The Unfolding

My life has been unfolding lately in ways I never imagined. I am meeting like-minded individuals who are energetically pushing me to be more of me than any other time in my life. I am leaving the safety of my comfort zone and truly reinventing a new self. That’s not the right word: “reinventing.” It suggests that I have not been me all along. I am “recharging and reconnecting” to parts of me I had forgotten. And, this is magical in ways I had only dreamed of when I create space for manifesting the life I desire. I’m meeting empowering souls who cheer me on and expect nothing from me but to just share space. I love this!

When I let go of old patterns I began to make space for this. When I forgave myself and others, I began to create a path to get here. It didn’t happen overnight. It started in the summer of 2015. I had to really recognize how I consciously played a role of the “fixer and caretaker” in so many lives. I had to stop and remove that label. It’s great to help others, but in the process I wasn’t helping me. I wasn’t happy. I was quite annoyed, hurt and deeply unsatisfied with how things were playing out. I accepted how I enabled many folks around me by constantly mothering them. They had their own journey to travel and they needed to do it without me. Now, as a woman who loves to love wholeheartedly this isn’t an easy task. I let go. I struggled with not fixing the alcoholics, the drama, and all others who (I felt) needed to be loved. I had to, for once, shut it down and concentrate on me healing myself.

Loving someone doesn’t require that you stop loving yourself. Loving someone doesn’t give you the right to stop their growth. When we love it is whole. You begin to accept all the crap that those around you embody because that’s part of their spiritual growth. You begin to not take this personally. And…so I let go. In the process I lost many friends and family members. The year 2016 was one of the most challenging years of my grown-up life. But, guess what? I learned powerful lessons and released the old programming of people pleasing. Now, two years later, I have made sacred space for those who are in alignment with my soul. I have allowed new energy that doesn’t require me fixing or saving. I am able to be me without apologizing or trying to mold to the masses.

You are a magnet to all that you have around you. If you don’t like how things are appearing in your life, please step back and make some radical changes. It doesn’t have to be as drastic as walking away from it all in one shot. Or it might just have to be…I don’t know! I did that too several times in the past. But, I can promise you that by taking responsibility for your choices and actions you are allowing Divinity to create a new adventure for you. Listen to your soul. If drama is constant in your life…shut the damn play down. QUIT the production. You can create a new play and recruit new actors. Your life is yours to create to the highest form of love.

Conquering fear one Lizard at a time

photo 1 (6)

Fear.

It is irrational and at times mind-boggling.

It’s not something that makes sense.

I don’t fear much but the few things that paralyze me need conquering. This morning I looked at fear in the face. I held my steady glance. I said my peace. I sent my love to it in a way I never imagined I could. I stood in front of the one thing I fear most and spoke to it. No, it wasn’t death. No, it wasn’t loss. No, it wasn’t anything but a small reptile in the form of a chameleon.

For as long as I can remember reptiles have caused me tremendous anxiety, cowardice, and terror. I cannot even watch a movie with any creatures that look like a lizard or alligator. It’s horrible. But, this morning I woke knowing that today was the day I would hold on…or at least stand in front of one and speak to it without my heart racing into cold sweats and panic mode. This irrational fragment of my perception needed re-programming and an attitude adjustment.

My fiance took me to Pet Smart with our little girl. We went around looking at the fish, cats, birds and then….(wait for it)…keep waiting…yes…the cages of terror. I wanted to touch a chameleon. They have been popping up in my dreams, in commercials and in videos on social media. I stood there breathing through the paralyzed immensity and realization that this little creature (and others like him) have controlled my childhood and adulthood nightmares. I asked one of the sales ladies if I could touch it and she said they were very afraid of humans and unless I was purchasing it they would not let me hold it (just in case it dropped dead from a heart attack…oh, wait that would be me!).

There!

There I understood.

We were both in the same corner of fear. We both feared what we didn’t understand from each other. We avoided the closeness, the existence, and the knowing that something could happen to us. The only separation and distinction of safety was a thin piece of glass.
And in a few moments I embraced this. I didn’t touch it because I didn’t want to cause anxiety to him. But, I felt a release. I felt years of complete trepidation dissolving as I stood staring at this harmless little creature sitting on a bark. I felt my fingers move without warning to trace him so cautiously and the heat from inside the glass. My own heat subsided. I am a step closer to entertaining this little fear. The bottom cage was full of little critters with much energy and looked like prehistoric animals. I stood there feeling their anxiety. One step at a time. I am not ready for the nervous ones that might jump on me. I need to crawl before I begin to run with this bravery.

photo 2 (3)I said to myself, “One reptile at a time. We will get through this…eventually owning the discomfort! I got this!”

I conquered something that most people cannot understand. I don’t fear the big things. I don’t worry about snakes or bears or anything that can hurt me. However, a lizard…I am out of the way. Today that was big. Today I am feeling the letting go of what I cannot understand was holding and suffocating me since childhood. It feels right. It feels good. It’s well overdo!

Your turn…let go of those things that cripple you and cause you distress. Let go of those things that haunt your dreams and your waking moments when you find yourself imprisoned by that thought. Let go and allow for the lessons the fear brings to you. It’s all about divine perception. And…you got this!

There is truly nothing to fear but fear itself…

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” ~ Ambrose Redmoon