Tag: psychology

Faith

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Faith is not found when everything is going smoothly. Faith is witnessed when the world collides with chaos and struggles. That’s when we search for her. Often times we are angry because we feel she’s abandoned our space.

Let me share what faith looks like to me. She’s in the nights when you are crying yourself asleep because a loved one is dying near you, or when your wife has decided to walk out of your relationship, or when your child has ended up in jail. She’s in the aches and brokenness of your fears and the disappointments of your expectations. She’s in the desperation and uncertainties of life.

Faith is sitting quietly waiting on you to grab her and shake every cell inside of you to trust and let go of the situation. She is there to take over if you just let go of the control. She’s the light that gives way into darkness.

When your world comes apart and you cannot find reasons to logically make sense of anything… that is when Faith is seen and felt. That’s when she whispers through your personal beliefs, “I’m here. I have something better. I will work on this. Trust!”

Your job is to allow her to step in. But, without controlling the outcome. Without micromanaging every step of the way.

I have met many religious folks who have zero faith. They go to church every week but when their world gets rattled by hard obstacles their faith is completely absent. They live in fear and lack belief.

And then I’ve met some folks who say they don’t believe in anything. When things happen they have found something stronger than themselves to carry them through it. They say they believe in themselves. That’s also Faith.

So what is faith? It’s not religious. It’s a deep spiritual knowing that you are here to learn and evolve. It’s the opportunity to shift awareness and morph into something powerful.


We have all experienced horrific acts in our lives. We have undergone atrocities. We have overcome major obstacles. Some of you are experiencing these things right now.

What keeps you going? What’s the thing or substance that allows you to get up and keep moving through it all? I bet you have some amazing stories to share. And I also bet that Faith has a lot to do with how you overcame those challenges.

I love you!
More than you can imagine, just cause you are here sharing space with me this way. I have faith in YOU!

Millie

Love is a Choice

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I’ve been traveling to see a dear friend. As always, being on a plane opens me up to the ethers. I am suspended in the heavens and feel such divine connection to Gaia because I can see her from a different perspective.

On the first leg of my trip a woman sat next to me. Her energy felt so fractured. She was out of it and clearly on something. As we were taking off from Asheville she got rattled and squeezed my leg instead of the chair.

She had never flown (and she’s close to my age). It was raining and windy. I removed her hand from my leg and held it in mine. I whispered, “You are safe. I’m here with you.”

Her eyes watered. I continued to hold her hand as if she was my child for several minutes until we were up and the turbulence subsided.

She stared out the window and we didn’t speak. I closed my eyes and felt her life. I saw images. I saw the addiction, the abuse, and so much more.

It’s tricky to be in a capsule at times for me. Usually I listen to music as I fly. It closes the gap of what is and what isn’t for me. I don’t need to be feeling everyone’s life up there.

As we were landing I asked where she was headed to and she said Boston. She was starting new. It was in the silence of those moments that I could hear her even louder.

I kissed her and held her tightly as we got off. I had very little time to connect to my next flight. I gave her my card and asked her to please reach out and let me know how she was doing to which she cried.

She shook. The trip, the endless possibilities and her fear were all wrapped up with the stress of the unknown.

Here is the thing: love is a choice. It is a choice that most people don’t see as privileged true nature of our soul’s evolution.

I wanted to tell her that “the one who broke you cannot heal you.” It wasn’t my place during such a major life transformation to share this.

Love is a choice
Forgiveness is a choice
Letting go is a choice

And through those choices you begin to heal. You begin to regain your worth, your strength and your life.

We’ve all been there. We’ve all been shattered, fractured and put back together. We rise alone… and we rise with one another.

We are never far from shifting our lives, our perspectives, and our hearts.

Life will provide the perfect encounters to help you see your own wounding and traumas. It will help reflect your own stuff.

I am grateful for these moments that put me in a place of loving expansion. She was the perfect person to show me where I’ve been and where I am going.

I love you.

Millie

Grief, That Old Friend

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Grief is inexplicable. It hits at its own timing. And, to be honest, it never goes away. We learn to navigate it. We learn to miss without the intense pain. We learn to live in a different manner.

When I was 23 years old I met a young man my age. We worked in the industrial power transmission field. The first day he came for an interview, right out of college, we shook hands and the electricity that passed through our hands was like nothing else I’ve ever experienced, or have felt since.

Before I could even figure out what was happening we had a tremendous love affair. I was in and out of a relationship with someone much older who was married. This young man and I connected in a way that was out of this world.

At 25 years old, after a long break up because of my other relationship, he asked me to marry him one night. I said yes. That was March 11, 1993. He was dating someone else, and I was still in that relationship. We both broke it off that weekend. On the way back from breaking up with his girlfriend he hit a wall on I95 on March 14th. They found him with a small English/Spanish book in his hands.

This loss shut me down. It took my light with it. It would take years to understand. But, something happened shortly after his death. He began to show up in dreams. I wasn’t as spiritually aware as I am now, but I would feel him all the time.

Whenever I am struggling I find a dime and a penny. $.11 was something we would find together. Those close to me marvel at the fact that this happens often. There will be a dime and then a few inches later, a penny. He has been around for almost 30 years and has guided me in ways I cannot explain.

But grief, that old friend that reminds us of love, can sometimes get the best of us. This morning I opened up my kitchen cabinet to get my coffee mug and in a cup I rarely use was a dime and a penny. I don’t even ask anymore how this happens. Maybe the kids did it long ago. I don’t know. I know I was supposed to find it at 4:44 this morning. That’s how guidance works.

We are always held by deceased loved ones. ALWAYS. I often forget to call out to ancestors. Rarely do I forget to call out for him. He has been my steady companion for decades. And, I know we will one day be reunited.

Your grief is not meant to be suppressed. It isn’t meant to be bulldozed. It’s a reminder that you loved. That you were loved. That you lived. That you had someone who loved you. It doesn’t matter if it’s a parent, a child, a lover, a fur baby, or whatever. Sometimes we mourn places and things.

You are loved. You are here. And, I promise you that you will always come out with grace on the other side.

I love you!
Millie

Erasable – Hard Copy

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I am feeling it all at this very moment. My publisher messaged me that the book was in my mailbox since Friday. I ran across the dark street gripping the envelope. Once I opened it… OMGosh.

No other book I’ve written has had such an impact. Nothing else has felt so intense and healing simultaneously.

When my publisher reminded me that it is next week, the 11th, it became even more real. Holding it seems surreal. Twenty years all inside a computer waiting for the perfect timing.

My five year old climbed in bed with me as I was tearing up. He took the book from my hands. “Mommy, you wrote a book.” I said, “I have written several. But this one is about my life.”

He sounds out the title which is a big word for a kindergartener. He starts to tear up. I see the puddles of tears in his green eyes. He hugs me.

“Can you read it to me like a bedtime story?”

“When you get older. It’s a big-people book!”

He smiles while wiping his tears. “You did good, Mommy.”

I read the acknowledgment part to him about all my kids and he smiles and thanks me. Then we lay together. He wanted to go wake his sister up. I told him that I would share with her in the morning.

Sweet tears. Sweet love. I am blessed. Not by anything but the recollection of a well-lived and loved life. His reaction will forever be tattooed in my heart.

I love you all for the constant support and love your give.

Millie

October Release

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Our bodies hold cellular memories. They come up when you don’t even expect to be visited.

I was at Goodwill a few days ago buying winter clothes for the kiddos when out of the blues a gush of sadness took over. It came out of nowhere… but did it? A woman nearby came up to me with the most kind and gentle concern asking if I was okay.

“I think so. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She held my hand. We hugged tightly. I thanked her, quickly paid, and left the store. I sat in my car letting the release come and go so I could drive home.

Then it hit me. I knew why. It’s almost October, and even though I am not consciously aware of the month, my muscle memory is. More things have happened to me in the month of October than any other time in my life. I was raped in October. I’ve moved, conceived, visited amazing places, said goodbye to my father, gotten married, ended toxic relationships, and so much more. The list is extensive. It’s not like I have purposely picked the month of October for the major changes in my life. I don’t even think about it until I wake up close to the beginning of the month and experience the largest release moving through me.

It is also the beginning of cold weather here in Western North Carolina Mountains. I have had the unfortunate experiences during winter months here. And when I see those leaves start to change, boy do I feel the seasonal affective disorder (S.A.D.). My body experiences PTSD in a way that it’s inconceivable to me.

It’s also a month I happen to pick to move inward, to step away from the chit chat of social media. It’s a time to be creative and allow those things to make new cycles of beautiful experiences for the future. I am excited for all that is evolving creatively.

I am reminded that what often separates us is man made. We create the drama, the challenges, and everything else. I am responsible for my healing, my clearing, and my growing. Spirit isn’t that complicated. My body somehow has a reset button and it reads “October” on it. When I allow for what is, I return to what I have always been. And that is a soul having a very authentic human experience.

I am still doing private sessions. Please text me or email me if you desire one this month. You can go to my website: sacredjourneyinward.com.

I love you all. See you back in a month.

Millie

Lean into the Knowings

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Your ability to connect to Source is a gift. We all have that ability. We are spiritual beings having human experiences. It is all embedded in our DNA. Some people have that ability louder than others. Others tune into it and strengthen the abilities by consciously working at expanding the gifts. I hear people say, “Nope, I don’t have that!”


Do you think of a song right before it comes on the radio?
Do you think of someone and they call you?
Have you thought about something and moments later it shows up?
Every single day you are being guided by your intuition without your awareness!


You may not call it “intuition.” You may just have a “gut” feeling. Our solar plexus (the gut) stores all our divine knowings. We are moved through gut in deciding things. 


The thing that blocks our abilities to connect with Spirit/Source/God is old beliefs/programming. Whenever we get out of our own way, we begin to tap into the realm of consciousness. The ego is a fantastic source for making sure we don’t deviate from our humanness. Its main job is to keep us safe. And, it also reinforces all the belief systems you have known for most of your life. Ego loves to tap into the emotional body. Intuition is the higher consciousness of the vessel you call “the body.”


I have been having these major expansions the last few months. Sometimes I am awakened in the middle of the night with clarity beyond any other time in my life. Like I feel this incredible connection to everything. Then I go back to sleep and in the morning my little itty-bitty ego starts to argue with the messages I received. These days I am gentler with trying to shut ego up. I recognize I need to just sit me down and allow for the uncertainties, traumas, and whatever humanness comes up. Once I address Ego with love, the spiritual part of me flourishes. I rely on the knowing rather than the chit-chat of the emotional body. 


Are you experiencing these shifts? I hear from so many that they are going through all these moments that feel like massive timeline shifts. You are not alone. I promise. We are living in the most incredible times in history. And because of these, you may feel isolated and alone. That, my darlings, is Ego. Lean into your knowing.

I love you!

Millie

The Secrets Kept

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My 4-year-old woke extra early this morning. He turned over, grabbed my face with both his hands, put his forehead against mine and whispered, “Mommy, I cannot tell you all my secrets. Maybe someday!”
I said, “Okay. Whenever you are ready.” I brought him closer to me.

What secrets can he possible have, or dreamt about?
 
Several years ago, I remember reading an article about a study on secrets. They found that most people had an average of 13 secrets, 5 which they never shared with anyone. That’s a lot of shame and guilt being held inside!

“When the participants were asked if they were keeping secrets related to any of these categories, they found that the average person was currently keeping 13 of the 38 secrets – five of which they have never told anyone about.”
You can read a similar article here: https://www.sciencealert.com/science-predicts-you-re-hiding-13-secrets-and-half-of-those-you-ve-never-told-a-soul
 
The thing is that sharing a secret with another can be risky. The possibility of betrayal and/or judgment are always a gamble. Nothing can distance us from ourselves as the secrets we hold. And nothing can break us more than the betrayal of someone you trusted with them.

I remember when I read that article and I started to ponder on the things I haven’t shared with anyone. I couldn’t count them. The moment I started I got panicky. Those things that have been stored inside due to shame, oppression, guilt, self-worth and humiliation are inside locked away. I always forget the ones that people share with me. I am talking about my own.

I have trusted folks with intimate details of my life. In those moments it has felt deliciously freeing. The thing is that there is a fear of those things coming out into the open through them sharing with others. I trust… pretty much most people. I have had intimate relationships with lovers (and spouses) and have watched myself in what I share. Too many times, it has come back to bite me and left massive scars.

The betrayal I felt in my last relationship has closed me up and is teaching me to use my discernment wisely. Trust is something I am learning again in my life. I am opening up the doors to the closet and releasing old wounds, shame and triggers. I have felt exposed and vulnerable. I have done it through self-love. When you trust another, you give away your insecurities. When that person utilizes your vulnerability and confidence, wow! it can be heartbreaking.

So, when my little boy declared that he couldn’t tell me all his secrets, I completely understood. God only knows what he experienced in his night travels.

We become the secrets that we keep. Due to a brain injury years ago, I don’t remember much of anything that shames me from younger years. The newer things, well, I have worked on letting them go and not necessarily by sharing with another. I believe that’s why therapist have been ever present in my life. There is a confidentiality agreement and clause. That kind of feels safer!

I am sweetly amazed at the things that come up in my sessions with clients. The old crud that has been lingering inside them, eating at their hearts. When it comes up and out, I see a massive soul retrieval and balance. There is a space between the secret and release that is energetically palpable and beautiful to witness.

You do not have to share every intimate experience or situation in your life with others. But what you could do is write them down, burn them, and let go of the shame. Every single experience you have ever had has brought you to this very moment in your life. Every event has molded you into the person that you are right now. We grow from everything.

There is another side to secrets. When you discover that a person you trust is not the person you thought they were, that is also heartbreaking. There are good people in this world who have had shitty things happen. And there are people who aren’t so good, and keep really immoral shit covered up. You get to decide what you tolerate in another. Who truly ever knows anyone completely?

I love you. You aren’t alone on this journey. Share, or not share, it’s up to you. But please be kind with the things you have inside that steal your joy.

Always…
Millie

For more blogs you can visit my professional page and sign up to receive new articles to your email: www.sacredjourneyinward.com/blog

Meetings with God

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I had a dream two nights ago… really profound. I dreamt with Keanu Reeves.


I know, right?! Keanu!!! That in itself is magical. Do you know how hard it is to get him in a dream? He’s in high demand these days.


He was on his motorcycle and he stopped right in front of me on a street in a small town. I was over the moon excited. I mean, it was Keanu in his leather jacket looking all Keanuie. My body melted. Imagine Keanu stopping to talk to ME? He explained that he wasn’t really Keanu. He was God but he was using his body as a vessel to get my attention.

Oh! He got it. I was impressed.


He asked me to climb on the back of his motorcycle. And I did, wrapping my arms tightly around him. He gave me a helmet and it had a microphone so we could converse.


So, there I was on the back of his motorcycle and we rode through the desert. I could see the Grand Canyon up ahead. The vastness of space was spine-tingling. And he said to me, “Let go. Put your hands up.”
I hesitated, but I did it. I tightened my legs against the bike. I feared falling off.  I could feel the heat against my skin. I put my arms out and let the wind guide me. The speed was enough to knock me off but I balanced myself against God and the unknown.


Then he said, through the microphone in our helmets, “Millie, let go and feel the wind. I am guiding you. You aren’t in control. Just feel the freedom and enjoy! This is how you need to live.”


I yelled, “Weeeee!” I was so full of carefree giddiness.


He laughed. And he reminded me again that He is always guiding me. All I need to do is trust. I need to move with the flow of what is and let my knowing lead.

So… God, looking all sexy on that bike, said a few more things I can’t remember. I do remember the feelings. I felt like I could do anything. And I can.


Last week I visited with God as a bodacious black woman with a beautiful Caribbean accent. I met with her during meditation. She was in a cabin in the middle of a rainforest. She invited me for tea. I smelled the sweetness coming from the kitchen and she came out with my grandmother’s delicious bread pudding. And so there we were… chit chatting like old friends, God and me.


In less than a week the Divine has found a way to connect with me. I feel something magical happening all around us. Do you? We are always so in tune with guidance. The trick is to make time to listen. And when God shows up… drop everything and tune in.

~m.a.p.

Unhealed People

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I spent a large part of my life hiding. Recently, after a healing session with an incredible soul, I recognized the patterns and programming. I shared with an old friend who immediately said, “Oh honey, you’ve been hiding all your life. I’m so sorry!”

Her sorry was genuine and my tears flowed out again. She saw me. Really saw the trail of bullshit left behind by a Narcissistic mother. And I’ve been working on cutting cords for so long. I tend to listen to the voices of the past when I try to lead my children in the now. I don’t want to be like my mother. I second guess every single major decision in spite of what my heart and intuition show me.

In spite of all my deep awareness and knowing I am not exempt from all my human lessons and challenges. I am always on the trail of mending.

Healing is about release. It’s surrendering to the now while letting go of what has kept you captive. This can be physical, emotional or spiritual. I don’t believe in examining and re-examining the past because that story is no longer there. We create new ones but at some point ancestral wounds need to be cut.

Sometimes we don’t really know what’s inside no matter how much we work on ourselves. It takes an outsider to guide your spirit on a new journey and quest.

Here is what I continue to learn daily: unhealed people hurt through their unknowing-ness. They don’t recognize they are hurting anyone, especially a child. As I continue to feel seen the vulnerability is heighten. I am no longer a little chubby scared girl feeling judged by the world. I am no longer a 20 something woman walking on eggshells afraid of what others think of me.

The healing sticks when we become aware of how we allow toxic energy from others. Those folks continue to show up to remind us of our growth. I am blessed they continue to show me how to set healthy boundaries.

I hope you can also see them and send them love. You don’t have to participate in their dramas. I see you. I honor you. I love you.

Life is Epic

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I woke this morning sick of my stories, the drama I repeat, and the never ending struggle to find peace among the storms that are not real but living in my little head. It’s sickening. This being, and just allowing, is not for sissies. No one said that the spiritual walk was meant to BE a walk in the park! It takes massive amount of discipline and I don’t follow orders very well…even when it’s from the esoteric world. So…I got up…did my meditation…had to stop right in the middle and said, “F*@k this crap! I can do this. I have manifested incredible experiences in this lifetime. I can let this go and move on without this struggle. This is my own ego creating this shit! I am more than this scene, this stage, and this production!!!”

I got up turning the “cannot” into “will do.”

We have the complete capacity and power to change our thoughts. In those moments I feel the swirl of energy directing me into joy, faith, and love. The heart opens up when I let go of the toxic stories I retell myself. It’s just a shift in perception. I promise.

Aren’t you sick of your same old stories, drama, struggles, and total bullshit (because it is just crap)? Then change the channel…tune into the mass consciousness of love…for you and the world. Get out of your head. Get out of your way…you got this! I know it may all feel heavy at this moment.

Put it down. Stop giving it power. Move away from it for a little while. You may come back to it at another time.

Onward and outward, darlings. Take one breath at a time and move through your knowing. Accept your magnificence and inner guidance. That is your internal GPS. Reroute if you must. But keep going.

Have a blessed day! I love you.