You Perceive Through Experiences

Yesterday in the kitchen my oldest son shared a few messages from his friends for me. Then we got into an in-depth conversation that his friends (in their 30’s) are feeling blah. There is a funky lethargic energy. I told him that even with all this extra time people aren’t feeling motivated. He agreed. He said that this should be the time we should be really diving into artistic creativity, but it isn’t happening for many.

There is a sense of nothingness and uncertainty. People feel as if they are moving through Dooms Day. Others as if they are being controlled.

We can motivate and inspire a million times over but until this is over not many will feel it. It’s easier to be numbed out. The little bit that’s asked of us is a lot at times. Even as simple as staying put and social distancing. We are not made to isolate. And this is why so many folks are struggling.

Yet, there are those who are able to do and move through this. We are being asked to sit with the unknown and trust. We are being told one thing and experiencing others.

Follow your knowing. I don’t care how many people tell you to look at things their way, if it doesn’t resonate you do not have to follow it. You are your best judge of character.

Stay safe. Stay in your truth. If you are motivated…yay. If you are not… yay. Your soul knows what it needs. Be gentle with yourself.

Jumping into the Unknown

Over 9 years ago I began to pay attention to the sound of change, the smell of new possibilities and the aches that come from truly trusting what I cannot initially see. It’s not always easy to surrender into the unknown. But, it is mystical. As the years have shown me, once I get out of my way there is change beyond my desires. That’s where I am right now. I am feeling the stretches of my knowing into the great release. I also know that I’m not the only one. The collective is feeling the stretching, the pulling, the endless desire for change. Somehow this time around I am navigating with such intensity that it’s driving my emotional body crazy. And, that’s okay too!

We are manifesting quicker than ever. I feel that timelines are merging and we are healing from past wounds faster. When we let go of those wounds we begin to make room for the magic of true purpose and desires. Someone asked me the other day, “But it would be easier to create if I knew what I wanted, right?” And she does know but it’s not concrete because her perception is still aligning with her new reality. That’s what’s happening across the board in many of our lives. The old paradigm is dissolving and we, as humans with heavy egos, need to label everything. We need to know and be in full certainty. So when things don’t add up to what we have known and believed, we think we are losing our minds.

We are expanding, growing and truly evolving into deeper beings of fuller awareness. Consciousness is connecting us to new tribes and people. We are attracting some amazing souls who are helping us reach our dreams. So, just know you aren’t alone navigating in that unknown. We are here for one another.

Buckle your seat belts and let go! Smell the magic happening all around you. I love you. And love is what is needed right now to shift into higher dimensions. It’s all in that open heart love connection. I’m here for you.

Moving From Fear to Love

In spite of what you hear: natural disasters, political mumbo-jumbo, war news, human cruelty, and the million other subjects (not negating they are all important) there is still a huge Omnipotence Presence around us. There are miracles happening every day. New lives are coming in. Others are finally releasing, transitioning, and returning to peace. And while illnesses, losses and heartaches are part of our human existence, there is so much goodness as well. We have been taught to look for the drama…because that is what sustains us. We have stopped looking sideways to neighbors, forward to those waiting for love. But, we have no problem obsessing about the past. We have zero issues with trying to change what has already been done. How can we learn to move forward if we are constantly focusing on what has happened? I get it. Completely. I have had several moments of that recently. It’s okay to examine the life that has appeared before. What’s not okay is to regret and resent the decisions that have brought you here.

I have a client who is a sweet elderly man. He whistles all day long. When I go visit him that’s my cue that he’s feeling fine. His dementia is extremely advanced. He knows that he knows me but cannot pin point it and so we just sit in silence for a bit. Some days I am a fellow mechanic. Other days I am his niece. At other times I am his secretary. Last week, in a visit, he said I was the most beautiful woman he had seen in a long time. He was a gentleman about the comment. He grabbed my hand and told me that he had been a really bad human being. I was surprised. This is never a subject we discuss, because he was an alcoholic and had spent some time in jail in his younger years. But, the man I visit is not a shadow of who he was back then. He doesn’t sit there and contemplate that. He just whistles. But, last week he did. He shared a few intimate details about his wife at the time. He said, “I could have been better. I could have been so much kinder. I just didn’t know how. So I did what I did without knowing I had the choice to be a better man.”

I held his hands. I felt God moving through us in that cold hall. His blue eyes shared a depth I hadn’t seen in the few years I have visited with him. Would I have judged the man he was before? Probably. I also didn’t know better years ago. I would truly have seen a disturbed soul. When you are willing to be vulnerable in receiving the gifts of grace, the world begins to introduce people who teach you. It’s remarkably beautiful how the instructions begin to unfold. I marvel at those moments when I think of one thing and it turns out to be a huge divine surprise in guidance. This man has been one of my most beautiful lessons in my job. He was the first client I acquired and has continued to show me that inside of us there are always choices. Even through cognitive impairment he still continues to show me that the face of judgment is a choice we make every single day.

Look around! Get outside of your story. You are who you are because of the decisions and choices that have molded you thus far. Stop the drama for a bit. There is a tremendous spiritual shift happening when we remove the ego out of the equation. Watch the world around you. You do not have to partake in every single news segment or dramatized event that shows up in your television, family or social feeder. Pay attention to the underlining issue of humanity through your senses. Listen to the silence. Learn to distinguish what is real and what is mass manipulation causing fear. We are controlled either through love or fear. The choice in your reality is based on how you act and react to those two.

Give with your heart by allowing to receive with openness. I am grateful for your experiences that mirror mine and make me feel alive with joy and love. Every single person is an opportunity to enter a classroom. Use those moments to find God teaching you valuable lessons.

Make this day count 

There are many precious moments in life: Being heard; Being truly seen; Being present with another are on top of the list. We fall into crevices at times taking our loved ones for granted. Stop. Listen. Pay attention to the signs that they need attention. Today you are busy. Tomorrow you have something else. The week passes and those precious moments get lost in limbo. Today is an exquisite commodity. Don’t let routine take you away from your loved ones. Pick up the phone and tell them you miss them; that you love them; that they mean the world to you. Write a love letter. Send a card. Leave a post-it note. Talk to a stranger. Do something you’ve never done before. These are the gaps that are never lost in a lapse of time. 
These are the words that unite us: “I love you. I love you with all of me…and until we meet again I will continue to hold you in my heart. I breathe today with the thought of you embracing me….”

Or make new words. Share your stories. Observe the beauty of nature and this world. Be alone or not. But…take today as a platform of endless possibilities and make it special. 

Today is a gift. Make it count! Make it memorable. Do not take your presence for granted…EVER!


Contrary to what some people think, I don’t have my shit together. Actually, I don’t think I ever will. Often times I am a riddle embraced by silliness. I don’t take myself seriously and I am always shocked that someone else does. I am not religious or political. I don’t believe I am any label at one given moment. I am moved by something larger than life but really can’t label that either. I haven’t a clue how things should be run except through compassion. I don’t understand why we have wars and how so many humans are moved through hate when all we came here to do is love. I believe in love. This I know for sure.

I’m a hippie at heart but not completely because I am way too responsible to let things go so easily. I’m kinda neurotic with myself and no one else. I am a mother but still see myself as a kid. I am a traveler who has been in one place for way too long. I write- A LOT- but not enough to consider myself a writer. I am a collector of thoughts, words and stories but only share a tiny portion of those treasures. I am selfish with my alone time and yet I enjoy folks around me. I spend more time looking at the sky than sleeping at night. I am a dreamer and observer of things that most people would consider crazy. I love the universe and this planet but I don’t go around sharing everything I see and feel and taste and hear. I stopped analyzing shit the day I died and for some unknown reason I came back with more love. I feel we don’t always find our purpose in this world because the purpose is who we are and not what we need to do. 

At the end of the day we are rarely what others perceive us to be. We are all illusions bumping into others whether on social media or in person. We only show a piece of the whole. Never assume you know the entirety. That’s just arrogance. We believe what we choose to accept as our own. Our worlds consist of a lot more than the words and pictures we share. 

There is always depth, vulnerability and lots of hot messes. Be kind. Be open and love each other entirely. That is who you are created to be.

The Mark

We spend our lives trying to fit with others. We give our worth away, handing it over carelessly to someone else to mark us…tarnishing our very soul. We will never make every single person happy. Somehow we get a letter embroidered or tattooed as a mark, a label of sorts, based on how we are seen. Mistakes from the past get magnified and we are forever marked as damaged goods. Whether it’s a B for bitch, a W for witch, an A for addict, L for liar, or the rest of the alphabet, we live with a scarlet letter because of others. And, in those moments of poor judgment we actually own up to the bullshit that is instilled upon us. Most of the time that letter gets placed on us because of misunderstandings, gossip, and false illusions. They get stitched on our chest while hurting and degrading us, separating us from our spiritual path. People love to believe the Jerry Springer version of everything. OMG…the truth is really a boring place for most. They make their own assumptions. 

Our world revolves around the perception of how others view us. I think it is well beyond the time in our lives that we yank that letter off from our spirits and live on our own principles. It is time to stop the insanity of how others categorize us. Make YOURSELF happy. Do NOT allow another individual to dictate your worth. Do not place a price tag on your humanity based on past experiences. Get that letter and shove it up someone else’s ass (if you must) but do NOT allow anyone to make you feel inferior. Do not consent to anything but your own greatness and laugh at it all. Raise your frequency by letting go and forgiving. You are magnificent. 

God don’t make no junk! Every mistake and challenge has brought you here to grow and polish you for something greater. People will always (ALWAYS) find a way to believe things that aren’t true. It’s not your business what anyone thinks of you as long as you stay true to yourself. Burn those letters and rise to the occasion. You are the best version of you. Copies unacceptable. I love you. 

The Truth is Sometimes Boring


Yesterday, over a cup of coffee, I sat across from one of my dearest friends. We shared the events of the past week, caught up on holiday stories and then got real. I have some amazing friends. I can get real really fast when it is triggered with some loving pushiness. The charade comes off, throwing that mask away so I can be vulnerable. This particular friend is a mirror. I see in her all that I am. We reflect one another in many levels, especially emotional and spiritual stuff. She gets the good, bad, pretty and ugly of me…and still manages to love me whole.

I sat there letting go of tears. I told her I was ready for change. I feel 2017 is going to catapult me into many amazing experiences. I have witnessed some intense awakenings lately, even shedding old belief patterns. I expressed how sad it made me that people believed things that weren’t true. I have held myself up as someone who is not pretentious or fake. She immediately said, “Buttercup, people like the Jerry Springer version. They love that drama. They can’t handle the simple truth because that’s boring. They have to make it into trashy-over-the-top crap. That’s what sells. And, anyone who matters will not buy into that cheap Springer nonsense. So there!”

So there! There in those words lies love and truth.

It’s amazing how important it is for me to visually see that frame with Springer retelling crap. This woman has a gift for framing things in just the perfect size and order. I love that about her. And, it’s unfortunately true: the Jerry Springer version of anything is what keeps society going. Most people take it as real and don’t bother to research the truth. They want things handed to them, especially gossip filled with shame and wrongness. Cause, let’s face it, who wants to truly dig and find out another version when the fake one instills fear and disappointments. The Springer show is entertaining. Anything else won’t be. Anything uplifting won’t sell the amount of tickets or have an audience.

And, that’s where we are in our world. We take things to heart by hearing them from wrong sources. Our lives have become a constant old game of telephone cups…repeating a story into a cup held by strings and by the time it makes it to the last person the story has changed dramatically into something ridiculous and unacceptable. But, many buy into it. They want to hear that version. They want to be disgusted and judge and feel another soul’s failures. They want to know that they are human with a tremendous amount of flaws. Those who are awake and empathetic will never buy into this…but for the rest of them, it is what it is.

The division is expanding between what is real and what is fabricated. We are seeing more and more the appalling circumstances of gossip, false media, and created stories that start with small insignificance and end in catastrophic mayhem. We are experiencing a massive shift in consciousness that is reaching out and clearing old paradigms. Can you feel it? Can you understand that you are in the midst of some powerful changes ahead? Are you willing to let go of those things and folks that no longer serve your highest calling and purpose? It’s time, darlings!

Be careful who you share your stories with. Be cautious of their output and how they may be turned into some sensational Jerry Springer segment for others to judge and send negativity back to you. You deserve to live in your authentic power with integrity and never allow another to take that power by twisting your truth. It’s important to surround yourself with those who want your best interest at heart. You owe no one an explanation for your life. You also should not have to fight to make those believe if they don’t care to stand in your light. The world is a sports arena and we are all spectators. Pick those who follow your team. They will always know your character.

Sending love to all.

Breathe deeply and be gentle


The other night I fell off my gorgeous unicorn. I was going really really fast, missed a curve, and ended up in a ditch. The next morning I landed in the emergency room. It was that intense. My heart felt like the unicorn was still on me. It was hard to breathe and function. The nurses in the ER didn’t understand my story. They almost sent me to the psychiatric ward. The nerve of some people not believing what is someone’s reality.

I would like to stick with that story and the reason I ended in the hospital for almost two days. That would be more acceptable to me than the ugly truth. My heart couldn’t take one more form of crap. I shut down. For two days I was poked, probed, pricked, and pulled. Luckily the ticker inside is in good shape. However, the stress and other minor crap have risen to get noticed. The night prior to that I spent it throwing up with severe aches all through my body. It’s as if my body parts are all raising their hands up and yelling, “Hey, me, me, me! Pick me! I need to be entertained. Let me be the center of attention today.” This getting older thingy ain’t for sissies. And, this loving so openly isn’t either.

As I was being discharged last night my oldest son was in the room with the most amazing nurse. I went to the bathroom to change and as I was coming out I overheard him say really low, “My mother loves so hard and so deeply that her heart is just expanding to take more of it in.” The woman said something along the lines of medical mumbo-jumbo and Nelson returned, “You don’t understand, Ma’am, you’ve had here in this room for two days the greatest teacher with some amazing superpowers….” At that moment, I stepped into their view and they both stayed quiet. I appreciate my sweet loving son thinking that I have love superpowers but my body is obviously retaliating big time.

On our way home I laughed and told him that I am so blessed to be loved by him this way but he’s not a little boy anymore…and I don’t have any kind of superpowers. He gave me a long lecture and between the tightening of my chest and the lack of energy I really zoned out. He’s no different than me…after all I fell off a unicorn.

I am better this morning. I am moving rather slow and being mindful of breath. In the hospital I was given oxygen and I didn’t realize I hold my breath so much, except when I am meditating. And, in that lack of oxygen other parts of me are being affected. I slept like I haven’t in years while in the hospital. It’s good to know that my heart is in excellent shape and that my blood work is wonderful. And, that I will live till the ripe age of 111. But, I also know that for a year and a half I have had a difficult time absorbing things. I have repressed them. My emotional and physical bodies are trying to align with my spiritual one that is moving at a much higher frequency. I feel the vibration of so much and it’s trying to adjust. In this adjustment things are being shaken. I feel the expansion and the pulling and it’s not fun. Sometimes it’s extremely painful. It takes all of me to constantly relax and put down my guard so I can take a deep breath into the unknown.

As we move through this season, I ask that you stay aware of your emotions and your physical body. There are some major intense energies swirling around. The last quarter of this year has been incredibly difficult to administer for many of us. Allow yourself the gift of deep breaths, being present, release, and loving. Cry, create, love, be in nature, play with a child and be a child yourself. But, stay present to all that is you. Don’t conform to the news, or the panic out there. Turn the media off. Seriously! Turn it off. I have disconnected from it. I recognize all that is out there is hurting me and I cannot help anyone else if I don’t take care of me.

My son helped me out of the car when we got home and kissed my forehead like I do to all my kids, “Mom, please relax and feel better. Please chillax. Please stop worrying about everyone else. I know you will find a lesson for this episode as you like to call it…but just chill and forget all your problems this weekend.”

I promised him I won’t be getting on my unicorn for some time until I feel stronger. He laughed…I giggled and we did our pinky swear.

My sweet husband has had a scare and I promised him that I would rely more on him when it comes to my emotions. I promised I wouldn’t carry the entire world on my back alone. I would shed some of the shit on him…he is bigger and stronger. He has been shaken too. He has seen my willingness to be independent, as I drove myself to the ER without telling him. (Cause I thought I would be in and out and back to work)…the unicorn was in the backseat of the car waiting to be checked as well and no one wanted to admit him into the hospital.

Be gentle with you. I will be gentle with me. Let’s allow this gentleness to bleed into the world with love, hope, and kindness. Love you all!