Forgive Yourself

Almost six years ago I had a near death experience. When I woke the next day in the hospital the neurologist spoke to me and told me that stress can kill us. I knew this. But in spite of knowing something we don’t always practice it. She said, “You don’t know what you don’t know until you do!” She had witnessed grown men who had been in the military turn comatose after the shock. She had witnessed completely healthy women have heart attacks from broken hearts and then have strokes. At that moment I realized I had been given a gift. And this gift was to be mindful of how I carried the weight of the world on me. I don’t have to fix every single thing or person. I don’t have to even try. I just need to continue trusting that I get to be where I am suppose to be daily and I serve humanity in the simplest forms. I get to forgive myself when I want to reach and be there for another but I’m too exhausted. Or when I don’t call or communicate to loved ones as much as I should. I get to honor my mind, body and spirit without the guilt I used to have. Then…only then…can I continue living a life that’s a delicious blessing.

Forgive yourself for what you think others expect from you. Forgive yourself for not wanting to over-extend your energy. Be mindful that you are only required to show up and love. You take care of your immediate family in the best way you can. The rest of the world will continue living. Be gentle with you. Let go of all that past programming. You’ve got this.

Staying in the Now

Saturday I visited one of my elderly clients at his facility. He was on his bed with his eyes closed. I sat next to him and waited. He opened up his eyes and smiled. He doesn’t know who I am. He has dementia. However, he never questions who I may be. He never asks. He is forever present.

This man continues to be a teacher. I refer to him as Yoda. A few months ago, when the state appointed him to us to be his guardian representative, I went to his house to get a few things before everything would be disbursed and sold. He had already been placed in a facility. So I went to his apartment and gathered personal items.
There were no signs of a past life. He is a minimalist and everything was very neat. He was a photographer by profession and had many cameras but no personal pictures. He never married or had children. He has no one. Leaving his place puzzled me. It was as if he rented space in his life. He lived in the present moment.
And…he continues to live presently. When I sit with him he never shares of his past, as if he had none. He doesn’t ask of his future, as if it’s irrelevant. We talk about the weather or food. Every so often I ask about photography and I am reminded he is still taking mental pictures of the present moment. He is available to see light and a world only seen through a small lens. He doesn’t care what’s beyond the view.
I brought him a box of chocolates for Christmas. He opened it up and stared at it, carefully observing the shapes. He was grateful but I was more grateful in noticing the moments of his discovery. His beautiful green eyes lit up with each bite.
I want that. I want more of what he embodies. I want to stay present without questioning the future. I want to stay here without reliving my personal stories. Through his gentleness I am recharged. I am given hope that we can all stay in the now.
We get to decide how we show up. We willingly get to participate on this journey however we feel we must. So, I must show up like that…completely immerse in what is happening this moment without rushing it. It’s like taking a photograph and capturing that second forever. Now!

Sacredness of Ceremonies

There is sacredness in ceremonies, in gathering with others to bless and heal. Circles, fire, chanting, prayers, meditations, cleansing and other rituals are there to maintain a sense of creation through divinity. When two or more gather there is manifesting on all levels and realms. It’s mystical!

The Sacredness of Ceremonies allows me to ground myself beyond words. Rituals and gatherings raise my frequency to more love and infinite abundance. Judgment disappears. Vulnerability unfolds. When I moved to these mountains years ago I dreamed of a tribe that would support me and my heart. It was slow to arrive since I kept growing spiritually and was disconnected from many who were not on the same journey. It has taken some time but in the last few years I keep meeting the most intuitive and amazing people. I am so blessed to have found so many folks during this time, and it continues to grow with like-minded individuals who are connected to their spiritual truths. These are teachers, students, and true guides from all walks of life. My soul is filled with joy and humility because what I’ve asked for continues to expand. I am touched by stories, experiences and wisdom from so many sages.

And I am loved. That love is constantly being paid forward. It’s purified through the acceptance and knowing that I am receiving messages through others and their stories. I am in awed of what appears when I no longer try to control the world around me.

If you don’t have a tribe please find a way to create one. Take time to connect with others. Social media is excellent for this. Find groups and interact. Your soul isn’t meant to be alone. If you live far from others there are ways to connect through technology.

Be blessed and continue to manifest your desires. You grow through each little wish made to the heavens. You are magical. I love you. ~m.a.p.

Sharing Yourself

Someone recently asked me if I was ever afraid of sharing too much. I asked her to repeat the question. I actually didn’t understand it. “Sharing too much…being afraid of THAT? The sharing?”

She said, “Yes. People are scary. They use your stuff. They judge….” She had a list compiled of the fears and how she would be hurt.

I’m not afraid of sharing. I’m actually afraid of living a life without truly sharing, or holding back. I’m afraid of not saying the things I feel that might make a difference to me and another. I’m afraid of letting someone believe they are alone in their sorrow. I’m afraid of others who don’t say what they mean and hurt deeply because of it. But, I am not afraid of my vulnerability. This is what holds my heart in its place. My openness is a superpower to myself. I have learned to properly (and sometimes without filter) overcome adversities because of it.

We fear the things we don’t understand. We fear what we can’t perceive or process from our own experiences. I, for one, tend to withdraw from someone who has hurt me and shut down. I won’t communicate. When I’m done, I am done. But, sweethearts, don’t be afraid to share from your heart…ever. Those who can’t handle it don’t deserve you. It’s truly a gift in weening out the ones who don’t align with you.

Your presence in this world is the gift of you. Do not allow fear to stump your light or your love. Be mindful. Give. Share. Love openly and wholeheartedly. You will know who is worth your time or not. ~m.a.p.

New Beginnings

new beginnings

I take the month of April as a time to celebrate. All 30 days honor as my birthday. On April 1st, I lost one of my sweet elderly clients. I loved him dearly. Although he was in hospice care, I didn’t expect his departure. On April 3rd, I lost a family member who died way too young, leaving three young girls. Yesterday I visited a brand new baby at the hospital who will be adopted by a beautiful couple. She was born from a crack addict who abandoned her as soon as she could leave. Holding her in my arms completed the circle of life. As two souls left this world, this little one came in fighting for her existence. Life is fluid and magical. I left the hospital celebrating it all…the losses and the gains. All three cases are heartbreaking and require emotional acknowledgment.  All three souls touched me in deep ways. I keep hearing the pain out there but I also keep rejoicing the healing and love.

A week ago my husband and I made another difficult decision. We will be taking on another child who needs a loving home. We will love him with the same ferocity and acknowledgment that we’ve given to others. I will be 50 years old in two weeks. It’s not an easy decision but it is the right one. He sat across from me and shared that “Batman never questioned or ignored his bat signals. He armored up and went to the call….” In this case he is Batman…and I am his side kick (yours truly). We will answer the call and provide the superpower of love.
I suspect this is going to be one of the most intensely surprising April’s. We leave in two weeks to Machu Picchu on a spiritual journey of sorts. It’s been calling for me for some time. And, we need this before re-entering another phase of parenting. I sat across from him and said, “Darling, this is not my first rodeo. This will be number 8. I know how this works.  This is number 2 for you. I know you will continue to be magnificent in your role….” So, Peru will be healing and full of mystical surprises.  My spiritual guides have been preparing me for some incredible experiences there.
I feel it’s time to recharge and return to the origins of me. It’s hard to define that. It involves faith, grace, and acceptance. I suspect that something is emerging and it’s lovely on so many levels.  I am open to the expedition of self. It is spring after all…regrowth and newness.
I urge you to make decisions without worrying about how others will react. I ask that you live fully and love openly. Life is fragile and beautiful. You get to decide how you choose to live it. You never know what’s around the corner even when you think you have it all figured out. I look forward to my journeys…the trip and another round of motherhood. For months I was living with panic attacks and anxiety during the night. I couldn’t figure out why. My soul knew of the changes. I resisted unknowingly in my human form. Once it showed up I was able to return to peace. And here we are…today is beyond lovely. Our little boy will be arriving to a home full of joy and love.
I want that for you as well….joy and love. Over and over again. I love you.

You Are Responsible

This morning I blew a breaker fuse in the second floor of the house turning on too many heaters. I was dressed to get to work early so I decided to go down to the basement and switch it back on for my lovies. In order to access our basement you have to walk out of the front door and around the house to the back. It was freezing…literally. I opened up the basement, turned on the lights, took care of the breaker and locked up. As I was locking up the basement something happened. I lost touch with this reality, or better yet, I had two sets of timelines overlap. I was seeing through a thin veil another active moment happening simultaneously. This is happening quite often, usually I am in meditation. This was me being quite present in the cold. It was quick. I stood there contemplating if maybe I was having a seizure or stroke…(cause I know it wasn’t a psychotic break).

The ethereal world is charged more than usual. It is happening continuously with alternate realities, endings and beginnings. There are many folks telling me they are losing lapses of time or moving through a time warp where they arrive to a place quicker than it is possible. Others have shared with me that they are accessing memories from an alternate time and they can see how things are affected through our conscious decisions. I am reading some fantastic occurrences that make me giddy and bring me into a state of childlike wonder. 

We are experiencing things that aren’t easy to logically explain, including quantum leaps and multiverse travels, especially during waking moments. 

Are we awakening to a new earth or merely aligning with what is true? I don’t really know. I don’t have answers. I work in the mental health field so I see a lot of people who are touching upon things that aren’t fragments of illnesses but openings to something that cannot be explained. Our society is also shifting perceptions to what is mystical and what is not. But who is to judge? Just because you don’t experience it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist!

This is a magical time in the history of humanity. We are being authentic and honest regardless of opinions. We are declaring our worth while removing the price tags others have placed on us. We are opening up to the mystical parts of our journeys. It’s beautiful to witness and experience. There is a massive conscious shift happening all over and some folks cannot deal with the consequences of what may happen if they relinquish control. Fear takes over.

Your brain entertains what it has as a point of reference. If you haven’t experienced something supernatural it cannot perceive it. In order to move past this programming and Matrix you have to be willing to witness things that have no concrete logic. You must return to childlike beliefs that anything and everything is possible. Denying yourself this is an injustice to your spiritual evolution. When you believe in the unseen you can begin to perceive it.

In two weeks I will have reached the fourth year of my near-death experience. The next day at the hospital the neurologist came to speak with me. She shared the deadly truth of stress. She looked at me searching for answers to what happened to me and my body the prior day. She said, “You don’t know what you don’t know until you do.” It was profound. I got it. We don’t know what we don’t know until we actually do and then it is our responsibility to stay aware and open to it. If we go back to sleep we will continue to die a mundane death without exploring our purpose.

Create from a place of love and light. Move the programming out of the way. Return to your magic and sparkles. Continue to vibrate at a higher frequency without fear. You got this. We all do. This life is a game of perception geared to challenge your mindset. You get to decide how you play it. I believe in you.