The Shift

We are being shaken up to wake in truth. The shift is happening in a large scale. We are women, mothers, sisters, daughters and friends. We are the divine feminine rising in masses. We are the divine masculine holding steady and raising the frequency as well.

Stay in love and do not allow fear to consume you. This is happening on a massive collective soul level. Together we can heal and help the world heal. When one voice is heard it echoes across the world. So imagine what millions of beautiful voices speaking truth can do to release old wounds? Regardless of what the media shares we continue to show the world that truth prevails. And more than anything the light we continue to carry towards one another transcends this moment.

We are making history every single second. This is one of the most powerful times ever. We are witnessing our strengths in numbers. I am healing my own traumas and deep treacherous memories. I hear from so many who are finally releasing as well. I don’t remember any other time in my life that has pushed us to stand in our convictions.

So thank you for your bravery, your allowance, your spiritual expansion. Thank you to all the women and men for staying open. I stand in awed of the magic we are creating.

I love you.
Millie

The Gift of Darkness

I met Nikki in Starbucks this morning. She was three people behind me in the line. Once I ordered I walked towards her and whispered, “I’m sure you get this a lot but you are absolutely gorgeous.”

She looked into my eyes and told me she didn’t.

“What’s wrong with people?” I asked smiling.

“Thank you so much for that compliment.” Her eyes began to tear up. “I don’t feel well today.”

“Girl, you fake it well.” I asked her for a hug and she began to cry.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, sweetheart! It’s only one day. You fake it well. Actually that’s such shit, you know. That whole statement of faking it till you make it. It’s like stomping vulnerability in fear that the world will witness your humanity!”

She cried while nodding in agreement. I reached for her hands.

“Talk to me. Tell me what’s aching in that tender heart?”

She shared right there in line, after she placed her order. She let go briefly of something so harsh and it came out in small syllables. So we hugged. We connected. I told her it was one day. It was one month. It was just life but that came short of what truly aches in her. I will never know the entire story and I don’t care to. What I know is that she was hurting.

I felt the break. I kissed her cheek and told her I would send her loving light and prayers. She accepted them. And just like that it was over.

It only takes one second to smile or reach towards another. She needed that release. I happened to be the catalyst and it could have been anyone.

Mary Oliver’s line is always one I use to remind myself that in darkness there are gifts just as many as in light. It’s all how you show up and allow for the lessons to unfold. Don’t let one situation dictate your entire life. Life fluctuates between the dark and the light… and they are both encompass by love.

I love you,

Millie

The Release

Many years ago I was at a yoga studio in the back of the room when a massive release of tears flooded my mat. This has left me a bit traumatized about doing yoga in front of others. That day the tears weren’t as bad as the paralyzing loud sobs. No one flinched. No one judged but I punished myself for it for days.

A few days ago I did yoga with these ladies in the morning. There was an expansion and I felt myself cracking open to that release. After a few tears I stopped it. I recognize that yoga, to me, is personal. I do the practice in the privacy of my home that allows me to feel safe.

Every morning this week in Mexico I witness these courageous women in their practice while I sit and meditate. I hold space for myself and them through love.

Yoga isn’t the exercises as much as the mindfulness of presence (for me). Each movement becomes an opportunity to let go, visit, and become.

This morning there is Indian music playing, I lit incense around the sacred space where the women are practicing. My go-to healing is writing. This is my yoga.

There is zero judgment here this week. There is only being. There is release. There is love. There has been major transformational moments that I will never forget. As the days pass, and I prepare for my re-emerging into my life, I feel the grace of the healing spirit. I am forever grateful for the divine feminine staring back from fifteen women.

How Much Do You Need to Endure?

We live in a society that tells us to not give up, to suck it up, to move past it….
At what cost?

Sometimes accepting the lesson, through defeat, is part of the process. Letting go, or quitting, doesn’t mean you failed. It means you have adjusted the sails and are able to move to other things. It also allows for humility, acceptance, forgiveness and self-care.

I retreat when I am experiencing heavy stuff. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to work it through. I just want it to move through me and out. I feel that the more it is discussed with others, the more the shit-show continues. I don’t want to add extra energy to the things I cannot control. I want to close it up and move on.

I am not a perfectionist… by far! So, I don’t have that tenacity to beat myself up trying and trying until I reach some insane irrational expectation. I can have a bad day, or bad week, or a challenging season but when it’s over I keep going on to the next thing.

Yesterday was such a day! And I made the mistake to challenge the Universe by saying out loud, “Really, that’s all you got? Give it to me all in one day so tomorrow I can get past it.” At that moment I felt the cosmos laugh and returned, “Just wait!”

Today is a new day. I refuse to carry the remains from an emotional exhausting day into this new dawn. I let go when the pain gets to be so insufferable that I can’t breathe. Life happens in cycles. This new day is an opportunity to create different experiences.

If you are at that threshold of holding on or letting go, do yourself a favor and just be. Don’t overanalyze it. If your body is asking you to let that crap go… do it. If you feel you can still hold on to whatever the challenge, do it.

You are the only one who knows what you can navigate and for how long.

I love you,

Millie

Trust

Trust is an emotional mechanism that was placed in our DNA when we began creation. The collective and society, through fear and other low vibrational frequencies, have caused it to downgrade. We question it. We don’t use it as we should. There is a default programming in its place. So we no longer just trust. We struggle with it. We have been shown over and over that it isn’t a means to survive. We don’t trust or allow for intuition to guide us.

When we return to our origins, through love, Trust will be the first input to be upgraded again. It is still in our DNA. It’s been muted. It’s been centuries of misuse and abuse. It is about to return as our guidance. Soon! We are being awakened slowly. This year has catapult us to truly take notice. It was designed to be right now in this time.

Humanity needed to experience all that it has endured. We are a stubborn race. We have more followers than leaders. And the leaders have guided through manipulation of fear and repression. They know how to play their parts. The followers have also played their role. The imbalance is soon to tip the scales.

Trust will return with soul expansion and excavation. It will be intuitively available to guide us again. It is our internal GPS. Those who are ready will begin to feel it in their solar plexus and use it to create a new world in our reality. You are experiencing the massive amount of energy at this time. Many will not question what the masses are leading. And, in this trust, we will once again become whole as one. There will be millions not ready to awake or take on the new challenges ahead. It’s not your job to provide a push or pull for them. Those are their lessons and contracts before coming into this incarnation. Your only job is to love and show love through your own journey. People don’t learn through words. They evolve through their own experiences. They see and imitate what feels good. They act and react according to what they understand.

Don’t judge. Don’t manipulate. Don’t enforce your beliefs. Don’t attack. Don’t hate. Don’t do anything to force another to think as you do.

Love over and over. Love is the key that opens all the unlocked passages in humanity. Forgiveness heals through love. Trust opens because of love. We change and grow because of love. When in doubt just love. Accept it as the answer to all there is and all there ever was.

I love you. My guides were kind enough to slowly provide this last night. Take what resonates through love. I am ready and giddy for what will be a transformative time in humanity. 💜

I love you,

Millie

A New Level of Spirituality

A lot gets mentioned about economic and material poverty in our world. But because of these issues and events we, as human beings, are coming out of an era of spiritual poverty. People are searching for meaning, awakening, and evolving to fulfill the absence that money once occupied. There is no shopping, eating out, purchasing expensive homes and cars, or traveling to fill the void inside. Therefore, we find that spiritual quest is on a rise these days.

Two years ago we were put in a global time out. Millions of souls have transitioned in the last twenty-four months. Wars have begun and others have ended. The pandemic of fear took over our world like the plague. We’ve learned so much about tenacity, unity, division, faith, belief, manipulation and still we continue searching for a truth that is individual like our fingerprints.

Folks are recognizing that separation from self is not living an authentic life. It is actually sleep walking through it. People are enriching their lives with a faithful quest for Divinity. We are trailblazing into new frontiers of conscious shifters. Between a massive Exodus and a deep awareness of time being precious, we are searching more than ever for our place in the world… a new world we’ve never experienced beforehand.

In the past we have looked and searched for meaning, purpose, and aspiration from any source while filling ourselves with technology, drugs, alcohol, food, etc. People now seem to be questioning their choices more carefully. Spiritual richness comes from acceptance and allowing humanity to join together. It is about witnessing the old paradigms and pushing through what hasn’t worked. Strangers become friends because we see God looking through their eyes. Judgment is no longer dictating our decisions. We are rising into unity.

When we step away from the media, the fear-based headlines, we begin to witness the truth of our power. We are miraculous beings in full creation at all times. We recognize that there no borders in reality, only those drawn on a map; that money is a piece of paper without real value except what we give it, and governments have as much authority as we give them. And I am understand that it’s not as easy as black or white. We live in a flux of endless man-made gray areas that govern and determine our freedom.

But, there is God. There is a omnipotence source that is also always available to us. We live in a Matrix-like simulation and we get to unplug at any given time to see the real world. It’s up to each of us to disengage from the masses and find our moral compass.

I remember once reading a quote from Stan Dale, the founder of the Human Awareness Institute: “If God wanted to hide, He would hide in human beings because that’s the last place we would think to look.” I know this is now changing. We have been forced to take accountability for our divinity.

I feel we are searching more within ourselves and others in this new era. I believe we are looking through a child’s eyes, a stranger’s smile, or a friend’s words and finding God giving us a personal message. I believe in synchronicity, serendipity, and faith that we are all becoming more conscious of the thin thread that ties us together. I believe in Quantum physics, science of the mind, and the chemistry of God. I am continuously exploring pushing consciousness to the next level. Because of this, I know in my heart, that we are entering spiritual richness and leaving the spiritual poverty as a lesson in our human path. The footprints of selfishness, isolation, addiction, and destruction will be a distant memory in the near future. And, this is what opens my heart and allows me to look forward to deeper spiritual growth. This is also what keeps me reaching out and sharing stories of compassion and kindness even when they might seem mundane.

I may seem naive and gullible to many, for believing in this new utopia, but I have seen it in dreams, alternate timelines, and cosmic travels. I have sat in ceremony with divine plant medicine and experienced visions that have shown me the evolution of humanity. Whether it may happen, or not, does not matter. It all starts with believing and placing the vibration of love out to Gaia and it’s habitants.

An opened heart to the world brings peace, love and unity for all. I am so grateful for what lies ahead. It may get a little bumpy before we experience this new world, but I am here to assist through my own vibrational shifts. I am deeply blessed that I am not alone on this journey. Thank you for joining me!

I love you….Millie

Endings and Beginnings

My divorce is almost final in the next few months. Our marriage was held on by bare necessities for several years. It’s not easy to write about this but perhaps it can aid in someone else’s struggle. I believe when we see mirrors of our lives we feel less alone.

We failed in our marriage. We’ve played the blame-game and now we are on the other side of it. My soon-to-be-ex-husband and I share our two adopted children equally. This was truly the most difficult part of leaving him. I have never been a part-time mother. I have been all-in and the time away from them was excruciating at first. But, when each one of us have them, we dedicate fully to them.

Love isn’t perfect. I know my imperfections were magnified for a long while. I felt unheard, unseen, and constantly scrutinized. I cannot speak for him but living with a woman who completely shut down couldn’t have felt good. I could go days without speaking. I stopped trusting completely.

I will not dare say he didn’t love me enough. He loved me as much as he could. I can’t say what he felt since I don’t have a love meter. What I do know is that I became compliant and comfortable in a great amount of discomfort that lasted a very long time.

When I finally asked for the divorce, he didn’t flinch. He was concerned about our children. He didn’t ask to work it out. I had realized I was married to a stranger. I really didn’t know him. I had no clue who he was (or is, for that matter). I have learned that I wasn’t me either. I had morphed into some version of me that was not okay.

We held on until our sweet baby boy was adopted. And then the break came. I couldn’t find myself in the midst of the rumbles. I left my house, many of my things, and again did what I have always done when I am tired: leave without nothing.

Four years ago, on a trip to Peru, we were walking in downtown Cusco and I began to share intimate details of my previous relationships. He pointed out that I had a pattern of running and not taking what was mine. I would always leave everything and then started over again. He suggested that I needed to break that destructive pattern and fight for what belonged to me. Here is the thing about giving advice: when it pertains to you it isn’t easily accepted. Fighting for what is righteously mine has not been well received. Truth be told, I don’t fight well. I rather get it over with and move the energy into something positive in my life.

I believe in karma. I believe in cause and effect. I believe that what we resist does persist. The details do not matter. We are better apart than together, especially for the children. We both have our stories and how we felt in the marriage. The gaslighting is finally over. Now what is important is our children and the stability of two homes. He is who he is and I am who I am. We play as well as we can for the sake of two little souls.

There are times when the kids say they wish I was back home with them as a complete family. When they leave, I cry myself to sleep. There were months that I would keep track of days that I didn’t cry. I was shocked one day when I saw the imbalance. My sadness was a deep hole I couldn’t crawl out of. The façade of my marriage was too much to accept.  

A friend took me to the doctor after ending up in the emergency room days before with severe chest pains. I began to question my intuition, trust and judgment. As I sat in front of the doctor, my friend had to answer for me. I was depleted, exhausted (barely sleeping) and sick to my stomach. I was put on anti-depressants and other medications. They helped for a while. I eventually learned to deal with the issues in me. It wasn’t about him. He has been the most incredibly powerful teacher in my life. I had a type and now I see the patterns. I am adjusting the frequency of my attraction in partners and reprogramming accordingly. I am finally healing.

I can’t thank him enough for waking me up, even when he may never realize it. I had seen the world with rose-colored glasses. It was time to see reality. Navigating all of the ins and outs of our parental connections is the utmost importance. The rest is irrelevant at this time. It is all in the past and I wish him nothing but the happiness I was unable to provide. I respect him for being a good father to our children. He has taught me so much about strength and forgiveness in myself.

There is life after heartache. I promise you! The last few years have been about growth and getting to know the real woman in me. My divine feminine was completely asleep. I am mothering myself, nurturing the beautiful experiences in my life. I am forever grateful for a tribe that has sustained me, picked me up, dusted me off, and allowed me to evolve.

I have been putting off sharing with others for a long while. For the most part, folks have been decent and have felt something odd about my personal life but never pressured or asked. Humanity is magnificent! I am also grateful for all those who knew things that never shared while I was married. Not that I would have listened or believed them because when I love I get completely focused on giving till I have nothing left for me. I truly believe he deserved my love.

I am loving how much has changed and evolved spiritually and emotionally in me. I am stepping every single day into my authentic truth. I marvel at the experiences ahead. Love is always there waiting. It can literally walk in through your front door. It may look different, feel different, taste different, but it is always available through self-love, forgiveness and acceptance. May you find the courage to stand in your convictions and leave where you aren’t honored.

I love you. Thank you for sticking around to read this long post….
Millie

The Joys of Mamahood

These two little ones are like magnets. They cannot be apart from each other too long. They fight, argue, and then have to crawl up next to each other. Their beginnings weren’t easy. Kali Rose, was my daughter’s first born. My ex and I took her in when she was only 5 months old. My daughter came into my life from Romania when she was 9 years old. She is mentally unable to take care of herself, let alone a child. Luke was her second child. He is 3 years younger than Kali Rose.

It took us four years to finalize his adoption. He was with his bio-mom for 10 months of his life. It was not a pretty or easy story… one that I can’t share without my heart breaking into tiny pieces. He is healthy and happy and one of the most forgiving souls I’ve ever encountered in my life.

My daughter has had two other babies who are now loved by forever-adopted families.

I may know a little bit about being a mother… of 8 kiddos. I have learned that patience is the essence of relating to our children. That humor can change a room full of kids. That love is the bare necessities of their development. And, that somedays are hard and full of challenges and things can shift in a minute. All of it passes in the blink of an eye.

I don’t know if I am a good mother or not. It’s not for me to decide. Some of my kids will say I am. Others, not so much. And we all have our stories.

I have been brought into this world to mother, not just my children, but myself and others. It’s in the past few years that I have learned to mother me in places that I neglected.

I miss my mother on holidays like today. She was a hard woman, and she was soft. She was courageous, and she was fearless. She taught me the things I wouldn’t do to my children from what she did to me. My mother was a warrior and an incredible powerful example of strength in my life. There was an unstoppable force in her that dictated everything and everyone around her. Her perseverance was definitely passed onto my genes. When I began to adopt children she was not happy to say the least. She judged my choices terribly. And, as most people who cannot accept their own choices, she lashed out at every decision I made with my children. However, she did love them in her own way.

Mothering my kiddos has been the most challenging and rewarding experiences of my life. Even on the days that I am exhausted, hurt, and have no clue what to do, I find myself laughing and crying simultaneously.

What makes a mother a good one?

Your ability to transcend all the hardships and turn them into lessons. Your ability to forget quickly and forgive deeply. Letting go is the secret to this profession. If you hold on too tight you lose your grip.

I used to compare myself to the perfect PTA mothers at their school when my children were little. I could barely get all six out of the house and when I would drop them off at school I would judge myself based on how the mothers all looked. My kids were dressed, clean but sometimes (okay maybe a lot) disheveled. They were loved deeply. They knew it and felt it.

Today, on Mother’s Day, I hope you remember to mother YOU. Recall those moments you thought would last forever and you made it. You have done your job. I also want to honor those who aren’t mothers of little people but animals. Others who have chosen to mother the world with their love and presence. I believe there are fathers out there mothering the hell out of their children alone. My hat goes off to all of you. Every single person in this world has the ability to mother the world.

I love you… love yourself with the same fierce intensity you give to others, including your children.

Millie

The pics below are from our day exploring yesterday:

Inexplicable Sorrow in Letting Go


One of my cousins transitioned two days ago. She was 43 years old. She was sick since she was born. Truth be told, she was a firecracker. Her hair was dyed bright red for decades. We all knew her as a firecracker. When I heard the news, it hit me like a cold glass of water thrown in my face. Even though we hadn’t spoken for a while, and we were expecting her departure, the awareness of it sat in me deeply.

I have always thought of death as going from one door into another. I experienced it more than once through near-death experiences. I feel and believe she’s now in a place of peace and love. This doesn’t diminish the loss and sorrow. The grief will continue to reside for however long it needs to. We exist with an expiration date that only God knows. Every second here is on borrowed time.

As I was gathering my feelings early in the morning, trying to get kids dressed for school, I read an email from a dear friend about her son being in the hospital, also ready to departure this world. He and I spoke often. We talked about the esoteric world, shared experiences, and just had massive belly laughs. Sometimes through texts we could spend hours exploring the metaphysical world. We would joke about playing on the outer realms and dancing at night. He is very magical on so many levels.

The kicker for me was that my cousin and him were born two days apart in February on the same year. I spent the morning in the ICU visiting him yesterday. I asked him if there was anything I could do for him. His answer took me aback, “Yes, but you won’t like it.”

Our thoughts merged together at that moment. We can always read each other’s thoughts. I knew he wanted me to help him find peace.

He is tired. And seeing him in that condition, his organs shutting down, I was beyond exhausted. He was in and out of consciousness. I held his hand and did energy work on him.

Letting some go is inexplicable hard shit! He can see the spirit world as clearly as I can. And he kept pointing to those in front of his bed. I smiled and told him I knew. He knows they are flight attendants there to take him.

Death is the ending of one journey and the beginning of another. It is hard for those we leave behind. The fear, for the most part, is leaving loved ones. The other hesitation is not knowing where you go afterwards.

If you are losing someone, or lost someone recently, I am holding you tightly. These times seem to be grabbing on to so many who can’t deal with the intensity of the energies. Plus, when it is your time there is no stopping it.

I spent time sharing the news about our cousin with my older children who loved her. Each conversation kept fracturing my heart. They grew up with all her mischievous pranks. I know she is finally smiling from heaven and dancing the angel’s salsa and meringue.

I love you. Prayers to you and yours.

Millie