Fairyologist on Duty

1510975_926145297444329_7272943220237236815_n

I just recently became a Certified Fairyologist. Yes, there is such a thing and for my birthday my hubby enrolled me on Doreen Virtues’ online class. Now you may ask, “What does a Fairyologist do?” This is a valid question. I don’t really know what they do except what was taught on the class: history of fairies and how to live among them.  I can only tell you what I do and who I am in regards to nature. I am a play-in-the-mud-jump-in-the-creeks-sing-silly-songs-wear-tutus-and-love-everyone eccentric type of gal. I don’t take myself seriously.  I have a quick wit and find entertainment just about everywhere I go. I respect Mother Earth. I feel grounded being outdoors. I love to get lost in hikes, travel to new places, talk to people, hear their stories, and enjoy the silliness that’s out in the world. I am not here to tell you how you should live, but I can surely provide some entertainment on what works for me. I am not much for adulting these days. I have little respect for the stressful life, and anything that helps me release burdens…I am on that path.

I have raised six children and now raising a 2 year old (number 7). Now in midlife, she’s teaching me to revert into childhood and take no crap from social programming. She keeps reminding me what it is to view the world from the simplicity of innocence. She is reminding me how we all come in with such incredible awareness and gifts. It’s in those moments that she has become my hero. Children have a magical way of focusing on this. They react to the world around them with curiosity. “Forget that over there!” They don’t worry about tomorrow. They are consumed with the over stimulation of play and what’s right in front of them. They change their minds one minute at a time. They celebrate life through the smallest of things, like picking up a rock. They can observe a worm moving for an hour. They don’t see fear. They accept what is right in their vision. They are the greatest source of spiritual connection available to us.

As I finished the course and got my “certification” things have shown up. The ideas have run overboard and I am trying to find a way to organize the things I can do with my Fairy Whispers and Play. I want to do workshops on how to live life guided by the joy from your inner child. Let’s face it, this “adulting” business is pretty intense! We have forgotten what it is that we wanted to become as children. We forget how to play because there is always a to-do list, a set of rules, work, schedules, children, parents, spouses and the constant derailing of responsibilities. We forget that art, writing, music, and all sorts of creating weren’t gifts for childhood. They are gifts for our entire lives. We didn’t come into this life to spend the first 13 years, or so, being one way and then disregard our desires, passion, and dreams. That’s an instruction via society that is false and corrupted. We are here to follow our bliss, and when we do, mysticism follows.  We create our stories.  We are shaped by them.

I am embarking in a new life. I cannot describe the pathway. I can see it clearly but don’t quite know where it will take me. Meantime, I am putting together a program to see if I can actually help the contagious spirit of laughter, play, and creation. How did we ever forget that our happiness comes from our inner child? And, yes, many of you have had some disastrous upbringings. We have all been wired and programmed to believe that “growing up” means “not participating in child play.” That’s okay! The beauty of programming and beliefs can be altered with conscious awareness. You have the power to dream, visualize and create the life you always wanted.

How do you get there?

By being truthful with how you are right now. If you aren’t happy then it’s time to see what’s stumping your dreams. Things don’t change over night, but your perception and acceptance of decisions can begin to create a plan. This plan is what can help gather your wits, joy, freedom and a new beginning. Sometimes fear of success is what stops us from performing. We are all waiting for failure. That’s a given…but how many of us can actually move through the voices of our pasts and be willing to lose ourselves in our childhood dreams again?

Change starts and ends with your inner child. Holding that little girl/boy, and assuring him/her that you have a handle on this is the first step to creating a space of joy. Taking a new hobby, making time for yourself (even if only 30 minutes a week), or joining a group of like-minded folks is recharging for your spirit.  There are ways to open up the memories of who you are and what you have forgotten for so long.  There are tools to release the hurt and move through the joy. You are not alone.  You can finally set those dreams in motion.  It’s never too late to be what you were suppose to be before the world told you otherwise.  It’s never too late to be that child again.

I am working on a some things that can bring you joy. I hope you have allowed your little person to laugh today. I hope you have done something magical and empowering while looking at life just a little different. Go get yourself some multi-colored-silly glasses and let’s begin the adventure!  Let’s meet up in a playground soon!

No Plans…just going with it

unicorn dream

I make decisions based on feelings. Yes, there are some that require an analytical strategy. I don’t do those very well. When there’s a huge life-altering decision to make I go into silence, prayer and meditation. I allow Spirit to move me. I also look for signs, synchronicity, and magical appearances along the way. So, when I tell my fiance that I want to sell everything and go on the road he asks for a plan. I have none. I can’t explain what I feel. I just want to go out there and see the country. I want to write about people we meet along the way. I want to see the edges and corners of places most don’t care to visit while others call it home. Although he supports the idea I know he has plenty of reservations.  I, on the other hand, have an inkling…a guidance from some other place.

Now imagine being with a person who needs facts, has to see things unfold? Can you imagine how crazy this way of traveling sounds to him? We went to look at campers this Saturday and it was a fiasco of a day. He had become Mr. Kill Joy. I love him. I understand the frustration when there is no set plans. I understand it all but I don’t live there. My means of travel consist of hitting the road and when an animal crosses the path we follow it. No…seriously! This is how he describes me along with getting off and riding a unicorn into the sunset with a baby harness.

How does this future fantasy look today, in a week, when we are with each other 24/7? Where do we plan on parking this dream? How will it be on the last day that we must leave this place? What does the future look like in a small compact space with a toddler day in and out? Where will we go first? How will he handle the fact that some places won’t have internet connection? I told him I am getting rid of my cell phone. People can reach me through his or email me. His face went blank. I want to be free. But…oh…when he starts with rational questions I want to blink my eyes and disappear into a hippie bottle and join Jeannie. I can’t verbalize what I feel when I see myself traveling across the country.

I am not an easy person to follow even though I seem to be predictable…I am not. I am sure I am not a piece of cake to live with day in and day out. I have no plans most of the time, except cleaning our place and such. When I head into town sometimes I am on an adventure: a new road to follow, a new book store to check out, or just chasing the clouds. I want to live the rest of my life without expectations or planning. How will this play out for my mate? I don’t know. I get an earful as he begins to bring me down to reality. My jaw tightens when he goes into logical mode. No fault of his own, most of the world lives like this. But, I don’t want to hear the negative. I come to my own conclusions. I want to believe we are being guided by extraordinary forces. I want to continue following my intuition. If it feels right…it is. If it doesn’t…it’s not. Simple enough.

Logic can only take you so far. The dreamers, shakers, yesers and trailblazers have done it before me. I can do whatever I am guided to do. And, if a squirrel passes in front of me and I follow it into the woods to find a heart-shape rock and other treasures, then be it. Magic is everywhere. That’s the point of living authentically. Romance comes in  so many levels. I believe in serendipity.  It has guided me through the most beautiful experiences.

Follow your dreams.  You don’t need to know how it will happen…just start now. As Helen Keller wrote: “Life is a daring adventure or nothing.”

The Most Powerful is Love

love and compassionAt this very moment I sit typing on my dining room table staring at the afternoon spring shower outside while smelling the soil rise to meet the sky. It is one of those smells I love most from the earth. It smells like the decomposition of release. The earth has no problem releasing. It has absolutely zero tolerance for resistance. The earth teaches us the value of allowing.
I am called to study the way I am entering into this new role again with my daughter at home. I hear a baby cooing in the next room, my daughter and her own emotions releasing into the open space (reminding me she needs to be put back on meds or I need to be given a bottle of valium for me). Her own anger is resisting release from the abuse. Yet, this morning she began making excuses for her abuser and how long he might have to be in jail. I reminded her the black eye, the cord wrapped around her neck and the huge egg on her head (given to her less than a week ago). I am always surprised at this behavior from those who have limited capabilities to process. My role is to allow her to go through the motions. I cannot do it for her. Someone has to take the pushes on the other side of the punching bag. My only job is to hold it tightly. Our home, Peaceful Quest Retreats, has a way of bringing up anything in a magnified sense that needs work. If the person isn’t aware of it…it can be nasty at first (pure explosion). I pray that as the days unfold she will see the light at the end of the tunnel and the gratitude for being alive. I pray she can sit outside in the sun and inhale the nurturing energy of these mountains. She’s entered into a place of grace, love and compassion. It has very little to do with me, Matt, or her sister. It has to do with the Divine. I am no longer holding the need to fix anyone. This dynamic is beautiful. I can love her and work on increasing a vibration of pure light in my home without attaching to her drama.
I think of my own past and how I handled abused. I placed it tightly inside the earth so that no one noticed. Even now as I work in my garden I start to feel a tug of crap coming up from those days long ago. It’s funny it arrives in moments of being outdoors touching the earth. I have understood the power of avoidance and resistance. I no longer resist emotions. Resistance has always been a pivotal lesson in my life. “That which you resists, persists,” is a perfect way to remember to let go. Clarity and openness arrives from the nature of allowing life to flow. It is extremely difficult to wrestle and battle with resistance from a human perspective driven by ego. The ego is always creating illusions, sneaking in the doubts, uncertainty, fear and anxieties. As I allow the divine spirit to expand and guide me through love everything around me is taken into a beautiful accountability of love. Fear disappears once there is no control or resistance.
I have no plan for the immediate future. My daughter asked me today, remembering how much she hated the mountains (never once did this come up when she called to come home). She asked how long she “had” to stay here as if this was punishment. I told her she didn’t “have” to do anything she didn’t want. She asked to come home and we got her. Her anger is brewing. Her illusion of a perfect life is unfolding. She doesn’t have the mental capacity to plan or anticipate the near future. I told her I had no plans, “God laughs when I make a plan.” She didn’t like that answer. I received a slight grunt for it.
The divine has a way of speaking to us while utilizing our gifts of intuition. The more we resist and ignore the lessons…well, the harder it is to live comfortably in that lie. I find that spirit usually speaks through our strengths the strongest. I keep going back to this life lesson: to love unconditionally. I am aware of the reason for this incarnation. I have no doubt about the core of this conscious life lesson. The older I get the more I expand on forgiveness and compassion all through the vessel that is love.
Relationships, whether through substance abuse, food, people, sex or drama, are addictive. For the addictive mind, we create those relationships because they somehow hold a power we are looking for in ourselves. We resist in stepping back and finding it within the layers of our consciousness. Ego creates these elaborate scenarios and through resistance of strength in ourselves we attract the destructive behaviors. It is never easy to go through the separation of old patterns. My daughter has always loved drama. Inside of her sleeps several mental disorders and the drama unfolds in a way that most people would never experience. I love her because of them and for them because they push the resistance in me. They teach me patience, love, forgiveness, compassion and strength. I am not longer the one in charged or needing to tell her what to do. This is her life. This is her lessons.
Today I’ve traveled through several emotions: disrespect, anger, ingratitude, love, grace, selflessness, exhaustion, and doubt to name a few. I no longer ignore them. This is who I am and the things that make me human. This is my current position in life and I plan on exceeding at it.  It is a bumpy ride but full of a baby cooing, smiles, beauty, innocence, hope, dreams and the most powerful force of love.

True Identity

My nephew (his father and I have been friends since we were 11 years old.  He’s my brother from another mother) sat at the breakfast table yesterday.  I asked, “Christian, what do you want for breakfast?”

“Soup.  I want soup!” He answered loudly while fidgeting on the chair.

“What kind of soup do you want, baby?”

“The wet kind,” He answered as a matter-of-fact.

Well, of course, I thought.  What other kind would there be?  At 3-1/2 years old he knows what he wants and how he wants it.  Most children at that age have very little filtering system.  As children we think more concretely.  It is somewhere in between eight and eighty that we lose the finesse of being honest about what we want and how we want it.  A lot of times we have no clue of what we really want.

Reading a book called Soulshaping by Jeff Brown some time ago, I came upon a sentence: “Never confuse conscious effortlessness with conscious laziness.”  Just that sentence brought up a huge amount of questions inside of me.  I began to think, “how do you know what you want if you don’t know who you are?”  Confusing our conscious wants without realizing the conscious consequences is a mistake we all make.  And out of pure laziness we expect our wants to materialize and fix everything.  Our identity morphs into our surroundings, environments and deviate from our truth.

It is always difficult to battle with resistance from our human perspective.  Our ego’s main job is to make certain that we continue to fight.  What we want is not always what completes us.  We seem to depart from our original wants and then blame the universe for not getting what we think we deserve. Somewhere, somehow, in our busy lives we have detoured from the simplicity of our plans.  We make excuses but not follow through.  We expect, with arrogance, that the world owes us things.  The truth is that until we can reach the essence of our identity we cannot know what we want.  Whether it is soup, a family, a car, or peace, we cannot reach what we do not know.

These are the nuts and bolts of living a life in separation versus unity.  Our wants can’t be met if we don’t know who we are.  We don’t sit long enough to take accounting of our desires.  We think that needs are the same as our wants.  What we need and what we want are in constant battle with our Spirit.  God speaks through our strengths the most compelling way.  We spend our lives not feeling the truth of who we are, and not really knowing consciously what we want.  Whenever we do come in alignment with our desires and the Divine, then we must take a look at the reflection and realize that whatever we manifest is exactly who we are meant to be.  The illusion of control, law and science melts because life just is.  We learn to see the world as it is, not how our perception creates it from our egotistical wants.

Christian’s father, my darling brother, said that when he was in the army his mentor said to him, “Now Frank, when you get to the fork on the road keep going.”   He said at the time, in his early twenties, that this did not make sense.  But, now he knows he has to be true to himself and let intuition guide him to which path he must take.  May you find your true self at the end of the fork so you can pick the one Spirit has laid out for you!