The Dash

I attended a client’s funeral this afternoon. She would be 97 on Tuesday. Shortly after the service we went to the grave side. I was staring at all the tombstones. All those folks and the stories I will never know. I know her birth date and her death date. It occurred to me I didn’t really know much of her dash…that lifeline between those dates. I saw pictures of her youth…her segments of small history. But, I didn’t really know her dash. Her dementia didn’t allow for stories to be coherent at times. I had to really add to them in my mind.

I stood there, cold and teary, thinking of my dash. I want my dash to be full of adventure and laughter. I want my dash to be strong but kind. I want to make sure my dash is long lasting and full of delicious stories.

Every time I enter a facility to visit an elderly person I will make it a point to learn more of their dashes. I have to take time and sit with their her/histories. I must make it a point to learn from those dashes and the spaces in between the birth and death.

How will you live your dash? How will you want to be remembered? I want to make sure I don’t forget that I am making my own story every second. I want the words “to be continued” after my death date…and a heart instead of a dash.

Live Fully

Sometime ago I read somewhere that studies showed Dementia and Alzheimer’s were linked to regrets and living an unfulfilled life. When I look back at the folks in my life who have suffered I can see this to be true.

Last night I was at one of the elderly facilities attending a Christmas party and being with my sweet clients. I shared a table with a kind Alzheimer’s patient and her sister. The sister and I spoke a lot about the disease. She told me that her sister was diagnosed at the age of 55 and progressively got worst in a short time.

I asked her if her sister had a rough life…if her personal story was painful. Her eyes grew wide and she said, “Yes! She had a truly abusive husband and a very difficult life.”

I shared with her what I have witnessed in the years overseeing elderly folks with Dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease. I told her about the study I had read years ago and how I can see the relationship between having unfulfilled lives and regrets. The mind starts to shut down. During all of this my client was in and out of her anxiety with so many people and I kept bringing her back to the moment with touch and lots of love.

I opt to live this life to the fullest. Because…it never fails….Whenever I enter a facility to visit an elderly person I recognize regrets staring back. I hear stories through their loss of reality and watch the expressions of souls who are just waiting for death. In their dying bed I have seen the anger and frustration of past experiences and all the should’ve, could’ve, and would’ve done statements. It puts life in a different frame of mind. Regrets, resentments, bitterness, loss, and unfulfilled dreams are on top of the lists of those histories. Stories get told and relived with sorrow and sadness. They return to those parts of their lives over and over like some distressed time machine.  It’s horrific to witness. I have seen it in my own family members and recognize that the unfulfilled life, never following their dreams, and regrets have stolen their minds.

I make sure I release any resentments, anger, regrets and unforgiving crap. I don’t carry that on my spiritual body. I know Alzheimer’s and Dementia can derive from other issues such as vascular disease, viral infections and other matters. But, if I can release and surrender the past to help establish a health mind…by God, I will do that.

If I am to live a healthy life with full capacity of my mind, I will do anything to make sure I live to the fullest. Circumstances aren’t always available. Challenges rise and fall. Love comes and goes. Hurt breaks the heart and then repairs. I haven’t much on any list of things I care to do that I haven’t done. I choose to love fully. Live openly. Laugh every day. And treat strangers as old friends. No regrets. No resentments. I choose to be present to the best of my ability. It’s a matter of being mindful. I expect to go into old age with my full wits of sarcasm and memories.

I have seen too many loved ones with Dementia and Alzheimer’s to know I will do what it takes to enjoy this life. It might not always be comfortable but that’s also a matter of perception. I get to decide what I hold on to and what I let go. Letting go is on my priority list. Forgiveness and love are the healing qualities that bring me back to a harmonious body.

Now you. You get to decide what you hold on to and hurt you, or what you release and see as beautiful life lessons. You get to use your superpower of love and forgiveness. You get to adjust your perception of what is and what isn’t.

Enjoy your life, darlings. This is a gift every single day. It doesn’t have to be so hard. It just has to be lived.

Mucho love ~ Millie

Live without regrets 

If you get anything from what I share I hope you get this:
Sometime ago I read somewhere that studies showed Dementia and Alzheimer’s were linked to regrets and living an unfulfilled life. When I look back at the folks in my life who have suffered I can see this to be true. SO…I opt to live this life to the fullest. My birthday month starts Saturday and, as every year, I make sure to honor my existence by doing something new every single day of the month. It’s the simple things like taking a road never traveled or eating something I’ve never tried or even learning a new word in a different language. I make a point to fulfill every day with an extra oomph of presence. By the time the last day in April arrives I am totally wiped out of ideas. April becomes the longest month of the year and I love that. 

Whenever I enter a facility to visit a sweet elderly person I recognize regrets staring back. I hear stories through their loss of reality and watch the expressions of souls who are just waiting for death. 

Regrets, resentments, bitterness, loss, and unfulfilled dreams are on top of the lists. Stories get told and relived with sorrow and sadness. 

If I am to live a healthy life with full capacity of my mind, I will do anything to make sure I live to the fullest. Circumstances aren’t always available. Challenges rise and fall. Love comes and goes. Hurt breaks the heart and then repairs. I haven’t much on any list of things I care to do that I haven’t done. I choose to love fully. Live openly. Laugh every day. And treat strangers as old friends. No regrets. No resentments. I choose to be present to the best of my ability. It’s a matter of being mindful. 

I have seen too many loved ones with Dementia and Alzheimer’s to know I will do what it takes to enjoy this life. It might not always be comfortable but that’s also a matter of perception. 

Now you. You get to decide what you hold on to and hurt you, or what you release and see as beautiful life lessons. 

Enjoy your life, darlings. This is a gift every single day. It doesn’t have to be so hard. It just has to be lived. Mucho love ~ Millie

Losing and Missing

Not everything
that’s missing
Is lost.

Things fall and break,
Shift and take,
bounce and stay

Like memories,
Love,
And life.

Not everything that’s lost
Gets missed

Like bad memories,
Resentments,
Remorse,
Nostalgia
And heartache.

But losing and missing
The ability to let go,
To profoundly love,
To experience no regrets —
That’s avoiding
To live fully in the NOW.

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Naked in a Tutu Getting a Tattoo

lifetattoo

Yesterday was my 46th birthday.  Truth be told, I have been celebrating all month so technically this is still the 18th day of my birthday.  The majority of people bombard me on the 17th.  I don’t think they understand the concept of how I celebrate.  Either way, I love them for the texts, calls, emails and cards. I am filled with immense gratitude.  I am a little girl at heart.  I haven’t always been like this.  Waking up after dying for a little while makes you appreciate life in a way that others cannot relate to or want to understand.  That’s okay.  That’s what makes me giggle and keep needing to hear the earth sing every morning. I wake up every day with gratitude for those songs.

Last week I was dancing in my own tutu with little girls while making fairy houses in the woods.  I went in the creek with them.  I danced down the field.  I did what I don’t ever remember doing as a child.  In my family birthdays weren’t a big thing.  They came and went with a small cake, minor recognition and a gift.  There was no party or invitation.  It wasn’t until I left my ex and my mother passed away that I decided I would make up for that.  My ex never acknowledged my birthday.  If it wasn’t about him then it really didn’t pertain to him.  So imagine 41 years of not feeling special about the day you were born?

For as long as I can remember I always wanted a tattoo.  I wanted something that spoke to me about my life.  I’ve waited.  Yesterday my best friend and daughter took me to get one.  The tattoo artists, Baker, who was awesome, said that “A tattoo is a trophy of a good experience.” As I was being shaded, the needle moving back and forth to create the red in the heart around the dragonflies I inhaled deeply and almost cried.  This was going to be my trophy for experiencing the return to my life.  Consequently, the word life is inside the heart.  I sat through him writing it on me being conscious of the letters permanently sticking to my back.  Life has a way of waking you up when you aren’t paying attention.  I am doing more and more the things I have never done.  I am moving through the phases of the dragonfly from birth into the metamorphosis of beauty while passing through love. If I believe and think myself as loved, I can love, believe and accept others. If I forgive myself, I can graciously forgive others. We cannot give what we don’t own in ourselves. If I hold compassion for me, I can surely be compassionate for others. I can give all that I am.

Wow…this is my life, full of love and dragonflies. In a way I felt I was silittlefairytting there naked, raw to the core, thinking of my tutu and dancing with the fairies.  We create from what we know and allow of ourselves.  There’s no difference between me and a homeless person or someone with a needle in their arm ready to check out of this world.  What separates us is the choices we make, the paths taken, and the awareness to continue.  That’s it.  I have been fortunate to have an amazing support system of loved ones who drag my ass out of desperation when I have slipped.

No matter what the struggle is you are still alive and can make a choice.  If you want to dance in a tutu do so.  If you want to sing in the supermarket, do it.  We are here on such little borrowed time to be able to love and enjoy one another.  Don’t let the projection of others or your own insecurities tarnish your dreams.  Go for them. Make them happen.  Now if you would excuse me I have to go find my unicorn and take a ride through the forest.  Have a magical day!