Beginning Anew

Today is my birthday. Not the day I came into this world almost 50 years ago. It’s my fourth year of a new birth that changed me. It’s a day that seems significant to me like someone who celebrates being sober and clean. It will forever be the pause that caused a huge awareness. I learned to live.

The lessons I learned from DEATH are just as intense and valuable as the ones I am learning from LIFE. I am not the same person I was six months ago. I am not the same person I was when I returned from the ultimate space of LOVE. I continue to expand from this experience as intensely as I learn from living. Every single day!

I cannot tell you what to do. I cannot tell you how to live. My experience is mine to grow and expand for the evolution of my soul. We all have experiences. In the journey of life we have mile markers that forever shift us. You are the only one who knows what you need. I can only share with you what I live through my spirituality and my humanness. The truth is I have nothing to give you. I can share glimpses of stories from others and how to gift them with love.

And all I know is that love will forever move me.

After my awakening, from a brief moment of death, I promised myself that I would love as profoundly as I felt loved in that moment. I swore I would bring that sense of divinity back and it’s been a constant reminder that in one second life can change. Our thoughts and beliefs can be altered.

Do yourself a favor and live like if you are dying. It won’t matter what you did a year ago, tomorrow or in ten years. I will forever be grateful for the guidance and the knowing that all I am and forever will be is the embodiment of true love. In the end that is truly all that matters…to me.

Have a blessed day. Be good with yourself. No matter what you do give from your heart. Love is always the answer. Mucho love to all.

Choose To Live

Just because you aren’t dead doesn’t mean you are really living. Don’t just survive life expecting something to finally happen. Make something happen. Make magic. Make love. Make miracles. It’s an infinite privilege to be alive. Most people sit back and become spectators of their lives complaining over and over of what they can’t do or don’t have. 
Be your own cheerleader and participant of your path. Stand up and cheer in those happy moments. Dust off the sadness because it’s an opportunity to feel and learn from it. Get help if you can’t find the Light. We are made of duality. Forget what happens after you die. Make this journey awesome.  

Believe me…no one sits on their last breath and thinks of why they didn’t finish school, why they didn’t acquire enough money, or why they didn’t buy that over-sized house to impress another. No one sits and wonders about the mundane parts of materialism. The dying sit wondering why the heck they spent so much time worrying about senseless things and not more time loving, accepting love, and traveling the adventure of life with joy. They think about their souls not having more time with their loved ones. They think about how years have moved in a blink of an eye and all the things on a bucket list seem senseless at that moment. They regret not reaching out, not forgiving, not forgetting and not joining the tango of living with full capacity to evolve spirituality. 

Be alive! In the struggle of acceptance remember that you are here and that this too shall pass! Stop wasting this precious breath. 

Have a blessed day. Take this day and sparkle. Stop beating your soul up for mistakes and go dance in the light.

~Millie

Be Happy

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The absence of proof is not necessarily proof of any evidence. You want to hold certainty in your hands and it can’t be done. It’s not available. The proof of life is in living and being aware of your humanness.

Imagine: You lie dying on a bed. Do you speak about politics, religious indifferences, race or cultural issues? Nope!You speak about loved ones. You tell stories of your lovers and spouses. You share about your childhood. You do not listen to this timeline full of sensational news. You don’t care what is happening out there. You want to know about places far and wide that you didn’t get to visit. You express your love of sunrises, fast cars, delicious food and beautiful company. You marvel at the journey, often with regret and other times with admiration. Politics, war and indifferences do not matter at this time. They are not held captive in your presence. Why? Why do we give so much energy to those things that will not reside in later years when we will be ready to transition into death?

Make your thoughts count. Create energetic moments that will transcend your existence when you are in your last breath. You are a creator of your reality. At the end of your life you will remember the first pretty girl you kissed, the puppy you got that Christmas, the horse ride you took in the trip, the way your child felt upon your chest…. You will not care how much money you owe or if you cleaned under the bed or if there is expired food in the pantry. Life is a precious commodity so use it for greatness. Make moments count so that when you are ready to embark into the light you will feel joy and not sorrow; love and not hatred, admiration and not regrets.

Go be happy. Fake it till you make it if you must. But, remember that you decide how you feel and react to everything that happens around you. Don’t keep waiting for a tomorrow that might never arrive. Have a blessed day y’all!

5 Lessons Death Teaches About Living

magic lotus

Death is a taboo. No one wants to discuss it or face it because the fear of it is greater than the reality. I remember reading some article years ago that when asked thousands of people what their biggest fear was they said “death: mine or someone near to me.” We have been taught to fear this type of death. But the fear of death is an illusion because it is only a transition. Now 2-1/2 years later I have woken to deeper lessons of dying that teach me to live fully.

Lesson 1:  The hardest part of dying is waking up.

I traveled to a beautiful place. The light that embraced me felt like nothing here on earth. Makes you wonder why anyone would want to return, huh? I asked that question for many months…still continue to wonder in rough days. We return from that experience just because we must (it doesn’t help that someone is pulling your butt away from the light either). There’s no great mystery to it. There are moments in my days that seem to stop me for a bit and I return to that place of safety, love, and omnipotence. In waking up there is the melting of illusion. Life is a magical experience. Yet, most people take it for granted, bogged down with the control, anxiety, and fear of living the lengths and widths of such a fortitude. Waking up to death, is embracing life.

Lesson 2:  Your body is a great wardrobe.

For months after my near-death experience I had to re-size myself to fit into this skin. I still wake with an abundance of immensity from traveling the cosmos. There are less nights of dreaming, and more nights of visiting other realms. This began immediately after my experience. For a while this was a huge issue when I returned from the “beyond.” I didn’t fit into my body. There was this expansion and greatness that didn’t modify to what I knew was my physical body. I looked around me and saw everyone’s light so much larger than their costume. I kept asking myself, “How do I get inside and stay in there?” I stopped trying. I just went with it. Your body is the best outfit you will ever have. Treat it with kindness and love. Give it the consideration it deserves. Honor this amazing outfit that keeps you here. Your heart beats to keep you alive along with every organ in that outfit.  Love it!

Lesson 3:  Growth is marvelous; stagnation sucks; laughter is the teacher of all.

This doesn’t read like a lesson but I promise it is one of my favorites. I don’t know the problem anymore to anything. I know there are challenges that force me to deviate from my spiritual truth, but I do return quickly to this moment. I see the potential to the story, the event, the issue, and the whatever. I see the drama behind the words when someone is sharing with me the woes and stagnation. And, then I witness that turning those situations around and noticing the ridiculous insanity to them creates laughter. Growth is a conscious effort to move beyond what is not real. We all have the capacity to move past what doesn’t serve us, or causes us hurt. Nothing is easy. If it was then we would not learn from it at all. Let joy be your travel agent through these stories you keep reliving. Let those stories entertain you with endless possibilities.

Lesson 4: Love is the source.

It is the only source of the universe.  It is the only source of your BEing. Love is all. You want love? Look in the mirror. It starts with you. Forgive others. What they think of you is their own issues and a reflection of their own insecurities. Love is the beginning and end of all in you. The more you love and forgive, the easier this journey becomes.

Lesson 5:   Live now.

Don’t wait for the children to leave home, the parents to pass on, the retirement check to start rolling in, and the won’ts and can’ts that make absolutely no sense to the present moment. Live for today! Make a gratitude journal. Walk outside for five minutes. Be alone. Be with people. Laugh at yourself at least one time every hour. Look at the sky and its infinite wonders.  Look at yourself and your greatness. Live every moment with awareness that you are here on borrowed time.  You know that feeling when you go on vacation and everything is just perfectly special? When the moments are full of joy and just being away from your normal life is soothing? Well that’s the greatest privilege for living. Make your life a vacation. Be mindful of your experiences and what they are teaching you. You are on this journey expanding the evolution of your soul. Even in vacations there’s work to be done, but you don’t mind it, right? Play! Pick a childlike moment and return to it. Life is what you make of it.

I would be lying if I said that my life is peachy ALL the TIME. I still ride the emotional roller coaster of struggles and disappointments that then dip into man-made stories of doubt. If everything was enlightening all the time I wouldn’t stop and learn anything. The difference now is that I understand why those lessons appear in my path. I also desire to grasp and incorporate everything to the wholeness of me. I am grateful for visiting with deep emotions: anger, sorrow, joy, forgiveness, compassion and love (to name a few). I believed in magic before dying. Now I live it every day. You go do the same! Don’t wait to be in your last dying breathe to figure out that you have struggled for nothing.  Make today the first day of the rest of your life and enJOY!

The Sacredness of Holding Space

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When my mother was dying she came to visit for a few weeks. She lived with my sisters in South Florida and I lived in Orlando. My mother’s health had deteriorated significantly in a matter of six months. Cancer was eating at her through every cell and pore of her existence. It (the cancer) became the focus of everything. She was waiting on death to finally take her. She had stopped taking her medicine and refused to eat. I began to see my mother as a little girl needing the support of others. It was in those final hours leading to her death that I learned what it was to hold space for another. It was then that I realized the frailty of life and all we take for granted.

Holding space for someone who is sick or dying is about walking along their side without judgment, not making them feel inadequate and allowing their essence to feel free to just be. My mother taught me many things about our relationship those last few weeks of her life. I had to offer unconditional support with patience and a sacredness that didn’t come easy at times. I had to step back and remember integrity and dignity of a dying person. We only want to be heard…to the last dying breath. Her need to always control all situations had diminished. What was left in its place was humility and the acceptance that she was frail and vulnerable. She was afraid. She was resentful at times. But, most of all she wanted to feel loved no matter how hard she pushed.

There are times we find that holding space is truly the only thing we can do for another. This time was about allowing her to just be ever present without trying to fix anything. I was reminded recently of these memories when I visited one of my clients at a facility. Now under hospice care, she just needed to have me there even while not knowing who I am. She just needed me to hold her hand and touch her. My mother craved for this caress in the end of her life, but her pain from cancer was unbearable. She would reach out in the silence of the room to just acknowledge her presence. With each hand touched it was as if she was saying, “Sweetheart, I am still here. Do you see me? Do you feel me? Don’t forget me!”

The act of holding sacred space is important in all relationships. Children need this time to know they are being loved and cared for unconditional. Lovers require this cherished time to show their union. Even pets provide the perfect cues for this sacredness. We are in need of these sanctified moments that express in silence to another, “I am here for you. There is nothing to do. I see you. I feel you. I acknowledge your life.”

You matter. He matters. She matters. Our presence is all that connects us to God. Holding space is about being present without distractions and allowing another to feel Divinity through the eyes of your love.

Rant of truth

joy

You know what I love? Real folks who are not concerned with gossip, bullshit, and what someone else is doing or not doing! I want honesty, long conversations that are deep and meaningful in regards to the universe. I want truth, profound intellectual observations of the human psyche and how our cells connect to the external world…you and me! I applaud those folks who stand their ground and aren’t self absorbed with who is getting this done, or that done, or not done. I admire courage, tenacity, an over-the-top-outrageously-funny spirit. I don’t care what kind of car you drive or the square footage of your house. I am not impressed by your bank account or how much your purse and shoes cost. You know what I care about? The character of the soul living inside your body. I wanna know how you treat a waitress, a cashier, a homeless person and any other person who has nothing to give you. I could care less about how much funding you’ve given to an organization, who you vote for, what your religious beliefs are as long as you don’t try to shove anything down my throat. I want to witness the real you through a smile, a touch, and a simple act of kindness that doesn’t involve a spectacle of drama. I am so over drama. I don’t want to see you full of make-up, hiding behind drugs or alcohol, or living a life that’s not authentic to who you truly are. I want the raw vulnerable you that stands naked without worrying about how much you weigh, your wrinkles, or your saggy ass. I don’t want intolerance or bigotry. I don’t want anything fake…but I will stand by you regardless of what you need at that moment if you ask for help because sometimes we just can’t make it alone. I like reality. I like honesty. I love those who don’t point a finger to another. I love imperfections, scars, shortcomings, and past mistakes that have brought you here.

My loving sweethearts, it’s time to truly see the shift of compassion. We are in this together. Your energy is felt through the waves of humanity. We look away from hurt to then find someone sick in our own tribe. We pretend we don’t care about an issue until it hits home. But, what if…what if in the middle of our self-absorbed lives we can take a few minutes a day to send love through prayers, silence and gratitude instead of coming up with such negativity. What if we step back and let go of our own bullshit first and by example help another shed the superficial masks? It is a matter of conscious shift and awareness. It’s imperative to our survival. Faith holds us but love cradles us to move together.

I don’t get my kicks from reading petty opinions about who did what, who will get this, and whatever is so mundane that I throw my hands quickly over my computer and close it up. I keep getting on social media trying to feel inspired and for the most part I am elated with this technology. BUT…but…but…I think I just need to step away for a while. It’s that time again. Every few months my spirit yells, “Give it up. You can’t change another. Step back and work on you!” And, when I do I return feeling the sun shining, optimistic and with a higher faith in humanity.

Many years ago, my spiritual mother, said to me that it takes 9 times the amount of energy for a negative thought as oppose to a positive thought that takes no effort. I believe it. I have witnessed it time and time again. I have seen the effects of destruction and darkness. I want light. I want love. It’s easier to smile than frown any time. Let’s be nicer. Let’s be kinder. Hell, let’s have a Kumbaya. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Be back in a while…xoxo!

Dying to Live

dying to live

We die a little every day.  We are born into a journey of endings.  Things begin and end.  We don’t know the day we are to transcend or leave this place.  Our existence is not written with a known expiration date.  I have a HUGE issue when doctors tell a patient, “You have two months to live.  You have an X amount of time.”  This act stops the person from living.  It stops becoming about life and all about dying.

A friend of ours was here for a few days.  He has cancer.  He’s dying.  He knows it and so does everyone else.  I am dying as well.  I might have a day or I can live 40 more years.  I have no clue when it will happen.  I am not focusing on that last moment.  I am living to the best of my ability with the days I get gifted every morning.  But, seeing him living fully these past few days…well, a part of me struggles to accept that he has days counted for because of a disease.  He’s healthy.  He is brilliant.  He is tenacious and hysterical and is living on his terms.  I admire him to a degree that I didn’t know possible.  He isn’t just existing waiting on a deadline.  He is moving through these days waiting on the gift of miracles surrounded by love.  Ultimate time tells everything.  And time, my friends, is also our ally when it comes to truly accepting and letting go!

Somehow we get so focused on the end.  We forget that every second is a new beginning.  We try to control our lives and others fearing the moment we are to die.  I am not afraid of dying.  I am afraid of not living fully.  I am frightened of not sucking the joy out of this journey because of a bad day or situation.  I am terribly mortified by the thought of taking another day for granted because of obstacles.  I want to live.  I want to live like I haven’t wanted to live before.  I want to meet like-minded people with laughter and intelligence.  I want to hear their stories.  I crave to touch and love and dive into their journey.  We connect this way. So…NO…I am not afraid of physical death.  I am, however, consciously aware that I forget to live every second to the fullest.  I forget to breathe and let go at times.  I allow my humanness to take over and I get angry for a moment.  This passes.  And, when it does I recall lying on a hospital and returning from my own short death to find that life is precious.  What a gift!  What a magnificent ride!

We entertain anxiety because of fear.  We fear because of not being able to control.  We control because we have been taught that we have a say.  We have a say because we are programmed to believe that the ego can actually fix things.  In the end it’s all a lie.  We can’t control anything.  The illusion of life is based on internal experiences of the outer world.  Our perceptions guide us and in moments make us very ill.  We have no say or control.  All we can do is travel with our heads up, love, laugh and truly learn to live.  We are not merely existing.  We are surviving all that is thrown our way and we should be spiritually evolving because of everything that we experience on the path of life.

My friend is dying.  His presence allowed me to stand back and watch grace and how it looks to know that there might not be a tomorrow.  He is doing it with love, laughter and faith.  The shock of his illness allowed ego to die first.  Now, it’s just a matter of releasing all control and moving through moments with acceptance.  We can all learn from the ones whose days are expiring through illness. He might have days or years.  His timing is in the hands of God.  These folks who have so much to conquer become our biggest teachers.  Mine left a few hours ago and I will forever be grateful for his time.  I love you, Dun.  Thank you!  Until we meet again…soon!

Life is a Salad Bar

salad barLast night my best friend and I watched the endearing movie, “Heaven is for Real.”  It’s a story about a little boy who has a near-death experience and goes to heaven.  At the age of four he teaches those around him about faith. After the movie Bobbie asked if after all these months I can still feel things that I did when I came back into my body in January.  I explained to her that I would never be the same prior to that date.  I have no fear of dying.  I also have no understanding of what others experience.  Anything and everything I knew before January 15, 2014, is null and void. My participation, involvement and personal narrative have nothing to do with anyone else.  No two people can experience exactly the same thing. Every action and circumstance is different.  Our lives are as unique as fingerprints.  My faith has been strengthened.  My ability to reason has been rewired.  And, my knowing of what I knew to be true has disappeared.  I can read things from a year ago and I cannot relate to the b.s.    I know nothing.  I knew even less then.   Every rough edge in my being seems to be smoothing out.  I returned with a deep compassionate heart for me.    Always having been the worrier of everyone else, I realize now it has nothing to do with me.

I was once standing at a salad bar.  My children were all getting the same toppings, yet every salad was different.  We all had the same ingredients but no two salads were identical.  That’s life!  We can all share the same jobs, family, losses, circumstances, course of events, and so on but no two lives are identical.  It is foolish and arrogant to say that “I know exactly how you feel” or “I understand completely.”  Impossible!  We can empathize and sympathize with one another but our emotions, decision making, processing, and a million other factors make it impossible for anyone to know “exactly” how you are feeling.  Besides I truly believe we all have the answers we need at all times.  All we have to do is get out of the way and let Spirit guide us.  If you are fortunate enough to have someone listening to you as you process an issue you will come to the conclusion on your own.

We are here on borrowed time.  Even with time being a huge illusion it is still the indicator of our livelihood.  Eighty years (if we are lucky to live them) is not that long.  In the scope of desires, dreams, and wanting to live fully that seems like a really short lifespan.  At the time of death things that mattered in our lives seem insignificant.  It’s all about lessons, experiences, and the connections we make while here on this planet.  I am often reminded of Tim McGraw’s song “Live Like You Were Dying” and how perception plays a huge role in the way we live.  If you knew you had an expiration date what would you do differently?  How would you live the rest of your time? Would you consider it a privilege and gift?  I bet money wouldn’t be an issue, or the degrees you didn’t get, or even the material life you thought was important.   But, you might look back and regret not saying more “I love you’s,” “I am sorry,” “I am proud of you,” and so on.

Heaven is for real.  You create it every day.  Hell is for real as well.  You create it every day.  You get to choose which mental location to live on.  Do you want joy or do you want hatred?  Do you want peace or do you want war?  Our internal factors are a switch away.  You get to decide how you live your life.  And, if you believe for one minute that you cannot change the way you are living, then sweetheart, you are definitely living in hell.  Let divine wisdom, God, and your faith dictate the way.  What others say or think really does not matter.  Be aware of the endless possibilities in your dreams!  Awake each day to being present and the amazing gift of another day.  You came into this world knowing your mission but have forgotten it for a bit.  Sit and search for your truth. You got this!

Lessons from an Infant

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It has been 26 years since I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing the intricate lessons from an infant. They arrive into this world with complete presence and a spiritual awareness that gets lost throughout the years. We, as parents and caretakers, mold a child and tarnish their essences from the openness to the deformity of what is acceptable in our society.  How very sad!  I am guilty and have been responsible for this as well.  Now, in my years of middle age, I can appreciate and marvel at the teachings from a little one.   It takes a second chance at raising a child to notice what was once dismissed in youth:

  1. Be present at all times.  A baby isn’t worried about anything but what (s)he needs.  They are completely living in the moment.  They poop and cry to be changed.  They are hungry and cry to be fed.  They are tired and cry to be put down.  Time is an illusion. Babies have no sense of an hour, a minute or a day.
  2. Vulnerability is strength.  Babies don’t worry about what you think.  You smile, they smile.  They ask for everything through a cry or scream. Their facial expressions are endless.  They show openness at all times.  A baby isn’t thinking, “What will they think of me when I crap? What will they think of me when I pass gas?”  There are no mixed signals of what they want and cannot have. They don’t make excuses for it their desires. They wear vulnerability as their main guidance and trait.
  3. The world is a playground.  A baby will marvel at a red bowl, a stuffed animal, or a sofa cushion with the same intensity of wonder. They study it with a beautiful bewilderment of learning.  They are constantly studying their surroundings.  You can leave the room and return and they will look at you with appreciation.   The acquired knowledge is miraculous.  Every part of their day is magical while they reach a milestone: whether it is sitting up, crawling, talking or walking. A baby relishes in playtime.  Their curiosity allows them to turn everything into an adventure.
  4. A smile is contagious.   Babies are pure joy.  They mimic smiles.  They smile, you smile, and the continuous action turns into laughter.  Their eyes even smile.  They are pure ecstatic energy.  Babies teach us to find happiness in every corner.   A smile is a mood enhancer.
  5. Touch is a means of survival.   Babies require touch.  They depend on it for their existence.  They require the hands of an adult to care for them.   They will grab on to a finger, a hand, a leg or whatever they can to feel the touch of safety.
  6. Love enters through birth.  You want to know God, spend some time with a baby.  They are the embodiment of love and spirit.  They are raw, without judgment, and full of divine light.  To be this open as an adult is a gift for our humanness.  It would benefit us tremendously to keep an open heart.  Infants are ego-less. They love and forgive every second.
  7. Every day is a miracle.  Each morning my granddaughter looks at me and her environment as if it was the first mystical moment of her life.  She coos and jerks with excitement.  I wake to this and for a few seconds think about how she is seeing her world.  I am reminded that there is always something to be grateful about during our day.  Babies live through the generosity of miracles and God.
  8. Never give up.  Babies keep trying to roll over, to sit, to stand and to walk.  With every milestone they keep moving forward.  They don’t give up.  They have the most tenacious spirit out there. Survival of the fittest!   They fall and get right back up as if the ground is their cheerleader.
  9. Don’t feel guilty for sleeping.   In our society we are scrutinized for taking naps.  I personally like to go to bed early and rise before the sun is out.  Those around me usually have some kind of sarcastic or negative comment about my sleeping routines.  For many years I would be frazzled by the judgments.  Babies don’t care.  They are the best teachers in how to sleep peacefully.  They are tired so they sleep.  They also teach us how precious sleep plays a huge role in our clarity, concentration, and personality.
  10. Be authentic to your knowing.  Babies are great judge of characters.  When they feel comfortable with someone they will let you know it.  They are at home in your arms.  If they don’t feel safe they will scream.  Babies teach us that we must follow our gut.  It is this divine knowing that gets clouded later on in childhood.

Every new day I am learning from my sweet baby girl.  She is reminding me what is important.  I am blessed by the lessons.  Teachers arrive in all shapes and sizes.  Lately mine is a tiny 15-1/2 lbs. baby girl with a tender heart and a smile that melts me in seconds.