Tag: reflection

Moments of Reflections

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Not too long ago Sunday’s meant work. They meant cleaning out a motel/retreat center all day long. They meant loads and loads of laundry. They meant exhaustion, isolation, and anxiety. Sunday’s became that one day a week that I dreaded to enter into every weekend. It never failed, it was that one day that also brought contemplation and lessons. In all that cleaning I reflected and often times dealt with issues that required sacred attention. With each person who checked out, I experienced their energy. Sometimes this was overwhelming. Other times it was the breath that finally exhaled after a busy weekend of holding it in making sure everything was wonderful for our guests. 
The hospitality business is magical because you get to meet folks from all over the world. It’s also depleting when you give so much of yourself 24/7. But, Sunday was the day that I began to breathe for the next five or so days.  

Today I woke to a quiet morning. Our little girl slept all night long, breaking the two-week run of interrupted sleep. Even when we don’t sleep I wouldn’t trade those other Sunday’s for the peace of knowing I can do whatever I want to today. I don’t have to be dressed at 6AM waiting for anyone to come to the door. I don’t have to leave the house. I am able to do whatever needs doing and whatever doesn’t require immediate attention to wait for another day.

We create our own imprisonments by the decisions we make in our lives: jobs, relationships, circumstances, obstacles, finances, family, etc. But, you get to decide how you react to those situations. You might not be able to change the circumstances at the moment, but you get to decide how you react and entertain those events. 

Breathe. 

Reflect. 

Sundays are sacred. 

They require you to prepare for another week, gather your thoughts, and rest. Make today magical. Make it a form of enjoyment that will be remembered. You are not required to fix anything about your life today. You are not expected to decide what to do tomorrow. Just be in the moment of NOW. Go Be in nature and recharge. Happy Sunday, darlings!!!!

Retracing Love’s Heart

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I’ve loved you a long time,

through space and lives.

I’ve waited

breathing in your smell,

following my senses,

not knowing where

they would take me

until I found you…

again.

Without memories,

only a faithful intuition,

I have been guided

back into your arms.

I’ve loved you forever

even when we had not met

and now

I am whole again

as your eyes reflect me in them…

as your hand fits

neatly

in mine.

Soul Reflection

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reflection

Love sits
patiently aching
to be assumed.
The soul’s joy
reciprocates
with radiance,
beauty
and endless compassion
through a mirrored reflection
reversed through time.

“I am here.
I am there.
I am everywhere.”

I wait for the discovery
of self

while you bathe in

the false uncertainties

that you don’t deserve

to be YOU

even when Divinity

gazes through

your soulful eyes.

Live in the moment

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meditation

I woke this morning with a sense of calmness. I slept over 12 hours last night. It’s been a long, long, long time that I have slept this hard and long.

For years I have been waking between 4:00 and 5:00 AM to do my meditations. Lately I have been beyond exhausted. I wake to move into the space of sacredness but find myself dreading the motions. This type of exhaustion is debilitating to me. I am the type of person that once I am up, I am up and running. I don’t know where the tiredness is coming from. Could it be almost 5 decades of inhabiting this existence through some incredibly magnificent lessons? Or, a toddler who is reminding me why people shouldn’t have kids in their forties? Or, is it just hormonal? Or, is it the constant negativity that surrounds the world, forcing me again to detach from social media and mainstream information? There are many questions that rise and fall at times. It really doesn’t matter why I am tired. What matters is that I continue to get up even when it feels uncomfortable, because my daily practice is the only thing that I find stabilizes chit chat and puts the ego in time out. 

I have let go of so much in the past few years. My spiritual practice is not something I can live without, especially the early morning prayers and meditation. I can’t entertain the thought of not feeling embraced by Divinity every morning. But, how does one enter the world, day in and day out, feeling completely rested? I have forgotten what that feels like…until this morning. I want this everyday.

I recognize that I am harder on myself than any other living person. I am relentless in making sure I get my things done. I am somewhat unforgiving at times with how fast I want things to transpire. Patience is non existent in my gene pool. It’s horrible. I recognize this and I also know it is often followed by a brutal state of stubbornness. I am working on clearing them both. I am truly being conscious these days of how I interact with my impatience. Every time I light a candle I state my intention with Patience and Love. You would think after a life time I would have it down pat…nope! It is an ongoing process.

I can delete many things from my day. I am sure of it. I have taken a break from Facebook. I have stopped checking my emails every hour. I have detached from drama and anyone who likes to create it. I haven’t read a book in a long time (cause I can’t seem to concentrate long enough). I have made it a point to slow down even at the anger of others who want me to react quicker. I have to do what’s best for me. But, in this interpersonal retreat I’ve noticed that things aren’t going slower for me. They seem to be accelerating and I can’t catch my breath at times. I have to constantly return to mindfulness in my day and ask myself, “Is this worth me getting anxious over? Am I happy right now?”

It truly is about breaking old habits, programming, and expectations.

The answers disappoint me. I keep hearing the no’s a lot. AND, it’s in those whispering “noooo’s” that I have found my truth. Something in this exhaustion is allowing me to push through…into something more. I cannot continue to run around in circles.

I don’t have the answers …yet! But I believe that by stepping back I will. And, I am allowing Patience to sustain me while not giving into the deep restlessness.

Meantime, my spiritual practice will continue to serve as the loving and safe haven that it’s meant to be. I require the morning rituals even if it’s from my bed. I need the space of self-reflection and forgiveness for wanting to do so much in a 24-hour period. But, I am learning to stop the madness and insanity of doing so much that I am constantly in a state of exhaustion. Who is keeping taps on what gets done or not? NO ONE! (Remember this when you believe that your to-do list needs to be finished in one day).

At the end of the day, ask yourself these questions:

Was my soul satisfied with the mindless array of things accomplished on my to-do list?

Did I have fun today?

Did I laugh enough?

Could I have loved myself better?

Did I witness the sunrise, sunset or the birds?

What can I change for tomorrow so I can be more at ease with myself?

Give yourself a break. Give up the things, even if for a short time, that cause you anxiety. This type of anxiety is born from fear (whether it’s fear of not doing enough, or childhood voices saying you are lazy). This type of anxiety is a conditioning and programming from the past. It lacks self-compassion. It’s exhausting.

Let’s find a way to break it. Allow your essence to breathe in nature and life without the constant chit chat of electronics and others. Have a magnificent easy days, my friends! You deserve it…mucho love!

Intergrate

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Ask me anything
And I will tell you
All that you want
To hear.

But look into my eyes,
Touch my spirit with yours,
And I will sing
All that is me
From the heart.

That is all I am.
Don’t ask me.
Let me be your reflection
And love will
Turn one
Into two.

Mapping the Edge

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You don’t need to do a thing.

Let the path be your guide

and wait

for a crossroad,

a stop sign,

a flashing light,

that can signal your destination.

Read the billboards,

the bumper stickers,

and the license plates

luring you to another place.

You have little choice

but to sit,

hang onto the wheel,

and let the pavement

design your travels.

Check the rearview mirror

as you leave the past

and accept what the world will offer

ahead towards the sunrise,

beyond the sunset,

into the twinkling stars of a night.

Press the gas,

set the cruise control,

and play that tune that brings

you back to the real you

as you allow the Divine

to map out the edges of your life.

Wave Girl

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The flow of life,

as I have known,

has come and gone

shifting sand,

ground,

shells,

over and over

in the depth of an ocean floor.

I have come in gently,

and arrived with force,

to many shores

while slamming up against

rocks, boulders and debris.

There have been moments

of complete stillness

when the reflection of the sky

bounced off me

like a mirror projected from the heavens.

I have twisted, turned and twirled

in storms, hurricanes and typhoons,

but I have arrived

each time touching the margin of land

while briefly resting

and knowing I will be back shortly

since I am a girl dressed as a wave.

Solitary Sessions

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There is a necessity yearning, often times screaming, from our soul to find solitude. Some don’t listen and overwork themselves into busyness in order to avoid the quietude and depth that lies inside. Retreating to one’s own company is a must. I love people. I will talk to anyone but I also love myself so much to acknowledge when my spirit needs solitude. I have been gifted the most wonderful mate who understands my seclusion because he needs it as well. Winter has been all about hibernating. It has been brutal at times. Now leaving the outer banks I have honored my body, mind and essence with such kindness that I can re-enter the world and feel the plenitude of joy.

The salty air washed all allergies away. I had no headaches or body discomfort. I slept, read, wrote, walked, drank plenty of water, laughed, and indulged in my vino. I ate junk food, put the music on and moved to my body’s delight. I didn’t have to worry about guests, anyone showing up, only my thoughts through prayer and meditation. I picked up shells and rocks in shape of hearts and admired the clouds touching the horizon line. I witnessed the birds chasing the tide, sand dancing to the wind and the sun coming up or down depending on which side of the island I visited. I sat for hours watching the wind and paying attention to the trees. I was in full awareness and embraced by beauty. If the need to speak arouse I did and communicated with others, if not I abided my feelings. I breathed. I exhaled solitude. I took in moments of processing and memories of the past without owning their discomfort. I got everything I needed in order to return to my mountains and be present for others. Everyone needs this solitude. It is imperative to survival. Neglecting the yearning is a small painful death that only gets cured within one’s serene aloneness.

There’s a strange calmness, no matter who you are with, that arrives when the spirit has been filled with aloneness for a while. That wholeness enters and the body adheres with contentment. The sacred mysteries of life speak clearly. It is up to us to listen and determine when we need solitude. You may be able to find this aloneness within friends, in a retreat or in a bathtub filled with aromatherapy. May you find that sacred space in your life in a way that is graceful and grateful to you. It is a mystical way to love and honor your spirit.

“In solitude we give passionate attention to our lives, to our memories, to the details around us.” -Virginia Woolf

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Where is God?

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A dear friend this morning sent me a message with lost hope.  She wrote, “Well right now I’m questioning even God and if He is even listening or bothering with us down here.”  We went back and forth for a bit as I struggled in making her understand that God is everywhere. She knows this, but like her, we need reminders. People have karmic lessons they must pay.  They have individual paths and experiences they choose to follow.  God doesn’t step in with a magic wand to erase those choices.  Our individuality is an element of free will and it’s attached to everything we choose in our paths.  I can’t fix my children anymore than I can fix the state of the world.  I can pray and empathize with others.  I cannot and will not take their responsibilities onto me.  Those days are over.  I can love others but foremost need to love me.

As spiritual beings living a human life we tend to define self-love as selfishness.   We are conditioned to feel guilty and ashamed when we want alone time.  It’s almost as if the dogma of God has been manipulated to instill fear in our aloneness.  This isn’t so.  God is everywhere.  In our struggles and obstacles the light of divinity leads the way.  In happiness and joy Spirit comforts us with amazing vibrations.  Whenever we over extend ourselves to others we are depleted of energy source.  We want to help and mend the broken hearted.  We want to hold hands with those in need, but we forget to take care of ourselves first.  Then we begin to question, “Where’s God in all of this?”  He is in you, in me, in the earth.  He is the embodiment of every particle and energy source around us.  He’s not sitting on a cloud watching us move like an ant colony.  We are the thoughts of His guidance and in the decisions we make.  He is in the stories of the past, the present and the future.  God resides in the most intimate moments of a single word, thought and action.  Every journey leads to light, while having to travel the darkest corners of life.

It’s difficult enough to mend and travel our own lifeline.  Put others in the melting pot and it seems suffocating at times.  Faith is that thing that can’t be seen but it carries us.  That’s where God resides.  The unknown is just that…not known.  I remember reading somewhere that “life just seems so full of connections.  Most of the time we don’t even pay attention to the depth of life.  We only see flat surfaces.” I believe God lies in the depth, in those little details disregarded in the path.  I am seeing Divinity existing in so many places now.  Being present is being in pure light of omnipotence.  God is in me as He is in you.

We have no right to ask when suffering, hardship or struggles come our way, why is this happening to me? why me?  what have I done to deserve this? unless we also ask the same question when love, joy, happiness, and goodness come our way.  God doesn’t just appear in moments of plead and weakness.  He is there in gratitude and grace.  For every lesson learned there is a wonderful journey ahead.  You can’t have the dark without the light.  There is no strength in the unbelief.  Courage arrives in moments of releasing it all to something greater: call it God, Divinity, Spirit…however you care to address the universal movement of the soul.

Moments of impact make the sum of our experiences.  Each day that I let go, surrender to the NOW, is a moment of great impact.  Everything becomes a surprise.   Every person who enters my space is a gift.  Up here, on this mountain Spirit answers in my private sessions, in my alone time.  I witness it on my deck. The Great Mystery sits, holds me and allows me to just be still while the cold wind blows, the dew sits on the rocks, the ice floats on the pond, and the trees dance to the sunrise blowing snowflakes everywhere.  When life gives you a thousand reasons to mourn, show Spirit that you have a million reasons to smile.  We are all born for greatness.  Allow yourself the gift of belief, faith and certainty that there is something greater carrying you through it all.  It makes for a mystical life of truth and peace knowing that you are made of infinite spirit.  You are never alone.

“God is in all things, but so far as God is Divine and so far as he is rational, God is nowhere so properly as in the soul—in the innermost of the soul.” – Meister Eckhart