No Small Talk

This over and over. I want to talk about consciousness, manifesting, Faith, the universe, travel, God, and all that opens me up to joy. I want to laugh and cry with you from the place of complete vulnerability. I don’t want to hear about negativity or stagnation. I don’t care for complaints that stop you from truly evolving spiritually. I crave the stories that push me to think louder and ask even deeper questions. I want to hear about your babies, your memories and what gets you up in the morning. I want to know of your great love affairs and who stole your heart the most. Anything else is senseless and doesn’t fill me. “What’s Up” is insignificant. Give me the heart and love of what makes you human. That’s what I want to feel, touch, hear and know.

Get Up and Move

The trees behind our house block the sky. I can see pink through holes in the forest. There is a mystical luring to that small space. I love the canopy of nature blocking and enticing my eyes. However, I miss being able to see the distance of sky and horizon. I miss waiting for the rise of day and the sleep of sky at night. I love sunrises and I am giddy that our new home in a few weeks will allow for me to witness them.

I’m reminded of how we allow things to block our views. We settle for the viewing and find comfort. We forget what matters because we conform to our surroundings. Sometimes we complain about how we can’t see or be or do. But we have choices. When you can’t see you can open up another area. You can shift perspective. You can move. You can walk the distance to find what you desire. You aren’t a tree rooted in one place.

So go. Go find your sky. Go reach your stars. Go make your path through the forest. Light through the fog. You get to decide what you keep and what must go.

(Picture from a hike a year ago)

Dancing in the Rain

The yummiest part of my day was taking my sweet elderly client to the Botanical Gardens. We walked slowly and cautiously on the trail. It was about to rain. He was concerned. I asked, “What would be bad about getting a little rain on us? It’s so wonderful, you know! It’s just water. I can get you back in the car and to the facility in ten minutes!”

He sighed. He smiled. “Well, you are right. I haven’t played in the rain since I was a child.”

“Well then it’s time. If it rains we can sit here and bathe under the forest!”

There was silence. I watched the wheels turning…a reprogramming of thoughts and beliefs.

He sat in deep ponder. He looked out to the creek. He gasped and shared his gratitude in a way that made me cry. I held his hand in mine taking in a mental input of the moment.

“I forget how fast 85 years have come and gone. And I still choose to live so rigid in my military thoughts.”

“Yeah, there isn’t time for that. I say we stay here and dance slowly under the rain!” I said giggling.

We waited. The rain never arrived. Just whispers from the heavens. But we were determined to dance under it so I allowed him to just twirl me for a second slowly on the grass. He showed me the most generous amount of presence.

My heart seemed to be in rhythm with the world around us.

Now you…go find joy in the simple things. You don’t have to follow such severe rigid rules. You are an adult. You get to be in bliss through the simplest ways like chasing a squirrel or butterfly….it might lead you into magic. ~m.a.p.

Moving On

I have moved A LOT in my life. I’ve moved without kids, with many of them, and with little ones. I’ve moved homes, businesses and relationships. Each time the moment arises I get down to it and just pack. I am a Tasmanian Devil quickly getting it done.

This time it feels different. My husband and I finally bought a home together. There seems to be a shift in this new move. There is a sacred settling. A peaceful awareness that this home is OURS.

I am not an easy person to live with. My head is way out there and I tend to retreat myself into seclusion when I am overwhelmed. And when I’m stressed I am on autopilot and tend to get sick. My husband watches and supports as needed. I love that he truly allows me to be me in entirety. He also knows exactly when to shift my mood with laughter.

Our lives, as a couple, changed drastically July 19th, 2017, when he almost died in a car accident. Whatever happened to us before that crash (because relationships take work and sometimes take drastic changes) catapulted us into something mystical. We grew together. We buckled down and reached to the core of some intense love that hadn’t been there before that crash. He began to align our dreams, merging into many that have been manifested this past year.

And here we are…two kiddos, moving, traveling, expanding spiritually and through faith. It’s been a roller coaster ride lately.

Within a month we got our little boy from Florida, got him situated in a daycare, fought the system like a motherf**** to the point I got sick (because there is corruption in Florida and their privatized child/foster laws), and purchased a home we will close in two weeks. And I am beyond grateful for a job whose folks support every movement I make. I couldn’t do it any other way!

There has been a busyness that has sucked the life out of me. But this morning, two little ones in tow, I began to pack up an entire house as my husband left to be with friends (always easier when I am alone)! When he returns most of the house will be packed…(maybe it’s an unrealistic goal but by God, the Aries in me will try)!

Life is full of miracles. This last month has proven just that. I am surfing the cosmic highway with seatbelts on and my hands freed to pack and care for two demanding little ones who also have been sick.

Moving forward. Moving on. Just moving…has been the theme. With each bin I fill, a box I throw out, a drawer I take apart, I am reminded of the life I’ve built. I am greatly and gratefully aware of how sweet my life is. I never imagined this…not like this. I had no point of reference for this type of bliss and awareness.

Thank you all for the constant prayers you all give me through this journey. I am blessed and truly feeling the loving support of my tribe.

To my readers…you keep me going.

I love you. ~m.a.p.

Place Inside

There is a place inside of you that isn’t part of this world. It is the entire universe. You reside in it dormant waiting to remember your power and enchantment. You believe you are separate from all but you are the ALL.

That place is of great mysteries.

I reach it in meditation. I visit in sleep. I feel it in nature. I see in human connections through their stories. I am reminded through dejavú and other synchronized events. And in the moment of awareness I am magic. I can see how fast I manifest and create what I desire. I trust that every fiber of my being is aligned to my dreams.

Stop giving your power away to others. Stop believing that you are separate from Divinity. There is magic in your veins, in your cells, in every single particle of your existence.

Love yourself enough to return to its source because when you believe in yourself, the way you believe in others, you are unstoppable. And that’s when you begin to understand your purpose. ~m.a.p.

Just a Matter of Time

We headed South a week ago to pick up our new baby boy who is 17 months old. It’s been an intense few months. One legal fight after another. He’s adjusted from the first night and we are blessed. It was just a matter of time before the questions would start from our four year old about her new baby brother!

Kali: Mama, who is my baby’s mommy? Is it Kara (I don’t know why she thinks it’s my friend)

Me: no, baby girl, she’s not his mommy.

Kali: who is his mommy and why didn’t she want him? What’s her name? Where does she live?

Me: she couldn’t keep him. She’s sick. Her name doesn’t matter right now. She’s not healthy enough to have him. So he came here that way we can give him a good life. And love him a lot.

Kali: mommy, he will be loved. Forever and ever. And she cannot have him back. (She says this as she’s holding on to him tightly).

Me: sometimes people are used to physically have babies so others can give them the love they deserve. Not everyone can be a mommy or daddy. Not every should be.

Kali: then he got in the right house. You and my daddy are great for the job. And he has a big sister and many other brothers.

**********

People think compassion is taught but compassion, like love, is a gift we are born with. We get to feed it and help it evolve but we are born with compassion, kindness and love. The rest is learned behavior. If a four year old (who has never wondered how she has two white parents) can feel the love in her family there is no reason the rest of us can’t just tap into that energy across the world.

Look for the divine in everyone.

Healing through Surrender

Several months ago while traveling through Peru, my husband and I had some intense conversations. In all the years we’ve known each other the trip allowed us to open up and tell the stories within the stories.

We were walking a plaza in downtown Cuzco when I shared that I had left everything with my first husband. He listened. I didn’t realize I hadn’t shared the details of my break-up when I was 22 years old with two babies. He knew the bullet points. He knew the Cliff Note version. He had openly shared some personal things about his previous marriage from when he was younger. I shared as a matter of fact without even seeing the reoccurrences of so many other things.

“You realize you have a pattern, right?” He said looking at me across the table in the most quaint cafe of the plaza.

“What do you mean ‘a pattern?’ With what?” I asked.

“You have walked away from three different relationships and have left everything behind. You have lost money and other things….” He shook his head in agitation.

It was an aha moment of sorts. One thing is to know it and another is to see it as he pointed it out. I stared outside the window watching an indigenous woman walking her two alpacas. He went on to take a tally of the things I left behind: money, houses, cars, businesses, and the last one was a huge dream which I had for decades. We discussed “my pattern” to extent. But, I let him know that sometimes when the issue is so large, that it starts to destroy the purpose of your soul navigating through this life, the only thing to do is let go. Completely! Even if it includes leaving everything behind. Especially if includes breaking away from toxic energy.

I rarely look back. It’s a waste of energy and time. It truly serves nothing for my creating of the future. Until…until I am hit with a blockage of trying to buy a house or pay for something to help others. Then a bit of anger arises for allowing those folks to bulldoze their way into my naive inability to fight for what was righteously mine. I’ve lost a lot of money. And things. But, I believe peace is priceless.

But when I experience that anger, coming from Ego, I step back, quiet the mind, and allow myself to return to divine surrender.

I cannot change the past or any choices I made then. Leaving toxic relationships was survival. Money is energy and it returns. Always returns. Things can always be replaced.

You can look back at patterns in your life. I will not be leaving what’s mine anymore because I am very conscious of the types of people I now attract into my life. I will not be placed in that type of situations.

There are casualties in every war. Sometimes it’s people. Other times it’s places and things. What I have learned is that by walking away I made a clear path to any karmic debt. Some would say, including my husband, that I am too nice and that I deserved to take legal actions in everyone of those past relationships. I, however, feel that my life has been enriched by all the lessons those three experiences taught me. I have grown and evolved spiritually because of them. They will always be considered blessings in my life.

It’s important to let go. And when you do be mindful to truly allow the universe to align with your dreams and desires.

Always return to love. The love and respect you deserve for yourself.