What Do You Want To Do With Your Life?

 

follow-your-dreams

I was at a women’s retreat two weekends ago and most of the ladies there are following their soul’s purpose. From an herbalist, acupuncturist, massage therapist, reflexologist, Reiki master, sound therapist, and other modalities, these women are on their loving paths. They have followed their dreams and passions. It was a bit intimidating to sit among them and still not know what the heck I am suppose to be doing. My identity was tied to the motel/retreat center for over five years. Before that, it was tied to the business world of industrial parts distribution. And, now, here I am in the second part of my life and I haven’t a clue what I am suppose to do with my life.

Here’s the delicious thing about not knowing what to do: others have no problem letting you know what you should be doing because they see your strengths in places you can’t recognize. So, I made my rounds with these magnificent women asking for help. I would ask, “What should I be doing? I feel so lost in my professional path.” They all had one good suggestion after another…most of which I didn’t really want to do. They didn’t feel right, even though they sounded so yummy. Then a sweet lady said to me, “You are a fairyologist! Oh my God, what more do you want to do?” I had to laugh out loud until I almost peed in my pants. Seriously? She was actually serious about this. This fairyologist title was an endearing label that came as a joke from my husband back in April for my birthday. He paid for a fairyology online class. I passed it and Bang…I became a fairyologist. It’s a funny story. It’s not a profession. Yes, I talk to fairies, rocks, trees, and anyone who will listen to my excessive jabber. That doesn’t make me a professional in something. It just heightens my eccentricities out to the world to witness and poke fun at.

I looked at this woman who is a professional and had to seriously question her insight. Then I chugged the entire conversation and asked her again what she thought a fairyologist does for a living? She hadn’t a clue. That ended that series of thought-provoking-life-changing Q&A’s.

I think about the many folks who have asked me these type of questions: “What should I be doing with my life? What’s my purpose? Should I go back to school? Should I move and start over somewhere else…?” When I had the retreat center those were some of the many intriguing questions. Everyone is looking for answers. And I would always give them the same response: “What do you feel like doing? What makes your soul come alive?” Most folks would honestly answer, “I really don’t know.”

But we DO KNOW. We are just afraid to tap on that source and be led by it…until we are brave enough to entertain the idea without feeling guilty over the million responsibilities we have in our lives. Unfortunately, we’ve been taught in this society to put everyone first before our own dreams.

And right now that’s my own answer. What I feel like doing is traveling, meeting folks all over the place, and writing about them everyday. Sort of like the Humans in New York blog. I want to write about people from all walks of life because we learn from each other. I want to be present in their presence. I want to share stories that pull and push compassion, kindness and empathy out into the world. And, I want to get paid for doing it. (This is important because I have a little one who will be going with me on this trip and a husband).

“What would that look like? How would I start? What needs to be in place to get this dream in motion? How can I make money from the road doing what I love: talking to people, taking their pictures and sharing their stories?”

I haven’t a clue…yet! But I DO KNOW that it will show up soon.

I don’t do labels well. As in a previous blog post, I am not into titles. I have a hard time adjusting my fairy ass to one label. It isn’t who I am. I have a psychology degree and have worn many hats in this lifetime. I get asked who I am and what I do and I freeze like a possum playing dead. Seriously, it’s sad! I can never remember that I write, or that I have raised six children and redoing it for the seventh time. Like, my brain goes dead when someone asks me what I do. The question should be, “What haven’t you done thus far?” The list might be shorter and my brain may actually work with an answer. I have led a charming interesting and passionate life. I have done a lot of things that I don’t recognize as important but to me they were invaluable. And I thrive on doing more of what brings me pure ecstatic joy on a daily basis. If it makes me laugh, it’s even a larger dream come true.

But, for all of you who are on the same path of self-discovery, I urge you to dig deeper. Go to retreats and classes. Surround yourself with people you admire and see how the magic begins to unfold. It’s in sharing and exhaling with others that we find our authentic powers. Google the crap out of possibilities and spend time alone researching what feels good for your soul. There is no right or wrong answer. There is just an endless path of possibilities. Also, get rid of expectations. They serve nothing but disappointment. Just do it...like Nike suggests!

Have your gatherings. Have your reunions. Exchange information and recognize who you are and what feels good when you are among others. The right angel and person will show up. I have a meeting with Destiny soon in regards to my life’s work. This I know. I feel it. Until then…I am who I am making my way home just like you, paying my dues, and cleaning out old karmic debts. Have a blessed day!!!

Fear of Success

fear of failure

I don’t consider myself a fearful person. I don’t live based on worrying about things that I can’t control (which is mostly everything in life). But, for a long time I have been hiding a fear that, until a few days ago, didn’t show itself into my awareness. I have been fearful of success. I have stopped myself so many times because of not hurting anyone with my career choices. It wasn’t until a few days ago when I was redoing my blog and giving it a new face-lift that I said to my husband, “It was time to do this. I don’t know why I haven’t taken care of this before.”
My husband immediately answered, “You have been paralyzed by the fear of success.” I pulled away from the computer and looked at him across from the dining room table. He was right. I have stopped growing with my writing career so I wouldn’t hurt anyone else. I feared that if I succeeded others might not love me or accept me. I feared that my success would alienate others who didn’t know their own worth. I feared losing those who had self-worth issues because they would somehow feel less with my success. I fear the idea of what succeeding would create for those who needed me around them.

Here is what I know about success and others: Anyone who can’t handle your joy, progress, abundance, or growth has an issue with their own ego. They aren’t really part of a healthy support system. To me, seeing others succeed is a drug of choice. I love to watch them rise and move forward. I get a high from being able to witness triumph and advances. If I can help them with words of encouragement, I feel like I have had a massive dosage of Oxytocin. I feel their joy and their vibrations. It’s a place I love to be, surrounded by those who move forward and align with their purpose.

I’ve had an inkling about this but sometimes it takes someone else to point it out. Every time someone has given me an opportunity for growth I have stopped myself in the past. I would start with the best intentions and then stop while returning to the comfort zone. I had this idea of what writing could be and not what is it right now (or what it will become). I had this perception, old programming from childhood, that writing wasn’t going to pay me anything. It was a hobby. I wasn’t going to be Hawthorne, Frost, Poe, Mary Oliver or Elizabeth Gilbert. I had to come to terms years ago that it was just a means to get my feelings out in the open. Through the process of writing I have found myself. I have met hundreds of people who are now in my tribe. If I hadn’t written a word none of these folks would be in my life. And because of those unions, I have finally figured out that what I want is to write stories of how the world moves, feels, and survives. I want to share humanity’s echoes and voices while inspiring others to succeed and overcome obstacles.

Success has an egotistical tone to it. The word itself feels mighty over accomplished when you say it. But, the reality is that success is overcoming all illusions of failure. We have no problem accepting failures, disappointments and heartaches. That, we accept without an issue! We actually expect it! Ah…but to triumphantly engage above and beyond what you can imagine…now that is difficult for most of us to conceive.

My husband has witnessed me at the lowest points and the highest ones. He has seen me move forward tenaciously taking what I want when I put my mind to it. He knows me enough to sit across the table and say those words without judgment. He knows me well enough to know that I understand those three words, “Fear of success.”

I have written about it in my journal the past few days. I have moved on through the root of when the programming began and why I allowed it to become a core belief system. I have seen success many times in my life. I have been very successful in many areas. I have overcome obstacles. I am certain you all have as well. But when was the last time that you sat down and said, “I am going to live my life’s purpose without this nagging fear that is paralyzing me?”

We create excuses for not pursuing our dreams. I don’t have enough money, or time, or help…. We can truly find time when we want something badly. You want to write a novel? Get up early enough to write a page a day. In a year you will have 365 pages. You want to be a hat maker? Go for it. Start today with just scraps of materials. You want to climb the highest mountain? Start walking around the block first. You want to paint and get paid for your art? Start selling your work at a flea market or in front of your house then work yourself into selling on Etsy. You want to be a greeting card maker? Start your own line of cards on a blog. You want to teach yoga? Start substituting at a studio on the weekends.

You know the only thing that stops you from achieving a goal? YOU! You stop YOU! You scare YOU. You fear YOU. You don’t fear success. You fear YOU being successful. Fear is a horrible emotion and when we buy into its darkness we refuse to turn on our inner light to dispel it.

So today, I am working towards my goal. I am going to succeed in writing stories from all corners of the world. I urge you to email me and share what you have overcome in this life. I will be more than joyous to write these into an article and share on my blogs. We all have stories. It’s time you inspire another! Live your truth no matter how difficult it feels. Nothing exciting ever happens in your comfort zone. You have to leave it in order to find change and growth!

Please email me at dharma.1111@hotmail.com

Thank you and I love you!

Re-creation of Self

girl in rain

I heard a voice through

the walls of night ask,

“What is your

contribution in this life…

today, tomorrow, always?”
So I went out
into the rain,
meeting Spirit,
in the middle
of a field,
embracing droplets
from the sky,
allowing the

clarifying,

washing,

diluting of
ideas, demands, and perception.
We met there in all of life,
in the joyous drenches,
releasing the past
and transporting me

back to childhood,
to what was momentous
in retrieving my innocence.
I heard once again,

“I will hold your hand

as you free all restraints

of ego and self-doubt.”

 
Then I realized…

we’ve met here before
in every moment of letting go,

accepting,

forgiving,

and loving.

And now, we engage in

the rain to erase

all adjectives,

prepositions,

and verbs

while only affirming

the pronoun-creation

of “I am.”