy with the outcome, since we have so many lessons to learn in this human experience.

Ask. Let go. Be grateful. It all happens in divine timing.

And yes, sometimes the opposite of what we want happens. Or, extremes in the challenges appear. There is no certainty to this human experience. It is truly a magnificent lesson in trust.

If you happen to have a perfect formula please share it with me!

I love you…Millie

The Joys of Mamahood

These two little ones are like magnets. They cannot be apart from each other too long. They fight, argue, and then have to crawl up next to each other. Their beginnings weren’t easy. Kali Rose, was my daughter’s first born. My ex and I took her in when she was only 5 months old. My daughter came into my life from Romania when she was 9 years old. She is mentally unable to take care of herself, let alone a child. Luke was her second child. He is 3 years younger than Kali Rose.

It took us four years to finalize his adoption. He was with his bio-mom for 10 months of his life. It was not a pretty or easy story… one that I can’t share without my heart breaking into tiny pieces. He is healthy and happy and one of the most forgiving souls I’ve ever encountered in my life.

My daughter has had two other babies who are now loved by forever-adopted families.

I may know a little bit about being a mother… of 8 kiddos. I have learned that patience is the essence of relating to our children. That humor can change a room full of kids. That love is the bare necessities of their development. And, that somedays are hard and full of challenges and things can shift in a minute. All of it passes in the blink of an eye.

I don’t know if I am a good mother or not. It’s not for me to decide. Some of my kids will say I am. Others, not so much. And we all have our stories.

I have been brought into this world to mother, not just my children, but myself and others. It’s in the past few years that I have learned to mother me in places that I neglected.

I miss my mother on holidays like today. She was a hard woman, and she was soft. She was courageous, and she was fearless. She taught me the things I wouldn’t do to my children from what she did to me. My mother was a warrior and an incredible powerful example of strength in my life. There was an unstoppable force in her that dictated everything and everyone around her. Her perseverance was definitely passed onto my genes. When I began to adopt children she was not happy to say the least. She judged my choices terribly. And, as most people who cannot accept their own choices, she lashed out at every decision I made with my children. However, she did love them in her own way.

Mothering my kiddos has been the most challenging and rewarding experiences of my life. Even on the days that I am exhausted, hurt, and have no clue what to do, I find myself laughing and crying simultaneously.

What makes a mother a good one?

Your ability to transcend all the hardships and turn them into lessons. Your ability to forget quickly and forgive deeply. Letting go is the secret to this profession. If you hold on too tight you lose your grip.

I used to compare myself to the perfect PTA mothers at their school when my children were little. I could barely get all six out of the house and when I would drop them off at school I would judge myself based on how the mothers all looked. My kids were dressed, clean but sometimes (okay maybe a lot) disheveled. They were loved deeply. They knew it and felt it.

Today, on Mother’s Day, I hope you remember to mother YOU. Recall those moments you thought would last forever and you made it. You have done your job. I also want to honor those who aren’t mothers of little people but animals. Others who have chosen to mother the world with their love and presence. I believe there are fathers out there mothering the hell out of their children alone. My hat goes off to all of you. Every single person in this world has the ability to mother the world.

I love you… love yourself with the same fierce intensity you give to others, including your children.

Millie

The pics below are from our day exploring yesterday:

Moving through Spiritual Wisdom

There is a massive amount of energy being experienced by many right now. We are leaving the old and merging into a newness that has only been in dreams. We are manifesting quicker, setting deep intentions, watching them unfold. It’s incredible all the things I have witnessed in the past week, with clients and alone.

The time is now. Put it out there. Follow your dreams and desires. No more time wasted on waiting. You get to shift the obstacles and move into your knowing… your spiritual wisdom.

I love you…Millie

Searching for the Rainbow


Life will present the utmost challenging lessons at a time when they feel the most intense. In that intensity the wholeness of essence and body integrate to conjure up the understanding. This can arrive through illness, loss, difficult decisions and challenges, matters of the heart, and so on. There is no such thing as degrees of classifications. There is no way to measure these lessons against another. These are moments you step back and wonder, “Why? Why is this happening right now? I thought I was advancing. I thought I had learned this particular subject and lesson in the past.” And, this is exactly the moment that God shows grace, love, and the ability to strengthen the very core of you. This is the moment you feel life running through your veins and pumping blood into your heart. It is then that just breathing becomes an adventure.


Decisions are the stepping stones to the journey in a lifetime. Do I go this way or that way? Do I go straight and make my own path where I don’t see one? I am learning every day that the only way to travel is through faith. There is a higher purpose to the soul’s calling. The higher you advance on the spiritual journey the more difficult and challenging the lessons seem to become. No one said that walking on faith is easy. Walking on ego is a cinch, but this walk of not knowing, surrendering and trusting through Divinity is never without heavy struggles.


I believe in justice. I believe in good. My ex-husband used to complain to me all the time, “You believe in rainbows, fairy tales, unicorns and happy endings. Life isn’t like that. It’s f*cking brutal and unfair. Stop living in La-La Land.” I disagree wholeheartedly! I believe we are brought to the edges of decisions and struggles to find that love conquers everything. It isn’t how fast you get to the top but how you handle getting there. I believe everything has a reason, even when we don’t see it. Nothing happens without leaving a footprint of knowledge. We are archaeologists searching for what the past has taught us in order to move into the future. We have a choice to look for the rainbows and butterflies or the shitstorm. We were taught to believe that if there is no struggle, there is little progress. So, when things happen that rattle the very core of my existence, I know there is HUGE blessing ahead. I may not be able to see the complete rainbow but I see the light moving through the clouds.


And perhaps we aren’t meant to struggle. I often think it is an old program instilled in our little heads from early on. What if we were raised to believe anything and everything is possible? That life isn’t hard? That we can accomplish anything without obstacles? It’s all a reframing of beliefs and letting go of old paradigms.


I wish for you the chance to look at your challenges and face them with faith, beauty and love. Ask the questions that the soul yearns for you to acknowledge and learn. It is there that the answer light the path to the journey. Keep searching for the silver linings and rainbows…always. Ahhhh, what a beautiful journey we can choose to take!

I love you,

Millie

for more of my spiritual writings please visit my other site: https://www.sacredjourneyinward.com/blog

Be Kind to You

Be soft with your spirit. Be gentle with your essence. Rid yourself from the negative self-talk. You become everything you say that you are or that you are not. We are born every day, every minute, every second. We are here on borrowed time. Make it lovingly serene with your heart so that you can present your soul lovingly to another. This struggle is all bullshit at the end of the day. It doesn’t matter what you did or haven’t done. This moment, wasted reading this, or contemplating what hasn’t been scratched off your To-Do List is all irrelevant.


I have spent so much time of my life punishing myself for not being one way or another, for not fitting in, for not being enough. And for what? I came here to live not sabotage myself. No one can ever be harder on me than myself. I will be 54 years old this weekend. I earned every one of those gray hairs, wrinkles and life experiences. I have loved, lost, rejoiced, and grown. I have earned a massive medal of honor for surviving. You too! We all have. This second part of my life is about truly embracing me. I am softer and kinder with the totality of my life and those around me. I have finally reached a point of acceptance.


Love is all we are here to do. Hold a friend’s hand in need. Hug your lover as if it was the last time. Kiss those kids tightly. Smile at a stranger. Open doors for an elderly person. Compliment a cashier. Delete the toxic folks out of your life. If they don’t raise you then they have taught you something. It’s time to move on. Use your energy wisely. My God, just get out of your head and lovingly give to another who needs to feel that the illusion of loneliness is not drowning their existence. It matters. It all matters to that one human who is struggling with life. Stop the craziness of self-doubt and anxiety because there is no way you leave this life alive. So… live for yourself with honor, love, and compassion. You don’t own this blue planet alone. I am here. You are here. Let’s be here together in peace and harmony. We got this!

I love you dearly,

Millie

Tenacious Spirits

There’s a rose vine growing on the side of the house. It’s out grown its space, shooting up and reaching the overhang, soffit, of the building. The vine curved and went around it and has passed the height of the edifice. I marvel at its tenacity. I am in awed of its strength and consistent virtue to outlive the obstacles in its path. This rose vine didn’t fight with the overhang. It merely bent and made a right angle and kept moving upward. Nature perseveres and molds to its surroundings. We don’t! We would continue to break through the building or die trying.

Our humanness could learn so much from watching the earth. A tree will endure, reshape and conform to its environment in order to survive. Our egos fight against anything that is in our path to stop us, break us and degrade us. Instead of releasing control and adjusting the sails of the journey, we hurt ourselves. I stand in front of this vine, thorns thick and strong, all alone through the different weather, taking in the divine wisdom. This member of nature has not asked for permission. It has done what needs to be done to accommodate its growth.

We grow through pain. We learn through suffering. We bang against anything that gets in our way with anger. I want to be that vine. I want to move through obstacles and make each challenge a means of surviving without guilt, shame or disgrace. Ultimately, we are responsible for our betterment and the evolution of our higher self. We move through spirit and this is beyond lovely. Today I have learned from the individualism of nature and all it is meant to teach.

I love you,
Millie