Car conversation with a 4 year-old early in the morning…
Kali: do monsters have bellies?
Me: monsters don’t exist.
Kali: do they have eyes?
Me: they don’t exist so they don’t have anything.
Kali: do they have mouths?
Me: Kali, monsters aren’t real. It’s a made up thing for television and entertainment.
Kali: They do exist. Do they have necks?
Me: Monsters aren’t real.
Kali: YEESSSSS they are.
Me: In a philosophical way… yes. They are real. There are bad people out there. But they didn’t start bad. They started with love. They came into this world with light and someone blew it out.
Kali: Why people create monsters then?
Me: (sighing….and then a mini rant longer than I can remember) Baby girl, monsters do exist. I’m sorry. They exist in anger and hatred. They exist in mental disorders and they are there to corrupt our world. They are fabricated in religions and stories to fill doubt in others. They instill fear and oppression but it’s mostly there for a lot of growth and balance. Where there is light there is also darkness. So, they do exist in a metaphoric term but not in a way you are thinking of when you watch television. That’s also there to create anxiety and despair. We live in a society that uses control mechanism through fear based subjects…and “monsters” are one of those ways. They don’t have giant heads and distorted bodies.
She then asked about Kali the Destroyer. Her daddy told her about Kali, the Hindu Goddess, and how she has the same name. He went on to tell her about her history the other day. She recited bits and pieces of what daddy told her. I was surprised she got a lot of it spot on. She wanted to know if she was a monster since she’s depicted with her tongue sticking out at times. I answered to the best of my ability.
Kali: so you see, they do exist, Mama!  Do they have tongues? Not Kali…she’s not a monster, right? But the rest of the monsters, do they have tongues?
Me: ugggghhhhh… silence.

Our Continuous Need for Answers

It is our deepest longing to find answers to why we exist. What is the meaning of it all? Why are we here? And what is the reason to keep searching?

We have questions and we search for answers. Over and over. The answers are rarely found. The more awaken you are the deeper the desire for those answers. They are permitted to come in and accepted as they align with our truth. This is why my answers might not resonate with yours. Questions have little answers through quests. They come through in moments of stillness and silence. Whether they are spiritual questions or not. Our only job is to be present (fully available) for the answers to arrive. Often times we don’t ask the right questions because when the answers arrive they don’t match our expectations. Ask and it is given so be careful what you ask. You might not want it.

Whatever you are wanting make clear declarations. Don’t settle. The universe has a sense of humor. It will utilize our wishy washy emotional state to show us what we might fear or not want. Stay in your truth.

The question you need to ask yourself when you aren’t receiving answers is: what am I resisting? Lately, this has been happening to me. I’m in a total funk of yuckiness to be honest. I’m surfing through. I don’t go back and I won’t go forward. All I have is this moment and at times it is truly hard to handle. But the questions are always there because I know better. I am allowing for the mysteries to unfold. It will come together…

I know consciousness does not think. Consciousness just is. It exists through the mind and body in spite of thoughts. It is the universal connector of all that lives. It is the all that creates us.

These aren’t easy times but they are full of manifesting desires quickly. So make sure you ask for what you really want without confusion. And keep asking the hard questions. Keep searching for purpose. Ride the waves and allow for each breath to be your guide. Your higher self knows it all. It is waiting for you to sit back, shut up and listen!

Daily Questions to Myself



At the end of each day there are two questions I ask myself: Did I learn everything I could from that situation? Did I love to the best of my capacity and ability today in spite of the circumstances? Sometimes the answer is ‘yes’ to both questions. Sometimes it is a ‘yes’ and a ‘no.’ Other times, with much guilt and embarrassment, the answer is ‘no’ to both. But I am trying to get a grasp of this thing called “Being Human.” I didn’t read the manual before arriving here on earth. I’ve never been too sharp at taking tests. I don’t really retain much in my cerebral cortex either. So, had I read the manual I probably wouldn’t remember much of anything, except that the lessons require a lifetime of learning and that with each challenge I expand as a spiritual being. This thing of being a human has an array of trickiness to it. Things sometimes just don’t make sense at all. There are a million senseless acts performed each day all over the place. We are being tested through every avenue: our relationships, our children, neighbors, family, friends, co-workers, strangers and the entire world. Even nature throws a curve ball at times.

Last night I tossed and turned while the clock waited for no one. It didn’t just stop so I could catch up…the hours went quickly and before I knew it sunrise was sneaking through the windows. I have recently experienced another heartache that has me a little upside down. I meditated, I read, I wrote, and I tried several times to close my eyes and just be in the moment. Being in the moment didn’t help. I kept returning to this recent disappointed that has happened right before Christmas. This little “set back” has me adding a few hundred questions to my future. All I can do at this time is accept that there is a mystical reason for it, because lessons are always there for acknowledgment.

With a heavy heart I allowed my higher self to answer those questions that I cannot comprehend. Humanity is shifting and there’s a wide division in its separation. It’s an ongoing battle that seems to bring even more questions into our existence.

I return to my own awareness admitting that I have truly loved deeply. I have done the best I have known at the time. It’s been another challenging year, but with so many beautiful opportunities. I have learned much about my tenacious spirit, not giving up, and letting go. However, my humanness starts the nasty chit-chat. This is my ego being human rather than spiritual. When we start going back there is a monster that will always appear with regrets, shame, and guilt. And, it is usually in the middle of the night when there’s no one to talk to, to reach out to, other than God and all the stars.

Our humanity is being tested each and every day. I witness it constantly. It’s as if this time acceleration has affected the very core of belief and faith. Why? I don’t know. That’s not one of those questions I ask myself every day. I can’t. I don’t want to go into the monstrous events of our world and why people behave in some atrocious manners. I try to live in a happy bubble. When the bubble gets poked and emptied out I feel the depression creeping in like poison. I cannot hold my heart in place. I go to a place of darkness and anger. Last night I witnessed it with such intensity. I wish I could remember one single event from it but once daylight reached my face it was erased. I am grateful for that as well.

I am learning from every situation, even the events that are not directly in my path because everything that happens in our world, in our lives, is connected to one another. The distance between us is shorter than we think. What happens in your thoughts and consciousness is affected into the way we treat each other. It becomes part of the conscious ripple effect. I see it when a hurt or negative person enters my space. Their demeanor affects me. They leave the stagnant energy behind. Now, imagine this in a mass conscious level with millions of people. It becomes war. It becomes hatred, bigotry, and death. We are all fighting a war with our egos. How we express it to the world determines how we love and find peace with each other.

I have to be more mindful to be able to answer those two questions with “yeses” every day. I cannot get sloppy with working through the difficult times. I must love fully, even during the most challenging moments of my relationships. I must let go and forgive as quickly as possible when something shows up that turns my life upside down. I must learn to experience things even when they hurt, when they feel uncomfortable, and when they point back to me that I have screwed up (yet one more freaking time). Ego loves to twist and turn those moments. Ego teases me, “You suck at this humanity thing! You have no business expressing your thoughts out there. You need to sit down, shut up, and suck it up.”

As we go into this holiday season, I pray that we can consciously come together in peace. I send my loving thoughts and prayers to the universe in hopes that I can find the positive answers to those questions that don’t have answers as well. I wish you all love, compassion, kindness, joy, forgiveness, and the awareness that we are all in this together. It starts and ends with our connections and the choices we make while answering a divine purpose for our existence.

Healing doesn’t begin to happen until we become aware of our lack of control. We are all here for one another in one form or another. Reach out. Shine your light. Help others see their worth. If you can’t do it please don’t stand in their way when they are trying to better themselves. It requires a multitude of cosmic juju vibes to transform the negative into positive. Let’s help the world be a better place. 


I love you…mucho!

Making My Way Home


I am not a teacher. I am not a guru. I don’t have answers to all the wonderful spiritual questions out there. I cringe when someone asks if I am psychic. I related a message to a woman the other day from “beyond” (or what seemed like her deceased grandmother) and she asked if I was a medium. I answered, “Nah, I am a large. I haven’t been a medium in some time!” It took her a second and she continued to ask more questions that I just couldn’t answer. I can’t take titles seriously. I can’t take any of those labels to heart. I am currently having enough issues dealing with daily life…just one of those challenging times. Next month it might be different.

I continue to struggle with writing and sharing my shenanigans. I question the things that I know for sure. I have nothing to offer anyone but the spec of hope and faith that I, myself, carry at all times. That’s sufficient for me, but I cannot tell you how to attain it. Don’t ask me how to start a spiritual practice, how to meditate, or how to use your intuition. I don’t know. I only know what works for me.

I love reading the wonderful emails and messages when someone asks me about relationship advice. God knows I haven’t a clue how to direct you to attain a relationship or keep one happy. I am nowhere near “A Dear Abby” columnist. I don’t have the answers for you on what you should do. Sometimes the stories ring similar to my life and I can project a suggestion. But, please don’t take it to heart. Don’t follow my every word. It’s not fair to me when things start to fall apart and you return to me with a broken heart. I warn everyone that I don’t have the answers!  I am just like you, googling everything all the time.

Let me tell you what I know for sure: I can take care of me. I can fall on my ass a hundred times and get up a hundred and one. That I know for sure. I know what is good for me and what is not. I know how to decipher spirit messages for me and when to shut ego down (once again, for me). I know what works for my children, each one is different. I know how to manifest when I have a visual of what I want. I know how to create a loving home. I know words…and the power they bring with them. I know how to love deeply and how to let go when I need to. I know when to rid myself of toxic-emotional vampires in my life. I am certain I know some other simple things. Oh, and one thing I am certain of is that I laugh at things that others find improper. I love to giggle, poke fun, and create space for silliness even if I am the only laughing in the room.

But, I don’t know how to help you fix your life. I don’t know how to fix my own many times (in one day). I don’t know politics or religion well enough to debate with anyone. I don’t know crap about mathematics or chemistry or history. But, give me a clear night and I can sit on a porch and babble about the universe and what it means to me. I can talk to you excessively about racism, prejudice, brokenness, and the arrogance of humanity. I have answers to some useless questions like, “how and when did sticking your middle finger become a thing of insult?”

I hate to disappoint anyone. This is why I didn’t become a therapist. This is also why I am not a teacher. I don’t want to tell you what needs to be adjusted for your life to work out. I am, just like you, following a make-believe map (sometimes reading it upside down) trying to make sense of life and this journey. I am merely trying to find the path to a life that’s fulfilling and authentic for me.

If you want to laugh…I am here for you. I got you covered! If you want to play, call me, I will make time for that! If you want to know about fairies and mermaids and other elementals…I am your girl (as long as you don’t take me too serious). I am an expert at nothing. I promise you this. And, always believe someone when they tell you what they are…cause they know it. I know me!

I have come to terms with my own dysfunctions, eccentricities, and illogical OCD bullshit. I, often, write just because it’s excess that needs to purge and I share because someone might relate in a humorous way (and other times in a serious manner that can help you hang on just another day). But, I am, by no means, an expert. So please, forgive me if I don’t give you the answer you want to hear. You know yourself better than anyone. You have your own journey to explore and live. I am just making my way home like you.

I love you…

The Sage Who Said Nothing

woman on mtn

Amelia continued packing her backpack. She checked her list to make sure she was not missing anything. She had looked online and printed out a map of the Appalachian Trail. From the parking ground to the Sage’s home, deep in the woods, was exactly 111 miles. It could take her 3 days to get there. She had her tent, extra clothes, and toiletries. She also had another sack of fresh grains and vegetables as per others who had visited the Sage. The Peruvian Shaman did not accept money. People who came to see him donated their time, food, or materials.

Morning came with the awareness that her mid-age-overweight body might not make it through the hike. Her body was stricken by arthritis but she moved through it and made sure to pack some Advil. She wanted answers to why she continued to lose so much. Once again, another business and relationship had taken her livelihood. Amelia believed the Sage would have the right answers. She knew he would enlighten her with awareness and bestow on her the gift of spiritual acceptance. She ate breakfast and headed the 55 miles to the parking ground below the mountains on the Blue Ridge Parkway.

She parked her blue Honda and trekked up the trail. With map in hand, she was excited to find the mystical wisdom from someone who was connected to Source. She was too closed to her situation and she couldn’t find the why’s and how’s. After several hours, her lungs felt like they were being poked with knives, Amelia stopped to snack and get water from a stream. She was exhausted. How was she to make this journey in 3 days? It was going to be impossible. By her calculations she hadn’t traveled 8 miles.

After an hour of meditation she had the strength to continue. Amelia moved past the pain and discomfort. That night she rested well, in pure exhaustion. She bathed under a waterfall. She ate lightly and sufficiently. The next morning her aches paralyzed her. She thought maybe it was time to just give up. She could camp there for another day and then head back home. But, her tenacity moved her with passion. She wanted answers. She was determined to see the Sage. She had a list of questions for him. She wanted to understand why she walked away from everything, again. She wanted to find out if she would ever repeat such challenges.

It took her four and a half days to reach the top of the mountain. There was no house or shack. There was a hut that blended with the forest. Had it not been for the smoke coming from it she might have overlooked it. She dumped her belongings in front of the doorway. She spoke softly, “Hello? Is anyone here?”

A little dark man with black hair and small black eyes stepped into her sight. He motioned her to come sit on the cushions in the middle of the hut. There was very little in this space. For a second she judged how anyone could live like this. Through her own resistance she began to talk.

“Oh, thank you. My name is Amelia. I have traveled a long distance to see you.” She began to pull out her list from her jacket. The Sage stopped her gesture. He motioned her to put down the list.

He spoke in broken English. His accent was thick, choppy, and Amelia explained that she also spoke Spanish. He sat on the cushion in front of her and said nothing else.

“Okay, well, I have recently lost my business to my husband…not to death…to betrayal…to alcoholism…(She took a deep breath and tears began to fall)… I handed everything to him. This is the second time in my life I walk away from everything. I have lost more than money. I have lost my trust. I have lost my will. I have lost my faith. I have lost my mind. I have lost…” The Sage put his hand up to stop the excessive chatter.

He grabbed her left hand and looked at her palm lines. Her hands were dirty and she began to talk about how they got that way, when the Sage once again motioned her to stop.

They sat there for a long while. She could hear the wind moving the trees outside. She could hear a stream passing nearby. She could hear her own breath and heart. Her chest was pounding up to her ears. She could feel the heat rising from her anger at being shut down. She felt the sting of rejection, the knife of betrayal, and the lost of herself.

She broke the silence again, “I have questions.” He motioned for silence.

After a few minutes he said, “Life.”

Amelia, confused, asked, “Excuse me, what about life?” He motioned her to stay quiet.

A short while later he looked into her eyes, while still holding her hand, “Let go.”

She asked again, “Let go of what exactly? I’ve let go of everything. I have lost everything. I don’t even know where to begin again….” Once again, he looked into her hazel eyes and held a hand up.

He then said, “Laugh.”

She looked at him puzzled and took her hand back. She was completely confused by these words. This man is known to give answers from the Universe to heal and get past traumas. All she got was Life, let go, and laugh. Was this a joke? Was this a Hallmark card? Seriously! Her anger rose and she felt the heat move her body into an inexplicable release. But she contained it. She was good at keeping things tightly inside.

The Sage got up and stood in front of her. He motioned a sign on her forehead. He stepped to the back of the hut and got a small sealed pouch. He said, “Keep it on you. It will give you answers.” Then he motioned her to exit.

“I’m sorry, I am a bit confused, are you sending me away? Is this all? I want answers or advice or suggestions on how to get past this hurt….” He held his hand up one last time.

“You have the answers. Life. Let go. Laugh.”

Amelia was livid. She stepped out into the wilderness again and said, “Geez, thanks for the almighty wisdom. I might have to let go of it all. She began to cry in frustration and then she giggled with deep exasperation.”

The Sage smiled and said, “There you go. You have already started to heal.”


Sometimes it’s the journey that heals us. Sometimes in its excruciating path we find the answers. You are your wisest sage. You are the mystical being. You are the One. You don’t have to go looking for answers outside in the world. They come through the experiences of Life. They arrive through Letting Go. And, they heal through Laughter. A wise man once said nothing. That’s all he had to offer.

~ Millie Parmer ~

Reason for Life


Yesterday I went to visit a sweet neighbor who has been a bit under the weather. As I was leaving, while opening up the front door he asked from his recliner, “Why are we here?”

Instinctively, without hesitation I held the door open and answered, “To love, be of service and learn for the highest evolution of our soul.”

He mumbled under his oxygen line, “That’s a load of crap!”

It stopped me. I was taken aback. How dare I give such an opinion when I could see he was struggling with a decent answer to the purpose of life.

I then added, “That is a really good question. It’s a powerful one.”

We said our goodbyes. I got in the car and felt a tug of disappointment in myself. I felt I owed him an apology. Who left me in charged of such a loaded question to answer so bluntly. I haven’t a clue. This is my belief but it can be completely wrong. He wanted the answer that has been constant in our existence. I could have said, “You know maybe we are the lab rats for a universal experiment. And, we are surely failing at that.” But that’s not my belief.

I don’t know if what I experienced was real when I had my near death experience. I don’t know if the things I see and feel are real either whenever I tap into conscious awareness through prayer, meditation or just sitting in nature. I don’t know what tricks the brain could be playing with me. I don’t know what faith really is in the scope of answers. I don’t know what anything is to be honest. But, I do know what I feel as my truth: there is something greater within us. There is an abstract force of nature that moves through love, kindness, compassion and service to humanity. I am following that which reaches into my core on a daily basis to exist in this world. I must. I have done the wondering and pondering of such extraordinary loaded questions. I don’t know for him. He is struggling with something of an existential crisis of faith. He’s had a lot happen to him. I do know this to be true and I admire his tenacity.

To be asked such a deep provoking question as I am leaving, wobbling with a hurt foot, pain shooting through my leg…I don’t know. I have to believe that the answer lies within each soul. What I believe to be real is my perception but not necessarily any one else’s reality. This is not a one-size-fits-all mentality. This is life and the purpose of it is personal and filled with secrets.

SO to my darling gentleman: I am so sorry for blurting out that answer without filtering its contents. You know I love you. I will be back to explore this further over coffee. I promise!

Whispers from Divine

divine divinity

I love guests who sit and I can ask for their stories. This week we’ve had a couple and their two adorable children staying in the cottage. Today after Bobbie and I spread gravel on the driveway I asked her to sit for a minute with us. She shared that she’s a Lutheran Pastor. So of course I had to ask her if I could get intimate with her by asking a few valuable questions. Shelly looked at me and said, “I will try my best to answer.”

What is God?” I asked.

She was taken aback for a split second. “Oh, wow, God is….there is no definition. God is everything good but He’s the all.” She smiled and her face lit in such a way that I could feel her passion for faith. She continued with a few adjectives, description and stopped enough to compose herself. I think I caught her off guard with that question. But…her answer is invaluable.

What does the world need more of?”

She answered, “These are really good questions. The world needs more good. More of God. More of love and honor and faith. The world needs so much of what is available but most don’t get it. We live in such a rich society. It isn’t until you go elsewhere that you realize how privilege we really are in this country.”

I asked her about her sweet husband. He works for a non-profit organization. He travels to Haiti. They, as a couple, lived in Haiti for a while before having their children. She described her experience as humbling and priceless. Kent writes Christian books about such experiences. I was in awed of her humility, the way she shares her smile along with her faith, and the way love exudes them both when they are in each others’ presence. There is a connection of respect, awareness, and spirituality. Once she shared I understood what I was witnessing for days when they would walk the property.

I ask these questions a lot to strangers who I feel will be receptive to them. I love the answers. But hers was so openly available. She didn’t hesitate. She immediately expressed with her hands and her light brown eyes the love for God. There is magic and mysticism in those who walk in awareness of Spirit. There is certainty even in the unknown.

I recently read somewhere that the essence of faith was being satisfied with all that is Divine/God in us. I am paraphrasing since I can’t remember the exact wording and who quoted this. Heck, with my memory I probably have screwed up the entire quote. The point is that we might not like the lessons but they are there for the highest evolution of the soul. What do we need to release? What are we needing to learn? How many times do I need to go through the same drama? When do I start to surrender to the unknown?

Spirit moves us through each touch of a stranger, a hug from a friend and an act of kindness when you don’t need anything in return. Character is our strength through allowance of love. The essence of faith is not in prayer and then trying to control the situation. The essence of faith is in complete surrender to whatever the Divine has for us. The more good you do the more good returns. This cycle of life is about loving to the infinite degree and trusting that which cannot be seen to guide us. You are all AWEsome! Let go and let your intuition guide you through the whispers of divinity!

Metaphysical Truth

You don’t know
what you don’t know

until the soul reaches
through the walls of wisdom
to accept and partake
in the divine alignment.
You don’t know
what you can’t decipher
as a missing link
until the veil lifts
and the universe
opens up through an eternal knowing.
You will then know
through the tapping,


and gathering
of past memories
exactly what you are
here to do —
live without fear,
love without expectations,

forgive all mistakes,
be of service to every molecule
of existence,
but before that moment
the answers will always
create more questions.