Elysium

You ask how I feel

whenever I reach that point

of loosing myself,

forgetting who I am,

in some sort of amnesia

traveling some place far away.

 

I cannot answer.

There are few words

that can paint the landscape

when I go on this journey

through an expanse tour of spirit.

 

In a moment of rapture

I find the path back home

picking up the bread crumbs

I left for my return

but when I get there,

just as I open up the door

to heaven,

I get pulled right back to you.

 

Euphoria is like that…

some blissful moment in time

of forgetting impatience,

tolerating mistakes,

and hungering for peace

in a few seconds

when the heart and mind

find each other in

a balanced equality

embraced by mysticism.

 

Let me come and go

in those moments

of yes and no,

of highs and lows,

and let me find

my return home

without the questions,

or the interrogations,

or the suggestions…

 

let me find myself

within myself

and let me embrace

the freedom of my soul.

Collection of Moments

intimacy

As I sat, listening

to your words,

following gestures –

lines connecting,

detaching, intersecting,

circling all around you

passionately expressing

details of where you’ve been

in such joyous promptitude

I wondered how it felt

to be you.

 

How do the stories,

words, and thoughts

file inside the memory

of such a gentle soul?

How amazing to carry

those moments,

retracting them

at a push of a thought.

 

Each of us remain connected

by an action,

a lapse in time,

a twinkling pace

causing a scene for

later viewing

alone in personal time

full of tears or giggles.

 

Your smile paused

the very thought of me

noticing the attentiveness.

In such erratic tone,

the seconds lasted an eternity

when you leaned in,

closed your eyes,

kissed me for the first time

and my moment

was quickly filed under “Love.”

Gathering of Souls


Every single time I meet Someone it becomes an opportunity to open shelter for amazing stories: the dreamers, worriers, artists, parents, children, healers, damaged, scarred, mischievous, adventurous, therapists, creators, believers, artists, doubters, skeptics, searchers, lovers, haters, naturalists, teachers, optimists, poets, spirits…on and on.  
We classify ourselves with labels. Who we are has little to do with what we are and what we do. And when you ask someone about themselves they will have categories. We relate to the titles because that’s the way we have been programmed to perceive our status in society.

I am always deeply surprised at the stories of those who are willing to share their truth. The superficiality skims off, sliding to the sides and the light in their eyes shines brighter than any star.  
These are the ones who interest me beyond mysticism. I am always in awed at those souls who do not see their light but make no excuses for who they are. They are certain of their journey. I love them! They teach me something about what I don’t see in myself. The reflectors illuminate the way. I step back and think, “How can I be more like this? How can I find my purpose and truth with certainty?”
If most people knew what was around them, the beings they carry with them: the guides, teachers, and souls who have passed on, they would release so many fears. We are always taken care of and watched over. The paradigms of our belief systems have conditioned us to live in boxes. We have been taught to follow the masses and not ask questions. Many hide behind religions, political views, and narrow-minded prejudices.  
I am so thankful for those moments when I meet truth via a new soul.  
I forget how laughter, creating, and sharing allow our spirits to soar. This beautiful forum of posting and engaging has helped us find many who understand. Thank you! Thank you for such a beautiful reminder of what is truly important in life: the simplicity of being present among another and interchanging experiences. May you find that one thing that lights your spirit on fire this week!

Mystifying Riddles

falling stars

There are amazing mysteries in our universe:  the great pyramids, the Mayan calendar, the conscious mind, the cosmos, the beginning of time, the big bang theory, UFO’s, and the spiritual world whose veil is thinning with acceleration of these times.

These great mysteries aren’t meant to be solved.  They are as apparent as love out there in the world to ponder and accept.  We are constantly trying to solve the miracles of life.  But, some things aren’t meant to have specific reasoning.  Miracles happen every day.  (I, for one, thrive on them while searching for every possible sign that they are happening around me). We are born out of an extraordinary phenomenon. We survive illnesses, near-death experiences, and so many heart aches.  We come out from difficult situations and have no explanation for them…except that something larger than ourselves intervened.  This is the miracle.  The mysteries of our existence lie in the knowing that there is something so much greater than reasoning.  It is that knowing that gets us through the difficult times.  Some call it Christ, Buddha, Shiva, God, the Divine, the Great Goddess, Mother, the Holy Mother, etc.  There are millions of names and expressions for this mystery in our existence.

I have stopped looking for that which cannot be understood.  I have learned to accept things as they come.  There is no lack of anxiety or disappointment in what I want and what is.  There is no lack of worrying at times for what cannot be understood.  It is what it is.  However, what I have learned with the hard knocks of life is that in the end I have no control of what will happen.  I am always joyfully surprised with how things appear.  There is no perfect planning…only perfect timing.

Two nights ago I sat outside watching the meteor showers.  Falling or shooting stars adorned the clear night sky.  It was beautiful.  Each time I witnessed a quick one fall I would gasp.  Such quick simplicity!  It was precious.  I made a lot of wishes upon those stars.  As I went to bed I said my prayers to the greatest mystery of all…God.  We are so fortunate to be living in these times.  Each moment is a complete unsolved mystical twinkle in time.  Relish in it!  Dive into the moments with awesome-driven excitement.  The best is always yet to come.  Have a mysteriously wonderful day!

Love is the ALL

love is abssence

Moments are the connections to life’s journey.  They are the process of all there is in some magical dance between synchronicity and love.  Each second connects into another.  Our own connection pulls and tugs to intertwine with each other.  By being aware of each moment we can join, partake, and openly participate in this creation of life.  That’s all there is: the taking of good, bad, and surrendering to it all.  We co-create the stories while allowing things to come and go, passing through the process of time and space.  Afterwards, when the stories are too much, the drama is too stale, and the tragic of not being at peace is maddening, we blame the universal forces for our participation in this co-creation.   We detach and close off from the universal element of love.

Love has no judgment, no agenda, no bias, no bigotry….  Love is love without a concrete definition.  It lets go of boundaries, walls, and inhibitions.  Love is effortless.  In relationships it does require work, but it’s just a rhythmic dance of ease and grace.  It devours intimacy by accepting and not holding back any of our insecurities.  Love doesn’t push.  It opens and breathes peace and trust.  It is raw and compassionate and all that is of God.  Love is accepting of another without judgment of your own self.  It brings you into a place of complete surrender.  It allows light into the darkest of places.

I have always believed that love is the only emotion we are born with that’s imprinted in our chromosomes.  We arrive into this world in love, with love, embraced by the Oneness of the Divine.  It is when our environment infuses all the other “learned emotions” that we become distant from the truth of love.  We begin to complicate love with our agendas and traumatic experiences of lack.  We aren’t good enough.  We are not worth enough.  We are this and we are that.  Those beliefs are intergraded into our own hearts.  But truth be known, love doesn’t care.  Every other emotion lives in our head.   Love is the only one that lives in our heart…in Spirit.  Love is the union of mind, body and spirit in a way that contributes to all that the universe has created.   Love is about being Divine.  With or without another to partake in the journey, the moments of true peace are those when the heart is open and the light of God shines through.

Even while understanding this in theory it is still difficult at times to feel love and compassion for people and things out of our life path.  Because we learn by the experiences from our culture, race, and other social or environmental classes, it seems that judgment takes over way before love.  I am constantly reminding myself that each person who appears in my life is for me to learn something about love and compassion.  It isn’t always easy when others have so much hatred and anger.  But, what if being tolerant and patient in the beginning (while interacting with these folks) starts opening their hearts?  What if in the presence of those rough exteriors we can shift the energy to allow their sprits to feel the love they came with into this world? What would the world look like if we lowered our shields and began to show the light of Divinity? I believe that one day in the future we will have only one faith, one religion and one path towards unlimited compassion.  That day will be when love is all we embody.  It is then that we will be one with the Divine.  Nothing else will matter because as our famous John sang with openness: “all you need is love…love…love.  Love is all you need.”

“One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.” – Sophocles

You are brave

courage

I see courage and vulnerability every day. It passes by me in the supermarket aisle wearing a thin smile without a wig while holding a child. It holds a sign at the traffic light asking for money or shelter after serving this great nation. It has sat next to me at a doctor’s office quietly waiting for answers. It is the voice from a loved one saying that her mate passed on after a long battle with cancer. It is the child who has no parents and has been in foster care for years waiting for a family. I have visited with heroes and bravery from all walks of life whose tears leave scars as they fall down their cheeks. We are all brave and courageous. Each breath in life is a step full of courage. We are here surviving this race of humanity. Be kinder to one another. Open your heart to all that’s around you. Who cares what your political or religious beliefs are because in the end that matters to no one. The sick need love. The hurt need a shoulder. The test here is true empathy to one another without expectation. And…you need to remember that you are not alone in this fight for life. One day you are on top and another you are holding for dear life. Struggles are all part of our lessons. Whether you are black, white,yellow, gay, straight, Democrat, Republican, Christian, Jewish, or a non-believer you will find yourself battling in this journey. You are not exempt from obstacles or challenges. You are not exempt from surviving or just merely existing. No one leaves here alive!

I am often asked what church I attend on Sundays. My answer is the church of nature and humanity. I don’t need to enter a temple to hear about God when all I do is see God walking around everywhere in each soul who passes me. We forget to look outside of the walls, the box, and truly notice the world. What good is entering sacredness for an hour one day a week to then turn away from every test the Divine places in my path? Nothing HUGE has to happen to be brave. Nothing extraordinary needs to shift in order to be vulnerable. Just getting up is a battle at times that requires every cell to remind us that we matter. So as you enter this Sunday morning with your beliefs, religious theologies and prayers please think of all those who have nothing but their own beliefs that they are making. Be brave enough to know that you aren’t alone. I love you. I love you because you and I are in this together no matter what! My arms are open to hold your struggle in thoughts and prayers from any place.

A Marriage of Insanity

divorce of expectations

I slept very uneasy last night.  I stared at the dark ceiling for a large part of the early morning hours.  Those “witching hours” tick-tock themselves into the darkest corners of my little brain.  I have learned to let go.  Nahhh…let me try that again!   I am “learning” most of the time (with a little curse word or so along the sentence) to freaking let go and release.  In those reciting moments that catch me off guard I had a thought that made no sense until I got up, rubbed my forehead, had some coffee and gave into the writing prompt:  “Assumption and expectation are in a marriage of hellish proportions.  Stay out of their way.”

The word expectation means: “a strong belief that something will happen in the future, and a belief that someone will or should achieve something.”    The “should” in that definition is what truly empathizes this word.  The “should” seems to be the magic wand to the desire we place on others. We are disappointed when someone doesn’t step up to what they “should” do for us.  We are crushed when our expectations of how we perceive them gets tarnished.  To expect anything is to wait for the future to deliver.  Our parents had expectations for us.  We have them for our children.  We hold expectations on our spouses, mates and lovers.  We even have expectations for our pets.  What are we doing to each other stressing on future outcomes?

Then I thought about assumption.  The word means: “the act of taking for granted or supposing.”  I remember that old saying, “When you assume you make an ass out of you and me.”  Oh, and do we ever place a hold on assuming things in relationships, circumstances, and plain ole life.  We assume stories that put fairy tales to shame.  Instead of getting to the point of issues we rather take the assumptions and develop story lines that feed the ego.  The destructive power of assumptions can shatter the strongest of relationships.  They validate absolutely nothing but an imaginary character that will never be a hero.

I remember when I was studying psychology that we touched upon behavioral expectations.  These types of expectations are role sets and social influences that determine how each person judges others in the world.  This is learned early on in our childhood. Children learn from observing those near them.  They interact with others who see the world in similar ways.  They also learn from their siblings and how they are seen in the family.  The impact of socio-economics, culture, gender and race all play a huge role on how children develop and interact with each other.   Expectations are then built on.  We gather the structure of what is expected and place them on all types of relationships.  Expectations are imprinted and then we immediately begin the implementation from others.   Unfortunately along side of Expectation is the bipolar partner called Assumption.

Of course we are going to be disappointed!  How can anyone live up to the expectancy of another?  Expectations are little hunches of what “should be.”  They are no different than fortune telling the future through judgment.  There is no healthy way of living a peaceful and happy life based on the assumptions and irrational expectations of others.  Yes, it hurts when friends let you down.  It is horrible when a spouse doesn’t step up to the plate in moments needed.  It’s hurtful to watch our children do careless acts that in the end DO build a powerful lesson to them.  Most people are not consciously aware of what “should” happen because they have a whole different set of expectations and assumptions as well.  The whole theory of supposing and expecting seems to lead to disappointments.  It is in those moments of disappointment that guilt, shame, anger, judgments, and hurt destroy the trust in another because of a belief system that we created.  We fabricate the conditions that will always let us down.  Let’s be honest now…we all have them!

I vow this morning to stop the insanity of assuming things without verbalizing them.  There is magic when we vocalize what goes on in our minds.  I promised myself a while ago to stop expecting.  That has worked pretty well at times.  I’m not going to lie to you it is freaking hard to stop the brain from assuming and expecting.  I am not a saint.  But, rather than be part of this insane marriage of expectation and assumption I need to delete the belief system that they are part of my life on a constant basis.  They are no longer residing rent-free in my head.   You can’t be disappointed if you don’t expect.  You cannot be disappointed if you don’t assume.   It’s that simple!  If you want to make God laugh, make a plan…and definitely add a dash of expectation and assumptions.  Watch how He rolls over and chuckles.

Cut yourself some slack!

mistake

Many years ago I had a spiritual teacher who said to me that whenever I was spinning out of control with my emotions to think of the word JOY and focus on it.  She said, “When you truly focus on the word, especially out loud, you cannot help but smile.”  It’s true! To this day when I think of joy I do smile.  It brings me into a momentary state of euphoria.  On the same token I have found that there are other words that bring up images when I think of them.  One of them is “chaos.”  Just the thought of that word brings an image of a tornado and I can feel my emotions caught up in destruction.  This holiday season has been full of moments that fit the image of the word chaos.

Now, in the midst of beginning anew, I am trying to recollect my sensitiveness.  It’s been a hell of a few weeks with some lovely moments as well.  Things have come up and out in more ways than I care to rationalize.  Folks have been hurt in my presence, sometimes because of my own stupid and careless behavior, when chaos has been around. Other times just because the cosmic energy has shifted and negativity has visited from elsewhere.  I take full responsibility for my ego stepping in at times.  Self preservation is not necessarily a timing friend, especially when I should be reciting the word JOY over and over in those moments.  I forget to do it through the heat of uncomfortable situations.

But, this is the thing about being human: we make mistakes.  We all get caught in the tornado of emotions, mostly with things that don’t pertain to the present moment.  The holidays, because they are full of expectations and high energy events involving food, drinking, and company, can add to the topsy-turvy of emotional disorder.  Things are magnified in ways that make no sense.  It’s in those times that perhaps my hippie ways should take others by the hand and start singing “KUMBAYA” or chanting “Om…Namaste!”  I seem to forget that as well.

I sit now in the middle of the night trying to gather my thoughts with the word JOY!  A smile appears on my face but my heart isn’t really feeling it.  I have been running on empty for weeks now.  I have to admit that I will not do this again next year…not like this.   I cannot blame this on anyone but myself.  And, for this I do apologize to those around me.   In order for me to feel the word JOY I must find the right circumstances and events that pertain to it.

In the name of chaos I can only think that stress gathers in moments of presumption, expectancy and misunderstandings.  What is it about the holidays that make people react in such hyper and sensitive ways?  I have heard from others that this particular year has been truly a challenging one.  I have my own preconceptions about the season and had hoped to skip it altogether.  I vow next year to do just that because a tropical island isolated from the world will be the best cure for holiday blues.

I leave this small reflection upon a page:  “I am responsible for myself.  I am accountable for my behavior.  I am fully conscious of my actions and reactions.  I promise to treat each person, including myself, with sacredness, compassionate love, recognition and understanding through the open heart of Divinity.”

To all of you who have been stressed or hurt this past season, cut yourself some slack.  It’s the holidays. Make your own mantra of truth and forgive yourself and those who have come into your spaces.  It’s a new day, a new year, and the best time to make amends with your spirit.  We are all humans taking each other home through mistakes, lessons, and stumbles. We can try to erase the chaos and focus on the joy.  No one said it was easy….but it’s sure worth the journey.  Mucho love to you!

Simplicity in All

Sometimes you find that one soul who shows you a piece of yourself you did not know was even there.  This person can come in for a moment but the impact can last a lifetime.  At times their entrance into your life needs no words, just a glance, a gesture, or a slight touch.  Just having them come into your existence is enough to make you realize what happiness really is inside.  Life is all about the simplicities and the grace of our unions.

I can recall moments of people who have appeared as angels into my space when I wasn’t having a good day.  This has been in a check-out line, at a red light, on an isle in a store, passing by in a park, trekking up a mountain hike, or just entering our place to look at the pond.  The energy in their eyes or in their silence has spoken volumes.  These lapses in time make me aware of our interconnection with each other.  We are all small threads weaving in and out of a giant quilt.  We are all different colors, textures, and composition.  Each interweaving in the fabric allows a degree of separation, but we are all connected by the giant cloth of Divinity.

I was at a store in Downtown Asheville this morning.  I needed to get down from the mountain, be with civilization, get my Starbucks chai latte, and buy some candles (which is one of my favorite vices).  While in the isle an older woman walked by, saw the array of colors and smells in the cart, looked up at me and gave me the biggest smile, while raising her eyebrows.  I had ten different sizes and colors lined up by smells.  In that moment we laughed when she exchanged a look like, “Girl, are you expecting a power outage?”  In our silence, with huge smiles, we had a connection.  She went on to another isle. I continued my smelling routine of checking every autumn candle on sale.  As I was paying I saw she went back to the candles and picked some of the same ones that I got.  It took one moment, a few seconds, to see how happy those fragrant candles made me.  I am always giddy when I get anything with comforting smells for the house.  Happiness is contagious.  Her presence filled me with joy, and I hope that in my excitement she also filled with the indulgence of delight.

We tend to constantly hold our breaths when we are running around doing errands.  Unfortunately, we are so involved in our own minds that we forget to notice the existence of another in our realm.  With technology at our fingertips we tend to interact with the gadgets easier than with a live person.  It is impossible to know when that one angel or person will enter our space.  I bet that if you think back you can truly remember many times when a child smiled at you from a shopping cart at a store.  Their laughter was so contagious that you found yourself laughing back.  And, those seconds are precious.  They are magical.  Whether it is from a handsome man, an elderly woman, or a child, the energy exchanged is God-like at its simplest form.  Never take these moments of sheer joy for granted.  They remind us that life is sweet, kind, and beautiful.  Just like my candles, let the simplicity light up your day.

Much love and light to all!