Dancing in the Rain

The yummiest part of my day was taking my sweet elderly client to the Botanical Gardens. We walked slowly and cautiously on the trail. It was about to rain. He was concerned. I asked, “What would be bad about getting a little rain on us? It’s so wonderful, you know! It’s just water. I can get you back in the car and to the facility in ten minutes!”

He sighed. He smiled. “Well, you are right. I haven’t played in the rain since I was a child.”

“Well then it’s time. If it rains we can sit here and bathe under the forest!”

There was silence. I watched the wheels turning…a reprogramming of thoughts and beliefs.

He sat in deep ponder. He looked out to the creek. He gasped and shared his gratitude in a way that made me cry. I held his hand in mine taking in a mental input of the moment.

“I forget how fast 85 years have come and gone. And I still choose to live so rigid in my military thoughts.”

“Yeah, there isn’t time for that. I say we stay here and dance slowly under the rain!” I said giggling.

We waited. The rain never arrived. Just whispers from the heavens. But we were determined to dance under it so I allowed him to just twirl me for a second slowly on the grass. He showed me the most generous amount of presence.

My heart seemed to be in rhythm with the world around us.

Now you…go find joy in the simple things. You don’t have to follow such severe rigid rules. You are an adult. You get to be in bliss through the simplest ways like chasing a squirrel or butterfly….it might lead you into magic. ~m.a.p.

Raindrops

Thumb-thumb

against the windows

first slowly, teasing the glass like a lover

wanting to enter

and then a monsoon appears

orgasmic gestures of passion

fall harder and deeper onto the earth.

A surge of electricity

brings the drops

in a barrage of erratic signs

cleaning the ground

leaving me empty of sleep tonight.

Deduction of Thoughts

Tell me,
what was it that you heard:
my heart beat thumping
slowly to the sounds
of the room,
mimicking the a/c;
my breath catching up
with a mutual silence
of exhaustion
from a lover’s marathon;
my hands gently stroking
the hairs on your back
bringing forward some
childlike memory
you might had never

known existed?
What did you hear
in the solitude next to you?
Did you hear the depth

of me moving deeper

in gratitude?
Did you find me clicking
a memory button filing
the moment forever?
Tell me what you heard
so I can share what I felt
as our bodies became

suspended but pressed

into the cold mattress.
I heard the rain harder

in my chest; the earth penetrating

against my spirit,

weighing and settling

to this newness.

I’m becoming spring
inside these spaces
intertwining thoughts with

the in and out of you.
Did you hear me digging
through the rumble of
thoughts, and a mountain
of could’ve been’s
while you transported
yourself to Neverland?

I am water spread on a bed

while you are the container

that houses me in places

I never knew existed.

Unearthing

rain-room-at-moma-12

The smell of jasmine,
wisteria and spring
woke me
leading into
the awareness of rain.
The wind chimes danced
in full desperation and anticipation.
Frogs croaked,
crickets chirped
and the valley,
flustered with joy
exhaling deeply
and mindfully.
I wanted to join the Earth,
her wetness engulfing me,
while I danced under the moonlight.
I stood on the deck,
darkness snuggling,
cuddling my humanness,
hollowing the spaces of gratitude
breathing with intensity and love
as everything became silent
during this intimate voyeurism.
I am awake.
I am here.
I am divinity.
I am….

Filling the Void

filling the void

Leaves wrestle with the wind

trying to hold ground,

settling into dirt

as rain smashes,

erasing their colors

against everything that is not.

My thoughts lie

outside of me

listening to the hollowing

echoing through me

as I too

wrestle to hold ground

filling the void of darkness

through the autumn nighttide.

White drapes dance

against the light from heaven

flirting with desire

to join them in celebration.

I can’t hold back the thoughts

of regrets and doubts

in times when the water from earth

is as intense as

those pouring from my memories.

I want to make it right…

filling the void with certainty.

I can’t during blackness

but morning arrives

and I jump into myself.

My radiance did not erase

during the night.

Through Joy

california 11-2012 237One morning, near the end of a road trip in California, I woke early to the sound of rain.  I made myself a nice big cup of coffee, dressed in my old jeans and sweater and lit a small cigar my friend had bought for me days prior.  I sat on the cement of the porch in this gorgeous ranch home watching the rain lightly fall all around me.  Pok-a-dots began to appear on my jeans from the residue.  I huffed and puffed on that delicious cigarillo admiring the scenery around me.  I don’t ever get to do this at home with kids around.  I am also very conscious of cigar smell around others.  This moment was for me.  Just me and a messy-dirty-adorable dog name Rufus.

We all have moments for ourselves. Life, in all of its completeness, is occurring right now this very second.  I take my alone times very seriously.  I am asymmetrical.  I do nothing in pairs or with any kind of formation.  I am perfect in my huge imperfections and won’t apologize for them anymore.  This particular moment, sitting in that cold floor, I was wrapped by not only a scarf but the grace of spirit welcoming me to find peace within.  Aha moments are always around… here, there, everywhere.  All I have to do is pick a spot.

There is joy in the simple things of life:  the dog lying next to me snoring, the birds chirping to the entrance of light in the sky, the magnificent sycamore trees erecting towards heaven…so much going on right outside my little head.  I stared far into the gardens of this estate witnessing the fall leaves and their colors dancing in shadow and light and the reflection of water magnifying their intensity.

Needless to say, the memory of that morning still resides in me after nine months.  The simplicity and joy I felt embraced by peace was beyond description.  I need my mornings alone with the Divine.  I need to witness the miracle of every piece of His creation. Whenever I don’t get to do this I feel out of sorts, out of whack, and completely ungrounded.  My feet must touch the dirt at some point.  It is part of me, completing a story of some sort.  In those moments I think of love.  I reflect on my children, my parents, family, friends, and the extension of love from so many.  These are my prayers.  By this time in our trip I was ready to return to my life.  I had done a lot of purging.  I don’t like crowds.  I don’t like busyness, chaos, or any form of superficial energy in motion.  We had entered and exited several big cities.  I needed the mountains.  I needed my children and home.  We were returning in two days.

Almost finishing my cigar and coffee, my best friend came out.  She looked at me and smile, “This is so you.  You in a wrap sucking on a morning cigar!”  I laughed and said something about my “oxymoronic contradictions.”  We shared our early morning laughter.  This is why we are best friends.  The woman takes one look at me and knows exactly what I am thinking.  She can call me out on my bullshit.  She can also hold my hand even when I don’t know that I need to be held.  And, when she sees me in joy’s arms she joins me there with laughter.

Life is not symmetrical.  It isn’t perfect.  It is full of oxymoron characters, messy contradictions, juicy imperfections, tiny scars of pain, but mostly it is filled with the awareness that the journey is always the best part.   Relish those things you enjoy.  Suck on a cigar, drink your wine (everything in moderation), and laugh as much as possible.  In the end, those are the moments that will carry you through the path of joy inside.  It is then that Spirit is holding your hands.   Life is to be attended to through the joy and contentment of simple moments.  Find the balance between this moment and all that awakes in you.  Experience the awakening and let it take you wherever it needs to go!

Rain

sun reclaiming skyI love days like this

when to look out the bedroom window

becomes a gift in witnessing

the dance and symphony

between life and nature

over the pond into the distance

of other lives, mountains, and emptiness.

I sit in awed and marvel

between this moment and the next

curled up on my bed.

This overcast is a reminder

to go within quietness —

the vast stillness —

as it engulfs me in one second.

I am in love.

I am in complete surrender

of cool wetness

and so very grateful that I can be here

to travel the journey between

God and the earth

all while closing my eyes

and whispering a single prayer.

Lovers in the Rain

Arm in arm
Under a canopy
Of trees
Two lovers glide
On a moving
Cobblestone path
Mystically traveling
Through time.

I witness far behind
Trying to recollect
A memory of my own:
Two lovers playing
In the rain
Somewhere not long ago
Splashing caresses,
And gathering kisses
As water washed over us.

Droplets fall hard,
They huddle tighter.
His arm on her lower back,
Her arms pretzeled
Into flesh
Morphing into one soul,
Moving further away
From what I recognize
As a possibility of my own.

I miss my lover
In between
Wetness,
Fog
And a downpour….

20130405-074700.jpg

Radical Randomness

 

Somewhere in the middle

of discomfort

lies peace

waiting to be embraced

again

soon.

The thunder pounds outside,

inside,

drumming against my chest

as I wait for sleep.

The rain whips the windows

with heaviness

as my emotions

run down,

trickling to the pond

and I

find dreams  moving

further       and               further              away

while thoughts of you move

closer & closer.

Tonight I miss you

through this torrential excess

that perfectly sets

the backdrop for

what we do best…

love one

another

endlessly

without

a beginning_______ line

or

an end.

 

“Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.” – Bob Marley

Re-creation of Self

girl in rain

I heard a voice through

the walls of night ask,

“What is your

contribution in this life…

today, tomorrow, always?”
So I went out
into the rain,
meeting Spirit,
in the middle
of a field,
embracing droplets
from the sky,
allowing the

clarifying,

washing,

diluting of
ideas, demands, and perception.
We met there in all of life,
in the joyous drenches,
releasing the past
and transporting me

back to childhood,
to what was momentous
in retrieving my innocence.
I heard once again,

“I will hold your hand

as you free all restraints

of ego and self-doubt.”

 
Then I realized…

we’ve met here before
in every moment of letting go,

accepting,

forgiving,

and loving.

And now, we engage in

the rain to erase

all adjectives,

prepositions,

and verbs

while only affirming

the pronoun-creation

of “I am.”