Ick, guck, muck and crap that ends with K

step forward

Every so often I am reminded that I need to sit down and just be with me. It’s not an easy task. I have a hard time sitting for more than an hour or two. Whenever I sit for long periods of time it is because I am mentally and physically exhausted. That’s it. I have no problem doing meditation and sitting still because it starts my day off in a sense of peace. This is a short period of time. But, force me to sit or lay down for a day or two and I want to come out of my skin.

Ah, the reminders of taking care of myself! My right foot has been swollen for days. It’s not broken. It’s something that happens to me every single time I am forced to stay still. I have avoided the keeping still until two days ago when I came home from work and the pain was shooting up my leg. I was forced to keep my leg up all day yesterday and part of today. The swelling has reduced significantly. What has appeared in its place is awareness of things I cannot continue to avoid. What has transcended is pure realizations of truth.

I was chatting with a dear friend and told her that this shows up periodically. She said it’s “ick.” I told her her it was ick, guck and muck and shit with k at the end. This whole processing and conscious awareness is not fun. I cannot take another step with pain. I cannot avoid it. Isn’t that how health issues appear? Aren’t they metaphysically created so we can deal with emotional blockages and spiritual awareness? I am not exempt from any of it. I have little patience when it comes to being ill, or having pain. I have a huge pain threshold so it has to be something that truly impedes me from moving…hence the foot.

Yesterday I spent the entire day between meditation, praying, and watching Orange Is The New Black (cause that of course is a highly spiritual show). But, hell it puts my life in perspective. It makes me feel grateful for being free and not having to be locked up with insane characters. And sometime in the afternoon this beautiful friend called me and she asked me how I was feeling and I broke down. The moment I released the bullshit about something that had nothing to do with the foot, the show, or my wonderful life, I felt the pain shoot up to my heart. There it was pure ickiness, muckiness, and guckiness. There it was all out ready to be purged from my spiritual body into the physical realm.

I hung up, returning to the show because nothing takes away self-reflection better than mindless television. It’s magical in that way. You want to avoid life? Turn on the tube and binge watch one of these silly shows. It does the trick.

This morning I woke depleted even after many hours of peaceful sleep. After my husband took our little girl to the sitters I turned over and fell back asleep. This, alone, is a sign of exhaustion. I don’t go back to sleep once I am up. But, today, just for a few hours my life was on hold. I became Sleeping Beauty. I needed to just be. I needed the shit around my head to disappear so I could get up later and write for the week. I needed to clear the crap and remember that one bad day doesn’t make a bad month. One crappy sprained foot doesn’t stop me from moving forward in a week. Nothing has changed. The pain is a reminder that I am to just be with me. I am to connect to me. I am to trust in me. The act of being still has been a teacher these past few days. I’ve moved from the ick, muck and guck into not feeling stuck. Those words with “K” at the end aren’t fun. I am not sick. I am healing from cosmic energy moving through. Awareness has been keen and present. I get it. And, now as I write this I am profoundly feeling better. I am wiggling my toes awaiting the moment I can go play in the creek again without feeling the sting of immobility.

Sometimes we need reminders of what needs to be done in order to move past the crap. When we avoid our emotions, our spiritual guidance, and physical ailments we do a great injustice to our spirit. It’s always okay. My friend said, “It’s okay to be with the ick.” It is okay to acknowledge the rough parts as well as the joyful ones. The lesson is mainly about not avoiding what’s already been trying to get the attention. For weeks I have been avoiding the voice of spiritual connection to something I have been dreaming for a while. I hesitate in each step. I have done everything possible to shut that part of me so I could concentrate on what’s ahead. The realization is that I move through spirit and I can’t avoid taking a step without guidance. What better way for the Universe to stop me than to help me see that I need to stop worrying about each step.

My favorite quote is by Martin Luther King, Jr., “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” It’s my favorite because I live it in the majority of this life. But, even with this knowing, I need reminders every so often.

Tomorrow is gonna be magical. I will be ready to step into the unknown without questioning what comes after. I am returning to Source as I am often reminded that it’s my power. I am a spiritual being vacating the human embodiment. And, here is clearly the most amazing journey that has been rigged in my favor. I am moving forward!

Architect of Dreams

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There is an abundance of wishes and dreams out there for the taking.  If you haven’t visualized or expressed your goals and dreams to the Universe, don’t complain.  Don’t make excuses for not allowing the flow of dreams to appear into your life.  You and the Universe are the co-creators of your life. You are the most powerful genie in the world.

Five years ago, in the midst of a horrible break-up, I began a visualization-map-questing-dream journal.  In this book I pasted pictures of things I wanted in the future.  Most of them were of a small retreat center in the mountains.  I had no idea how I was going to buy the place or what state it would be in. But, I gathered all types of magazines from Oprah’s O to log cabins and outdoor activities.  I carefully placed these visual guides inside pages and then wrote out what I wanted, but as if I already had it.  I created powerful intentions. For example, instead of writing “I want a home in the mountains” I wrote, “I live in the mountains and have a retreat center that provides relaxation, healing and peace for all those who enter.”  I even put the name of this retreat in the book.  I added events and activities such as hiking, fishing, hammocks in the woods, chairs by creeks, yoga, labyrinth, etc.   I loaded the journal up with pictures, inspiring quotes, words, events, and exact notes of what I also did not want. I have learned that the Universe will also give you the things you don’t want. 

My dream was to be able to map out this place and let God guide me there.  A year later, while on vacation with my best friend, we stayed in this little motel in the mountains of Western North Carolina.  The place was for sale.  Two months later we were living here.  I had put my journal of dreams away. When I began to unpack boxes I found this visual guide of hopes and desires.  As I flipped through the pages that had been created over a year before, I couldn’t believe that the place we purchased had all the elements I had glued in it.  And, even now four years after being here, I open up the book and find that we are still creating more of the things that had carefully been placed in it.  Once again, without much financial support, we are getting the things I had asked the Universe to provide. I continue to add to this book and make clear intentions of what we want for the future of this little retreat center.

We are trained, programmed, and manipulated by society to believe that dreams don’t always come true.  We are impatient in waiting.  So we blame God and the higher powers for not giving us our desires. Well, they don’t come true if you don’t work at it!  You have to visualize what you want and then work towards that goal.  Abundance and prosperity are endless.  Dreams guide us.  The same goes for things we don’t want.  If we are constantly focusing on what we don’t want we will get those things as well. I believe I am a trust-fund baby of the Universe with unlimited abundance. As long as I stay in this frequency there is nothing I cannot manifest.

Several years ago the famous little book The Secret hit the bookshelves.  The books sold by the millions.  I was completely surprised.  I was brought up in a house where we all created little poster boards with the dreams we wanted.  My sister had hers in her closet.  I had mine behind the bedroom door.  My mother had hers in her room.  We all had these little visual reminders of things we wanted in the near future.  So, when the bestselling book became so famous I had to ask myself, “Do people not realize that they create their own futures?  Do they not realize that there is an unlimited abundance of dreams out there for the taking?”  I guess not! This isn’t a new formula for health, wealth, prosperity, and any desire. This is how we are created!

My wish for you, as I am sitting right now observing life outside my window (kids kayaking in the pond while others fish, the mountains in the backdrop, a couple drinking their coffee in our red chairs, someone meditating by the picnic tables) is that you awake to the truth that YOU create your future. There’s no magic genie, saint, or man in the sky that chooses what you can have in life. YOU are the creator, maker, and magnificent architect of your life’s plan. I hope you map out the things you want and work towards those desires. And, if by chance you have no clue of what you want then make a list of things you are grateful for everyday.  Be present in your life.  Be honest and be aware of your actions.  Use your creative gifts to gather pictures of things you like. Be kind, generous and have an open heart.  Where there is passion, God follows.  Divine intervention is always there with you, checking off the things your mind creates.  Stay in a place of divine light, joy, and love. From that place of giddiness the child in you can play and manifest. Be careful with your thoughts! Choose wisely and have fun!

“You will get what you want, when you stop making excuses on why you don’t have it.” Author Unknown

I would visualize things coming to me.  It would just make me feel better.  Visualization works if you work hard.  That’s the thing.  You can’t just visualize and go eat a sandwich.” Jim Carrey