Prayer

prayer

I pray, not for an answer,

but to have my thoughts,

my voice, my soul,

heard

throughout this Divine space.

I pray, not for worship,

but for the confirmation

of what my spirit

already knows.

I pray, not to negotiate,

but to release anticipation

of what I’ve attracted

into manifestation.

I pray, not because I doubt,

but because it is a certainty

that I am part of Divinity.

I pray, not for miracles,

but with the understanding

that I hold the wonders

of everything I ask…

the universal truth

for being a child of Spirit.

Sloppy Spirituality

spirituality

For whatever reason we place everything before our faith and spiritual practice: career, children, spouses, house work, drama, and all the busyness that comes with our humanness. Spirituality seems to come as a last alternative, full of shameful guilt for not doing more, we touch it with half of our soul’s yearning.  Meditation and prayer come in moments of desperation. It becomes an assignment of negotiation with God.  The truth is we are spiritual beings having a human experience.

Spirituality is not perfect. It isn’t stuck in a box of rituals for each person to follow. Spirituality is sloppy and chaotic at times. Our spirits desire the awakening experience. The Divine is in us waiting to be touched and held. My mornings require ritual: lighting candles, incense, saying my prayers to enter the world, and sitting in silence with a cup of coffee or tea. I need these moments of deep awareness as I open my curtains and allow the outside to join my space. I need to show my spirit gratitude for another breath. This is not a perfect ritual of contemplation but it is mine to uncover and welcome Divinity into my day. It is mine to join with the joy and acceptance of every single day.

Spiritualism accepts the imperfections, the messy lives, the brokenness, the unsaid truths, and everything under the spectrum that we think is not acceptable in organized religion. Why do we hide behind the façade of impeccable accomplishments? It seems that faith is based on what we can see and control rather than the acceptance of the unknown. We practice spiritual perception with fear of what we don’t know and can happen. What would happen if we allow synchronicity to dictate our days?  If we moved with serendipity rather than against it?  If we no longer feared the future? What would happen to us then if we allowed something greater than ourselves to move through us as the Commander in Chief of our lives?

At the end of your life you will not regret the lack of another degree, not having bought the little red sports car, not getting that expensive house, not having enough money in the bank. You will regret not having spent more time in nature, holding a friend’s hand in need, missing your child’s recital, not taking walks with your beloved, not speaking your truth, and so many other things that might seem irrelevant at this moment. You might feel ashamed for the time not spent with Divinity, kisses from your children, hugs from your parents, and sweet words from a lover. You will wonder why you didn’t sit and relaxed more, breathed the earth deeper, and allowed each moment to count just as it is meant to touch you. The things most important in life have nothing to do with money, winning, status or work. They have to do with love, sharing and other moments invaluable to your spirit. The first and only person you need to answer to is yourself.  The second is your faith. Give each moment the degree of importance it needs to be cherished and enjoyed. Be present in your conversations, visits, and life.  Don’t waste time worrying about the things that stress you, or the to-do list. Don’t be overwhelmed with anxiety for what could not happen and participate in the moment you have available right now. This is part of sloppy spirituality:  the deep awareness of each breath, touch, and leaving everything behind. It is about reprogramming your senses, needs, and releasing the control of what we have been conditioned to be religious beliefs.

I rather live a messy spiritual life than one of conformed social expectations while living inside of a make believe fantasy that never witnesses the miracle of God. I rather behold the eyes of someone speaking with me and truly seeing their soul unfold. That’s the most beautiful form of spiritual wisdom. I can’t think of anything more whole to experience the oneness of our existence.

The ALL of YOU

spiritual moment

The “you” that you believe you are has nothing to do with your personality. Yes, how you react becomes a reaction. How you act becomes the action. But the you that you are is a soul consisting of divine essence. You get to choose the thoughts. You become those choices. If it doesn’t work, change. If you can’t stay, move. You are not a tree rooted deeply in the earth. You have will. You have choices. You have the conscious power to do anything. It is definitely easier said than done but start somewhere. You are the infinite you that has lived and will continue to live pass this moment. Your love, achievements, failures and every aspect of the ego have made you the human version that you think you are. But, you are much more than this. You are a super consciousness that has evolved to love beyond everything else. You are the change you crave to see in this world. It starts with the real YOU. Go do something with that. Embrace that YOU that is waiting acknowledgment. And begin to witness the miracles happen before you. You are limitless, perfection, pure Divinity and love. You are God. You are Oneness. There is no separation. You have created a belief programming that assures lacking rather than abundance. Today, know your Dharma. Remember your truth. Stop retelling the stories of the past.  They brought you here but do not make for the future events.  You get to pick the path, you get to trail blaze the future, and you get to manifest all that you want. Be the magnificent self that you intended to be when you arrived here. We are born knowing all…somewhere along the way we forget our reality. Along the process we have been conditioned to “fit in,” be “normal,” and adhere to to social status.  This is NOT WHO YOU ARE. You are ALL!  You are the grace of Christ, the embodiment of God, the Oneness of the universe.  You got this! No one else can do this for you but YOU! Now…go do some amazing things today with your authentic self. See how freaking AWEsome you will feel!

“Know that you are forever, that you have never failed, and that the only thing you have ever done wrong is believing that you have done something wrong.” – Ramtha

Simple Stroke of Luck

Thanksgiving Day 2014

I am a simple woman that expects miracles through hard moments.  I don’t always have the patience to wait but I do live my life knowing they arrive just at the exact timing I am about to give up.  These miracles come through people, things, synchronicities, and serendipitous events.  One thought ties the end of a universal cord.  This is called a blessing.  I am always asking God to please provide “this or better.”   I am always asking my guides, angels, and the Divine to be gentle with my teachings.  I see how difficult I’ve made it to learn gently in the past.  My “tenacity” (a.k.a. stubbornness) is not a fun characteristic.

For many years I had a vision, an idea, of what I wanted in a mate.  I wanted him to be above a certain height, intelligent, witty, non-judgmental of my spirituality, secure with his own life that he wouldn’t be jealous of my friendships, loving with my children, a comedian at heart, and many other little details that I wasn’t willing to settle without.  I would end my prayers with, “this or better, God!”  Somehow I got the better with my fiancé, Matt.  He is showing me every day what it is to have a real partner in life.  I am learning what it is to count completely on another.  He doesn’t push or pull.  He sits and waits for me to arrive at that place of vulnerability.

I have found an endless river of love flowing through us, sometimes not in the colorful composition I had envisioned because I had no live example for comparison.  Not everything is a Hallmark movie extravaganza but there is a miracle in his gentleness, acceptance, love and support.  Every day I see the truth that I am no longer swimming alone in this journey of life without a mate to reach and grab me.  I tend to forget that I can count on him.  I tend to bulldoze myself into a frenzy thinking I have to do things alone while not inconveniencing him.  He comes through and reminds me that we are a unit: in the good times and in the rough ones.  The past few months have been full of confirmations of his commitment.  There are no perfect souls who live in constant harmony.  We work at our flaws, traumas and constant lack of understanding for one another.  We are mirrors reflecting those issues that need forgiveness from past relationships.  I am forever astonished at the huge blessing of being able to unpack our previous baggage and make room to live together.  This union is a great mystery to me.   I no longer have my running sneakers around.  I know we are in this together for the long haul.  Neither one of us knows why we are with one another.  It’s baffling!

There are amazing mysteries in our universe:  the great pyramids, the Mayan calendar, the conscious mind, the cosmos, the beginning of time, parallel dimensions, how I raised my children pretty much on my own, and meeting this man.  These great mysteries aren’t meant to be solved.  They are as apparent as love out there in the world to ponder and accept.  We are constantly trying to solve the phenomenal things in life.  Some things aren’t meant to have specific reasoning.  Miracles happen every day.  We are born out of extraordinary paradoxes. We survive illnesses, near-death experiences, personal losses, and so many heart aches.  We come out from difficult situations and have no explanation for them…except that something greater than our humanness has intervened.  This is the miracle!  The mysteries of our existence lie in the knowing that there is something superior above all reasoning.  It is that knowing that gets us through the difficult times.  Some call it Christ, Buddha, God, the Divine, the Holy Mother, etc.  There are millions of names and expressions for this mystery in our existence.   There are millions of ways to perceive the lessons and the kind revelations.

I have stopped looking for that which cannot be understood (for the most part). I am trying to accept the inequalities with the ease of things, both in life and in our relationship.  I have been fortunate to entertain angels in all forms, shapes and sizes in my life.  I can’t imagine traveling through this next chapter of our lives without his support.  His loving gentleness with our baby girl melts my heart and when he’s not looking allows me to fall deeper into the truth of our partnership.  The evolution of my soul depends on those who touch me and this man is helping lead the way through the good, bad and in-between moments of this journey.

Pulling a Miracle

miracles

Our only car broke down yesterday down the mountain.  Matt was driving slowly when the right side ball joint came off.  Last year around this time the other side came off in a parking lot.  Both times the Divine has been with him in that he wasn’t driving fast or on the highway.  We are always taken care of in the way that suits our lessons and pushes the evolution of survival to expand in the awareness of God.  At the moment of the unfortunate event (and his growing agitation) I asked what I could do for him. His answer was, “Nothing. Unless you can pull a miracle out of your ass!”  And, so I sat at home and began to manifest a miracle.  Funny thing about miracles is that if you don’t specify what you are needing the Universe will give you another miracle that’s been in line waiting for the asking.

A few hours later my 19 year son, who left home a year and a half ago, called me.  He wanted to apologize for everything he ever did: the disrespect, the attitudes, the pushing away, the horrible things said about me, and the disregarding of my parenting authority.  We had not spoken in that time other than when he needed a specific paper or something for whatever he was trying to accomplish.  We had become two strangers.  I expressed to him, through heartfelt sobs, that he will forever be my son.  He needed to go off and find himself.  He needed to experience the rough edges of the world and return with scars from trying.  He needed to live out the illusions of freedom and what it returns when you aren’t careful in your decisions.  That’s the battle of youth entering adulthood.  There are lessons in letting go of our loved ones even when we know they may be hurt by their choices.  I obliged and respected his wishes to be left alone.  Not one day has passed that my prayers did not travel time and space to him.  We spoke for a short while.  I assured him that he could do anything he wanted to and that I would always be here because I was Mom.  I am proud that he is figuring things out.  This was a miracle in waiting.  It had been standing in line until I asked for it to come forward…”just a miracle” and no specifics.

There are nights I lay awake thinking about my six children. I am certain other parents go through the list of questions: What did I not do right? What could I have done differently? Will they look back and realize that love was always given in abundance? Will they have taken into adulthood the knowledge that material things don’t really matter? Questions gather and release. And, as I toss and turn, churning on the mattress, I come to listen to my inner guidance. I have done the best I could do under my limitations and capacity. People will always look inside glass houses, attempt to judge, criticize, and belittle. No one knows your path, the struggles along the way, the many times you had to bulldozed your way to the other side. These thoughts come and go during nights that sleep eludes me. And, then, another miracle appears: as daylight enters the room the Divine visits with assurance. I take deep breaths, thank the Universe for allowing me to redo all the wrongs, and continue learning. I go outside, sit on my deck and enter the church of nature. It is there that I find the peace to comfort my spirit and quiet the many unknowns. I am the best possible version of me and I whisper to God, “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!” I am whole again.

Asking for a miracle is allowing God to align your wishes with what you deserve.  It is a faithful act of letting go and releasing to the unknown.  It is in believing that we are entitled to the impossible.  Once you know and feel the awareness of illusion in that everything is okay the world opens up to your every desire.  We have no control of what can and will happen.  That’s the miracle.  As Lemony Snicket says, “Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you’d see.”  Allow those little pimples to pop and show you the beauty of your wishful heart.