Tag: life

Love is a Choice

On By Moments with MillieIn EssayLeave a comment

I’ve been traveling to see a dear friend. As always, being on a plane opens me up to the ethers. I am suspended in the heavens and feel such divine connection to Gaia because I can see her from a different perspective.

On the first leg of my trip a woman sat next to me. Her energy felt so fractured. She was out of it and clearly on something. As we were taking off from Asheville she got rattled and squeezed my leg instead of the chair.

She had never flown (and she’s close to my age). It was raining and windy. I removed her hand from my leg and held it in mine. I whispered, “You are safe. I’m here with you.”

Her eyes watered. I continued to hold her hand as if she was my child for several minutes until we were up and the turbulence subsided.

She stared out the window and we didn’t speak. I closed my eyes and felt her life. I saw images. I saw the addiction, the abuse, and so much more.

It’s tricky to be in a capsule at times for me. Usually I listen to music as I fly. It closes the gap of what is and what isn’t for me. I don’t need to be feeling everyone’s life up there.

As we were landing I asked where she was headed to and she said Boston. She was starting new. It was in the silence of those moments that I could hear her even louder.

I kissed her and held her tightly as we got off. I had very little time to connect to my next flight. I gave her my card and asked her to please reach out and let me know how she was doing to which she cried.

She shook. The trip, the endless possibilities and her fear were all wrapped up with the stress of the unknown.

Here is the thing: love is a choice. It is a choice that most people don’t see as privileged true nature of our soul’s evolution.

I wanted to tell her that “the one who broke you cannot heal you.” It wasn’t my place during such a major life transformation to share this.

Love is a choice
Forgiveness is a choice
Letting go is a choice

And through those choices you begin to heal. You begin to regain your worth, your strength and your life.

We’ve all been there. We’ve all been shattered, fractured and put back together. We rise alone… and we rise with one another.

We are never far from shifting our lives, our perspectives, and our hearts.

Life will provide the perfect encounters to help you see your own wounding and traumas. It will help reflect your own stuff.

I am grateful for these moments that put me in a place of loving expansion. She was the perfect person to show me where I’ve been and where I am going.

I love you.

Millie

Grief, That Old Friend

On By Moments with MillieIn Essay1 Comment

Grief is inexplicable. It hits at its own timing. And, to be honest, it never goes away. We learn to navigate it. We learn to miss without the intense pain. We learn to live in a different manner.

When I was 23 years old I met a young man my age. We worked in the industrial power transmission field. The first day he came for an interview, right out of college, we shook hands and the electricity that passed through our hands was like nothing else I’ve ever experienced, or have felt since.

Before I could even figure out what was happening we had a tremendous love affair. I was in and out of a relationship with someone much older who was married. This young man and I connected in a way that was out of this world.

At 25 years old, after a long break up because of my other relationship, he asked me to marry him one night. I said yes. That was March 11, 1993. He was dating someone else, and I was still in that relationship. We both broke it off that weekend. On the way back from breaking up with his girlfriend he hit a wall on I95 on March 14th. They found him with a small English/Spanish book in his hands.

This loss shut me down. It took my light with it. It would take years to understand. But, something happened shortly after his death. He began to show up in dreams. I wasn’t as spiritually aware as I am now, but I would feel him all the time.

Whenever I am struggling I find a dime and a penny. $.11 was something we would find together. Those close to me marvel at the fact that this happens often. There will be a dime and then a few inches later, a penny. He has been around for almost 30 years and has guided me in ways I cannot explain.

But grief, that old friend that reminds us of love, can sometimes get the best of us. This morning I opened up my kitchen cabinet to get my coffee mug and in a cup I rarely use was a dime and a penny. I don’t even ask anymore how this happens. Maybe the kids did it long ago. I don’t know. I know I was supposed to find it at 4:44 this morning. That’s how guidance works.

We are always held by deceased loved ones. ALWAYS. I often forget to call out to ancestors. Rarely do I forget to call out for him. He has been my steady companion for decades. And, I know we will one day be reunited.

Your grief is not meant to be suppressed. It isn’t meant to be bulldozed. It’s a reminder that you loved. That you were loved. That you lived. That you had someone who loved you. It doesn’t matter if it’s a parent, a child, a lover, a fur baby, or whatever. Sometimes we mourn places and things.

You are loved. You are here. And, I promise you that you will always come out with grace on the other side.

I love you!
Millie

Erasable – Hard Copy

On By Moments with MillieIn VideoLeave a comment

I am feeling it all at this very moment. My publisher messaged me that the book was in my mailbox since Friday. I ran across the dark street gripping the envelope. Once I opened it… OMGosh.

No other book I’ve written has had such an impact. Nothing else has felt so intense and healing simultaneously.

When my publisher reminded me that it is next week, the 11th, it became even more real. Holding it seems surreal. Twenty years all inside a computer waiting for the perfect timing.

My five year old climbed in bed with me as I was tearing up. He took the book from my hands. “Mommy, you wrote a book.” I said, “I have written several. But this one is about my life.”

He sounds out the title which is a big word for a kindergartener. He starts to tear up. I see the puddles of tears in his green eyes. He hugs me.

“Can you read it to me like a bedtime story?”

“When you get older. It’s a big-people book!”

He smiles while wiping his tears. “You did good, Mommy.”

I read the acknowledgment part to him about all my kids and he smiles and thanks me. Then we lay together. He wanted to go wake his sister up. I told him that I would share with her in the morning.

Sweet tears. Sweet love. I am blessed. Not by anything but the recollection of a well-lived and loved life. His reaction will forever be tattooed in my heart.

I love you all for the constant support and love your give.

Millie

Life is a Series

On By Moments with MillieIn EssayLeave a comment

There are nights I lay awake thinking about my six adult children and these two little ones in my care. I am certain other parents go through the list of questions: What didn’t I do right? What could I have done differently? Will they look back and realize that love was always given in abundance? Will they have taken into adulthood the knowledge that material things don’t really matter? Questions gather and release. And, as I toss and turn, churning on the mattress, I come to listen to my inner guidance. I have done the best I could do under my limitations and capacity.

People will always look inside glass houses, attempt to judge, criticize, and belittle. No one knows your path, the struggles along the way, the many times you had to bulldozed your way to the other side. These thoughts come and go during nights that sleep eludes me. And, then, another miracle appears: as daylight enters the room the Divine visits with assurance. I take deep breaths, thank the Universe for allowing me to redo all the wrongs, and continue learning. I go outside and enter the church of nature. It is there that I find the peace to comfort my spirit and quiet the many unknowns. I am the best possible version of me and I whisper to God, “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!” I am whole again.

Asking for a miracle is allowing God to align your wishes with what you deserve. It is a faithful act of letting go and releasing to the unknown. It is in believing that we are entitled to the impossible. Once you know and feel the awareness of illusion in that everything is okay the world opens up to your every desire. We have no control of what can and will happen. That’s the miracle. As Lemony Snicket says, “Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you’d see.” Allow those little pimples to pop and show you the beauty of your wishful heart.

Be gentle with you. Let the thoughts come and go but don’t try to control the what if’s and what you’ve could’ve done. Those days are gone. Today is a new day. Today is a miracle in the making. I love you.

Millie

Living through Principle

On By Moments with MillieIn Essay4 Comments

The word “integrity” has been the theme for the last few weeks. Integrity is what makes you righteous, whole, and truthful. It’s an important word. How many of us say one thing and do the complete opposite? That’s an example of not living through integrity. 

I have been witnessing the need to clear things up through my truth and moral beliefs. I am purging, not just clutter in the home but past issues, old paradigms, and relationships that are not in alignment with my honor. At times, I am shocked that it’s still taking me so long to understand these life experiences and why I must continue to evolve and not stay stuff in the old patterns. We are growing and shifting and expanding at such a high rate of consciousness.

I am questioning more… other’s intentions around me. Whereas before, my airy fairy attitude allowed everything and anyone to just come into my vortex. I am not as trusting. And that is okay because I am accepting humanity on a higher level of energetic exchanges.

Do not tell me who you are. Show me through your actions. Do not promise me something that you know very well you won’t follow through with. Just be you. Be the WHOLENESS of your essence without pretending, compromising your word, or breaking your authentic nature. That’s all! 

I remember about six years ago witnessing my little girl. She was about 20 months then. One morning she showed me her wholeness and value. I heard her in her room so I opened the door catching her sitting on her bed. She extended an arm way out and said, “Nooooo. No, Mama….no!” I stepped back and realized she needed more time to herself. I walked out and closed the door. Ten to fifteen minutes later she called for me and we began our morning. She was in all her truth and knowing that I would understand. I completely honor this in its simplest form. She didn’t need me to get her up just because she was talking in there. She needed her time. She showed me that when she’s ready she will call me by name. Our perception and interpretations get in the way of how we value others and ourselves. She had not learned the distinction, therefore following her instincts and desires was all that was expected from her.   

No one is expecting perfection. No one wants what you cannot provide. Even a toddler will show you exactly who they are if you are willing to pay attention. Live within the means of what you believe and can accomplish. NO ONE or anything is worth the loss of your integrity. Sometimes it is like your virginity…once it’s gone there’s no getting it back. There is no trust or re-do button that can fix it. And, it starts from childhood. Standing your ground. Stand in your honor and worth.   

Live in the sweetest bubble of virtue. Navigate your life through the utmost level of principles. These are your beliefs. Let YOUR life be an example of who you are through love, laughter and actions! You know exactly what and who you are. If you don’t then you need to sit and contemplate for a while. If you don’t know how to find your wholeness, then how the heck can you expect another to do it for you? It’s time you recognize it in yourself. 

I love you,
Millie

Grace

On By Moments with MillieIn Essay3 Comments

Grace. It is always there for you. We get full of head trash that we forget that we just need to trust. We deviate from faith when we are struggling. We also start to avoid and isolate from folks who can help us. Find your center. Life is fluid. There are ups and downs and twists and turns. Grace is always there for you.

I love you,

Millie

Meetings with God

On By Moments with MillieIn Uncategorized3 Comments

I had a dream two nights ago… really profound. I dreamt with Keanu Reeves.


I know, right?! Keanu!!! That in itself is magical. Do you know how hard it is to get him in a dream? He’s in high demand these days.


He was on his motorcycle and he stopped right in front of me on a street in a small town. I was over the moon excited. I mean, it was Keanu in his leather jacket looking all Keanuie. My body melted. Imagine Keanu stopping to talk to ME? He explained that he wasn’t really Keanu. He was God but he was using his body as a vessel to get my attention.

Oh! He got it. I was impressed.


He asked me to climb on the back of his motorcycle. And I did, wrapping my arms tightly around him. He gave me a helmet and it had a microphone so we could converse.


So, there I was on the back of his motorcycle and we rode through the desert. I could see the Grand Canyon up ahead. The vastness of space was spine-tingling. And he said to me, “Let go. Put your hands up.”
I hesitated, but I did it. I tightened my legs against the bike. I feared falling off.  I could feel the heat against my skin. I put my arms out and let the wind guide me. The speed was enough to knock me off but I balanced myself against God and the unknown.


Then he said, through the microphone in our helmets, “Millie, let go and feel the wind. I am guiding you. You aren’t in control. Just feel the freedom and enjoy! This is how you need to live.”


I yelled, “Weeeee!” I was so full of carefree giddiness.


He laughed. And he reminded me again that He is always guiding me. All I need to do is trust. I need to move with the flow of what is and let my knowing lead.

So… God, looking all sexy on that bike, said a few more things I can’t remember. I do remember the feelings. I felt like I could do anything. And I can.


Last week I visited with God as a bodacious black woman with a beautiful Caribbean accent. I met with her during meditation. She was in a cabin in the middle of a rainforest. She invited me for tea. I smelled the sweetness coming from the kitchen and she came out with my grandmother’s delicious bread pudding. And so there we were… chit chatting like old friends, God and me.


In less than a week the Divine has found a way to connect with me. I feel something magical happening all around us. Do you? We are always so in tune with guidance. The trick is to make time to listen. And when God shows up… drop everything and tune in.

~m.a.p.

Unhealed People

On By Moments with MillieIn Essay1 Comment

I spent a large part of my life hiding. Recently, after a healing session with an incredible soul, I recognized the patterns and programming. I shared with an old friend who immediately said, “Oh honey, you’ve been hiding all your life. I’m so sorry!”

Her sorry was genuine and my tears flowed out again. She saw me. Really saw the trail of bullshit left behind by a Narcissistic mother. And I’ve been working on cutting cords for so long. I tend to listen to the voices of the past when I try to lead my children in the now. I don’t want to be like my mother. I second guess every single major decision in spite of what my heart and intuition show me.

In spite of all my deep awareness and knowing I am not exempt from all my human lessons and challenges. I am always on the trail of mending.

Healing is about release. It’s surrendering to the now while letting go of what has kept you captive. This can be physical, emotional or spiritual. I don’t believe in examining and re-examining the past because that story is no longer there. We create new ones but at some point ancestral wounds need to be cut.

Sometimes we don’t really know what’s inside no matter how much we work on ourselves. It takes an outsider to guide your spirit on a new journey and quest.

Here is what I continue to learn daily: unhealed people hurt through their unknowing-ness. They don’t recognize they are hurting anyone, especially a child. As I continue to feel seen the vulnerability is heighten. I am no longer a little chubby scared girl feeling judged by the world. I am no longer a 20 something woman walking on eggshells afraid of what others think of me.

The healing sticks when we become aware of how we allow toxic energy from others. Those folks continue to show up to remind us of our growth. I am blessed they continue to show me how to set healthy boundaries.

I hope you can also see them and send them love. You don’t have to participate in their dramas. I see you. I honor you. I love you.

Life is Epic

On By Moments with MillieIn Essay2 Comments

I woke this morning sick of my stories, the drama I repeat, and the never ending struggle to find peace among the storms that are not real but living in my little head. It’s sickening. This being, and just allowing, is not for sissies. No one said that the spiritual walk was meant to BE a walk in the park! It takes massive amount of discipline and I don’t follow orders very well…even when it’s from the esoteric world. So…I got up…did my meditation…had to stop right in the middle and said, “F*@k this crap! I can do this. I have manifested incredible experiences in this lifetime. I can let this go and move on without this struggle. This is my own ego creating this shit! I am more than this scene, this stage, and this production!!!”

I got up turning the “cannot” into “will do.”

We have the complete capacity and power to change our thoughts. In those moments I feel the swirl of energy directing me into joy, faith, and love. The heart opens up when I let go of the toxic stories I retell myself. It’s just a shift in perception. I promise.

Aren’t you sick of your same old stories, drama, struggles, and total bullshit (because it is just crap)? Then change the channel…tune into the mass consciousness of love…for you and the world. Get out of your head. Get out of your way…you got this! I know it may all feel heavy at this moment.

Put it down. Stop giving it power. Move away from it for a little while. You may come back to it at another time.

Onward and outward, darlings. Take one breath at a time and move through your knowing. Accept your magnificence and inner guidance. That is your internal GPS. Reroute if you must. But keep going.

Have a blessed day! I love you.