Being the Spectator

I took a Kundalini yoga class early this morning. It was the perfect gift for entering a new week.

With each breath cycle, prana, I allowed the life force in me to clear out stagnant energy. Every pose allowed for the vibrancy to rise and fall.

I became the spectator of my stories for that hour… releasing and returning to me with each passing minute.

I am learning the gentleness of me. Of not pushing what doesn’t feel right, even on the yoga mat.

May you find yourself in the driver’s seat witnessing it all without judgment.

I love you. Mucho.



Every so often I get a request to fund someone for something: following a dream, going on a trip, buying something that will change their lives, and so on. I wish I had the financial means to help every single person who sends me these messages. I think about all the times that I have been down to my last penny and someone reached out, unknowingly, to help me. There are angels among us at all times.

I have a hard time asking for help. So, let me just state this right now before you keep reading….

Yesterday I was in my favorite yoga class. I was entering that space of Nirvana, breathing in and letting go. This is the space where I easily leave my body and my mind goes completely blank. I was on my back, on the mat, when I felt something coming up and buzzing from inside my sweater. I gasped, sat up and started that dance we all do that jitters us into looking like we are fighting someone, slapping the air. A stink bug fell on the floor while my heart had come up to my throat. My dear, compassionate, humanitarian friend next to me picked up the bug, got up and left the yoga studio to set it free. (She’s magnificent cause that bug had just a few more seconds of life left in it). It took me a few minutes to return to my center. I recognized the disconnection, the foreign feelings of fear, and the paralyzed voice that comes with it. I worked through the panic mode…after all it was just a bug.

Please stay with me and continue reading….

Here is the thing, I tend to leave my body quite often. I consciously travel away from it in moments of deep relaxation and meditation. I also travel a lot in dream state. So, that moment the bug started to flip its wings coming out of my sports bra shattered the world of my dimensional travel and brought me into a state of unknown. It was too quick and the discomfort lasted for some time. I was thrown into panic mode because I wasn’t in that studio at that moment. My ego was also completely asleep and its job is to always keep a watch for danger!

A few moments later the teacher asked us a simple question as we were doing a pose. “If you were asked to make a list of the things you love, would you add yourself to that list?”

Suddenly I missed the bug. I felt bad for slapping it out of me. I felt bad for not loving it the way my friend loved it. I continued with my poses and recognized that it did take me a long while to add myself to the list of things I love. Oh my goodness…like a lot! But I redid the list, carefully going through it on my own later on in the practice and I kept adding myself after every single thing I listed that I loved. The rest of the hour was dedicated to loving me.

And, so here is my favor: Would you be so kind to fund yourself with love? Would you be willing to make a list and add yourself to the top of everything you want? I need you to do this for your soul. I need you to start a Go-To Fund for loving your beauty and exquisiteness without putting all the things that you dislike about yourself.

I need you to do that for me. I need you to donate your love for YOURSELF right now!

I believe we love to help others before we recognize and acknowledge ourselves. Most of us give openly and love how others feel when they receive. It’s always easier to extend an arm out than to bring it to our own hearts. Right?

Every part of your being needs love. That little stinker bug reminded me of a time that I felt like a stinker bug. I didn’t care much for me. I felt yucky and nasty and completely unlovable. I felt unworthy and kept carrying past voices and delusions that others tied to my esteem. If I was slapped one more time I am sure I would have stunk up the room like the stinker bug.

But, today, I have started by own Go-To Fund for Self-Love! It’s simple: start your list and keep adding to it the things you love about you, the things you want in your life, and the people you love. Eventually that list will allow the Universe to align with your desires and it will no longer be a list, because it will just become YOU.

Have a blessed day, sweethearts. Be kind and generous with you. Do the things that your heart and soul crave to do. Stop asking for permission from others. Stop waiting for others to fund your worth. You got this!