Actually I Can

Most of us spend the greater part of our lives listening to others tell us what we can do or not do; how we should behave or not; that this cannot be accomplished or that should be eliminated from our dreams. We are programmed from very young to listen and learn from those around us. It becomes instinctively real to accept anything others tell us about ourselves.

The reality is that we can do anything and everything we want. There are no obstacles or rules other than the ones we create. We have placed imaginary boundaries for ourselves and decide to live inside the prison of our minds. So today memorize this mantra: Actually, I Can! Actually, I can do that. Actually, I am my own creator. Actually, nothing is holding me back from anything but me.

Go sparkle on and show your inner child that you haven’t forgotten him/her. You got this! Make this week remarkably yummy!!!

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Mind-tripping Panic

Every few months I have a night full of nightmares.  As rational as I am, I wake up several times during the night sweating, in destitution, heart racing and with uncontrollable shakes.  I get lost in past violence where my body is taken from me and discarded as a rag doll.  Once I am awake I can gather my thoughts and try to go back to sleep to then (what seems ridiculously impossible) continue with the same dreams.  Last night was such a night.

My ex of 18 years used to wake up, a few times a year, in a panic thinking he was still in a Cuban prison from when he was in his early twenties.  The dreams would replay as if he was at the present time stuck in Cuba and couldn’t leave.  In complete disorientation he would wake up with severe muffles of terror.  He spent three years in a third-world-country prison for trying to flee the island on a tire tube.  He was found ten miles of shore.  This event would forever change him and detach his personality from truly allowing love, especially to himself.  Each time he had these horrific violent dreams I would try and soothe him.  Unfortunately when it was my turn to have my nightmares he would chuckle them up to, “Ay, mija (Spanish slang for dudette or along those lines) don’t worry!  It was only a dream.  It’s not real.”   I never once shared with him what the dreams were about but he never really asked.  He was too self-absorbed with his own head and his double life.

But, nightmares are not okay.  They aren’t supposed to be casted to the side immediately when we wake to terror.  I don’t mean relive them, but don’t discard them.  They serve their purpose.  Sometimes the subconscious is desperately trying to reach a place of rewiring.  Your spirit is working the kinks out so the fears of waking moments can find a place in peace.  We fear those things that terrorize us with reasons.  They become scars for life.  They permeate into the voice of paralysis in moments of letting go…such as in dreamland.

It takes me some time during the morning to ground myself from such violence and turmoil.  I breathe in.  I say prayers.  I ask God to protect me, and then immediately ask protection for my children.  There are monsters in this world.  There are horrendous events that can either turn us into victims or create us as survivors.  I am a survivor.  I tell myself this when the terror comes to morning light.  I am a better person for having gone through such events.  I am not going to chuckle them to, “It was only a dream.”  I have chosen to better myself because of that past.  We all have choices.  We survive via coping, allowing and faith.

We all carry some form of mind trip piggy-backing from the past.  Those are the events that show you how powerfully strong you are.  Surviving anything that forces you to touch the gateways of death pushes you to embrace life…to never take breathing for granted.   Those nightmares serve as a reminder that you are here.  You weathered the storms.  You overcame the inconceivable monstrous and dreadful events. Your spirit soars higher because of your perseverance.  Here you are!  Bravo to you, my friend, bravo!!!

Perseverance

I am no expert at absolutely anything

except in perseverance.

Call it stubbornness, reluctance, or self-will

but it haunts me whenever I feel

the need to give up.

It lurks from afar tempting me to go

way beyond the call,

and with disagreement,

it tugs to continue down the winning path.

I am no expert on love’s true secrets,

or know the reason we exist.

I have no logic of religion and misfortunes,

but trust that I need to go on

while winging it on faith.

I just know that in every corner of my being

there is a little coach yelling for my success.

It screams louder when I am on my knees

and lifts me higher when I am standing tall.

And, just as I get closer to my destination

the little guy pushes and tugs

grasping and clutching on my spirit to

touch that goal line.

I am no expert but I sure do understand

that it is tolerance that makes me travel in that direction,

persistence that holds my hand through it,

and the Divine that pushes me to finish.