On Being Spiritual

You can be spiritual and watch television, curse and get angry. You can be healthy and not weigh 100 lbs. You get to choose what you eat and drink and smoke. And you can actually be pretty divine. You can be centered/grounded and still be in chaos. You can love someone and not agree with them. You can be friendly and compassionate and not tolerate bullsh*t.

There are social classes because man has created them. If your religion teaches you hate…that’s not a religion…it’s a brainwashing cult. Jesus, Buddha, and every spiritual leader/guru came into their incarnations to teach love, acceptance, forgiveness and compassion.

The day we stop labeling everything, and everyone, we will be vibrating at a higher level of consciousness. We have learned in this society to put things in to-do lists, organized files and boxes. But we are people. Not things.

Stop following toxicity. Stop making it part of your life. You don’t like something then make a point to delete it, change it, leave it or deal with it.

You know what makes you special? Your ability to love and forgive. You know what makes you authentic? The desire to not put up with toxic things, places or people. It’s when you stand firm in your truth and knowing. Your convictions are character traits that are learned from others. But, what is ingrained in your DNA is love. I don’t care who you are. If you have deviated from love it is because of your experiences, upbringing, traumas and the folks you have around you.

Do whatever makes YOU happy. You came into this world with a divine compass unique to you. Don’t try to “fit” in order to be liked. Life is too short. Giddy on up and love till you burst into stardust again! You are a miracle. Don’t forget this.

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Love Notes to Humanity

Yesterday, before my boys left, we stopped at Barnes & Noble. It was crowded with the remains of Holiday folks. I waited by the magazines while the boys looked for their books. I remembered years ago when I moved to Asheville how that store was my saving grace. When the winter hit hard that year I was stuck up on the mountain and my only outlet was to come into town to the bookstore. I had been stripped of all monetary means. A friend and I bought an old motel that took everything I had. She went off to work for the winter and I was left with two teenagers and a deep isolation that pushed my soul into a spiritual awakening.

The mountain taught me invaluable lessons. The motel endorsed those experiences. At the time I didn’t recognize how priceless those obstacles would become. I learned to trust my intuition. I was snowed in more than I could ever imagined. I spent time without electricity and water. And I knew not one soul.

My outlet was coming into town once a week if I could make it down the roads. I packed a bunch of Post It notes and typed up letters. I would sit in a hidden corner of the store and write inspirational notes to put in books and magazines. In the mental health books I would leave “You are magnificent. You are here to make the world brighter.” In the glamour magazines, especially those for teenagers, I would leave something along the lines of “You are more beautiful than any photo shopped girl here. You are here to make a world a better place.” And on and on I would go around and just post the little love notes around the store. It filled me up with joy.

The letters I called, “Love Note from the Universe” I would fold and place in the windshield of cars in the parking lot. Those were longer. And deeper. I would watch from the second floor of the store as people would grab them. Some would open them up and read them, always checking around to see if they saw anyone. Many times they were thrown on the grown or crumbled up in their car.

I had the time to do these things. I have lost my way with busyness the last few years working full time, raising small children, taking care of lives (especially mine). They aren’t excuses. It’s just the way it’s been. It’s a different journey now, but yesterday I ached to start again doing those things that touched the core of me: going to the homeless shelter and having coffee; taking books to the VA Hospital; gathering stories from all walks of life. I ached for a moment so deeply for those simple acts of kindness that my chest felt like it cracked open. I gasped for a bit of air and recognized my soul’s call. I know it well!

This new year I plan on being more present with humanity. I vow to write Love Notes to Humanity and share all the stories from around my world. We are united by the act of connections, feeling acknowledged, listening, and knowing we are not alone on this journey.

The other day I was getting in my car from the supermarket. It was drizzling. An elderly couple was in front of my car. He held the umbrella and was trying to get his partner into the car. It was sweet to witness. I wondered at that moment how many years they had been together. He actually kissed the top of her fragile hand when she got in and closed her door, getting a bit wet then slowly dragging his feet to come around to the driver’s side. And without words, their story became mine. Love Notes for Humanity. Their actions became the driven force to go home and be gentler, more loving, and accepting of whatever was to come with all the buzzing from the holidays. A few times this week I have returned to that elderly couple in my memories. I smile thinking of their lives. And I am blessed to have them now become part of mine.

You are part of mine by just being here. Never, for one moment, do I take that for granted. I love you. May you also begin to collect and create love notes in your life from all of humanity. We need more of that!

Letting Love Live

This morning I had a memory of the first time I was stung with uncensored and unconditional love. I’m sure I had hundreds, or perhaps thousands of moments, but that evening seemed to stand out loudly.

My husband and I had been dating for a few months. I spent the night at his place. We had made love and only a candle lit the room. He had fallen sleep on his stomach. I turned over and saw him. The light from the candle enhanced his back muscles. I gasped. He was beautiful. I looked at his bare back in pure delight. Tears formed and I allowed for their release. He was sound asleep. I became very aware that he was mine, for however long that would be, and he was lovely. Not just because of his body but his sense of humor. I was falling in love. I was falling into a known territory that felt remarkably unfamiliar to all others.

I traced my fingers on his back softly following the shadows. He woke and turned over to his side while I kept rubbing him with my nails. At some point I fell into a slumber wrapped by his arms. The next morning as I drove the hour and twenty minutes home, I kept thinking of that moment that allowed me to fall so profoundly that every cell in my body felt the expansion of love. I literally felt a huge break in my chest.

Then I started to freak out. I felt I was losing myself. How could I? I’ve done this dance many times before. I had given all of me for years and not been reciprocated but what amazing lessons I had learned. I regret not a one!

As I watched the stretch of mountains ahead my heart felt a tingle and a pull. I was safe to fall. I was safe to rise towards the delight of being me…my authentic self without censoring from a man. The sun was rising over the landscape and I knew I had permission from the heavens to just feel the love that was to grow. I remember this many years later. I remembered it this morning as I watched him sleep in his stomach bundled under warm blankets.

Driving over the mountains that morning I recalled twenty years before when I was dating a lovely man. After we made love I fell asleep in his arms. Sometime after that I woke to him watching me sleep and the blinds wide open. He said, “The moon looks beautiful on your back. It makes your freckles look like stars!” He meant every syllable of that sentiment.

I buried my head on the pillow in embarrassment. I had a hard time taking in any kind of compliment.

I had never been seen…Or so I felt. He saw me. And when he died a year later a part of me died with him. Now noticing my new lover and his divine essence naked in front of me I felt all the love in the world that had been given, shared and exchanged. I felt it intensified and released in my soul. It wasn’t just a physical or emotional connection. It was a spiritual one.

At midlife I was finally me without apologizing.

And I allowed for all that was to come. He was mine then. He continues to be mine now. It has taken a tremendous amount of work and dance to stay in that love but it’s been so worth it. Because that’s what marriage entails. We are on the other side of that mountain of uncertainty and doubts. We are led by stars and candlelight through the darkest of obstacles.

We are in it because of the raw vulnerability from one another. We show up not always in perfect lighting. It’s in the unmade beds, crazy sleepless nights with kids, messy days, hard obstacles, little moments and unconditional love without judgment. It’s real life naked and fully clothed behind closed doors. I’m blessed.

Living through Optimism

I think through positive outlooks. When I write something that, to me, seems pretty uplifting and a person comments with something negative (or a totally different perspective) I am reminded of how expansive our minds truly are. I would never ever see it that way…their way. But, I totally respect it. I understand it’s based on their experiences. My mouth drops and I am aware of the differences in our lives. There is no such thing as “one size fits all” perception. There will always be a million ways to look at things. That is diversity! This is also the reason I stay away from topics such as religion and politics on social media. The things I am most passionate about I share with my tribe in private. I don’t put my dirty laundry out to hang in front of others. I have learned that the best way to teach positivity is to live it. The best way to lift others is by lifting myself. The best medicine for the world is to laughter. And, the best solution to expose the dark forces is to bring them to light. I share with you because I believe that vulnerability is the connection we need in our world in order to not feel alone. So…yes optimism isn’t lazy. It is courageously yummy. Optimism serves humanity by lifting and healing through a higher frequency. That frequency is always LOVE.

Follow Your Dreams

I had a very smart man give me advice recently. He is a brilliant attorney. He has lived many lives. I shared a dream of mine that I feel I will reach and he immediately said to go grab it. He said that the reason people fail in pursuing their dreams is that they wait for the perfect timing. Which never exists. He has seen it time and time again. “Figure it out as you move through it but don’t try and wait for it to come together at once. You will figure it out as you are in it.” He gave me the analytical breakdown of percentages and logistics that made the magic disappear and he laughed because he knew he lost me.

Life waits for no one. It doesn’t wait for perfect moments. I hear this from folks who want to have kids but wait for perfect timing. Or someone who wants to write but waits for a perfect computer. Or an artist who wants to paint but waits for a perfect studio. There are no perfect timings. There is a perfect now. There is a perfect dream that is brewing inside of you.

Life is too short. It takes courage and an unstoppable desire to follow all that you want. It doesn’t have to be extravagant. Start with the desire. Follow through with the willingness and let the rest be created through serendipitous moments.

You got this! ~m.a.p.

The Magic in You

I am rarely shocked by anything or anyone. There’s really not much that can shake me up and deeply put me in a state of deep word-less-ness. At the same token there are things that others say they are impossible and I claim them to be probable. It’s in that place of astonishing amazement that magic moves. It’s in the moments of mystical surprises that we evolve and surpass a place of bewilderment. Our passion fuels us and heightens our perception. What we know to be true changes constantly. Our desires and dreams move from where we are now into what we aspire for tomorrow.

Follow the heart’s desires. It knows more than the logical mind. Nothing exciting ever happens in the comfort of conformity and dullness. Venture into the unknown and trust that the Universe has your back at all times. I promise you that in the moment of surrendering you are transformed through faith and grace.

You got this! ~m.a.p.

Follow Your Dreams

For as long as I can remember I have ached to live and travel to all corners of the world. I have yearned to hear stories told and shared from everywhere. I’ve wanted to touch and inhale the essence of humanity, the borders of humanness. I’ve wanted to study empathy and compassion and what moves us to be who we are. I’ve been fascinated by spiritual and philosophical issues.

Reality has stopped me. I have had many lives in five decades. I have lived splendidly in ways that could fill several lifetimes. However, the edge of civilization is still waiting. It is luring me strongly. The gypsy in me has been held captive for most of my life. And this is alright! No shame in living a magical life full of lessons and experiences because that has brought about my authentic evolution. But, as of late, something has occurred: the calling has now become a scream. There are no whispers nudging at me to go out and reach the world. It’s more like speakers in constant noise screaming full blast, “It’s time now! Do something, woman!”

How does one follow these voices and nudges that bring us to the edge of the unknown? Responsibilities come first. I have a four year old and a one year old arriving soon. I have a husband. I try to shut it off. I have done everything to stay within this world of responsibility with no regrets because I truly love this life. Yet, nothing stops the purpose that has also been yearning and pushing me to find more stories. And, they do show up through serendipitous moments. They unfold right in front of me all the time. I am always in a state of awesomeness hearing the three things the human form searches: joy, love and faith. It is still not enough right now. Maybe this is a midlife crisis. Ever since returning from Peru my soul has been deeply restless dreaming and manifesting. Perhaps this yearning is an existential one. I don’t know!

I must stand back and really take time to figure things out. I know in the core of me that I am to merge my life with the world. Even in small dosages. I am on the edge of answers. I feel them knocking in meditation. I see them evolving in dreams. Signs are all over the place and guidance is slowly showing me. I need to sketch the details, ironing out financial responsibilities against the dreams and trusting I am always being supported for me and my family.

Don’t you feel the massive changes happening as well? Don’t you feel the bursting out and metamorphosis? It’s powerful.

I am slowly figuring out how to move through this point. I don’t know how or why this is happening now. It happened several years ago as well and my life changed drastically. I do know that something is about to explode, expand, and take off from me in order to reach my soul’s yearning. It’s been slowly building up and I am paying close attention. I am no longer able to stop this excitement or craving. I am setting the Muses free without restricting myself. I always feel that when we truly sit with the feelings, rather than avoid them, we create. We must iron out the doubts and fears. Write out everything so we can see it all…and then wait for the magic to take form.

I see it. I feel it. I can taste it. I am honoring it. I might not know how it will all come together but I am holding on to the feeling of it excitement.