The Blame Game

To blame others for my full participation in the drama is moronic. I cannot blame someone for me staying in a toxic relationship. I can blame my inability to move away from the fear and manipulation from that person while giving away my power. But he or she were not holding me captive. My perspective of the obstacle was my enemy.

I cannot blame someone else for screwing me up in business. I participated knowing that person’s character. But I did it anyway.

Most of the obstacles, events, and experiences that we believe are happening to us (while in victim mode) are happening through us.

Read that again if you can’t grasp it!

You have created a life that is comfortable even in the discomfort. You know it fully. You might hate it. You continue to blame everyone around you. But I can assure you that when you spiritually connect to your truth you will figure out that no one is to blame for many of the things you endure. Your past determines a lot of your future choices so be mindful of the journey.

Have courage. Rise above the victim mentality into something that teaches you invaluable experiences.

And yes, there are cases of abuse and violence that you didn’t ask for, or consciously attracted. There are diseases and so much that we don’t get a say on. There is still bad in the world.

We have duality in our lives. We move through the dark into light a million times. We get to choose how, when, and where.

Blaming everyone else for not having the right job, or being in a shitty relationship, or not having enough money is truly inexcusable. Pointing fingers at everyone else instead of moving inward and finding the answers is pure avoidance.

You have the power to change your circumstances one step at a time. When you leave the victim mode you will begin to take control of your life. Trust in your capacity to manifest. Believe in your innate and divine ability to set healthy boundaries. Most of us were not taught this early on. It’s all about reprogramming your wiring. You’ve got this!!!! ~m.a.p.

The Unfolding

My life has been unfolding lately in ways I never imagined. I am meeting like-minded individuals who are energetically pushing me to be more of me than any other time in my life. I am leaving the safety of my comfort zone and truly reinventing a new self. That’s not the right word: “reinventing.” It suggests that I have not been me all along. I am “recharging and reconnecting” to parts of me I had forgotten. And, this is magical in ways I had only dreamed of when I create space for manifesting the life I desire. I’m meeting empowering souls who cheer me on and expect nothing from me but to just share space. I love this!

When I let go of old patterns I began to make space for this. When I forgave myself and others, I began to create a path to get here. It didn’t happen overnight. It started in the summer of 2015. I had to really recognize how I consciously played a role of the “fixer and caretaker” in so many lives. I had to stop and remove that label. It’s great to help others, but in the process I wasn’t helping me. I wasn’t happy. I was quite annoyed, hurt and deeply unsatisfied with how things were playing out. I accepted how I enabled many folks around me by constantly mothering them. They had their own journey to travel and they needed to do it without me. Now, as a woman who loves to love wholeheartedly this isn’t an easy task. I let go. I struggled with not fixing the alcoholics, the drama, and all others who (I felt) needed to be loved. I had to, for once, shut it down and concentrate on me healing myself.

Loving someone doesn’t require that you stop loving yourself. Loving someone doesn’t give you the right to stop their growth. When we love it is whole. You begin to accept all the crap that those around you embody because that’s part of their spiritual growth. You begin to not take this personally. And…so I let go. In the process I lost many friends and family members. The year 2016 was one of the most challenging years of my grown-up life. But, guess what? I learned powerful lessons and released the old programming of people pleasing. Now, two years later, I have made sacred space for those who are in alignment with my soul. I have allowed new energy that doesn’t require me fixing or saving. I am able to be me without apologizing or trying to mold to the masses.

You are a magnet to all that you have around you. If you don’t like how things are appearing in your life, please step back and make some radical changes. It doesn’t have to be as drastic as walking away from it all in one shot. Or it might just have to be…I don’t know! I did that too several times in the past. But, I can promise you that by taking responsibility for your choices and actions you are allowing Divinity to create a new adventure for you. Listen to your soul. If drama is constant in your life…shut the damn play down. QUIT the production. You can create a new play and recruit new actors. Your life is yours to create to the highest form of love.

Waves

Remember not everyday is filled with rainbows and butterflies. Some days are full of aches and scars and deep wounds. They require a little more heart expansion. Others require forgiveness. While still some allow you to feel the bliss from humanity and how we are the collective of something much bigger than ourselves.

Be humble. Be available to sit with all that arrives. Don’t let it paralyze you. You are meant to always show up and rise to the occasions of your life.

You get to choose how you react to it all.

There are days that compile several emotions from all corners of the heart. The world doesn’t prepare us for those moments of pure joy and heartache that happen simultaneously. The heartbreaks are so intense that you feel you cannot survive. They are invaluable experiences that force us to move into compassion without judgment. Huge heart pulls. Those days are truly sucky. They are wrenching. Ugh.

I ask that on those roller coaster emotional days you truly be gentle with yourself. Don’t discard the emotions. Don’t bury them. Don’t try to process them all at once.

Just be. Life is preparing you for such an incredible strong journey.

Believe me, tomorrow may just be the best day you will have so far. Don’t judge your future by the experiences you are having today. Don’t criticize the moments because you fear them. Don’t carry them alone because of how others may see you. They aren’t walking your path. You might be teaching them an experience they need for their own journey.

May you always be led by faith and grace. Things always have a way of working out. It requires you to shift perspective. And in that process you will see things in a different light. ~m.a.p.

Sacred Spaces

Sundays….

They were not very welcoming a few years back. Sundays meant an entire day of cleaning a motel/retreat center especially during spring and summer. Now Sundays are about being still. I try to give this day a sacred space of not doing much.

This morning in meditation something came up about sacredness. The same sacredness I give to Sundays I am required to give to everything. Especially those things that annoy me.

A woman tore me a new one this week on this personal blog page. She apparently was tired of my “goodie touchi stories.” She said no one can be this kind all the time. She said I was a pretend-fake Christian and I made up stories to get paid for writing. She went on to tear into my ego like a hungry predator. I didn’t let her. I sent her a private message and asked her for a simple solution: “unfollow me and don’t read my stories.” That simple! Then I proceeded to tell her that I loved her. I thanked her for being on my page, taking the time to read my words, letting them rattle her, and then writing to me. Because she reminded me again that I am not here to make everyone happy. I’m not the Happy Fairy Queen. She was my teacher. I told her I was here if she ever needed to unload.

But for a few hours I allowed her anger to shake me up. I heard the voices of family members, old lovers, and distant friends. “Who left you in charged of stories, Millie? Who do you think you are?”

I didn’t share with her that I make no money from my stories. I didn’t tell her that I never ever pretend to be Christ. I did not bother to tell her that I wouldn’t know how to make up a story because life is always better than fiction. I didn’t say anything that would hurt her because hurt people lash out to get attention. Even if it’s negative. But I was hurt for a tiny bit. And then I wasn’t.

Sacredness comes from really allowing your truth to shine regardless of how others react. I will continue to show up in life and love wholeheartedly. I will continue to write my observations. I will continue to try and connect as many souls as I can. I will serve with my heart and apply it to all I touch. If that makes others uncomfortable then that’s part of the journey.

Sacred spaces aren’t just real places or retreats. They aren’t just in vacations. Sacred spaces are Sundays, meditations, walks, and everything that allows us to reconnect to divinity. May you find yours today. I love you.

Forgiveness

A few weeks ago during meditation I received a clear message on love and forgiveness. When I returned from that place of healing energy I sat with the openness of the lessons. I was elated and heartbroken; giddy and stricken by shame; opened fully to release while embraced with egotistical guilt. I understand duality. And so for days I sat with emotions as they visited throughout the holidays.

I am always blessed with guidance from Divinity. I believe that the higher we go on the chain of evolution the less we hold on to regrets, resentments, anger and other lower vibrational frequencies.

You know when you’ve grown? When you no longer hold another in your painful thoughts. You know when you’ve evolved spiritually? When you only wish them the very best in spite of what they caused you. You know when life is providing true freedom? When you see the hurt coming way before it arrives and you simply accept it and move on. You set boundaries and are no longer a doormat, but you allow for those experiences to teach you about your humanness. Oprah has said, “True forgiveness is when you can say, Thank you for that experience.”

I pray that the same way I have learned to let go that those folks I’ve hurt in my life can also release my wrongdoings. Holding on to shameful experiences is no way to live. It’s unworthy of our time.

Letting go is not easy. It’s not a cliche that we can swallow when we are angry and full of resentments. It is true work in progress. It’s sometimes the struggle that creates such a distressful sense of anxiety. But, letting go of the past, traumas, events, atrocities, and anything else actually creates a sense of BEing. You eventually begin to find balance through gratitude for those life assignments.

You deserve a serene state of consciousness. Your higher soul will provide the most favorable lessons for the evolution of your spiritual growth. It’s up to you to accept them and move on.

Forgiveness, in every sense of the word, is gracious and merciful. It’s part of this human journey. Don’t let hurt keep you in a prison of your own hatred.

Love heals through forgiveness…always! And when you forgive you make room for more magical beginnings.

Gasping for Air

You had a bone to pick with me…

digging out,

unleashing an ugly truth

of a perception

brought on by my words,

nasty monologue,

and the lack of expressing my side

of a story I believed to be one way.

I allowed it,

even owned it for a while,

until the realization sank

that you don’t know me

anymore than I know you.

 

Lessons come in moments,

days, weeks and narratives

cascading through emotions…

nothing is ever what it seems.

Smothering closes in,

spaces are confined,

and both sides race to a finish line

while neither voices

their suffocation,

lack of air stretch,

in the freedom

we know as the reality

of our lives.

 

We are never the sums of half truths,

untold substances,

made up by the what if’s

brought on by past experiences.

Neither of us lived in those scenarios,

never intertwining into each other.

We never touched the same terrains,

walked similar journeys,

or ventured in each others’ timelines…

we cannot be expected to adhere

to the tension of any physical attractions

when the rest of us doesn’t quite fit

the puzzle pieces.

They should all have fallen easy –

no force or manipulation.

 

Words escaped me at that moment,

paralyzing the little girl in me,

when I wanted to protest,

feeling raw and exposed

to explain what I don’t know

in this and that of two strangers.

 

Egos have a way of taking over,

multiplying, enhancing and dictating

instead of allowing

our authentic selves to speak.

 

It’s okay.  I now understand.

The past is a cosmic web

threading us to new experiences

that push and pull the psyche

forcing growth.

I am thankful for the test

as I stand back watching

a movie replay…

for this path I shall never walk again.

5 Lessons Death Teaches About Living

magic lotus

Death is a taboo. No one wants to discuss it or face it because the fear of it is greater than the reality. I remember reading some article years ago that when asked thousands of people what their biggest fear was they said “death: mine or someone near to me.” We have been taught to fear this type of death. But the fear of death is an illusion because it is only a transition. Now 2-1/2 years later I have woken to deeper lessons of dying that teach me to live fully.

Lesson 1:  The hardest part of dying is waking up.

I traveled to a beautiful place. The light that embraced me felt like nothing here on earth. Makes you wonder why anyone would want to return, huh? I asked that question for many months…still continue to wonder in rough days. We return from that experience just because we must (it doesn’t help that someone is pulling your butt away from the light either). There’s no great mystery to it. There are moments in my days that seem to stop me for a bit and I return to that place of safety, love, and omnipotence. In waking up there is the melting of illusion. Life is a magical experience. Yet, most people take it for granted, bogged down with the control, anxiety, and fear of living the lengths and widths of such a fortitude. Waking up to death, is embracing life.

Lesson 2:  Your body is a great wardrobe.

For months after my near-death experience I had to re-size myself to fit into this skin. I still wake with an abundance of immensity from traveling the cosmos. There are less nights of dreaming, and more nights of visiting other realms. This began immediately after my experience. For a while this was a huge issue when I returned from the “beyond.” I didn’t fit into my body. There was this expansion and greatness that didn’t modify to what I knew was my physical body. I looked around me and saw everyone’s light so much larger than their costume. I kept asking myself, “How do I get inside and stay in there?” I stopped trying. I just went with it. Your body is the best outfit you will ever have. Treat it with kindness and love. Give it the consideration it deserves. Honor this amazing outfit that keeps you here. Your heart beats to keep you alive along with every organ in that outfit.  Love it!

Lesson 3:  Growth is marvelous; stagnation sucks; laughter is the teacher of all.

This doesn’t read like a lesson but I promise it is one of my favorites. I don’t know the problem anymore to anything. I know there are challenges that force me to deviate from my spiritual truth, but I do return quickly to this moment. I see the potential to the story, the event, the issue, and the whatever. I see the drama behind the words when someone is sharing with me the woes and stagnation. And, then I witness that turning those situations around and noticing the ridiculous insanity to them creates laughter. Growth is a conscious effort to move beyond what is not real. We all have the capacity to move past what doesn’t serve us, or causes us hurt. Nothing is easy. If it was then we would not learn from it at all. Let joy be your travel agent through these stories you keep reliving. Let those stories entertain you with endless possibilities.

Lesson 4: Love is the source.

It is the only source of the universe.  It is the only source of your BEing. Love is all. You want love? Look in the mirror. It starts with you. Forgive others. What they think of you is their own issues and a reflection of their own insecurities. Love is the beginning and end of all in you. The more you love and forgive, the easier this journey becomes.

Lesson 5:   Live now.

Don’t wait for the children to leave home, the parents to pass on, the retirement check to start rolling in, and the won’ts and can’ts that make absolutely no sense to the present moment. Live for today! Make a gratitude journal. Walk outside for five minutes. Be alone. Be with people. Laugh at yourself at least one time every hour. Look at the sky and its infinite wonders.  Look at yourself and your greatness. Live every moment with awareness that you are here on borrowed time.  You know that feeling when you go on vacation and everything is just perfectly special? When the moments are full of joy and just being away from your normal life is soothing? Well that’s the greatest privilege for living. Make your life a vacation. Be mindful of your experiences and what they are teaching you. You are on this journey expanding the evolution of your soul. Even in vacations there’s work to be done, but you don’t mind it, right? Play! Pick a childlike moment and return to it. Life is what you make of it.

I would be lying if I said that my life is peachy ALL the TIME. I still ride the emotional roller coaster of struggles and disappointments that then dip into man-made stories of doubt. If everything was enlightening all the time I wouldn’t stop and learn anything. The difference now is that I understand why those lessons appear in my path. I also desire to grasp and incorporate everything to the wholeness of me. I am grateful for visiting with deep emotions: anger, sorrow, joy, forgiveness, compassion and love (to name a few). I believed in magic before dying. Now I live it every day. You go do the same! Don’t wait to be in your last dying breathe to figure out that you have struggled for nothing.  Make today the first day of the rest of your life and enJOY!

The Experiment of Time

 

experiment of time

Some years are pretty uneventful with life changes. You go through the daily routines, family issues, keeping the same jobs, everyone is healthy, same friends, and life is pleasantly stable. But, there are some years that come in like a massive tornado storming through everything and twisting your life around. This year has been such a year. Truth be told, the past two years have changed everything in me…drastically.

In a year’s time I’ve lost loved ones to misunderstandings and family gossip/issues. I’ve cleared up my friends’ list and stuck with deleting those who didn’t really show me the utmost love and respect. I got married, still in the process of finalizing the adoption of my granddaughter, closed down a business that was running for over 5 years, moved to a sweet mountain cottage, returned to work for others after having had my own businesses for over 20 years, began writing professionally as well, and awakened to many different possibilities that continue to appear every day. I have seen dearest of friends endure difficult life transformations; my children make painful choices; dealt with major stresses involving mental illness and destruction in loved ones; and realized how much I have enabled many around me with my mother-hen personality. Things have changed with all the awareness. A year has brought me closer to many whom I wouldn’t have been closed to before. I have met amazing souls.  Most importantly I have made peace with me. I’ve forgiven myself for a lifetime of self-deceit. I have had to really take a look at how I participated in all those experiences. This has been an experiment of time and how reality has been molded by my awareness. I had to be honest with my spirit and sometimes that’s not a pretty sight.

I have had several other things happen this year: personal ones that have deepened my faith, spirituality and belief system. I have entered into the wise years of midlife with some acceptance that I KNOW NOTHING of what I was able to articulate for most of my life. I know zero…zip…nada!  I’m okay with that. It’s actually quite perfect. I am learning to keep my mouth shut to those around me of things I feel, but my ears opened to the things I can share. In essence, I have molded my higher wisdom with my sarcastic soul. I am no longer afraid to reach out to a friend or stranger to give a message from a loved one who has passed on. I don’t shun my gifts like I used to.  But, in spite of all these amazing awareness, my heart has been broken beyond words, betrayed, healed and enlarged because of such acceptance, conviction and awareness. This has been a year of transformations.

I am empowered by a few things: the surrendering of pain, the consenting of change, and the reward of letting go. It isn’t easy! I am still very human and learning is a constant complex forte. I think if anything the lessons have continued to show themselves about letting go, but I am consciously aware of them. I continue to be selfish with my time, even now that it seems to move quicker with a little one in tow, and the solitary moments of having Divinity visit every morning. I require time alone to feel the union of nature, divinity, and my spirit. I am trying to find balance where there seems to be a disproportion. But, it is all a matter of perception. I have always wanted this moment and this life. I feel gratitude embracing me when I step back to realize I have received everything I’ve manifested in my dreams.

A year in a life can make a huge impact. Anniversaries of hurt and betrayal stay for a while. The year is over. The mourning has subsided. I have so much more to enjoy ahead of this journey. All hours work with the days whether we accept them or not. Each day works beautifully within the weeks. Each week flatters the consecutive junction of months. And, each month gathers in triumph as the sum of a year. It is nothing in the scope of reality. Everything is an illusion of how we choose to live our lives. Every lesson this year has been inspired with surrendering, love, compassion and most of all connection of self and spirit. The greatest exercise has been in loving the tenderness of time. Holding my two year old and feeling her joy, sadness, love, and spirit has been the icing on the cake this year. Writing and expressing myself has been the most powerful awakening experience. What better way to begin a new chapter?  May your painful endings connect to wonderful new beginnings…always!

8 Magical Ways of Letting Go

letting go

Part of our humanness is the need to hold on to things. There is a wonderful release in just allowing for life to happen without holding on to every event. Here are 8 magical ways of letting go of everything that is holding you back from living a life of joy:

1. Letting go of procrastination. The art of delaying is making a conscious decision to carry around stress and worry. Procrastination, in anything, causes tension in the body. As long as you know that you have that one thing to do, even though you are not accomplishing it, the mind is piggy backing it with stress. Let go of putting off something that can be done and cleared from your life. There is freedom in just doing it.

You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

2. Letting go of negative thoughts. You are your thoughts. You get to decide what participates in your daily life. For each negative reflection there is a choice in filling it with positive affirmations. A negative thought pattern harms mind, body and spirit. Whatever negativity we induce in our heads turns into emotional turmoil that energetically forces us to sink into depression, addiction and anger. Pick a mantra to repeat during these times that you begin to slip into negativity. A simple shift in awareness makes a world of difference.

It would be easy to become a victim of our circumstances and continue feeling sad, scared or angry; or instead, we could choose to deal with injustice humanely and break the chains of negative thoughts and energies, and not let ourselves sink into it.”~ Erin Gruwell

3. Letting go of multitasking. When you multitask you are not fully participating in what you are doing. You make mistakes, you feel fatigue and eventually your physical health suffers from the magnitude of doing so much at once. Multitasking shortens your attention span, increases your heart rate and causes a strain in your mind. Do one thing at a time. Create space for presence in each thing you do. Take time out to play. You are allowed to step back and take your time.

You can do two things at once, but you can’t focus effectively on two things at once.” ~ Gary Keller

4. Letting go of control. Control is an illusion. When you let go of restrictions you get to participate in the magic of synchronicity. You begin to live by faith rather than what you think should happen. The tighter you hold on to things, the heavier they become to carry around. Life is to be lived not manipulated.

Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” ~ Steve Maraboli

5. Letting go of attachment to the past. You are here right now. Living in the past is an addiction and an excuse to not take responsibility for your life. It’s easier to fall into a victimization personality and play the blame game of what happened. You are responsible for now. Every lesson and experience has catapult you to this very moment. The choice is available of letting go what you cannot change.

Everybody’s got a past. The past does not equal the future unless you live there.” ~ Tony Robbins

6. Letting go of a plan. “If you want to make God laugh, make a plan!” You can make goals and affirmations for the future. You get to create your life. Be available to change your mind when the universe starts redirecting you elsewhere. Do not be so stubborn with your agenda. It’s okay. Cut yourself some slack. Sometimes things happen to force us to look at something better.

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” ~ Allen Saunders

7. Letting go of clutter. We hold on to things for sentimental value. We hold as reminders of the past and how far we’ve come. Your space is sacred. To have things all around causes a subconscious level of stress in our spiritual and emotional bodies. Start decluttering one room at a time. Start with your bedroom. This is the place where you rest and to have chaos around you can prevent sleep. Find simplicity and keep those things that bring you harmony.

Out of clutter, find simplicity.”~ Albert Einstein

8. Letting go of letting go. Breathe mindfully and take time during the day to relax, even if for only five minutes. There is no reason to endure the heat of emotions in trying to let go of letting go. Allowing the spirit to breathe while inviting Divinity to come and sit for a while. You can do this through prayer, meditation, or contemplation. Remember that letting go doesn’t mean that you are giving up. It just means that you are accepting the miracles and mysticism of life. Enjoy the journey.

Don’t go through life; grow through life.” ~ Eric Butterworth

We are the sum of our experiences and stories. Allow yourself the ability to surrender and let Divinity work its magic.  You are always loved!