It’s About Love

I want you to put your hand over your heart area. I want you to close your eyes and take several deep breaths. Become aware of your rhythm. Your heart is not the place of love. It’s the place of life. It pumps blood to your body. Now I want you to think of how you feel when you are with loved ones, when you are touched and caressed, when you are held in gratitude. That feeling comes from your mind…from the deepest part of consciousness. It is the essence of soul.

We get to decide who and what we love because we are love. I’ve never understood why the heart was associated with love because I feel it all over. I feel it in my head and in my toes. I feel it when I hear stories or hold a friend in need. I feel it in hugs and words and silence.

Everything in my life is about reaching the highest vibration of soulfulness…which is love.

Darlings, your heart gives you life. Your consciousness expands through love. You are LOVE. We are connected through it. It isn’t a hippie-fied movement. It’s the awakening to truth.

~m.a.p.

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Your Purpose is your GPS

For a few months my husband and I were prepared for a huge change. We had decided to take another child, my sweet babies’ little sister. Unless a miracle happened and she was able to stay with her foster family (she’s been there since she was born and she’s 15 months old) we would fight to make sure she would come with us.

The energy was in motion. No regrets. No hesitations. We knew what was right. We also felt miracles happening. What seemed to be an impossible situation would be cleared up.

I didn’t share publicly. I did not want to hear one single person judge me on “not another kid, Millie!” Or anything else. I needed to send the vibes to the broken system of Florida foster care and the courts. I needed all my energy to fight for what is the best possible outcome for our granddaughter. So I did. We did. My husband and I talked about it daily. We made changes in our lives and home. We began to prepare for whatever we needed to do. And we did. Every day came closer to vibrational alignment.

Yesterday we heard that the agency will allow for the foster family to keep her just as she’s been. It was a miracle indeed. It has been an ongoing battle that has made many of us truly uncomfortable (to be left in the hands of a privatized company that doesn’t see the welfare of the child but dollar signs). There was a possibility she would be going into an unsafe environment. We still have to go to court in a few weeks but that decision was a tremendous relief, not because we didn’t want her here, but because

she has a family she’s loved since the day she was taken from my daughter.

I share this because the moment you release and surrender to the divine is the moment the universe begins to align with your energy.

You don’t have to share publicly as you struggle. You don’t have to fight naysayers. You just stick with your faith and send the energy out for the best possible outcome.

I know folks will always want the best for you. Some don’t understand your choices. Some will challenge your beliefs. Some will expect you to change your mind. Some will make you feel as if you are insane. But, darling, you DO YOU. You do what you need to do for you and your family.

And, let me share something that is magical…I have come to the acceptance that I have to fight for other children. I recognize now that I’ve been fighting for children’s rights since I was in my 20’s. It hasn’t been only through taking them into my home. It’s been through standing up for a system in our society that is fractured and deeply wounded. I will continue to do so however that shows up.

Our spirituality is a personal fit and wear. I teach and learn through those who have little voices. And I will continue to take in whoever needs it whether in my home or just fighting to keep them safe. I am not asking permission. I am stating a fact instead of having to duck my head down not to cause discomfort around me. Judgment is always available!

Now you…get out there and recognize your truth and your purpose. It might feel like a small defeat or it might be a huge fight. Surrender to the mysticism of what you believe that you are guided at all times.

Blessings. Be guided by the higher powers. I love you.

Love is What I Do

Many years ago I dated a man, on and off for several years, who said that my biggest problem and Character flaw was that I loved too hard. In my ignorance (and lack of worth) I continued to love him harder when he didn’t respect that love. I gave all of me without keeping some of that love for myself. Apparently my “hard love” triggered him and brought up issues from childhood. So I loved harder until I was able to step away from his lack of love … for me and for himself.

I learned a lot about love through the rejection and the criticisms of how I was overwhelming. I suffocated him with all the emotions. I choked him with unconditional openness.

This is me. He wasn’t ready for that vibration or frequency that comes from just loving without expectations. He wasn’t able to accept any kind of love. He wasn’t willing to heal and that’s okay.

I love…sometimes until I don’t like the person but continue to hold sacred heart for them.

I love while separating the toxicity and disrespect. I cut ties while setting boundaries.

I love, in spite of hurt, because it is the catalyst that always heals, especially self love through forgiveness.

Love isn’t the words but the actions behind them. It isn’t the actions alone but the frequency of truth and respect. It’s isn’t just truth and respect but the authenticity of how you show up through the boundless and limitless expanse of your essence. We are love. It isn’t hard to give. It isn’t hard to receive. It just is.

So love. Without expectations or rules.

Love hard or easy; soft or loud; neatly or disorganized. Love is why we are here. It’s how we show up and continue to evolve.

And one last thing:

I love you. Yes, even if I don’t know you. I love because that’s what I do.

No More Hiding

I spent a large part of my life hiding. Recently, after a healing session with an incredible soul, I recognized the patterns and programming. I shared with an old friend who immediately said, “Oh honey, you’ve been hiding all your life. I’m so sorry!”

Her sorry was genuine and my tears flowed out again. She saw me. Really saw the trail of bullshit left behind by a Narcissistic mother. And I’ve been working on cutting cords for a bit now. I tend to listen to the voices of the past when I try to lead my children in the now. I don’t want to be like my mother. I second guess every single major decision in spite of what my heart and intuition show me.

Healing is about release. It’s surrendering to the now while letting go of what has kept you captive. This can be physical, emotional or spiritual. I don’t believe in examining and re-examining the past because that story is no longer there. We create new ones but at some point ancestral wounds need to be cut. And they are!

I purged all day and night. Literally letting shit out. That’s how my body always works when I start to release and forgive. It’s mystical in how deeply connected I am to receiving energetic healing from Source.

Sometimes we don’t really know what’s inside no matter how much we work on ourselves. It takes an outsider to guide our spirit on a new journey and quest.

Here is what I continue to learn daily: unhealed people hurt through their unknowing-ness. They don’t recognize they are hurting anyone, especially a child. As I continue to feel seen the vulnerability is heighten. I am no longer a little chubby scared girl feeling judged by the world. I am no longer a 20 something woman walking on eggshells afraid of what others think of me.

The healing sticks when we become aware of how we allow toxic energy from others. Those folks continue to show up to remind us of our growth. I am blessed they continue to show me how to set healthy boundaries. I am grateful their narcissism is so prominent that I can see it coming miles away.

I hope you can also see them and send them love. You don’t have to participate in their dramas. I see you. I honor you. I love you.

A Letter to Remember Love

A letter to my two-year old son:

Dear Luke,

This morning I dropped you off in your classroom at the daycare. You ran to your friend who has cerebral palsy. He’s a bit older but due to his disabilities he is in your class.

You hugged him and your face was covered by his facial excess from drooling and snot.

You backed away, “Ewwww!” You said and preceded to clean your face with the inside of your shirt.

Then you took the bottom of your shirt and reached to his face to clean his completely so you could return and give him a real tight hug.

You almost tipped him over, as two little guys clumsily tried to hold love in a balance.

I watched as his face dug into your forehead. You were so happy to see him, to hold him, to love him.

I sobbed making my way out of the classroom to then turn around and go kiss you. I whispered in your ear, “Thank you, baby boy, for showing me compassion.”

You smiled and let me go, waving as you returned to him. “Bye mama!”

I’m so proud of you. Thank you for teaching me how to love unconditionally in a way that exceeds any human expectation.

I cannot wait to witness the endless lessons you will provide for me and the world.

I love you every single day deeper than the previous one. I am blessed.

Mama – 9/13/19

Being a Giver

This morning at the light coming out of my little girl’s school a woman was turning in when another cut her off from the other direction. The woman was in front of me blocking the intersection and she was beyond angry. She was yelling profanities to the lady who turned in. Her windows were up but her hand gestures and mouth movements were irate. She had two kids in the backseat. I felt horrible for them.

I wanted to put my car on park and go knock on her window, force her out of her car and give her a hug. But we now live in a country that’s like the Wild West and I’ve become cautious of who may be carrying a weapon.

I immediately felt her anger. The situation just pushed it out. I felt her sadness and frustration. I saw her. I truly felt a break in my chest.

I stopped at the Starbucks with my little boy on my way into work. And by the time I got to the counter the sweet barista had his favorite treat and my chai ready. She had seen me in the parking lot.

I sobbed. There…at the counter…I let go of whatever I was holding on from experiencing the woman’s anger. I reached over and gave the barista a hug. I felt broken and I couldn’t compose myself.

Because we are caring and compassionate, we get to live in full awareness of the goodness.

When we are in a state of anger, hatred and panic we experience more of that.

I got to witness the duality from one extreme to another within minutes.

Now hours later I am still thinking of that middle-aged mama having a tantrum and meltdown for a car going in her spot for one minute.

We all have moments of falling down. The collective is feeling the heaviness. But I truly believe that in spite of what we see and hear about our country, and the world, things are shifting. Love is changing the energy. Just like that barista taking care of me before I even entered the place. We are seeing one another. We are caring enough to stop and reach for hearts.

And I choose to see love. I choose to give all of my compassion without expectancy. I choose to continue reaching for hearts while creating a revolution called LOVE.

Stories that Connect Us

Today I heard a story that cracked me wide open. It was one of those stories of loss, grief, and survival that lingered all day. I sat with the soul who shared and wept as she shared memories of her deceased son. I held her hand and, together in the silence, we held space for each other.

I had nothing of words to share. All I could do was give my love through the energy of touch. I loved her deeply. I felt her pain. I felt her emptiness. I felt her soul. I also felt her love.

I heard her forgiveness as she processed the loss, while questioning God for taking him. She went through the layers of grief and I could feel her release. Her body began to surrender.

It was powerful. It was truly an honor to witness her bloom. She was coming out of muck into something that she didn’t recognize.

I am forever moved by the human spirit and the millions of stories that connect us. There are stories within stories that teach us to dig in the depth of our own humanity. We either learn while evolving spiritually or stay stagnant and live in a hell of emotional imprisonment. There is no in between when it comes to these empathetic connections.

I find myself holding space for myself during these times. I step back and count the blessings with the Divine. All that is loss moves through pain while holding on to the past. All that is gained moves through love and forgiveness in acceptance of what is now. The awareness is always there but our perception isn’t always so clear. We are thrown into the flux of human emotion as we forget our spiritual journey. Once we set humanness aside and return to spirit we are aligning again with truth. We become aware of who we are. The grief doesn’t disappear. We are able to accept, visit with it, and move through it…until next time. We no longer wear it as a shield as not to get hurt ever again.

And this is why we must share with others. This is why the stories must be told. What you experience may just be someone’s life jacket to keep going.

We expand. We aren’t merely surviving. We are living. We are here to truly evolve through love and letting go. We are here to walk the sacred journey until we are not. What we do with our time is truly mystical. We are asked to just show up and allow for the mysterious to unfold.

I love you.